Wilpunzo, Wilpunzo, let down your gold hair...

Once there was a young man named Wilpunzo who lived in an ivory tower and spun stories and opinions into solid gold hair. With no one to challenge him, his hair soon grew so long that all the members of ZZ Top were jealous. But still he spun. He spun faster than Greg LeMond at the Playboy Mansion fitness center. And on and on his hair grew until it was... like... totally long. Down past his ankles even. All this hair was starting to give Wilpunzo golden hairballs and he was constantly coughing up, nay, regurgitating the same stories and opinions over and over again. It was quite disgusting. And since Purina didn't make a brand of fairy tale character chow, Wilpunzo was forced to move his hair outside the window and let it dangle for all the world to see.

To his utter dismay, they ignored all his stories and opinions. Didn't they see how they sparkled in the light of day? Didn't they see how they outshone the moon and the stars at night? Were they blind? Wilpunzo thought maybe they couldn't see it because it was so high in the sky, so he spun out even more stories and opinions at an even faster rate, and watched as his golden hair crept down to ground level. But still, no one paid him the least bit of attention.

So, he quit.

The end.