Geek Speak

Sprechinze Geek?

Yesterday, Andy and I got into a huge mock debate over whether the Enterprise-E could defeat the Death Star. Andy's position was that while the Death Star would be virtually defenseless against the much more maneuverable Enterprise E, the small compliment of TIE Fighters would be more than a match for poor Enterprise E. You can see the end result of all this can't you? The Death Star, loaded for bare, TIE Fighters whizzing around a now crippled Enterprise E, crew members shaking every time a new hit on the main deflector shields drops shield percentage down to 15%, Captain Jean Luc Picard stoically leading his ship in closer to the Death Star, "Closer, Captain? I fail to see the logic of such an action.", "Trust me, Data, I know what I'm doing.", The Earth looms largely in the foreground, Grand Mof Tarkin gives the order to commence primary ignition, helmeted technicians throw switches, ominous THX power up and down noise, we see green light in the firing tube and hear the mechanical drone of The Death Star Is Clear To Fire, The Death Star Is Clear To Fire, Picard gives the order to abandon ship and then sets the Enterprise E auto destruct sequence, and voila! Big Summer Ending! Huge Explosion! Death Star is destroyed. Captain Picard ends up with Beverly Crusher in a lifeboat off the coast of San Francisco. Picard pulls out a bottle of Chateau Lafite Picard from 2210 and they pull a tarp over the top of the boat and you hear a, "Oh, Jean-Luc!" and roll the credits.

Did you follow all that? If you not only followed it, but understood it and pictured it easily in your head, then you, my friend, are a Geek. With a Capitol G. Welcome to my world.

Like most in my generation, I was converted with the arrival of the original Star Wars in 1977. This movie changed my life. It consumed me with passion and thrilled me and made me want to seek something even more ultimate than a giant model trying to destroy a planet I had never visited in the last few seconds of the movie. I learned every line, copied every gesture, pondered every character and motivation. I switched from wanting to be an astronaut, to wanting to be an actor, to finally wanting to be a director. Making movies became my future. When I was 10, my Dad gave me a Super 8mm Camera and I immediately rushed out and filmed all two rolls of film that I had (6 whole minutes!) and then spent three months saving up my allowance to develop the films. Clearly, my budget was too small for film making, so I switched to writing down my film ideas instead. I've been temporarily writing down ideas for the past 25 years.

I recently picked up a copy of Top Gun and watched it. I was surprised at how much I still jonzed on the whole A Ha Joker's Dead! Talk To Me Goose. Take me to bed, or lose me forever, you big stud! I feel the need for speed. I'm gonna hit the brakes and he'll fly right by. No, you can be my wingman! The soundtrack has been blasting around in my head for the past several days - ever since I watched this 80's movie and its 80's soundtrack. I'm not sure there was ever a better soundtrack for a summer action movie that wasn't pure symphonic (Raiders and Star Wars are still the all time best).

Once again, Geekdom can rejoice with the release this week of Superman Returns and next week with Pirates of the Carribean 2 - Dead Man's Chest. We'll be out in force, so lock up your gnarly babes and your laptops and stay away from Computer Stores. The Geeks will be roaming the streets.

Geeks Rule! Semper Pi, Baby!