Against The Wind - Bzzzt!

The years rolled slowly past
And I found myself alone
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends
I found myself further and further from my home
And I guess I lost my way
There were oh so many roads
I was living to run and running to live
Never worryied about paying or even how much I owed
Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breaking all of the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searching
Searching for shelter again and again

We are sometimes no more than mice in a gigantic experiment, running around, looking for cheese, and occasionally taking a wrong turn and ZAP! BZZZZZZTTTT! Electrochock therapy, we get smacked and tossed and turned and thrown for a few loops. We fall on our keisters and sit in our ash heap and wonder where the heck we made a wrong turn.

Against the wind
A little something against the wind
I found myself seeking shelter sgainst the wind

I was walking yesterday, reflecting, walking and reflecting, and most of all resisting. The wind was strong yesterday. I saw several cows fly by - or maybe just one cow that went by twice. I could feel this force, this invisible force, pushing against me as if to say, "NOOO, WILL, NOT THIS WAY! DARN YOU! STOP! AND LOSE SOME WEIGHT! JEEZ, YOU'RE HARD TO STOP!" Nearly blinded by this wind, I kept going forward, resisting, because I knew this was the only way to lose weight, get the girl, and make a name for myself. But... in the back of my mind, I wondered what God wanted me to do.

Well those drifter's days are past me now
I've got so much more to think about
Deadlines and commitments
What to leave in, what to leave out

Late last night, I stared at my computer and felt the little electronic dots staring back at me, daring me, challenging me, telling me in their best Clint Eastwood impersonation, "Go Ahead, make our day!" I didn't feel particularly lucky, punk, so I just sat there and stared. I wanted... no, I NEEDED to get another chapter edited on the Novel. I could feel my anxiety levels growing. I could feel the desire inside me growing. Edit this. Finish this. Do this and all will be right with the world. You'll finish the Novel, then lose weight, then get the girl and make a name for yourself. All I had to do was stop staring and start doing. But there was this force, this invisible force, resisting against me, yelling in my ear, "Don't Will! Stop! Think about what you're doing! Quit now! Get some sleep!" Finally, I could take it no more. I sighed. And turned off my computer. I gave in.

Against the wind
I'm still runnin' against the wind
I'm older now but still runnin' against the wind

The most amazing thing happened. The force fell away from me. I found that I was no longer resisting anything. Like a person who had walked in out of a wind storm and suddenly found themselves in a shelter from the storm, I felt light and free and full of energy for the first time all day long. I could see the cheese at the end of the corridor and there was no zappy things! I plunged headlong down that corridor and ate the cheese. I sat on the edge of my bed and zipped through my reading of Jeremiah, then I tapped through my journal, then I sang my way through four pages of script for my website, then I gently rolled over and went to sleep and had the deepest and most satisfying dream that I've had in weeks. I woke refreshed and renewed and reinvigorated.

I had gained everything I'd really wanted by simply giving up.

And that, ultimately, was the answer to the questions I'd posted on Ariel's blog yesterday. How can we get what we need if we don't work for it? How can we improve if we don't strive for improvement? Simple. We don't own ourselves. We were created by God and we belong to Him. If God wants us to improve, He will improve us. If God wants us to gain a new skill, He will train us. If God wants us to have more money and a family, He will provide it for us. But we will always be doing His will, not our own. Whenever we try to do our own will, we are simply running against the wind.

Resistance is futile. Praise the Lord!