Friday, February 29, 2008

Geek Wars Episode 4 - A New Poll

Hello All;

Time for a little geek love for the greatest geek films of all time. I've basically come up with a March Madness style format for determining the greatest geek film of all time (at least until we redo the list next year ;) I've included four brackets of 16 films which I've garnered from a list of Top 100 films in each of the categories. So some of my favorites didn't make the list either, and some left me scratching my head. The four brackets for this year are Old School Sci Fi (basically up to the computer revolution), Current Sci Fi (from computer's on), Fantasy, and Geek Action films. The last category was actually the hardest to generate and I tried to create a list of action films that were more or less definitive and unique in their areas. I decided to leave off the Horror and Disaster Movie categories this year, but we'll have to revisit that next year.

For the next couple of months, I'm going to be updating the poll daily, so be sure to drop by and vote for your favorite films or, at least, vote out your least favorites and I'll be updating the bracket after every vote.

Today's vote pits #1 seeded Star Wars - Episode Four - A New Hope, or as I like to call it - Star Wars, against #16 seeded Star Trek II - The Wrath of Khan. A tough choice right out of the gate.

Please vote... the fate of the geek film empire is in your hands!

An Intellectual Stimulation Package

I know Runner's Highs. Back in the 70's when it was Jim Fixx, Forest Gump, and I, there weren't a whole lot of runners pounding the pavement. I started off by walking home from school - about three miles - and then realized that I could probably bike the same route, and then realized that I could probably run the same route as well. So while my family would drive over to my Grandmother's house near my school, I'd run over. I ran my first race - 7 miles no less! - when I was 7 years old. And I pretty much ran every day from that point until the end of High School - ten years solid of running. I was a skinny, endorphin generating, freak.

At the same age, I also wrote my first story. It was Halloween and my class had to write a paragraph before we could go out to the yard and participate in the costume parade. I got started writing and before too long, I blew my class off so that I could continue writing. My story ended up being 7 pages long and it took me all of two days to write. Up until that point, I hadn't probably written 7 pages in my entire life. But, when I sat down with pencil and paper in my hand, this euphoric feeling came over me - I was in the story and writing it at the same time. It was like playing and recording at the same moment. I wasn't just writing about Charlie Brome fighting aliens, I WAS Charlie Brome fighting aliens, and writing about him at the same time. I couldn't possibly put down my pencil and return to the humdrum existence of some stupid costume parade. There was a whole world out there ready to be explored. I was experiencing my first Writer's High.

I've been thinking about this lately because I've always just sort of thought that I only really got this high AFTER a good session of writing. But I've realized now that its not the writing that produces the high, its the imagining of the story. And a good story, whether I'm writing it or not, comes upon me so clearly that it draws me back into that world and I can almost feel myself there, watching, participating, and writing the action at the same time - so that I start to get antsy and energized and can't wait to sit down at my computer and start writing. My synapses are firing faster than the finale of the Boston Pops Fireworks show. I'm getting High just thinking about getting High.

I've also noticed that a particularly good piece of writing that I read or watch can have a sort of contact High effect. Something I didn't write at all can still transport me to that world and make me feel like I'm fighting alongside Aragorn or battling my inner demons with Locke or riding around the pitch on my Nimbus 2000 with Harry.

I've always known that my mood fluctuated entirely on the basis of whether I was writing or not and now I'm starting to piece together the reason why.

I am a junkie for intellectual stimulation and for the most part I find real life starves me of my fix. There's just no denying that I can get more of an intellectual hit out of a bad episode of the Teletubbies than in the entire combined 7 years of speeches from "W". Real life just doesn't cut it.

Anyway, thank God for LOST. Right now, I'm not feeling a thing, brother... not feeling a thing at all... and its good.

Have a great weekend.

Monday, February 25, 2008

On Turning 40 - Part One

For the record, I'm 38 and I have just under 18 months to go until this nefarious deadline, but I wanted to start recording my thoughts on the milestone as they occurred, since there is obviously something very wonky that occurs to people (men, especially) when they turn 40. Let the cautionary tale begin.

This weekend, especially, I began to feel the future tug of this upcoming event. But I'll talk about that in a moment. After the events of this weekend, I remembered another tug that occurred late last year - sort of an opening salvo across the bow of impending forty-hood.

I was at the USF basketball game, just doing my normal thing, and I looked up at the cheerleaders. Now, I'm a normal guy, with normal guy preoccupations, and if you place young, nubile, scantily clad women in front of me, well, I may not turn into Mr. Hyde, but I'll certainly take notice in that way that is societally creepy in a person my age. I hide it well. But, on this particular occasion, as I was watching the young ladies shake their tail-feathers, I suddenly saw them very clearly as young ladies with very good dance moves. They reminded me of the girls in my youth group and the daughters of my friends and suddenly it was like someone turned on the lights in a dark room and that thing that looked like a monster in the dark was revealed to be a pile of clothes on a chair. Despite their best efforts, I could not see these cheerleaders as anything other than nice young women with incredible dexterity whose parents were probably incredibly proud of their extra-curricular activities and good grades. Score one for societal normalization, take one hit to my libido.

Now, after that, nothing happened and I went back to not being preoccupied with my age until this last week. Three things happened this week that started to make me ponder my place in the universe. But really, all three stemmed from the first incident.

I was in class on Wednesday night. I'd spent the previous weekend working with a small group of four students making films in San Francisco. We'd bonded. And I'd come to bond with almost everyone else in the class. I was feeling, well, particularly like I was one of the members of this class - not apart from it, not from the outside looking in. And the fact that the class was mostly filled with younger 20 somethings, I guess I was feeling part of that group as well - not actively embracing this youth movement, but not feeling any sort of gap there as well. And then, one of my classmates asked me if I was married in such a way that I knew they were seeing me not as a classmate, but as the old guy who was back in college taking classes. I mumbled some sort of response as the weight of his words sank in and I suddenly felt this huge distance grow between me and my fellow classmates.

I was the old man.

I didn't feel old. In fact, if I had to say in a sort of intellectual way of feeling anything about age, I haven't "aged" a day in probably 20 years. I still think like a 20 year old. I still respond like a 20 year old. I have more wisdom, but I don't feel any older.

I started wondering if I had grown stale or if I had been trying to relive some sort of adolescent phase - stillborn in the early stages of adulthood. In the back of my mind, I began to realize that certain things in my life were very constant and since they provided a continuous backdrop to my existence, they tended to keep me grounded in earlier periods of my life. Mostly in the case of writing, since I've been a writer for more than 30 of my 38 years, I haven't changed much in my attitudes towards the world since I was a kid. I still embrace fantasy, still have the same sense of humor, still feel the tug of adventure and the love of action. In those terms, I feel like a kid constantly, and since that forms such a huge part of my mental focus on a daily basis, I can easily be talking about world politics one moment with all the seriousness of a college professor, and then switch to a discussion about whether the Millennium Falcon is faster than the Jupiter Two with equal passion.

For the first time, I started wondering how other people see me and whether they don't take me seriously because I'm "too old" for the kind of lifestyle I lead - like an adult who refuses to grow up. Peter Pan Syndrome is what I believe they call it.

This lead to a very interesting dream/waking experience last night. I can't remember the dream, but the end result was that when I woke up in the middle of the night, I suddenly thought of my teddy bear for the very first time in years. This was my favorite stuffed animal and so much a part of me that I had carried it everywhere. But it had also been a sort of extension of my youthful belief in myself - an idea that somehow my teddy bear would come to epitomize me in the way that Kermit the Frog epitomized Jim Henson. Except that one year, in a fit of madness, I had given the teddy bear to my girlfriend as a show of how much I loved her and with the thought that someday we could give it to our children. Like I said, madness.

During our very cordial break-up, the only thing I asked from her was that she give me back my teddy bear. She told me that her mother had thrown it out. I accepted that at the time.

When I woke up last night, I suddenly felt incredibly, intensely, pissed off about this. And for the first time ever in the 15 years since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, I was truly heartbroken and angry at her. I suddenly felt the intense loss of something that had been a symbol of my childhood that I had foolishly given away.

This morning it occurred to me that these are the first of many such things I might start feeling as I approach the big four oh! And if these are the first feelings, I can't imagine how they might escalate as I get closer to the deadline. Either way, as a public service and a warning to all those who will be approaching this milestone in the future, I thought I'd chronicle my journey for you as I react to new events from time to time.

Until next time...

Friday, February 22, 2008

The New Revised H333 Heavenly Form For Indulgent Behavior

I just finished filling out my H333 Form for Indulgences and I had a few questions for any religious accountants out there - especially as there have been some much talked about revisions since last year's code.

1) When filling out the section on worship time, do I include the commute time it takes for me to get to church on Sunday, or does it only include the actual time I'm in the Sanctuary worshipping God. I mean, if you add commute time, that puts me into a whole other Indulgence bracket and I may qualify for a minor miracle or two, but at the very least I should be able to release a few more souls from Purgatory and I'm hoping to earn enough this year to spring the entire 1919 Black Sox team.

2) Do we have to declare our 401K earnings as part of our income not given to help the Church? Or is that considered responsibility free until retirement?

3) Does tacit support of war count as something that might need to be declared as a sin under the category of large sins of omission?

4) Is there a standard amount to declare when adding up billing hours for volunteer work? I mean can I declare $50 an hour for Youth Group work and $100 an hour for Choir work, or should it all be a standard amount.

5) Just to clarify, since my computer is down and I can't use my TurboIndulgence software this year, after I determine the amount of Christian work I've done for God, and subtract my blessings and sin deductions, what I'm left with is the amount of Indulgences I've earned for the year, right? Or is the Indulgent Index on Line 33 checked off against the Tables of Indulgence in Appendix T and cross-indexed by weight, height, and the number of hairs on our head, to determine our Indulgent Quotient and from there our actual Indulgence Rebate or Debt?

6) Can I take the unusual pain and suffering deduction for a real bad sermon? ;)

Okay, I'm just kidding about the last one.

You know, my accountant from last year said that it's okay to cheat a little when filling out this form - everybody claims some things that they never actually do and tends to leave off a few sins and forget a few blessings when filling out the form. But I don't know. It seems like sooner or later, you'd be found out. And I hear the audit can be brutal and the judgment is absolutely final.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

In Communion With The Spaghetti Monster

Some of you may be aware of the Spaghetti Monster - a humorous "fictional" diety created by atheists to point out the absurdity of all religion. I actually happen to be a fan of the Spaghetti Monster, whether he be an atheistic attempt at deicide or not, because I think it does a great job of not only pointing out religious pretentions, but also points out the sillyness of atheists. Regardless of the inherent risk of blasphemy this weekend, I partook in communion with the Spaghetti Monster, consuming its body (noodles) and drinking its blood (sauce) with great gusto. Its my grandmother's recipe for spaghetti and its almost a religion in itself.

Of course, that's part of the problem.

In Galatians, Paul talks about the body and the spirit being at war with each other. He suggests that when we live in the spirit, we will seek to abandon those things which make our body greatly rejoice. I'm assuming this includes spaghetti, particularly that which was created by my grandmother.

As a foodie, I find it particularly difficult to sacrifice things that taste good - seeking instead to satisfy my earthly desires, rather than my heavenly ones. I have progressed enough on the road to spiritual enlightenment however to recognize that I am in need of a diet. Not one that is diagnosed in all the health and beauty magazines - I will never look like Mr. Olympus - but a diet of the body in favor of the soul. In short, I need to subvert my desire for food and replace it with my desire for God.

When I have achieved a healthy relationship with food, only then will I be able to have a healthy relationship with God. This is not a disparaging remark for people, like me, with a few extra pounds on their frames, but simply a realization that a person can not have two masters. I cannot be a follower of Christ and Ronald McDonald at the same time. If I can't control my urges towards food, how can I fully embrace the divine?

C.S. Lewis understood this part of human nature. We are all tripped up by the smallest, meanest of things - the basest of desires. For Edmund in The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe it was a piece of candy - a Turkish Delight - that caused him to sell out his brothers, sisters, and Aslan. When he realizes what he has done, even the White Witch mocks him with his incredible foolishness - "You betrayed them all for a piece of candy!" We can expect that after the events of this book, Edmund probably never touched a piece of Turkish Delight again.

I am not trying to root out all the Turkish Delights in my life and get rid of them. The problem with over-enjoying food is that you still need to eat it, whether your tendency is to over-indulge or not. Its kind of like being addicted to air - its a hard habit to break. I am instead concentrating on the good foods that I can eat and replacing the spaghetti's of this world with the more truly divine foods that will help me come to a right relationship with food and with God. I am not giving up food to become thin. I am giving up food to become something even greater than I am now.

And that's something that no spaghetti monster could ever help with, no matter how fictional its supposed to be. The only one with that kind of power is the one who created us all, and on Him, shall I depend.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Bizarre Accident in Scottish School

Pupils treated in hospital as 25 are crushed in freak accident at school

By FIONA MACLEOD EDUCATION CORRESPONDENT

TWENTY-FIVE children were injured in a pile-up in a school corridor triggered when a first-year pupil stopped to pick up her shoe.

Paramedics were called to the school to treat pupils for crush injuries, including ankle sprains, bruising and sore heads.

All the children were sent home following the incident, several were taken to hospital and five were kept off school the following day.

Stephen Miller, headteacher at Denny High School in Falkirk, said that investigations were ongoing into the incident, which happened outside the school library after morning break on Tuesday.

He insisted the corridors were supervised by both staff and senior pupils who had rushed to give immediate assistance.

He said: "It would appear that the cause of the crush was an innocent and accidental trip by a pupil, who paused to retrieve a shoe but was overtaken by the mass of following pupils unaware that there was a problem ahead.

"In the main, the injuries were soft-tissue damage, ankle sprains, dizziness and sore heads," said Mr Miller.

He added that all the injured were assessed by either a paramedic or a doctor who attended the incident.

"Parents and carers were then immediately notified and the majority of pupils were taken home as a result," the headteacher said. "A few were advised to attend hospital to check the extent of bruises and sprains."

A spokeswoman for Falkirk District council confirmed that the corridor had been supervised at the time and the crush was a freak accident.

A senior pupil at the school, which has 1,250 students, said: "The corridor was really busy, and people just kept walking, and they started to pile up.

"It was just a horrible accident, but I think the worst thing was the shock.

"We were helping the people who had been injured, and at one point it was like the scene in The Wizard of Oz when the witch is trapped underneath the house."

Denny High School is housed in a 1960s building, but staff and pupils are expected to relocate next year to a new building, which is currently under construction.

A council spokeswoman said that there was no design fault with the existing building and that the corridors are not particularly narrow.

Judith Gillespie, development manager of the Scottish Parent Teacher, said: "You don't expect it. Parents would be amazed, but these freak accidents do happen.

"And I would imagine there was some jostling at the back.

"It is very bizarre, and you can't ever legislate for the bizarre."

A spokesman for the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents said: "This was a significant incident in which children were injured.

"It is a timely reminder that a culture of safe thinking and safe behaviour in schools should be encouraged and subject to regular reminders.

"Young people in particular can be overcome with the excitement of the moment, and the consequences of such an event as this arising can be disproportionate to what started it."

A building project which is costing £115 million will replace the existing St Mungo's, Grangemouth, Denny and Falkirk High schools.

Denny High's new building is expected to be completed by February 2009.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The People's Republic of Bezerkely

Sometimes the people in Berkeley, CA can go a little overboard. They mean well. But they consider themselves the cradle of the free speech movement and sometimes don't stop to think that everything they say doesn't need to be said. If people are constantly talking, free speech or paid, they are not thinking about what they are saying.

Well, last week they really stepped into it. It wasn't enough for the local City Council to vote to ask the USMC to remove its recruiting offices from the city, but they also sent along a rather impolite letter to the USMC with it basically reinforcing the decision with unflattering prose. Needless to say, this set off a controversy at the state and federal levels of government calling Berkeley traitors, unpatriotic, and much worse. To give them credit, unlike some political leaders, the Berkeley City Council did not make a bad decision worse by insisting that they were right and refusing to reconsider. They immediately called for the item to appear on their next meetings agenda.

That meeting was last night. Besided the City Council, two armies of concerned citizens descended on Berkeley City Hall (pro and con) and camped out front, shouting slogans, chanting, singing, and generally mocking the other side. Riot Police separated the two groups, but other than four arrests, chaos didn't rule the evening. Instead, one by one, for one minute each, hundreds and hundreds of citizens got up and spoke to the City Council, pro and con, about their feelings on the matter. The City Council stayed late into the early morning to hear everyone's concerns.

Its almost not about the outcome. The way the decision was made was a quintessential example of free speech and democracy. People of different sides came forward and peacefully expressed their opinions in a passionate and poignant way. They were allowed to speak, and they were heard. And in the end, when everyone had had their say, a vote was made. The City Council, in this case, came to realize that their freedom of speech was guaranteed and protected by those same Marines they were trying to kick out. They decided to rescind the letter.

I point this out because its a good example of the way free speech is supposed to work in this country. We are all going to have ideas and some people are going to love our ideas and some people are going to hate them. But we've got to have the freedom to express the ideas we have, even the bad ones. And we've got to be given the leeway to change our opinions and to withdrawl bad ideas and move on with new ones.

On the other hand, certain lawmakers still want to punish Berkeley for the original letter. They are talking about withholding Federal and State dollars from Berkeley because of the letter that they rescinded. This would undermine the entire process of democracy that was so perfectly played out last night. We've got to get to the point where we can stop punishing people for having different opinions than our own. Either that, or this great nation, this great experiment of freedom, will perish from this earth.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Jesus Endorses Obama; Four Horsemen Opt for McCain

Jesus Endorses Obama; Four Horsemen Opt for McCain

By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor
New York, February 16, 2008

Jesus of Nazareth, popularly perceived as the Son of God, announced his endorsement of Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama yesterday during a rare guest appearance on CBS' Late Show with David Letterman. The appearance was the first time Jesus has returned to earth with the specific goal of endorsing a political candidate, several pundits and religious scholars agreed, and may in fact be the first recorded reappearance ever of the widely admired supernatural entity.

“It's extremely unusual for a celestial being to physically manifest him, her, or itself in corporal form to back a presidential candidate, particularly during the primary season,” Jacob Weisberg, editor of Slate magazine, said. “It's quite possible that what we're witnessing is a historical event that may provide just the momentum Obama needs to top that final hurdle. Jesus, like Obama, has a rare, iconic popularity that extends well beyond his base.”

Jesus, who was unshaven, long-haired and shabbily attired but appeared otherwise healthy and well-rested during the Letterman appearance, said his motives for endorsing Barack Obama were complex.

“I don't know that I can distill what I think of as the Barack effect into a few simple words,” Jesus said. “I rarely get involved in politics since my own quite painful brush with that sphere of human endeavor. But Obama does something to me. It's more like a feeling, a sensation of hope and optimism that I haven't felt, looking down on Earth, for many decades. It made me want to do whatever I could to help out. ”

Jesus said he was inspired by Barack Obama's legendary oratory skill and charm, but even moreso by the fact that many of Obama's political stances echo his own.

“When I hear him speaking, it brings me right back to the Sermon on the Mount, which I think was one of my greatest hits,” Jesus said. “All the things I talked about so long ago. Imagine how I felt watching those, if you don't mind me saying so, really groundbreaking ideas concerning how human beings should treat each other get co-opted, subverted, parasitized or ignored by generations of cynical scoundrels and hypocrites--until Barack Obama came along.”

“It's like I'm looking in a mirror, only, I have to hand it to him, I never really had the kind of massive crowd appeal Obama does,” Jesus said. “I was more of a stealth movement. If Barack had been alive two millenia ago, I'd probably have found myself playing second fiddle as a disciple.”

In related news, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse announced their collective endorsement of Republican presidential candidate John McCain. The Four Horsemen--Conquest, War, Pestilence and Death--made the announcement during their regular weekly guest appearance on Fox News together with conservative commentator William Kristol. The horsemen's horses--White, Red, Black and Pale--were also in attendance.

“We can't say John McCain's the absolutely ideal apocalyptic candidate for all of us,” Conquest said, “but between the Democrats and the Republicans, the choice is a no-brainer. War and I like him, but Pestilence would have preferred Romney due to the almost guaranteed corruption and economic breakdown another term or two of Bush-style economics would lead to, and Death wanted to hold out for Huckabee."

"In the end we decided to present a united front behind McCain," Conquest said. "He's our best hope under the circumstances for the total destruction of all living beings, man or beast.”

William Kristol was unfortunately unable to present his views on what may be a pivotal boost for the McCain campaign, up against significant odds against the wildly popular and Jesus-backed Obama movement, as he was eaten mid-interview by Death's horse, Pale.

“I'm sorry about that,” Death said. “Pale gets a little peckish during these manifestations, and Fox forgot to stock the green room again.”

(I like good satire!)

Spring Vanquishes Negative Nellies

(That actually sounds like a headline from the old Sims Times in Sim City ;)

Well, I can't stay down for long and the image that's keeping me from succumbing fully to the blues is the thought of my niece wandering around everywhere with a cute little pink backpack that has butterfly wings on the back - a gift from her Uncle Will. Apparently, she doesn't want to be parted from it and so my sense of timing is vindicated, as it was a Christmas present that I just now gave to her (the kids had just returned from a Disneyland Christmas and were a little overwhelmed with all of their gifts and new things - I decided to "save" my gifts for a little later so that they could more properly enjoy them.)

But there are other wonderful thoughts to embrace. Andy, over at The Beach, is about to tackle the next higher level of organized baseball as he leaves T-Ball behind and begins coaching PitchingMachine-Ball (whatever its called). Andy has been a truly wonderful servant of God and the kids love the game so much when he's around to show them how to run, catch, throw, bat. It reminds me that Baseball is life and God is love and God loves Baseball life!

Ariel, over at Bittersweet, aside from tackling the wonderful challenge of Tot #2, is beside himself as Kansas continues to be the BMOC of Big 12 Basketball (not counting last night's game, of course). Despite the occassional fun I like to poke at Kansas basketball, I do hope that this year they finally win the big enchillada so that I don't have to read more CoffeeNTears posts as I'm trying to enjoy the Final Four. So let's all root for Kansas this year.

Randall's O.D., over at Hinterland, was paid a great compliment by her fellow male students who voluntarily suggested that she was a much better student than they and refused to go along with a patriarchal photo that suggested otherwise (even though it might have helped them score with some "less smart" young ladies ;) And the thought of that almost Hallmark Card moment makes me smile as well. The Hermione's of this world ROCK!

You know, if we ignore the news going on around us and the horrible bits of everyday life that seem to always be crying out for our attention, its easy to picture that bright green far off land that is our true resting place, our portion of peace. I want to go there and fling off my shoes and feel the grass between my toes. I want to run there and fly a kite there and play hidengoseek there. I want you there with me - no adults, no rules, no hurt feelings or anger - just smiles and laughter and pure joy.

Those are the feelings of Spring. Those are the things to be mindful of.

I've got rainclouds on a sunny day...

...when its warm outside, I've got the month of januaray... I guess you can say, what can make me feel this way... da blues, da blues, da blues, talkin 'bout DA BLUES!

As a foodie, I'd say that lack of caloric intake can give one the blues, but I know its more than that. There are times when I feel trapped, pulled into a corner not of my own making, and having no way to react other than to kick the walls and grow angry. This lack of ability to do anything while being mocked by the fates of this world gives me feelings of frustration and despair. And the feelings of frustration and despair make me even more frustrated and despairing because I don't want to be frustrated or despairing at all.

I want to dance.

I want to sing.

I want to gambol through fields of wild flowers with a pan flute and a picnic basket and feel the warm light on my face.

In the end, its not even important what is causing my frustration or my anger or my feelings of despair. It seems pretty clear that God wants us to forgive those whom cause these feelings in us. And if we are truly victims of injustice, God doesn't want us to seek revenge or retribution. He wants us to reach out in love and help those less fortunate than ourselves. And so, I become frustrateder and despairinger because I know that in these terrible feelings I have towards my fellow humans, I am also failing in my Christianity. I want to lash out and think bad things about people and do bad things to them instead of trying to resolve differences peacefully and amicably. So, I try to bury these feelings like a burp at a church recital - letting a little out at a time when nobody else is around and when I can't hurt anyone but myself.

But who am I kidding? I am human. I have feelings. I try to maintain a cool veneer. I try to establish an even restraint. But I'm a writer. My passion is there under intense pressure waiting to boil over in words and thoughts. In the back of my mind is that wonderful line of dialogue from A Knight's Tale where Chaucer says, "I shall eviscerate them with prose!"

I have been bloodied, beaten, badgered, bullied, and brushed off by others and I sometimes wonder if I am a little too meek for my own good. But I know what a terrible short fuse I have and what happens when it is lit. My own explosions scare me so much, my own fits of anger are terrifying to me, that I think the best course of action is unilateral detterence. God willing, I shall keep my most frustratedest and desparingest feelings safe and undercover. Otherwise, look out!

I shall endeavor to continue life in Christ, hoping to discover the way to love all, but until I learn the trick, I will try to keep my most vile humanity locked away from prying eyes.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Taking matters into my own hands...

I know, I know, I know... people are busy, blah blah blah! But you can't start a post by mentioning the Case of the Overamorous Angus Bull or the fact that you are visiting 1850's California and then leave me hanging! I've got issues!

So, I've decided to take matters into my own hands and write the posts that should have been written - sort of as a ghost writer, except without any real knowledge of the events I'll be writing about. What's new?

From Andy's Blog - A Mile From The Beach:

Last week, my daughter and I attended an overnight field trip at Sutter's Mill near Sacramento where we dressed up in costume and pretended we were from an 1850's wagon train. Margaret looked cute in her gingham get up. And I looked quite manly in my Yul Brenner inspired outfit complete with Steve McQueen blue jeans. I looked like I'd just stepped out of the cast of Cool Hand Luke. Though there were many references to Kung Fu during the time, I kept my cool. The best part was when we recreated the laying of track for the railroad. They divided all the adults and kids into groups and had them either carrying the rails or the ties and hammering the ties into place with sledgehammers, while I got to set the dynamite by being lowered over a cliff in a basket. Okay, that last part was made up.


From Randall's Blog - Musings From The Hinterland:

It was a dark and stormy night when suddenly an overamorous Angus bull appeared on the edge of a green dystopian field that reminded me of something C.S. Lewis might have nightmares about while watching Mizzou upset KU in the Final Four for a chance at basketball glory, especially after having tried the German inspired nachos with the kraut, pickled herrings, and limburger cheese that the EMBLOS likes to make.


Now before you get upset, I'd just like to say on my behalf that your lack of blogging forces my hand. So get back to work on things that REALLY matter, you lazy bums, and don't leave me hanging next time.

P.S. No need to be embarassed, nobody reads this blog anyway! ;)

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

The Irony and The Idiocy

It just occurred to me how incredibly humorous the Bible can be. I mean, think about it, every single group of combatants in the history of mankind since Og the Caveman to McCain the Republican have exclaimed in Righteous Assurance, "WE CANNOT LOSE because God is on our side!" Its one of those sure thing cliches. I'm sure Napolean thought it. I'm sure Rommel thought it. I'm sure Lee thought it. I'm sure the Patriots thought it. And yet... here's the entire country of Israel sitting in the Desert of Paran because God has delivered them from the mightiest empire in the world, fed them and guided them across the Sinai penninsula, brought fire down on their camp, killed priests in an instant, and inscribed His covenant on stone tablets, and the second they get a report from their scouts that the promised land is waiting for them and that, according to Caleb and Joshua, THEY CANNOT LOSE because God is on their side, and HE REALLY IS, they decide to forget the whole thing and give up before they even start.

Ya know... I'm not sure 40 years in the Desert was long enough for what has to be the greatest boneheaded decision in all of human history.

Now I don't feel quite so bad about some of my own stupid choices.