Today's category had my Dad and I in stiches the other day as we fired off one answer after the other. Quite frankly it was good therapy.
So, here goes...
Name the first sentence of the first three rejection letters my novel receives...
Fire at Will, Commander!
7 comments:
1) Dear Sir; Drop Dead.
2) Have you ever considered truck driving school?
3) Your health, Milking Longhorn!
1. Dan Brown will be doing a rewrite with input from Opus Dei.
2. Were I to publish this novel, I would be out of a job.
3. We only publish novels that are optioned as future 2 hour animated features, not future live action 10 hour made-for-network TV miniseries.
1. Aren't you the splattering guy?
2. Give it another 15 years and re-submit.
3. Are you sure you originated the phrase, "Four score and seven years ago"?
Dear Mr. Sherman;
Please find enclosed the New Revised Standard Version of Meter Maids In Biker Bondage that I think will be more in keeping with Zondervan's stellar image.
Sincerely,
1. We've moved.
2. Enclosed please find a copy of our restraining order against you.
3. Do your parents know you are writing us?
4. I live in opposite land and I'd love to sign you to a book deal.
5. I hope you can get some money for recycling paper.
6. Thanks for the laugh.
7. Enclosed please find a book on alternative career choices.
8. Below you will find an example of well-written prose: NO.
9. Thanks for getting me fired for sleeping on the job.
I may have more - - those were the first few I came up with. LOL!!
1. You again?
2. Since you have trouble spelling, we'll make it easy on you: NO.
3. We do not accept "write-by-numbers" novels.
4. Did you think this up while playing madlibs?
5. While we can't offer you a contract, we can offer you some advice: If writing is your job, QUIT.
6. Enclosed is a check for $.39. I would suggest you use the money on a stamp to send your resume.
7. Please tell your mommy and daddy that your stories are not cute.
8. While I commend you on your accomplishment, I urge you to use your energies elsewhere: Have you thought about competing in the special olympics?
(Will - when you do get published, I think you should put some of these in the liner notes...)
1. Clearly, your grasp of the English language is well below the minimum standard for ESL students.
2. Think about the trees we will save by not publishing your novel.
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