The Happening - 2008 (GUEST REVIEW) - 1 Wig

The following movie review was written by guest reviewer Jay Raymond. With more reviews like this, we may just invite him back to do more guest reviews.

Mother Nature is hunting YOU!

A review of "The Happening"

by Jay Raymond

Watch out for goold old Ma Earth for she is one pissed off woman in this movie, pimpslapping humanity in the face with a good old fashoined "five across the eyes" move. M. Night is at it again trying to make us believe in the "boogey-man" again. We've faced the scary forest and the unworldy aliens but this time, it's the damn trees, bushes, and flowers. In "The Happening", M. Night presents an event where People begin committing suicide on a massive scale and our players, Marky Mark and John Leguizamo, are on the run, fleeing to avoid the wave of death while the masses throw themselves off buildings, shoot themselves in the head, and gouge out their own throats. M. Night even includes a classic "throw yourself under the giant lawnmower" move. Sadly, my disbelief failed to suspend itself. John Leguizamo's character includes a small daughter who he pawns off to Marky Mark and his squeeze so he could go find his wife. Sure...

This movie is perfect for the paranoid because the antagonist is the surrounding environment. Someone with a persecution complex will relish this movie. The trees are out to get you and the flowers are in on it. That blade of grass next to your left foot wants you and your family dead while the very wind itself plays a great monster role, reviving memories of "Jaws" except its the wind. The damn scary wind. Ooooohhhh the wind is out to get you Marky Mark...Oh give me a damn break. This movie rates a one star for absolute silliness and should be recut as a comedy. If this movie scares you, go see a shrink. Pronto. Or, get a job pruning to get back at those evil plants.

Preparing for battle

I sort of slipped in here the announcement that I would be stepping down as Lakeside Youth Leader at the end of the summer. The decision took a long time for me to make because I love working with the youth and I fought for the longest time against the obvious for that reason. But I knew as early as the beginning of last year that this would be my last year as youth leader. I can cite dozens of reasons - the most obvious being that I'm just burnt out from doing it for so many years. But the number one reason is that God wanted me to move on.

I can't explain that rationale. I don't claim to have a hot line to the Big Cheese. But sometimes, when I'm still, I can discern His will for me fairly easily. I waited until just such a moment and I prayed, "Lord, should I stop being a youth leader?" And instead of Him showing me the final days of being a youth leader and asking me the usual questions of why I wanted to quit or what will become of the youth program after I'm gone, He showed me the thousands of myriad possibilities of things I could do after I was done with being a youth leader. I suddenly felt elated at the idea of moving on and doing something new and exciting for God. The youth group, I realized, was always in God's hands and He would do wondrous things with it after I left. My time had come.

After I let the powers that be know of my decision, the number one question I was asked was - what now? I think everyone had something in mind for me, or assumed that I was leaving because I had something in mind. But, honestly, I didn't have a clue of what I am going to do next. I figured that God got me into Youth Leadership and He would get me into my next project, whatever that might be.

Of course, being human, I imagined some things I might try. But I could tell that these were my ideas, not God's, and that, as such, they were slightly half-baked. I kind of picture King David inquiring of the Lord when He wanted David to build a temple in Jerusalem and being told, That is not for you to do. I'm sure David was a little bit stunned. Not for me?! Well, who else can do such a thing?! Anyway, I knew these ideas were just idle mental ramblings. God would let me know in His time.

But, I admit, at some point, I finally had to ask. Okay, God, What now? I was surprised to get an instant answer. So surprised, in fact, that even though I knew it was from God right away, I hesitated and pondered it for quite some time. What God said, in not so many words, "You're good with food."

I admit that I've always had a soft spot for food (mostly around my mid-section ;) and I love to do food raising events for the San Francisco Food Bank, but I had never once considered taking it any farther than that. But God made it very clear to me that this was what He wanted me to do and He also made it clear to me that the sooner, the better. Considering the rising costs of food, the number of disasters that we currently seem to be enduring, and the shrinking resources available to help those less fortunate people amongst us, I don't need to be hit over the head with the obviousness of that statement.

So over the next several months, as I finish up my tenure as Lakeside Youth Leader, I will be strapping on armor around here at Icon, as I prepare for a battle of an entirely different sort. I don't know to what sort of front line God will be sending me, but I hope to be prepared wherever I go.

Yet More Facts...

America's Second Harvest Food Bank Local Impact Survey

America’s Second Harvest—The Nation’s Food Bank Network conducted a survey of its food banks April 28 through May 2, 2008 to assess challenges facing the nation’s charitable distribution system due to weakening economic conditions.

180 food banks provided estimates, based on feedback they have been receiving from their partner agencies (including food pantries and soup kitchens) about increases in the number of people in need of emergency food assistance, the ability of food banks to secure sufficient resources to meet the needs of hungry people in their communities and the ability of their agencies to meet the strong demand for food.

* 99% (98.89%) of food bank respondents stated that they have experienced an increase in the number of clients served within the past year. Food banks cite as contributing factors:
o 92.78% the rising cost of fuel
o 91.67% the rising cost of food
o 46.11% mortgage or rent issues
o 43.33% rising unemployment
o 42.22% rising underemployment
o 31.11% the inadequacy of food stamps

* The increase in the number of clients is estimated at 15% to 20%.

* 81.11% of surveyed food banks have indicated that they are currently unable to adequately meet the demand without having to reduce the amount of food or their operations.
o 54.79% stated that their agencies already have or are considering reducing the amount of food offered to clients.
o 48.63% of these food banks already have or are considering reducing the variety of food offered to agencies.
o 45.21% of these food banks responded that they already have or are considering diverting budgeted funds from other areas to purchase food.
o 43.84% of these food banks stated that they already have or are considering reducing the amount of food offered to agencies in order to meet demand.
o 27.4% of these food banks responded that some of their agencies already have or are considering reducing the number of new households they will serve.
o 13.7% of these food banks responded that they already have or are considering reducing or suspending programs and services offered.

TYPES OF FOOD NEEDED AT FOOD BANKS

Think what kinds of healthy foods you like to eat and that's just the kind of donations needed. They accept food donations of any kind from non-perishable items to fresh and frozen foods. However, what they need most are protein items, those "center-of-the-plate" foods such as:

Beans, Rice, Pasta
Canned tuna, meats, chicken
Soups and Stews
Peanut Butter
Macaroni & Cheese
Cereal
100% Fruit Juice

No homemade food or glass containers, please.

Please donate.

More Facts...

Average weekly food consumption of families around the world
December 11th, 2007

I have been informed that these pictures were the work of Peter Menzel Photography for a piece published in Time Magazine. In each picture you get to see the weekly food intake for an average family of the country they represent.

Italy: The Manzo family of Sicily
Food expenditure for one week: 214.36 Euros or $260.11

Germany: The Melander family of Bargteheide
Food expenditure for one week: 375.39 Euros or $500.07

United States: The Revis family of North Carolina
Food expenditure for one week $341.98

Mexico: The Casales family of Cuernavaca
Food expenditure for one week: 1,862.78 Mexican Pesos or $189.09

Poland: The Sobczynscy family of Konstancin-Jeziorna
Food expenditure for one week: 582.48 Zlotys or $151.27

Egypt: The Ahmed family of Cairo
Food expenditure for one week: 387.85 Egyptian Pounds or $68.53

Ecuador: The Ayme family of Tingo
Food expenditure for one week: $31.55

Bhutan: The Namgay family of Shingkhey Village
Food expenditure for one week: 224.93 ngultrum or $5.03

Chad: The Aboubakar family of Breidjing Camp
Food expenditure for one week: 685 CFA Francs or $1.23

Pretty interesting?

Some facts

Everyone talks about how much food there is to eat on a cruise ship. But did you ever wonder exactly how much food has to be prepared? The following facts will surprise you!

* Meals: 105,000 meals prepared per week
* Desserts: 300,680 prepared per week
* Appetizers: 234,000 prepared per week
* Steaks: 69,000 prepared per week

It's impossible to go hungry on a cruise ship. There is always a meal just waiting for you right around the corner. The following facts will show you just how much we consume in one week on a cruise ship.

* Beef: 20,000 lbs.
* Chicken: 12,000 lbs.
* Pork: 5,000 lbs.
* Lobster: 1,400 lbs.
* Seafood: 4,000 lbs.
* Salmon: 2,500 lbs.
* Eggs: 28,000
* Flour: 15,000 lbs.
* Sugar: 4,300 lbs.
* Coffee: 1,500 lbs.
* Fruits: 35,000 lbs.
* Vegetables: 65,000 lbs.

In addition to all of that, cruisers consume 1,500 gallons of milk, 18,000 slices of pizza, and 8,000 gallons of ice cream!

Now that is a lot of food!

The Incredible Hulk (2008) - 3.5 Wigs

When I was collecting comics, I started by first collecting my favorites. Hulk was not one of my favorites. Though I had watched the Hulk on TV as a kid, I was not a big fan of watching a big green guy go around and smash things. I like good writing and smashing things for the sake of smashing things is, well, not exactly Shakespeare - its the comic equivalent of a Michael Bay film. But, eventually, somewhere down the line, I started buying Hulk comics because they began to write stories that were interesting and had the occasional throw-down to appease Hulk fans. I still wasn't a Hulk fan, but I enjoyed the Hulk comics because of the story.

The first Hulk movie was created to please the original Hulk fans. Hulk smash. See. Isn't that great? Not so much.

The second Hulk movie, however, pleased me. It threw down an easy to follow story that made the characters interesting and gave me a rooting interest. The villain is fun to watch and the action sequences were well done. Instead of taking the character and making him some sort of artistic force of destruction, they ran the character from the point of view of Bruce Banner (like the TV show and the better written comics did) and as a result, they gave the Hulk some depth as a character and some soul. And ultimately, when Hulk smash, we root him on because we now give a damn about his character. Really. Was that so hard?

Marvel has regained creative control over most of their properties after the twin fiascoes of X-3 and Spiderman 3 because they realized that all the special effects and actions scenes in the world can't beat a good, simple, story. So far this summer, we've seen Iron Man kick butt and now The Incredible Hulk follows in its wake of destruction. This is the summer of Marvel's resurgence.

To be honest, after seeing this movie, I was a little disappointed that there wouldn't be another Marvel superhero movie until next year or 2010. It even made me begin salivating for a Captain America movie - and that's something I thought I'd never say.

If you like super heroes, even slightly, go see The Incredible Hulk. Your faith in the comic book world on film will be restored.

Anchor's Aweigh...

20 Years Ago Tomorrow, I officially joined the Navy and headed off to Boot Camp.

On this 20th Anniversary, I can think of no better way to turn anchor chains into margaritas and dress blues into Hawaiian shirts than to head off on a 10 Day cruise to Alaska. So, I won't be around for the next little while, but don't you... forget about me. I'll be fishing for salmon, running from bears, and hiking through the Alaskan gold country. Oh, and I might do a little eating.

See you all when I get back.

The Announcement You've All Been Waiting For ;)

My fellow Americans;

It is with a heavy heart and dashed career ambitions that I must now concede in this year's race for the Democratic Presidential nomination. I fought a hard, tough, campaign, but I can see the writing on the wall and know now that Barack Obama will win the party's nomination. Though my supporter (thanks, Mom) suggests I stay in the race until all the votes are counted at the convention later this summer, I have decided that for the good of the party I will put aside my selfish ambition and my end justifies the means campaign style and concede the race. To the victor goes the spoils and for the vanquished, perhaps a nice cushy government job somewhere - maybe Ambassador to Disney World? Do they have an Ambassador? Cause, I mean, they have all those countries there around World Showcase... I could be like an Uber-Ambassador, covering like 12 countries at once...

But I digress...

I would like to call now on my other failed candidates to also step down for the good of the party and put our support entirely behind Barack Obama. Lester Grudenwald - you ran a tight race for a while there in New Hampshire, but without your own write-in vote, I'm not sure you ever had a chance of getting a single vote. Still, sticking in the race long enough to ensure that Barack Obama took your argument for water cooler reform seriously shows your committment to the Democratic process. I think you almost swayed at least one super-delegate to your cause. Maggie Dupry - you fought a hard race in Eastern Michigan and managed to get half a delegate in the process. Congratulations. You're now part of history. And, of course, how could I forget Auggie Johnson? What more can I say about the brave campaign of Auggie Johnson? Except that all of my fellow candidates have had the sense to back down and let the decision of the democratic party stand without taking their fight to ridiculous lengths for selfish reasons.

For some, I know that my sticking around in the race this long might seem like Steve Young making a furious drive late in the game when he was down 48-3 in the waning minutes of a complete turd kicker. There has never been any real hope of victory for a long time but I had hoped that my inability to quit would seem like a positive trait and not some desperate hope for a miracle or mean spiritedness, but I realize now that my time has come and that I should stand behind Barack Obama, as should all Democrats, because any other alternative would just be crazy.

And only a fool would stick around in a race that was already over.

Therefore, my fellow Americans, I hereby resign from the 2008 Presidential Race. Thank you for your support.

The Fall (2008) - Three and a Half Wigs

As Jay Leno said last night, "I found out I have two things that prevent me from seeing Sex and the City,"... "Testicles." So, instead of seeing that, and having seen all the major blockbusters out there this summer, we were forced to scrounge around in the independent film market for a new cinematic experience. We originally looked at going to see Son of Rambow, but the film left the area before we got the chance. However, sight unseen and with very little advanced knowledge, we discovered a movie called The Fall, written and directed by Tarsem - a music video and commercial director most known for the big budget film, The Cell, with J.Lo. We were glad at the discovery.

The film's plot, as thin as it is, still manages to keep the film going for the entire two hour length. It involves Roy, a stunt man in the silent era of Hollywood, who is injured performing a complicated stunt. We come to discover that he is borderline suicidal over the loss of his girlfriend to the film's leading man. He befriends a young migrant worker child (played with dazzling honesty by newcomer, Catinca Utaru) and begins to tell her a story, all in a self-serving effort to get this child to steal him some morphine so that he might commit suicide. The story he tells is a child-like fantasy about a group of bandits who have sworn revenge on the evil Lord Odious and its a thin retelling of the stunt man's life and problems. As the film takes a more sinister and darker tone towards the end, all of these various elements are brought to a head and we realize that the end of the story and the fate of Roy are decidedly intertwined.

Okay... so why three and a half wigs? That's almost as many as I gave Iron Man. As a whole, this film reminded me of what a film school student might make if someone handed him a blank check. The film was in development for 11 years. The director would scout locations while doing commercial and video shoots and then get the owners of these locations to promise to let him come back and shoot there at another point for free. The end result is that this low budget film has some locations that big budget Hollywood movies could only drool over. At one point in the film, I looked up and realized that they were shooting a scene across the street from the Taj Mahal - only it looked bland in comparison to the other more fantastic and real life locations that this film had already used by that point. On locations alone, this film earned the first two wigs.

The cinematography was also incredible. The director of photography wasn't just content with having these amazing locations, he knew what to do with them as well. The opening shot of the accident scene in slow motion is perhaps one of the finest pieces of slow motion work I've seen in a long time. The film is filled with an amazing array of colors and fantastic images that for one one hundredth of the budget and without any special effects, rival the work seen in 300. The cinematography earned it another wig.

But the part that has stuck with me the most is the acting of the young Catinca Utaru - who played the part as real as you will ever see a little girl act. At no point in the movie did I ever think she was acting. (It was later revealed that through a communcations mix-up, the girl was told that the actor playing Roy was really crippled and the girl responded to that with incredible emotional depth). The script, in this case, was a real gem in that it allowed the conversations to be natural in a way that was almost annoying - just two people talking and trying to understand one another. There was a scene in the movie where the girl was being examined by a doctor (she had broken her arm falling from a tree where she was picking fruit) and she was interpreting for her mother who spoke no English. The doctor tells the little girl's mother that the little girl will recover but that the little girl shouldn't be allowed to pick any more fruit. The look on this girl's face was priceless, totally conveying the "Are you nuts! I can't tell my mom that!", while at the same time smiling and pretending to tell her mother exactly what the doctor just said. It was a brilliant scene and really well done. For the girl alone, one half wig.

Okay, that all being said, the biggest problem was with the story. It was exceptionally thin and it was filled with dialog and scenes that you just don't see in regular movies for good reason. There were several dramatic moments that just ended up being laugh out loud funny for the wrong reasons. But for all these flaws, it was still easy to enjoy this film. These film makers weren't just phoning it in for a nice fat paycheck, or trying to please impossible fanboys. This film was a labor of love and it showed, even despite its serious flaws.

If you can see this one on the big screen, go. If not, wait until you can watch it in High-Def. The visuals alone will make this worth the extra wait.

Will Rob says, check it out!

Am I Crazy? I must be...

It occurred to me today that I wasn't writing a three book saga, but a five book saga. The original plan had been for me to write three books. But after four drafts, I broke the first book into three books. That means that now there is the first three books, compromising what used to be the first book, followed by books two and three (now books four and five). Further, I realized that it would actually make more sense for me to figure out what the entire arc of the entire story was and not just come back to books four and five at some later date. It would be irresponsible for me to write three books out of five.

What the heck have I gotten myself into?

Well, it sounds crazier than it actually is. In the actual chronology of writing this story, I was writing book four first when I realized that I needed to write the first three books so that people would know what was going on. The fifth book, which was to be the sequel to the fourth book, was going to wrap up the two part story.

So, basically, I started writing book four first, then I realized I needed book three, then book two, then book one. Then I combined books one, two, and three into one book. Then I wrote the one book but realized that it was too long, so I broke them into three books, of which I am currently finishing book one, and about to start on book two. But I'm now also going to start the synopsis process on book four and five. Clear as mud?

All this is a long way of asking your advice. The first book is called In Full Measure and the name comes from a verse in Isaiah. The second book is called Summer House, Winter House and comes from a verse in Micah (I believe... or Amos). I decided today that based on the storyline for the third book, the title should come from my favorite book in the Bible, Ecclesiastes. Here are the verses I selected and I was wondering which sounded the most Novel Title like to you...

1) With Much Wisdom
2) To The Place Streams Come From
3) In The Place Of Justice
4) The Heart Of The Wise
5) The Same Destiny Overtakes All
and
6) Every Hidden Thing

(And as a bonus, I've decided to give the following Ecclesiastical title to the fourth book, "The Days Of Trouble Come.")

So, if you've ever wanted to influence the naming of a major novel, motion picture, video game, and television spin-off series, now is your chance. Vote for your favorite and let me know why.

When is writing like sex...

I don't know why. I really don't want to self-analyze and ruin the feeling. But after spending an hour and a half working on my novel yesterday, I feel as giddy as a schoolboy today. Maybe its the lighthearted feeling of knowing that THIS TIME IS THE LAST TIME! But I have a feeling its more to do with the endorphin rush from writing again and from beating my brain against the side of the computer to shake out the very last ounces of pure creative energy my body has stored inside, thus allowing for a very pleasant night of sleep.

Either way, I'm going to enjoy the sensation and then light up a cigarette afterwards.

Apparently Not Finished Yet - A Novel Update

I thought I was done. But every time I write, The End, it keeps pulling me back in!

Actually, most of the book is set. It was just the ending I didn't like - and mostly because I'd done so many changes to the beginning and middle that the old ending just didn't gel with the rest of the book. So while I've been consciously trying to ignore the novel, to pretend it was finished, I have been idly sort of wondering what I'd do to improve the ending if I ever was to possibly, maybe, go back to it. Just idle thoughts, I swear.

What actually prompted me to revisit the ending of In Full Measure was the beginning of Summer House, Winter House. While I hadn't actually painted myself into a corner or anything, I realized that I'd dropped so much momentum at the end of In Full Measure that there was almost no way to start the second book without it being really flat. In rethinking the beginning of the second book so that I could make it into a stand-alone story, I realized that everything I wanted to do pointed to changing the ending of In Full Measure.

And so, a couple of weeks back, I actually had a sort of breakthrough - a way to change the ending of In Full Measure that didn't require a whole lot of rewriting (more of moving things around) but that created a lot more suspense and action scenes and allowed for a great set up for the second book. As a result, I decided to leave it alone for a while longer until I was sure that it was what I wanted to do.

This weekend, I figured out how to definitively start the second book and that, in turn, has locked in the changes to the ending of the first book. *whew*

To make a really long story even longer, I will begin working this week on the rewrites and the final, final, final version of In Full Measure.

On top of all that, I've sent off the first three chapters of In Full Measure to someone in the publishing biz who wanted to read them and will hopefully offer me some advice on how to improve the beginning of the book. May this be the first step towards publishing - sometime in my lifetime.

Of course, its hard to publish a book that isn't finished yet. So I need to get back to the writing. I can feel the headaches already starting.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) - Three Wigs

I'm an anthropologist because of Indiana Jones. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Its not exactly hero worship. And I wasn't one of those kids that fell over backwards for the movie and lined up for four weeks for the next installment. But when I realized that my love of adventure was being fused with my love of history, the only logical profession I could picture myself in was Archaeology. I even own a bull whip. Of course, I gave up any idea of being a professional in this field because I didn't want to owe banks $100K in student loans and because my first love of writing seemed like the better occupation over the long run. And that's a long way of justifying my review of this film.

First, let me say that Indiana Jones really doesn't pick up until Shia LeBeouf comes on screen. Yes, I said it. The beginning of the film with Indy was good, but it wasn't fun. The second Shia entered the picture, the film became fun. And overall, I really enjoyed myself.

But, that being said, and my love for Indy not withstanding, even Spielberg and Lucas do not get a free pass when it comes to story. STORY, STORY, STORY! How many times do we have to say it? Its not the special effects or the acting or the music or the bull whip or the action sequences or the pulp references or the popcorn - its the story. That's what makes a great movie. The script problems with this film are the stuff of Hollywood lore. Some of the greatest writers of an entire generation had a look at this script. And so, someone finally came along and took a little bit of this and a little bit of that and threw this final movie together - and it feels like it.

What this film needed was a singular vision - a singular pass on the script. Great that they wanted so many different ideas in the film, but get someone like Frank Darabont or Lawrence Kasdan to take that "final" amalgamation and rewrite it into a single story. There were plot threads that just disappeared and characters that seemed to come and go out of nowhere.

But there is a stretch in this film, after the appearance of Marion Ravenwood, where the film settles into a nice old fashioned Indy rhythm and we just hang on for the ride. That 40 minutes of film made up for the other 80 because for a short time, we were able to remember what these Indy films used to be like. For that 40 minutes, this film earns almost five wigs. But then the ending comes and we're let back down again, almost gently, and by the end, we're back to three wigs. Take them and enjoy them. Because we're not likely to see them again.

(AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHY COULDN'T MARION SAY, "INDIANA JONES... SOMEDAY I ALWAYS KNEW YOU'D COME WALKING BACK THROUGH MY DOOR." WOULD IT BE TOO MUCH TO ASK?)

Geek Film Champion of 2008

And the winner is...



Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

My own experience with this film is one of the grandest movie adventures of all time. My Dad has clients in Los Angeles and so, once a year, we would head down to Los Angeles for a little Disney time and an occasional side trip to Hollywood. This particular trip was memorable for many reasons (We met Chubby Checker in our swimming pool and he propositioned my step-mom, amongst other things ;) but the one thing that I will always remember it for was my first viewing of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

When I arrived in Hollywood, my Dad had been down there a day ahead of us for meetings with this clients. The first thing he said to us kids was, "You've got to see this movie!" Now my Dad likes movies like most people - he goes, he enjoys them, he forgets about them the next minute. For my Dad to gush about a movie like a little fan boy, I was immediately intrigued. As he himself said to me the other day, "I don't go see movies twice. But with Raiders, I not only saw it twice, I saw it twice in the same day." Anyway, he then explained to us about the movie and it sounded okay. But then he noted that it had Han Solo in it and that was when I wanted to see it.

So, we drove on down to Graumann's Chinese Theater - YES, THE GRAUMANN'S! - and got in line. The line was around the block, but we managed to only have to wait about two hours to get in. We went into the nice air conditioned theater and sat down. The theater was HUGE. Then my Dad made me go and get popcorn and drinks for everyone. So I trudged back into the lobby and waited and waited and waited. And finally, popcorn and drinks in hand, I opened the doors to the theater and walked in.

There on this incredibly HUGE movie screen was a man running away from a giant ball that was chasing him through some sort of temple. The entire theater rumbled with the sound of that ball. And I very nearly dropped my popcorn and sodas. It was love at first sight.

After a recent viewing of this film, I noted that one of the things that made the film work for me more so than just about any other film was in how originally everything was executed. There isn't a mis-step in the entire film or script. Every scene is original, but in such a way as to convey familiarity. Raiders of the Lost Ark wasn't just an action film. It was THE ACTION FILM - the one all other films have tried to be throughout history and the one all other action films will be forever compared.

For that fact alone, Raiders of the Lost Ark deserves the title of Geek Film Champion of 2008.

We'll see if it can defend it's crown next year.

Half a grand...

Despite the fact that I've had a lot to say the past week, I've been sitting on this post for a while now because, well, it marks my 500th. We like to commemorate big numbers in our human way and I was waiting for the perfect issue to pop up to make the 500th seem more monumental than it actually is.

My first inclination, of course, was to blog about all the milestones and important decisions I've made in my life recently - like the fact that I've taken the plunge into the online dating world again, or the fact that I've decided to retire from Youth Ministry in September, or the ongoing nature of making a film. But why does my blog always have to be about me? Me, me, me... I sound like a song-bird. So I decided to let all that information, and the fact that I recently won a wine-tasting cruise for two, to pass and not comment on it.

My next inclination was to be more witty. I thought of all those great comic book milestones of my youth - ISSUE #500 BATMAN IS DEAD! or ISSUE #500 - MEET SUPERMAN'S ILLEGITIMATE CHILDREN! I was thinking of what sort of life-altering announcement I could make that would really catch people's attention. ISSUE #500 - WILL BECOMES A PRIEST! or ISSUE #500 - MEET WILL'S LONG LOST EVIL TWIN! But, of course, that's just too silly for such a milestone blog.

More recently, I've been trying to figure out what serious issue I could tackle in such an insightful way that people would point to this 500th post as the tide turning of the course of human history. I considered high gas prices (Another 26 cents in one week!) or the upcoming Depression or the issue of free speech as it relates to the sex trafficking problem in the world. And most recently, I considered airing the dirty laundry of my church yet again as it relates to, of all things, the movie GREASE - but decided the entire debate was so ridiculous that it didn't even need commenting and is probably best left unsaid. None of these things, however, were so important to me that I could come up with an insightful argument that wouldn't sound like ranting. And a giant rant is not what I wanted my 500th blog for which that I wanted you to remember (or something like that - English is so damned impossible as a language. That's why I usually speak American.)

Finally, it occurred to me that one of the great things about Blogs is their interactivity. And I know that everyone is headed off to Memorial Day weekend, but I thought it'd be cool for my 500th post, to have you, my loyal readers, decide what my 500th post ought to be about. And so, without further ado...

500th Post CATEGORY:

Name three things of such monumental importance that they are worthy of being the subject of a 500th post that Will ought to write about for his 500th post:

As usual, I will take your answers below.

P.S. I will also accept congratulations, grudgingly, so long as it doesn't offset my usual magnanimous and modest nature...

P.P.S. The Winner of the 2008 Geek Film Championship will be announced next week.

Prince Caspian (2008) - Two Point Five One Wigs

What is the measure of a good movie? No, really... to what do we measure a movie by? Is it the box office results? Is it the acting? Is it the film making? Is it the story? Is it some combination of all these things? And when adapting a story from a novel, does the adaption also factor into this equation? I ask all these questions because it goes to the heart of my movie review. By any other name, Prince Caspian is complex.

I read the books when I was a kid. I remember that I liked them, but that's all I remember. So, as an adaption, I can't really compare. It has Aslan in it and the Pevensie children and some talking animals and they talk about Narnia. That's about what I remember from the book, so in that regard, it matches my memory of the adaption.

It's box office results were good for a movie opening before Memorial Day. I imagine this film will have long legs and that once it gets into the summer holiday it might see a resurgence in box office. But quite frankly, I think Disney made a huge mistake launching it when it did - but I realize that they didn't want to compete with Wall-E or with Harry Potter in the fall. That leaves only a few times to launch the film. So they will get what they can in terms of box office and still call it a success.

The acting was fine, but the first chinks in the armor start to show. The accents were horrible. I don't know who's idea it was to have them speak with a Spanish accent - but it was probably the same dialog guy who advised George Lucas on his accents. The end result was a laughable mishmash of accents that made me wonder if the film was being made by Pedro Almodovar. Beyond the accents, I found the actor who played Peter to be quite horrible - as I did in the first Narnia film. Granted, the writing for his role was rather stiff, so I'm sure that didn't help. As with the first movie, the bright spot was the young lady who played Lucy. She is quite the find.

The film making was marred by the exact same problem as the first one - the sound. Now, I'm not a sound genius. I don't pretend to be a sound expert or a sound designer. But if I can't hear the dialog because the music is blaring too loud or the clash of sound effects are drowning them out then you really ought to fire the people who do your sound mix. This was what ruined the first half hour of the first Narnia movie as well. The sound isn't bad throughout, just at some key times. Now, I might be inclined to say that I'm having hearing problems, except, of course, that I heard every word of Iron Man and Speed Racer and every show I've watched for the last two years in between Narnia 1 and 2. So, I'm going to guess the sound sucks and leave it at that.

The other glaring problem is that the CGI tends to look like CGI. This is not the fault of the special effects guys - there is really a limit to what the technology can do. I find that it is more the problem of the director not knowing what to do with the CGI. There are moments in Caspian where the CGI is quite good - like the final battle with the trees. Those trees scared the heck out of me. And Aslan looks much better in this movie than he did in the first one. The opening sequence where the kids were drawn into Narnia is also quite good and Reepicheep is exceptional as a character. But then there are climactic moments like the River Jesus (that's what AICN called it, and I'm afraid the description is quite apt) that look really fake. But throughout, with very few exceptions, the CGI does not transport you the way it did in the LOTR trilogy.

And so finally, we are left with the story. Unlike The Golden Compass, I could actually follow the story here. It was a bit spotty at times, but it was better than some of the adaptions I've seen. In fact, the length of the movie assured me that the adaption had to be pretty close. But beyond the plot and the story arcs, I want to say that with few exceptions the writing left me very indifferent. I didn't really warm to any of the new characters and was positively annoyed by 3/4ths of the kids. So, for the most part, the writing was very weak.

But where the movie really did shine were in the purely C.S. Lewis moments - which is true irony for a movie that seems embarrassed to embrace this theological story. Whenever Aslan is on the screen, the movie just moves to a new level. Whenever Lucy is talking about Narnia with Aslan there, the movie just gets brighter - as if we can almost see what it is that Lucy is talking about. Aslan is not all love and brightness in this film. He has a definite edge to him. He almost seems a little dangerous. And the film makers didn't shy away from that angle. With the end result of all this being that Narnia once again becomes a place that you want to visit, that you want to experience, and that you want to live. This was, I think, the central point of writing the Chronicles of Narnia - to open an incredible new world of a relationship with God to children the world over. I found myself dreaming about this world last night with a big smile on my face.

Like I said, its a complex movie that has a lot of negative points against it. But in the end, I will say that I liked it - barely. The thoughts of Aslan and the smile it left on my face for Narnia overcame many of the problems I had with the film. To be fair, out of all the Harry Potter films and Narnia films, this is the first one that I can actually put in the Like column. All the rest just barely missed out on being liked (no matter how much I wanted to like them).

I won't go see this film again, but I can recommend that you go and see it, especially if you want to remember what it was like to believe in Aslan again.

Weekly Geek Meet Film Schedule

As promised:

May 5th: Iron Man
May 13th: Speed Racer
May 19th: Prince Caspian
May 26th: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
June 2nd: TBD
June 9th: Don't Mess With The Zohan (Will is in Alaska)
June 16th: The Incredible Hulk/The Happening
June 23rd: Get Smart
June 30th: Wall-E
July 7th: Hancock
July 14th: Meet Dave/Hellboy II
July 21st: The Dark Knight
July 28th: X-Files: I Want To Believe
August 4th: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emporer
August 11th: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2
August 18th: Star Wars - Clone Wars
August 25th: Hamlet 2
September 1st: Babylon A.D.

All films are subject to change. And schedule is subject to change depending on other developments.

Speed Racer (2008) - Three and a Half Wigs

I am not a fan of the anime series that this film is based upon. Not that I hated it, I just never saw it all that much. I was aware of its existence. My ambivalence to this film actually started when I first heard that it was being made and by the same people that did the really great Matrix and equally atrocious Matrix sequels. I was thinking that it was going to suck. The first previews didn't really do anything for me. And I admit that I thought the film might seriously bomb. Still, I was intrigued with the idea of a blockbuster type film intentionally made for a family audience - unlike the horribly written Episode One where it felt like they were trying to sneak it on us. Based on that intrigue, and the fact that my other choice this week was What Happens in Vegas with Ashton Kutcher, I decided to check the film out.

I was very glad I did.

First of all, the film is exactly as advertised - a family friendly cartoon of a film with all soft edges, pretty colors, and nothing in any way, shape or form, that might cause you to think, or form a negative opinion of anything or anybody except bad guys who look like Al Gore. From the very first moments of the film, you will be wrapped in and embraced by a style that's at least 60% computer animation and 20% human animation and 20% editing animation. This film never stops working for you. Its as frenetic as the second Bourne film without the epileptic fits and with just enough downtime in between action scenes to give you a breather, a chance to rush to the bathroom or go get that refill on your popcorn. I only heard a kid whine once and that for only a few seconds before they were once again engrossed.

The basic plot, spoiler free, follows Speed Racer - the second oldest son in the Racer family, who has spent his entire life wanting to get behind the wheel of a race car. Having finally gotten his chance to race and prove that he is a driving genius, he must overcome some evil people to see his dream of winning the Grand Prix completed. In his quest, Speed is aided by his family, his incredible car (the Mach 5), and his long waiting girlfriend, Trixie. To boot, there's a cute kid and monkey for comic relief.

The editing on this film was incredible. The Wachowski Brothers do things with film that I've never seen anyone else do before. They seem to not only embrace computer graphics in their films, but see ways to use them to further an art form that can seem incredibly stagnant at time. They always bring a breath of fresh air to their film making - which doesn't necessarily mean that every film they make is good. This, however, was a very well made film.

The problem with Speed Racer, if you can call it that, is that it never strives to be more than it is. Its a cartoon. A somewhat live action, state of the art computer animated, cartoon, but a cartoon nonetheless. In that end, it achieves what it sets out to achieve with incredible brilliance. But at the end of the day, no matter how good the chef, a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is still just a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. This film is eye candy and as a result leaves you a little malnourished if you were hoping for a little bit more.

Still, for a cartoon, its very good. If you felt any inclination to see this film before, I'd go see it. It will probably not translate to the small screen very well, so definitely see it in the big theater. If you had no inclination to see this film before, then you certainly won't be missing anything by skipping it. I rated it Three and a Half Wigs because I really enjoyed it. And I think if you go, you will enjoy it too. But if you don't go, it certainly won't be the end of the world.

IRON MAN (2008) - Four Wigs

Iron Man was always one of my favorite comics when I grew up. It wasn't one of the premiere comics like X-Men or Batman. It was a second tier comic like Daredevil. In that, it survived on story, character development, and the very cool idea of flying around in a suit and blowing stuff up. There's not enough blowing things up in the real world, so we need our fantasy share too.

As such, Director Jon Favreau understands the basic appeal of Iron Man. Add in a dash of vintage and funny Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark, and you have a very fun and energetic Iron Man movie.

So, without spoilers, the basic plot is that Tony Stark - a billionaire whiz kid - gets a basic lesson in greed and responsibility when he discovers a horrifying secret about the way his inventions have been used. Vowing to use his powers for good, he creates a flying suit of armor and decides to become a super hero.

If you've read the comic, there are many references to future events in the series - but your lack of knowledge will certainly not hinder your enjoyment of this film. Its basically about flying around and blowing stuff up, and on that end it delivers. The special effects are incredible in the way that they don't look like special effects. And the cameo at the very end of the film (after the credits) is a really great nod to Marvel Comic fans.

If there is a drawback to the film its that its a bit lightweight. But given the material, that was almost a given. If you're expecting Shakespeare, you will be disappointed. Other than that, I could find no fault with it. I give the film Four out of Five Wigs.

Weekly Geek Meet

This summer I've begun a new project to help alleviate stress and to remain entertained. As Hollywood has seen fit to provide us with a bumper crop of mindless entertainment this summer, I've decided to end my "Film's suck" boycott and return to the cineplex. Every Monday this summer, I intend to take in the latest and greatest movie fare in a geektasmic film orgy. If you are in the SF area and would like to meet, I intend to go to the Daly City 20 every Monday night around 7pm (depending on show time) to see the latest film (except the two weeks when I'm in Alaska and the weeks when I'll be filming myself). I will post a complete schedule of the intended films so that you can make plans to come.

(Film reviews to follow)

And Then There Were Eight!

This is it. The final countdown to the Geek Film Championship. THE ELITE EIGHT! And it's not too late to get in on the action - to decide the final four and then the greatest geek film of all time*.

So far, this week, we've had seven teams advance into the Elite Eight. Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the King, The Two Towers, Contact, Tron, and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. And tonight, you will decide the final member of this elite group when you vote for Raiders of the Lost Ark or From Russia with Love. That's a pretty select group of fine films and not a dog amongst them.

But starting today, you can also vote for the finalists in each of the four categories - Old School SciFi, Fantasy, New Wave SciFi, and Action films - as we narrow down the films to the Final Four. And then, early next week - we will crown the ultimate winner of Geek Filmdom.

So vote now and vote often. History will record what you do today - as well as the DHS and the NSA, but only history's recording will be important to geeks.


*Results are for greatest geek film in only one of four categories. Not all films were included in this list and some geeks might argue about particular omissions. But then geeks will pretty much argue about anything geeky which is why they are geeks. So save your Millenium Falcon vs. The Enterprise geek arguments for someone who cares. According to my methods, this will definitively decide for ALL TIME what the greatest geek film is - until next year when we'll start all over again with different categories.

I have no idea what I'm doing

I think this is the ultimate expression of my ICON blog. I really haven't a freaking clue. I have turned the normal character trait of replacing confidence with bluster into an art form.

I am a student. I have no particular training in being a student. I really spent most of my formative student years learning anything but what the teacher was trying to teach me. But I pretend to be a good student, and therefore I am. I can pretend that I write good notes and I can pretend that I studied for hours, but truth be told, I'm often lucky on tests and I can write a mean essay that says nothing. I get by.

I am a youth leader. I have never been a youth leader before. I'd like to say that I learned from the best, but I was really too busy enjoying myself. I have no training in this area and very little ability. A teacher of mine once said, "Half of life is showing up." THAT, I'm good at. I pretend to be a youth leader. I pretend that I have some idea of what I'm doing. But I don't. Not a clue really. Still, nobody else is an expert either, so I get a free pass.

I am an inventory expert. Hah. That's really a laugh. I spend all day looking at spreadsheets and wondering if there wasn't some really simple way to do what I do. I'm sure if I were to ever go to college and take a course in this job, I could make my job so much easier. But I pretend to be an expert and my bosses pretend that I am an expert and pay me commensurate to my actual abilities. I think they just really don't want to do the job themselves.

I am a writer. Self taught - which in writing terms is about the same as being your own lawyer. You might occasionally get a parking ticket thrown out, but when it comes to the murder trial... I hope you like electrical currents. But I pretend that I know what I'm doing and rant and rave when people don't understand what I wrote (what's wrong with you!? ;) Ultimately, I really just like reinventing the wheel.

I am a producer. Ah... the nub of this post. I am about to embark on a film this summer using $5,000 of my own dollars and I really don't have any idea of what I'm doing. But I'm the producer and everyone expects me to be the expert - to be in charge. Somehow, I know this film will come together, but I'm always a little anxious before the start of a project of this size and complexity because I know that if push comes to shove, I'm landing on my a$$. However, I'll worry about that bridge when I cross it.

The fact of the matter is, knowing what I'm doing is kind of overrated. I've been in this position before where bluster can get more done than actual knowledge. If people think you know what you're doing, they will follow you a lot further than they will follow someone who DOES know what they are doing. And if you don't believe me, look at the elections of 2000 and 2004.

You see, it ultimately doesn't matter. And that is the essence of ICON. I con no one but myself. We are all just as completely lost as I am. We are all wandering around our own little islands trying to make sense of the world and none of us are experts. There is only one expert. And as long as we're willing to acknowledge that we have something even better than knowledge - we have wisdom. No matter how much you know, if you aren't willing to acknowledge who is really in charge, you are ultimately a fool.

So, I'll simply accept that I have no idea what I'm doing and put my faith and trust in the Lord. I'm pretty sure that I can't go wrong after that.

The Sweet 16

Okay, Geek Film Lovers, the Sweet 16 is finally here and we are in the home stretch for selecting the 2008 Greatest Geek Film of All Time. Here are the final 16 films:

#1 Star Wars vs. #4 E.T.
#2 2001 vs. #6 Empire Strikes Back

#1 Return of the King vs. #13 The 7th Voyage of Sinbad
#2 The Two Towers vs. #3 Fellowship of the Ring

#2 Revenge of the Sith vs. #11 Tron
#4 Armageddon vs. #9 Contact

#1 Ben Hur vs. #4 Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
#3 Raiders of the Lost Ark vs. #7 From Russia with Love.

Only eight of these films will advance and we'll have our first elimination tomorrow. So VOTE NOW!

A whole lotta shakin' going on...

Okay folks (all two or three of you)...

I'm heading off to Earthquake country (Reno, NV) for the rest of the week but will return on Monday, May 5th, assuming I'm not swallowed by a large earthquake or volcano in the meantime.

Wish me luck.

To Film or Not To Film...

Recently, I finished writing the script for a summer movie that my former youth group member and I have been writing. The plan IS to shoot this film this summer on a limited budget and with a cast of monetarily uncompensated actors. But many factors must fall into place before a single frame can be shot.

This is where the Producer steps in. The Producer, in this case, is moi. It is not a role I relish (yet) but it is a necessary job, in so much as the Producer makes sure that everyone is on the same page and motivated towards finishing the project. Considering the number of wild and seemingly impossible tasks that I've started, and/or finished in my lifetime, I seem suited to this role.

So, over the weekend, almost as soon as the script was finished, the first wave of disappointments started setting in. Sigh. What's a producer to do? Oh yes... Job Description #1 - The Producer must overcome every obstacle.

Many of my actors are now planning to audition for a musical at Pacifica's Spindrift Players that would be in production at the end of September. Or to put it another way, they would be rehearsing exactly when I intend to film. So, my casting challenges have just multiplied. But they are still not impossible, yet.

Also, my prime choice location that I had written the script around is going to be tied up for a Vacation Bible School - the exact same week that I had planned on filming my movie. Hmmm. The location was going to be a challenge to get anyway. Now I'm thinking that if I have to get a new location, and possibly pay for it, I might as well get a good location and guarantee some perks with it as well. Still, very annoying.

On the other hand, I have discovered a new source of possible budgetary money for the film that I had intended to pay for out of my own pocketbook. This investment might even be as high as five grand. As much as this takes some pressure off the film budgeting process (I don't have to sweat profusely as I write zero amounts in areas where I know the spending will probably be fast and furious ;) five grand is still not a huge amount for a film budget. I still have to be exceedingly frugal.

The end result of all this is that while in the past I might have pulled the plug after the first setback, I have now developed the intestinal fortitude to go ahead with my plans until the brick wall looms up and smacks me in the face a few times. And only when I'm sure that I can't smash that wall down, will I call it a day.

Such is the job of producer. That's why we get paid the big bucks. And why Hollywood fears us so much.

Unlike the rest of you pervs...

I've moved on to more enlightened things. Apparently my phallic quantity is just right, and my chest enhancements have also been determined to be normalized. So right now, the only thing the rest of the spam world thinks I need is a new watch, preferably a real expensive one bought online from any of a hundred different locations.

Somehow I just know this is a politician's fault.

Vote for your favorite Geek Films.

And have a great weekend.

Rumples$%&@#*$, B***h!

Once upon a time there was a morally bankrupt President of a large animation company where dreams came true (only not those dreams - those far inferior dreams that didn't pay him his money - those dreams that were meant to be mocked incessantly at the expense of entertainment). For the sake of abruptyness, we'll call him Jiffy Kidsinbank.

One day, Jiffy was strolling through the internet looking for new ideas for animated films that he could totally use to bash those other dream makers (the ones with the original and creative ideas that he hated so much) when he came across a young blonde harlot being consumed by bears.

Ah ha! He exclaimed. I know what I shall do. I shall use this young harlot's story as a new vehicle for being edgy and cool and for blasting away at those other dream makers who aren't nearly as good as I am. I shall turn her story into an animated film.

And so, after casting around for a writer and finding none, he decided to write the story himself in order to ensure the maximum profit and creative bankruptcy. He called the movie, Goldilocks and the Three Blogposts. And the highlight of the movie is a song called The Blogging Song.

In an ICON exclusive, I've actually managed to pirate the song lyrics and shall post them here:

The Blogging Song

We blog blog blog blog blog blog
blog in our mind the whole
day through
To blog blog blog blog blog blog
blog is what we like to do
It ain't no trick to get
rich quick
If you blog blog blog with a laptop or a PC.
Its all mine! Its all mine! Its all
mine! Its all mine!
Where a million
good thoughts die!

We blog blog blog blog blog blog
blog from early morn
'til night
We blog blog blog blog blog blog
blog about everything in sight
We blog up diatribes by
the score
A thousand postings
sometimes more
But we don't know what
we blog 'em for
We blog blog blog a-blog blog

Hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho

hey-ho, hey-ho
You comment from afar
(whistle)
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho

hey-ho, hey-ho
I am a blogging star
(whistle)
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho

hey-ho, hey-ho
(whistle)

hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho hum

hey-ho, hey-ho
Its off to blog I go
(whistle)
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho

hey-ho, hey-ho
My traffic doesn't flow
(whistle)
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho

hey-ho, hey-ho
I'll write all I know
(whistle)
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho

hey-ho (until faded out)

This is sung by the evil blogmaster (the villain of this film) who is out to get Goldilocks by forcing her to sell all that she owns in order to afford a single day's park pass at a theme park run by a certain group of former colleagues.

Of course, there are smart alec quips from Mike Myers and Jack Black, and a gratuitous chase scene with score by Danny Elfman, and loads and loads of merchandise to be bought at Burger King. And at the very end, the villain, voiced by Bruce Willis, jumps off the roof of the Yasutomo tower with a machine gun and yells, "Rumple$!$&!^, B***h!"

The End

Goldilocks And The Three Blogposts

Once upon a time a blonde harlot was trolling the internet looking for a blog to read. Suddenly, she came upon a beautiful creamy looking cottage industry of a blog and she snucked in and lurked. While lurking she came across three blog-posts. The first one that she read was not nearly as nurturing as she wanted, so she let it pass by without comment. The second blog post was way too complicated for her tiny little brain, so she ignored it. But the third one, seeing as how it dealt with a blonde haired beauty like herself, was JUST right. So she left a comment.

And then she was eaten by bears.

The End.

Wilpunzo, Wilpunzo, let down your gold hair...

Once there was a young man named Wilpunzo who lived in an ivory tower and spun stories and opinions into solid gold hair. With no one to challenge him, his hair soon grew so long that all the members of ZZ Top were jealous. But still he spun. He spun faster than Greg LeMond at the Playboy Mansion fitness center. And on and on his hair grew until it was... like... totally long. Down past his ankles even. All this hair was starting to give Wilpunzo golden hairballs and he was constantly coughing up, nay, regurgitating the same stories and opinions over and over again. It was quite disgusting. And since Purina didn't make a brand of fairy tale character chow, Wilpunzo was forced to move his hair outside the window and let it dangle for all the world to see.

To his utter dismay, they ignored all his stories and opinions. Didn't they see how they sparkled in the light of day? Didn't they see how they outshone the moon and the stars at night? Were they blind? Wilpunzo thought maybe they couldn't see it because it was so high in the sky, so he spun out even more stories and opinions at an even faster rate, and watched as his golden hair crept down to ground level. But still, no one paid him the least bit of attention.

So, he quit.

The end.

Becoming

We all start out wanting to be Luke Skywalker. Then, somewhere along the way, we realize that its more fun to be Han Solo. But when all is said and done, we end up becoming Obi-wan Kenobi. Lately, I've been feeling the pull of my Obi-wanness.

When we are young we say, "When I grow up, I want to be..." As we get older, and becoming is more immediate, we say, "I'm studying to be..." At adulthood, we are constantly asked what we are, what we've become. We begin to reach that peak-identity and we struggle with the notion, "Is this all that I am?" Finally, as we are past our prime, we wonder, "What will become of me?"

I'm moving past a stage of growth. I can feel a new paradigm shift in my thinking. For me, its no longer about BEING anything, but about BECOMING. I find the inadequacy of being is that it feels like a constraining definition. Who am I? I am a youth leader - but that doesn't define me. I am a Inventory Specialist - not even close to a true definition. I am a Christian. I am a Film Student. I am a writer. I am a blogger. I am a T-Ball coach. I am a stat man for USF. I am a hiker. None of these things really defines who I am. And to be fair, my BEING a hiker is not really fair to the definition of a HIKER.

It is far better to say that in all these endeavors I am becoming a Christian, film student, writer, blogger, t-ball coach, stat man, hiker, inventory specialist, youth leader. I am constantly evolving. I am constantly changing, not only my goals but my inner core that sets and defines my goals. When I achieve one goal, I do not stop and simply become that thing. No, I reset my goals and begin to achieve anew. The person that is Will Robison is in a constant state of becoming something else, even after death.

Being is static. Becoming is dynamic. It changes the state of everything when you replace one with the other. Jesus was becoming fully human and fully God, as opposed to Jesus was fully human and fully God. Indeed, one suggests that the journey was over the second He was created. The other suggests that there was some purpose to the journey, as indeed there was. But history then becomes a thing which is constantly in motion. We are never complete. We are always evolving. Life doesn't just go on, life becomes. Everything starts as nothing and becomes everything. We all have an end goal. We all have an end point. And until we reach that point, we are constantly becoming that end point.

But, lest you become bored with this thought game, I shall end this blog now and let it become a blog with comments attached.

Despair or... Ignorance?

There are so many things going wrong with the world right now, that I don't want to talk about them. And so, I'm not.

I could rant about any number of things, go on long tirades about this, that, or the other. But the end result of all that ranting and tirading would be that I would be more depressed and feel more hopeless than when I started. Why? What's the point? The only one capable of fixing the messes we're in is God. So why not just turn everything over to Him in prayer and... take the rest of the weekend off.

For us, fixing the problems of the world seems insurmountable. For God, its a laugher. He could snap his fingers and cause an earthquake in Illinois. How hard would it be for Him to solve world hunger? So, us worrying about things that we can't possibly fix is a waste of time and a real downer.

God wants us to spend our days loving one another, not fixing one another's problems. If we did more loving and less Dr. Phil-ing, this world would be a much better place.

So, what am I going to do this weekend? I'm going to enjoy God's world and let God do the driving. If He needs me, He knows where to reach me.

Exercise Sucks!

5 out of 5 scientists say so.

But the benefits of exercise are numerous. You can smoke more cause your lungs have more capacity. Its harder for you to fall down drunk. Beating people up is easier. And, of course, everyone wants to bonk your brains out constantly. Or at least that's what I read in some magazine once.

The fact of the matter is that exercise sucks but lack of exercise sucks more. I know. I've been a poster boy for both causes. I ran pretty much every day from 1977 until 1987. Then I quit. I'd quite had enough of running by then. And now, I kind of wish I'd only partially retired - like maybe the occasional fun run or happy-go-lucky jog.

Anyway, at the beginning of the year I had author's legs and my cardiovascular system reminded me of the inside of a 1950's TV set I once opened with wires everywhere and fading cathode ray tubes. So, I decided to slowly and steady get back into shape. And it sucked. For a long time. No, actually it still sucks. I've cut down my eating. I've started exercising on a daily basis. And I've even cut out my 50 cents a day coke habit.

The end result is that I've lost 30 pounds and can now walk for several hours without wanting to commit hari-kari. Big whoop. Still waiting for that constant bonking.

To that extent, I've decided to begin a bit more formal training - with actual goals and what not. And so, I've started a new blog wherein I'll start posting the juicy and boring details of my incredible work-out regimen on a casual basis. You can click on the Help Will Train link to the right of this blog, or simply visit www.helpwilltrain.blogspot.com.

Last Chance To Vote In The First Round!

Today marks the beginning of the end of the first round. The last two matchups in the first round films are up for voting today and tomorrow. You can decide which of these four films are the last to make it to Round Two. Will it be the classic James Bond Film (#7) From Russia with Love or the Mel Gibson Mad Max film (#10) The Road Warrior or perhaps you'd like the other Aussie Russell Crowe as (#2) Gladiator or the Governator himself, Arnie Schwarzenegger in (#15) T2. Whatever you pick, these films will join the ranks of the previous 30 winners...

Old School Sci Fi
#1 Star Wars (Episode IV)
#8 Close Encounters

#5 Blade Runner
#4 E.T.

#6 Star Wars Ep.V The Empire Strikes Back
#3 Planet of the Apes

#7 Forbidden Planet
#2 2001

Fantasy Films
#1 Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
#9 Time Bandits

#5 The Wizard of Oz
#13 The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad

#11 Monty Python and the Holy Grail
#3 Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

#7 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
#2 Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Modern Sci-Fi Films
#1 Matrix
#9 Contact

#12 Total Recall
#4 Armageddon

#11 Tron
#3 Jurassic Park

#7 The Abyss
#2 Star Wars Ep.3 - Revenge of the Sith

and the Action Film winners, so far:
#1 Ben Hur - A Tale of the Christ
#9 The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

#12 Conan the Barbarian
#4 Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

#6 Aliens
#3 Raiders of the Lost Ark

So, now is the time to vote in the last two members of this group, because starting tomorrow, we start voting to advance teams into the Sweet 16.

5 Worst Things About Losing Weight

Don't let them fool you, losing weight ain't all roses and sunshine, there is a dark side to this silver lining. So here below are the Top 5 Worst Things About Losing Weight (so far)...

5 - Your pants fall down. Often.

4 - No more Garlic Fries. Ouch.

3 - People scrutinize what you eat even more than before waiting for you to go off the wagon. Go away.

2 - You suddenly have WAY too much energy. At first, its great to not feel winded when you walk into the living room and sit down in front of the TV. But after a while, you find that you can no longer sit and enjoy 2 hours of mindless comedies because you want to get up and DO something. Very tedious.

1 - You have THOSE feelings again. You know the ones I'm talking about. It almost makes you want to grab a Big Mac and forget the whole business. Disturbing.

So, I'm just putting everyone on notice. Fat ain't all that, but all that ain't phat.

Peace out.

From the outside looking in...

Its cold out here, freezing, and lonely - oh, so desperately lonely. You walk by. We smile, but you ignore us. You're in a hurry and we can understand. The music is playing. The wonderfully lit tent beckons, its heat radiating at the entrance but not penetrating the dark night. We long for the tent. We can see the dancing. We can see the laughing. We can see the smiles and the hugs and the kisses. We wish to join. We long to go inside, but we have no invitation.

Moving now to the tent window we look inside. You are there, playing with one another, teasing one another in happy appreciation. The food is on the table in front of you - heaps and heaps of delectables, steaming hot and fresh. We have not eaten in weeks, months, we don't even remember our last meal. And you are gorging yourselves on food, filling your belly, and laughing about how it all tastes so good. Our hunger gnaws at us, physically digging pits in our stomachs, ravaging us with pangs so real that we feel weak just watching this display of plenty. We can't help but feel the envy and the anger as we watch you eat, but it only makes the night colder.

Around to the back of the tent now and we see the servant's entrance. The servants are happily working, rushing forward with trays of food and wine, washing dishes in hot, soapy water, standing in the warmth of a coat check stand, listening to the choir on the box in the valet. They seem content for having good honest work. They are not hungry. They are not cold.

And through the back flap, finally, we can see the head table and the Bride and the Groom greeting their guests. They are beaming with a love so pure that it hurts to look on their joy. And we are overcome with bitter tears, tears of pain and suffering, tears of a loss so final, so devastating, that we know we will cry ourselves to sleep tonight and every night to come for all eternity.

This was supposed to be our party. This was supposed to be our wedding. But we threw the invitation in the trash with all the junk mail. And it never occurred to us to ask for another invitation, knowing full well that the host would gladly send as many invitations as was necessary until we came to the feast. We were too proud, too obstinate, too full of our own self, to admit that we had been wrong.

We long for warmth. We long for joy. We long for friends. We long for food. We long for fulfilling labor. We long for love. We long to join the party. We long to join the feast.

But we have missed our invitation and we will never have any of these things again. We shall be forever on the outside, looking in.

I'm Feeling No Pain

La la la la la lalalalalalalalala! Its like its Friday around here. My brain is bouncing off the ether of my mind. Bounce. Bounce. Bounce. Boing.

I can't explain the feeling, but its kind of like someone replaced the milk in my coffee with Nitrous Oxide. My brain is firing on all cylinders and I'm zooming through the world like Willy Wonka's boat through a tunnel, except Gene Wilder isn't in control and singing a creepy song.

I've had some genius ideas today - and none of them will end up on the dustbin later in the light of day. I also got to see my second film for film class yesterday and it sucked, and I don't really care. Nothing hurts. I'm just bouncing along. Paid off some judges in Nevada. No arrest warrant. Boing, boing. Going to Reno later this month on a business trip, staying at a crappy resort, going to gamble by eating at the buffet and pretend I know what I'm talking about. Bounce. How about a WMD in my shorts? Sure, why not? Nothing is off-limits in this strange brain in the membrane of mine.

And on top of it all, I'm finally getting a clear understanding of the direction God is leading me. Strange. Like I've found the rarified air on His mountain and beyond the prophesying and annoying flame above my head and on my tongue, I can actually catch a glimpse of da future...

My church is world-class at being a church. It has church services and an organ and a choir and wonderful music and time spent doing living portraits and video on a screen and handbells and candles and pews and hymns and hundreds of committees each trying to make the occasional visitor welcome and good sermons and cute kids saying wonderful things and prayers for the whole world and locally and all sorts of incredible well-thought out and proper church things. But I'm tired of doing church. I want to do Christian things for a while. I want to be a Christian in the world. Its time to take the church out to the people.

But I have no idea what that means and this air is hard to breathe and I think I just saw John Lennon. Boing. Bounce. I need to come down from the heights. I need to breathe normal oxygen. I need to be back amongst my peeps. No man was meant to be this giddy for no darn good reason. Quick, a cheeseburger, STAT! I need to be weighed down and come down from the mountaintop. I need to stop and breathe, just breathe.

Whew.

Back to normal. No more bounce. No more boing. Just everyday mundane world - joy wrapped up in a box, put on a shelf to be viewed from time to time in dark days. Back to church as usual. Back to choir and youth games and bell ringing and who's going to make the cookies and serve the coffee and greet the guests. I've already forgotten what I was talking about before. Bonk. Splat.

Gravity sucks.

A TIE!

We went through the whole first half of the first round without a tie, and now, we've had our first tie - 2 to 2. #3 Planet of the Apes vs. #14 Time Machine. In the event of a tie, I will always award the contest to the higher seed. After all, there's got to be some advantage to being the higher seed (since there's no real home court advantage, etc...) So, #3 Planet of the Apes advances into the second round.

Now, you can vote for the last two films to make the second round of the Old School Sci-Fi category. And starting tomorrow, you can vote for the second half of the Fantasy Geek Films - including two LOTR films, DragonSlayer, Excalibur, Monty Python, etc... Should be a fun time.

Hasta...

New AND Improved

Its not everyday you can use those two words together. And so fully cognizant of the risks, both mental, spiritual, and physical, of tooting my own horn, I would like to say that both words apply to my newly updated and newly improved website.

And here's the good news... This is only a preview!

And here's the better news... It's free!

And here's the best news... God loves you. (Okay, it doesn't exactly fit the theme, but it really is the BEST news).

So, go on over to my website and check things out. The first new issue of Adventure Quarterly has a few kinks, but overall its a vast improvement over anything I've shown before - and there's a great article in there about me from a good friend of mine down south. And also an article I wrote myself about the early years of The Adventure Chronicles. So, stop by and visit and drive up my hit-counter.

P.S. The preview movie takes a long time to load - so don't load it unless you have a few minutes to wait.

Every missed deadline is an education...

When I left for vacation, I knew I would be killing myself to get my latest web update up by today, but there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn't exactly reinventing the wheel. I know the wheel exists. I see it and use it everyday. But for me, what I am doing with the latest web update is something I've never done before, and so I'm not sweating being a little behind.

Every time I miss a self-imposed deadline like this, it typically means that I'm probably neck deep in learning new techniques - whether it be special blue screen effects on my editing program that take forever to render or, in this case, a big crash course on Flash Buttons from Scratch. So when I blow a deadline, I kind of kick myself, but I also remember how much I've just learned and how useful that knowledge will be to me the next time I use that particular skill.

So, not that any of you were holding your breath, or even remembered that there was a deadline, to make a long story shorter; the TAC website update will be launched tonight (maybe) unless I run into other new skills that I need to learn.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll figure out how to post some photos here from my recent trip as well.

Hasta la pasta...

I Choose Life

There's a perfect symmetry in life that seems to grow the longer you live. Or maybe its always there and never changing and you just become more aware of its size as you get older. Either way, I had a symmetrical trip to Central Idaho that was, as usual, brought home by a passage from the Bible.

I spent the entire week in God's country fishing, hiking, freezing, picturing, eating, communing, and four wheeling. There was an ebb and flow to the pattern of life that was very rhythmic - like the casting of a line into a gentle stream (I cast a lot of line, watched it flow down river, then reeled it in. I did this about 500 times with the same results each time.) Through it all, I was able to get reacquainted with my good friend and brother from another mother, Russ, as we got caught up on each other's lives, loves, and fortunes - mis or otherwise.

In my final week before the trip, I was out filming with some friends for a class and someone asked me about my schedule, "Why do you do so much?" I thought about it then and I told him that I did so much because I didn't want to waste my life sitting on the couch watching TV. I thought a lot about that exchange this weekend as the topic of conversation between Russ and I invariably moved into this same exact area.

I tried to explain to Russ that I was happy and content because I had plenty of things to do. But I think I was failing to make the point that it wasn't the things that made me happy and content, but the context of the things and the fact that I was doing the things in communion with others - that it was the sharing of the task that was the most pleasing thing.

As I struggled to find the right words to tell my friend exactly what I thought about all the things that I do, I came across a passage at the end of the Deuteronomy where God is communicating through Moses to the people of Israel and urging them to choose life. Now, when I read the passage, my initial thought was that God was reminding the Israeli's of the consequences of breaking the covenant with Him. But, at almost the same moment, I was reminded of a line from The Shawshank Redemption where Tim Robbins turns to Morgan Freeman and says, "Well, I guess its time to get busy living, or get busy dying." I've always liked that line and I've always remembered it. I think it breaks down our choices into two camps more accurately than anything else I've ever heard. Live or Die. It's our choice - every single time we make a choice. A few minutes later, as I was going through the NIV notes about the text, I came across the "writers" interpretation of the text and I noted what the "writer" said about the same passage - that God was reminding the people of Israel to choose life and all the things that are associated with it - community, family, etc... I realized that this was exactly what I'd been trying to say all week.

You can have a million bucks and a fancy house and a plethora of servants and accolades and adoring fans, but none of that is more important than spending a week with your friend fishing up in God's country - or helping build a playground - or enjoying a barbeque with your church family - or taking the kids to the park to play. Choosing Life means choosing the things that make life wonderful - not the complex pleasures that leave unsatisfying holes in our lives, but the things that make us whole, happy, and that keep us connected to each other.

I may not be prosperous in the conventional ways, but God gives me more gifts than I could possibly use on a daily basis, and those are treasures that most people not only can't obtain, but don't even understand.

Its good to be back home... I can't wait to go fishing again.

And I'm Outta Here...

See you all at the end of the month!

Will

The reason my novel isn't finished yet... ;)

Novelists Strike Fails To Affect Nation Whatsoever

Geek First Half of Round One Wrap Up

And the final picks were:

Ben Hur
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Conan The Barbarian
and
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

And now, I'm shutting ICON down for two weeks as I head off for some very much needed R&R while spring fishing.

To be continued when I return...

Geek Wars Weekly Wrap Up #2

O.k. business first...

The voting has opened for all of the remaining first half of Geek Action Films polls (#1/#16, #8/#9, #5/#12, and #4/13). This will conclude the first half of the first round of voting. It will be followed by an approximately two week hiatus. The first new Geek Film voting will continue on March 31st when I return from the Fishin' Hole!

So, here's the recap...

First Half of Classic Sci Fi Films:

Winners:
#1 Star Wars
#8 Close Encounters of the Third Kind
#5 Blade Runner
#4 E.T.

First Half of Fantasy Films:
#1 Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
#9 Time Bandits
#5 Wizard of OZ
#13 7th Voyage of Sinbad

First Half of Current Sci Fi Films:
#1 Matrix
#9 Contact
#12 Total Recall
#4 Armageddon

Currently Voting Through Monday:
Geek Action Films

#1 Ben Hur
vs
#16 Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl

#8 Mad Max
vs
#9 The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

#5 Children of Men
vs.
#12 Conan the Barbarian

#4 Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
vs
#13 Die Hard

Commentary:
Okay, the last groupings were kind of a dud. Honestly, I don't care how much money the films made, Matrix and Armageddon and Total Recall, etc... These films just don't light a candle in comparison to the creativity and imagination of the old school sci-fi and fantasy movies. But now that we're in the Action Film section, we suddenly see this cross-blend of old and new films that are all classics in their own right, and it becomes nearly impossible to pick. Making the list was hard enough. This category could have filled an entire tournament by itself.

So, #1 is Ben Hur. Why? Because until Titanic and Return of the King, it was THE ACADEMY AWARDS CHAMPION. Until Titanic and ROTK tied it, BEN HUR had more awards than any other movie ever made. With classic action sequences like the naval ship battle and the always thrilling Chariot Race mixed with serious sequences of the story of Jesus Christ, this film has held its sway over me since I saw it for the first time. Look at the list of Action Films found here and see just how many films were up for Best Picture, let alone won? This is #1 on the list for the same reason Return of The King is on the list.

#16 POTC (the first movie) made the list on the sheer brilliance of its first script and the lunacy of Johnny Depp's Captain Jack. But the action sequences were pretty cool as well - especially some of the intricate sword fights.

#8 Mad Max - the original thunder from down under, Mel Gibson really dominated this movie about an honest cop in a not quite apocalyptic future looking for revenge. But this film really is all about the car.

#9 The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly - Clint Eastwood. Spaghetti Western. Classic movie anti-heroes, villains, and a race for gold. "Dig!" What more is there to say? If you haven't seen this film, you're just not a man.

#5 Children of Men - This film was also nominated for Best Picture and mixes a sci-fi story with some incredible special effects and the always kick-a$$ Clive Owen to make a pretty intense action film. The ending of this movie, especially, will keep you on the edge of your seat.

#12 Conan the Barbarian - Arnold in all his glory. He may have been better in Terminator, but he was never more Arnoldy as he was in this film.

#4 Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - This is the film that gave Matrix its head-start. Without the absolutely insane fight sequences in this modern re-imagining of the classic Chinese Sword film, Matrix would probably have never worked. This is the only sub-titled film to make the top 64 Geek Films.

#13 Die Hard - Yippie Ki Yay! Die Hard was the original and the best and has been the father of many, many, deformed bastard children. Michael Bay, Quentin Tarantino, and a whole slew of other directors and action filmmakers owe their existence to this little film. Plot be damned, give me a building, a terrorist, and a cop with a chip on his shoulder and I'll make you one hell of an action film.

So, good luck... the voting only gets harder from here on out.

(For a preview, your very first vote when I come back from my fishing trip? Empire Strikes Back vs. Return of the Jedi - let the Ewok bashing begin!)