The Announcement You've All Been Waiting For ;)

My fellow Americans;

It is with a heavy heart and dashed career ambitions that I must now concede in this year's race for the Democratic Presidential nomination. I fought a hard, tough, campaign, but I can see the writing on the wall and know now that Barack Obama will win the party's nomination. Though my supporter (thanks, Mom) suggests I stay in the race until all the votes are counted at the convention later this summer, I have decided that for the good of the party I will put aside my selfish ambition and my end justifies the means campaign style and concede the race. To the victor goes the spoils and for the vanquished, perhaps a nice cushy government job somewhere - maybe Ambassador to Disney World? Do they have an Ambassador? Cause, I mean, they have all those countries there around World Showcase... I could be like an Uber-Ambassador, covering like 12 countries at once...

But I digress...

I would like to call now on my other failed candidates to also step down for the good of the party and put our support entirely behind Barack Obama. Lester Grudenwald - you ran a tight race for a while there in New Hampshire, but without your own write-in vote, I'm not sure you ever had a chance of getting a single vote. Still, sticking in the race long enough to ensure that Barack Obama took your argument for water cooler reform seriously shows your committment to the Democratic process. I think you almost swayed at least one super-delegate to your cause. Maggie Dupry - you fought a hard race in Eastern Michigan and managed to get half a delegate in the process. Congratulations. You're now part of history. And, of course, how could I forget Auggie Johnson? What more can I say about the brave campaign of Auggie Johnson? Except that all of my fellow candidates have had the sense to back down and let the decision of the democratic party stand without taking their fight to ridiculous lengths for selfish reasons.

For some, I know that my sticking around in the race this long might seem like Steve Young making a furious drive late in the game when he was down 48-3 in the waning minutes of a complete turd kicker. There has never been any real hope of victory for a long time but I had hoped that my inability to quit would seem like a positive trait and not some desperate hope for a miracle or mean spiritedness, but I realize now that my time has come and that I should stand behind Barack Obama, as should all Democrats, because any other alternative would just be crazy.

And only a fool would stick around in a race that was already over.

Therefore, my fellow Americans, I hereby resign from the 2008 Presidential Race. Thank you for your support.