Today's category had my Dad and I in stiches the other day as we fired off one answer after the other. Quite frankly it was good therapy.
So, here goes...
Name the first sentence of the first three rejection letters my novel receives...
Fire at Will, Commander!
Friday, June 30, 2006
Your Health, Non-Israelite!
In an effort to get around spam filters, I think I've been insulted. I'm not quite sure what insult there is in being a non-israelite, but I'm sure its not a compliment. How do I know? Because the second spam headline read, Your Health, Milking Shorthorn - which I believe is some sort of lactating goat. Surely, that's an insult if I ever saw one.
Its Friday, and I have had little sleep. Last night, I watched a scary movie all the way up until the scary part then decided that I didn't want all that stuff running around in my head, so I shut it off. The movie in question was Peter Jackson's Heavenly Creatures which was the debut of young Kate Winslet. Its a haunting movie about a true story of two NZ girls who have an "unsavory" relationship that eventually leads to murder. Its opening is great film making. It starts with a 1950ish travelogue about New Zealand and its quiet peaceful capitol city of Auckland which perfectly sets the tone and gives you a little overview of the city. Then, we see a very brief dreamlike sequence of the girls dancing gaily on a steamship, followed immediately by the same girls running through the woods with their clothes splattered in blood. Very effective. Anyway, I watched the movie all the way up to the point where they were about to commit the murder, and then I shut it off.
I needn't have bothered with the whole sleep thing. A half hour later my dog threw up. I spent the next half hour waiting for my dog to finish self-medicating herself with grass (pure 100% Pacifican Backyard Weeds ;) When she finally finished, and came inside, I shut the backyard door, turned off the lights and climbed into bed. Ten minutes later, she threw up BIG TIME (In the darkness at first, I thought there was a stuffed animal next to her - but it was a big pile of undigested grass EWWW GROSS!) So, out she went again. After an hour of this, she came in and settled down and we went back to sleep. 4:15am I bolt upright in bed cause I hear this massive gasp and choking cough. Turn on the lights and the first thing I see is my dog heading for the backyard and this mass of red something all over the wall. I run to my dog to see if she's okay and then seeing that there's no permanent harm, I let her outside. Curious, I head back into the bedroom to discover the red "blood" all over the wall, was actually the red string hair of a dog toy half buried under a dog bed so that only the red is showing against the white wall. Anyway, the last two hours of the night I got to sleep straight through.
Right before I left for work this morning, I decided to watch the murder scene. It lasted about two minutes, didn't really show anything, and then cut to the credits. Somehow I think I must have offended the film gods last night by trying to go to sleep three minutes before the end of the film. Had I only known...
Maybe, after I lose this job from a lack of sleep, I can get a job writing insults for spammers? I think I can easily say, Your Health, Heaping Fry Mound!
Its Friday, and I have had little sleep. Last night, I watched a scary movie all the way up until the scary part then decided that I didn't want all that stuff running around in my head, so I shut it off. The movie in question was Peter Jackson's Heavenly Creatures which was the debut of young Kate Winslet. Its a haunting movie about a true story of two NZ girls who have an "unsavory" relationship that eventually leads to murder. Its opening is great film making. It starts with a 1950ish travelogue about New Zealand and its quiet peaceful capitol city of Auckland which perfectly sets the tone and gives you a little overview of the city. Then, we see a very brief dreamlike sequence of the girls dancing gaily on a steamship, followed immediately by the same girls running through the woods with their clothes splattered in blood. Very effective. Anyway, I watched the movie all the way up to the point where they were about to commit the murder, and then I shut it off.
I needn't have bothered with the whole sleep thing. A half hour later my dog threw up. I spent the next half hour waiting for my dog to finish self-medicating herself with grass (pure 100% Pacifican Backyard Weeds ;) When she finally finished, and came inside, I shut the backyard door, turned off the lights and climbed into bed. Ten minutes later, she threw up BIG TIME (In the darkness at first, I thought there was a stuffed animal next to her - but it was a big pile of undigested grass EWWW GROSS!) So, out she went again. After an hour of this, she came in and settled down and we went back to sleep. 4:15am I bolt upright in bed cause I hear this massive gasp and choking cough. Turn on the lights and the first thing I see is my dog heading for the backyard and this mass of red something all over the wall. I run to my dog to see if she's okay and then seeing that there's no permanent harm, I let her outside. Curious, I head back into the bedroom to discover the red "blood" all over the wall, was actually the red string hair of a dog toy half buried under a dog bed so that only the red is showing against the white wall. Anyway, the last two hours of the night I got to sleep straight through.
Right before I left for work this morning, I decided to watch the murder scene. It lasted about two minutes, didn't really show anything, and then cut to the credits. Somehow I think I must have offended the film gods last night by trying to go to sleep three minutes before the end of the film. Had I only known...
Maybe, after I lose this job from a lack of sleep, I can get a job writing insults for spammers? I think I can easily say, Your Health, Heaping Fry Mound!
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Occassionally, they get it right.
I've really been trying to avoid writing about politics this week, but the subject has never been juicier. Its almost like everyone woke up on Monday and discovered the long lost science of common sense. People that I never would agree with have been in my good basket this week, and people that I generally like have failed me politically.
So here are the highs and the lows:
1) Governor Terminator actually removed himself from the California Budget Process. The result: A quickly created California budget compromise that gives something to everyone in the state. Wow. Just the fact that the budget is done early is enough shock, let alone everything else.
2) Time Magazine did something incredibly stupid in "leaking" the information about the government monitoring bank transactions. Its not that terrorists didn't already know we were doing this. Its not that this is really anything new in intelligence circles (although this specific program was launched post 9/11). Its the fact that Time Magazine seemed to be trying to drum up liberal support with yet another, "SEE! THEY'RE SPYING ON US!" articles. Honestly, when was the last time you transferred 100 million dollars to the Middle East through seven dummy corporations around the world? Heck, they monitor this stuff on Alias every other week. Shame on Time Magazine. This was a stupid article and a waste of American time.
3) The U.S. Supreme Court said the Bush Administration overstepped its bounds by ordering military tribunals for Guantanamo Detainees. DUUUUUHHHHH! I realize that there are all sorts of steps and proceedures that must take place before these things can come to trial, but I knew the correct outcome of this case the day the Bush Administration proposed the course of action. Finally, we're going to get some real answers about just how notorious these prisoners really are. (I'm not above "hiding" a few really key terrorists from the rest of the world, but to give a blanket authority for such treatment of Osama's Limo Driver? Come on! Look up the word Totalitarian in the dictionary).
4) Pat Buchanan (yes, that guy!) wrote a sterling article that I read in the San Francisco Examiner about our future in Afghanistan and Iraq. Regardless of how we got into these wars, or whether they were justified, we're in them now and we don't appear to be trying to win them. Buchanan basically pointed out three different plans the current Administration could adopt - Win the war (need more troops and a plan for victory) Status Quo (terrorists get stronger while we get whittled away for no purpose) and Withdrawal (leave the bloody aftermath for someone else to deal with and all that that entails for our world wide reputation). The article did not suggest any one course of action, but it did put the US on the carpet to come up with some answer. We can't bury our heads in the sand and forget Iraq exists. We've got to do something about it. I'm not a Buchanan fan, but his article made sense.
I think its easy for Americans to get discouraged with their government and have been doing so since Thomas Paine. But I really believe we've reached a crossroads and its time for each and every American citizen to ask themselves, what kind of country do they want to live in. What is America? What will it become? We're not shaping the now. We're shaping the future.
So here are the highs and the lows:
1) Governor Terminator actually removed himself from the California Budget Process. The result: A quickly created California budget compromise that gives something to everyone in the state. Wow. Just the fact that the budget is done early is enough shock, let alone everything else.
2) Time Magazine did something incredibly stupid in "leaking" the information about the government monitoring bank transactions. Its not that terrorists didn't already know we were doing this. Its not that this is really anything new in intelligence circles (although this specific program was launched post 9/11). Its the fact that Time Magazine seemed to be trying to drum up liberal support with yet another, "SEE! THEY'RE SPYING ON US!" articles. Honestly, when was the last time you transferred 100 million dollars to the Middle East through seven dummy corporations around the world? Heck, they monitor this stuff on Alias every other week. Shame on Time Magazine. This was a stupid article and a waste of American time.
3) The U.S. Supreme Court said the Bush Administration overstepped its bounds by ordering military tribunals for Guantanamo Detainees. DUUUUUHHHHH! I realize that there are all sorts of steps and proceedures that must take place before these things can come to trial, but I knew the correct outcome of this case the day the Bush Administration proposed the course of action. Finally, we're going to get some real answers about just how notorious these prisoners really are. (I'm not above "hiding" a few really key terrorists from the rest of the world, but to give a blanket authority for such treatment of Osama's Limo Driver? Come on! Look up the word Totalitarian in the dictionary).
4) Pat Buchanan (yes, that guy!) wrote a sterling article that I read in the San Francisco Examiner about our future in Afghanistan and Iraq. Regardless of how we got into these wars, or whether they were justified, we're in them now and we don't appear to be trying to win them. Buchanan basically pointed out three different plans the current Administration could adopt - Win the war (need more troops and a plan for victory) Status Quo (terrorists get stronger while we get whittled away for no purpose) and Withdrawal (leave the bloody aftermath for someone else to deal with and all that that entails for our world wide reputation). The article did not suggest any one course of action, but it did put the US on the carpet to come up with some answer. We can't bury our heads in the sand and forget Iraq exists. We've got to do something about it. I'm not a Buchanan fan, but his article made sense.
I think its easy for Americans to get discouraged with their government and have been doing so since Thomas Paine. But I really believe we've reached a crossroads and its time for each and every American citizen to ask themselves, what kind of country do they want to live in. What is America? What will it become? We're not shaping the now. We're shaping the future.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Geek Speak
Sprechinze Geek?
Yesterday, Andy and I got into a huge mock debate over whether the Enterprise-E could defeat the Death Star. Andy's position was that while the Death Star would be virtually defenseless against the much more maneuverable Enterprise E, the small compliment of TIE Fighters would be more than a match for poor Enterprise E. You can see the end result of all this can't you? The Death Star, loaded for bare, TIE Fighters whizzing around a now crippled Enterprise E, crew members shaking every time a new hit on the main deflector shields drops shield percentage down to 15%, Captain Jean Luc Picard stoically leading his ship in closer to the Death Star, "Closer, Captain? I fail to see the logic of such an action.", "Trust me, Data, I know what I'm doing.", The Earth looms largely in the foreground, Grand Mof Tarkin gives the order to commence primary ignition, helmeted technicians throw switches, ominous THX power up and down noise, we see green light in the firing tube and hear the mechanical drone of The Death Star Is Clear To Fire, The Death Star Is Clear To Fire, Picard gives the order to abandon ship and then sets the Enterprise E auto destruct sequence, and voila! Big Summer Ending! Huge Explosion! Death Star is destroyed. Captain Picard ends up with Beverly Crusher in a lifeboat off the coast of San Francisco. Picard pulls out a bottle of Chateau Lafite Picard from 2210 and they pull a tarp over the top of the boat and you hear a, "Oh, Jean-Luc!" and roll the credits.
Did you follow all that? If you not only followed it, but understood it and pictured it easily in your head, then you, my friend, are a Geek. With a Capitol G. Welcome to my world.
Like most in my generation, I was converted with the arrival of the original Star Wars in 1977. This movie changed my life. It consumed me with passion and thrilled me and made me want to seek something even more ultimate than a giant model trying to destroy a planet I had never visited in the last few seconds of the movie. I learned every line, copied every gesture, pondered every character and motivation. I switched from wanting to be an astronaut, to wanting to be an actor, to finally wanting to be a director. Making movies became my future. When I was 10, my Dad gave me a Super 8mm Camera and I immediately rushed out and filmed all two rolls of film that I had (6 whole minutes!) and then spent three months saving up my allowance to develop the films. Clearly, my budget was too small for film making, so I switched to writing down my film ideas instead. I've been temporarily writing down ideas for the past 25 years.
I recently picked up a copy of Top Gun and watched it. I was surprised at how much I still jonzed on the whole A Ha Joker's Dead! Talk To Me Goose. Take me to bed, or lose me forever, you big stud! I feel the need for speed. I'm gonna hit the brakes and he'll fly right by. No, you can be my wingman! The soundtrack has been blasting around in my head for the past several days - ever since I watched this 80's movie and its 80's soundtrack. I'm not sure there was ever a better soundtrack for a summer action movie that wasn't pure symphonic (Raiders and Star Wars are still the all time best).
Once again, Geekdom can rejoice with the release this week of Superman Returns and next week with Pirates of the Carribean 2 - Dead Man's Chest. We'll be out in force, so lock up your gnarly babes and your laptops and stay away from Computer Stores. The Geeks will be roaming the streets.
Geeks Rule! Semper Pi, Baby!
Yesterday, Andy and I got into a huge mock debate over whether the Enterprise-E could defeat the Death Star. Andy's position was that while the Death Star would be virtually defenseless against the much more maneuverable Enterprise E, the small compliment of TIE Fighters would be more than a match for poor Enterprise E. You can see the end result of all this can't you? The Death Star, loaded for bare, TIE Fighters whizzing around a now crippled Enterprise E, crew members shaking every time a new hit on the main deflector shields drops shield percentage down to 15%, Captain Jean Luc Picard stoically leading his ship in closer to the Death Star, "Closer, Captain? I fail to see the logic of such an action.", "Trust me, Data, I know what I'm doing.", The Earth looms largely in the foreground, Grand Mof Tarkin gives the order to commence primary ignition, helmeted technicians throw switches, ominous THX power up and down noise, we see green light in the firing tube and hear the mechanical drone of The Death Star Is Clear To Fire, The Death Star Is Clear To Fire, Picard gives the order to abandon ship and then sets the Enterprise E auto destruct sequence, and voila! Big Summer Ending! Huge Explosion! Death Star is destroyed. Captain Picard ends up with Beverly Crusher in a lifeboat off the coast of San Francisco. Picard pulls out a bottle of Chateau Lafite Picard from 2210 and they pull a tarp over the top of the boat and you hear a, "Oh, Jean-Luc!" and roll the credits.
Did you follow all that? If you not only followed it, but understood it and pictured it easily in your head, then you, my friend, are a Geek. With a Capitol G. Welcome to my world.
Like most in my generation, I was converted with the arrival of the original Star Wars in 1977. This movie changed my life. It consumed me with passion and thrilled me and made me want to seek something even more ultimate than a giant model trying to destroy a planet I had never visited in the last few seconds of the movie. I learned every line, copied every gesture, pondered every character and motivation. I switched from wanting to be an astronaut, to wanting to be an actor, to finally wanting to be a director. Making movies became my future. When I was 10, my Dad gave me a Super 8mm Camera and I immediately rushed out and filmed all two rolls of film that I had (6 whole minutes!) and then spent three months saving up my allowance to develop the films. Clearly, my budget was too small for film making, so I switched to writing down my film ideas instead. I've been temporarily writing down ideas for the past 25 years.
I recently picked up a copy of Top Gun and watched it. I was surprised at how much I still jonzed on the whole A Ha Joker's Dead! Talk To Me Goose. Take me to bed, or lose me forever, you big stud! I feel the need for speed. I'm gonna hit the brakes and he'll fly right by. No, you can be my wingman! The soundtrack has been blasting around in my head for the past several days - ever since I watched this 80's movie and its 80's soundtrack. I'm not sure there was ever a better soundtrack for a summer action movie that wasn't pure symphonic (Raiders and Star Wars are still the all time best).
Once again, Geekdom can rejoice with the release this week of Superman Returns and next week with Pirates of the Carribean 2 - Dead Man's Chest. We'll be out in force, so lock up your gnarly babes and your laptops and stay away from Computer Stores. The Geeks will be roaming the streets.
Geeks Rule! Semper Pi, Baby!
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Whence Laughter?
People laugh at the strangest things. One Sunday's viewing of America's Funniest Home Videos will show you that most of the time we laugh at the cruelest things. People getting whacked in the nuts with golf balls, getting dragged down the concrete by runaway dogs. Heck, if someone got run over by a steam roller, we'd have tears of laughter streaming down our faces by the time their eyeballs exploded in a red mist. We are a sick and degenerate people.
And yet, I don't think that laughter and mirth are bad things. So why do we find the deplorable, the desperate, the dangerous, and the dirty so damn funny? It is hard to imagine anyone laughing at the Holocaust, and yet, I guarantee you that there were people in those death camps cracking jokes - and not just the Germans. We use laughter to defuse terrible situations, to lighten our mood, to reflect on our lot, to deflect the terror threatening to overwhelm us. We laugh, in essence, in spite of ourselves. We joke in defiance of all life has to throw at us.
But can laughter get us into trouble? Can joking go too far? There was an episode of the BBC series Coupling that dealt with getting the giggles at funerals - a truly horrifying prospect, but it certainly made for good humor. Comedian Lenny Bruce was held in New York on Indecency charges back in the 1960's for his brand of humor. He would probably be considered tame. For as long as there have been straight joke tellers, there have been blue joke tellers - the taboo is funny, but it is still taboo.
My sister and I can get off the beaten path and stray very far into taboo territory from time to time. This last Sunday, as we were contemplating our trip to DisneyWorld and reflecting on the annual Night of Joy Christian Music concert, I wondered aloud at what sort of souvenirs might be available at the Magic Kingdom that night. It was only a split second longer before I started a list of items available, "Look Mom! I just got a Crown Of Thorns with my name on it!" And my sister added, "And I got a T-Shirt that has Jesus on a Cross and Mickey and Goofy on Crosses next to him!" The visual image of these things kept us on the floor laughing for a good five minutes. At which point we both looked at each other and said, "We're going to Hell for sure now."
The one thing I consistently get in trouble for is taking a joke too far. It doesn't diminish the laughs I get at the time, but the after effect is always negative. I think laughter can be addictive - such a positive high - that it can lure us into darker and darker places of thought until such time as we cross a line and start delving into immoral and unnatural concerns. But I wonder where God draws the line. Anyone have any ideas?
And yet, I don't think that laughter and mirth are bad things. So why do we find the deplorable, the desperate, the dangerous, and the dirty so damn funny? It is hard to imagine anyone laughing at the Holocaust, and yet, I guarantee you that there were people in those death camps cracking jokes - and not just the Germans. We use laughter to defuse terrible situations, to lighten our mood, to reflect on our lot, to deflect the terror threatening to overwhelm us. We laugh, in essence, in spite of ourselves. We joke in defiance of all life has to throw at us.
But can laughter get us into trouble? Can joking go too far? There was an episode of the BBC series Coupling that dealt with getting the giggles at funerals - a truly horrifying prospect, but it certainly made for good humor. Comedian Lenny Bruce was held in New York on Indecency charges back in the 1960's for his brand of humor. He would probably be considered tame. For as long as there have been straight joke tellers, there have been blue joke tellers - the taboo is funny, but it is still taboo.
My sister and I can get off the beaten path and stray very far into taboo territory from time to time. This last Sunday, as we were contemplating our trip to DisneyWorld and reflecting on the annual Night of Joy Christian Music concert, I wondered aloud at what sort of souvenirs might be available at the Magic Kingdom that night. It was only a split second longer before I started a list of items available, "Look Mom! I just got a Crown Of Thorns with my name on it!" And my sister added, "And I got a T-Shirt that has Jesus on a Cross and Mickey and Goofy on Crosses next to him!" The visual image of these things kept us on the floor laughing for a good five minutes. At which point we both looked at each other and said, "We're going to Hell for sure now."
The one thing I consistently get in trouble for is taking a joke too far. It doesn't diminish the laughs I get at the time, but the after effect is always negative. I think laughter can be addictive - such a positive high - that it can lure us into darker and darker places of thought until such time as we cross a line and start delving into immoral and unnatural concerns. But I wonder where God draws the line. Anyone have any ideas?
Monday, June 26, 2006
Oh The Places I've been...
I had quite a wonderful weekend where a great many things happened to me and I have lots of stories to tell you about it. But, before I do that, R. Sherman tagged me with a MEME to fill out. So, here goes...
Four Jobs I've Had.
1. I spent two and a half years chained to a light table in the secret corridors of the Fleet Intelligence Center - Pacific in Pearl Harbor, HI, looking at Top Secret satellite photos. It was the most stressful and wonderful job I've ever had. Nothing in REAL LIFE could ever compare to it - and Thank God for that!
2. I was a door-to-door canvasser for an Environmental Non-Profit Group that dealt with issues of water pollution and protection (Clean Water Act kind of stuff). It was the longest day of my working career. At the end of the day, I did the math and quickly surmised that I would spend all summer long driving around and probably not get paid much. Since I had rent to pay, I decided to get a better job.
3. I dug ditches at the Idaho Nuclear Engineering Laboratory for a couple of days. We were creating an area for them to grow plants that would be tested in their toxic absorbtion abilities (an eco-friendly way of leaching bad things from the soil). Despite their assurances that we were perfectly safe digging ditches, I couldn't get past the idea that I was digging ditches near a nuclear testing facility.
4. I volunteered with the Bay Area Sports Organizing Committee in their unsuccesful attempt to bring the 2012 Olympic Games to San Francisco. During my six months of work, I worked at the first ever Treasure Island Triathalon, ran with the torch runner down Lombard Street during the 2002 torch relay to Salt Lake City, and met many different former Olympians.
Four Movies I Could Watch Again and Again
(With one exception, I like all of these movies because of their writing.)
1. Little Women
2. Dead Poet's Society
3. Shawshank Redemption
4. Star Wars
Four Places I've Lived
1. San Francisco, CA
2. Honolulu, HI
3. Pocatello, ID
4. Las Vegas, NV
Four TV Shows I Love to Watch
1. The American Experience when David McCollough is narrating.
2. The Amazing Race
3. Lost
4. Extreme Home Makeover
Four Places I've Been on Holiday
1. Chester, England
2. Reykjavik, Iceland
3. Toronto, Canada
4. Oberammergau, Germany
Four Websites I Visit Regularly
1. NETSCAPE (Main Page for the news)
2. Aintitcoolnews.com
3. JimHillMedia
4. WDWIG
Four Favorite Foods
1. Liver, Bacon and Onions
2. Ball Park Hot Dogs (But only when the game is on).
3. Brooklyn Sandwich from Canters in Los Angeles (the only reason to allow this town its continued existence, IMO ;)
4. Grandma's Spaghetti... especially leftovers the next three days...
Four Places I'd Rather Be
1. Disneyland/Walt Disney World
2. A Cruise Ship
3. Challis, Idaho
4. Las Vegas during the cold months
Four Songs Wedding Reception D.J.'s Will Refuse To Play
1. You Stink (But I Love You) by Opus Penguin
2. One More Minute by Wierd Al Yankovik
3. Tiptoe Through The Tulips by Tiny Tim
4. Death Metal
Four People to Tag
1. I suppose my sister at Superstar In Training.
2. But then I wouldn't want to impose on anyone else.
And that's my list... and I'm out of time, so you'll have to hear about how I saved the world some other time.
Four Jobs I've Had.
1. I spent two and a half years chained to a light table in the secret corridors of the Fleet Intelligence Center - Pacific in Pearl Harbor, HI, looking at Top Secret satellite photos. It was the most stressful and wonderful job I've ever had. Nothing in REAL LIFE could ever compare to it - and Thank God for that!
2. I was a door-to-door canvasser for an Environmental Non-Profit Group that dealt with issues of water pollution and protection (Clean Water Act kind of stuff). It was the longest day of my working career. At the end of the day, I did the math and quickly surmised that I would spend all summer long driving around and probably not get paid much. Since I had rent to pay, I decided to get a better job.
3. I dug ditches at the Idaho Nuclear Engineering Laboratory for a couple of days. We were creating an area for them to grow plants that would be tested in their toxic absorbtion abilities (an eco-friendly way of leaching bad things from the soil). Despite their assurances that we were perfectly safe digging ditches, I couldn't get past the idea that I was digging ditches near a nuclear testing facility.
4. I volunteered with the Bay Area Sports Organizing Committee in their unsuccesful attempt to bring the 2012 Olympic Games to San Francisco. During my six months of work, I worked at the first ever Treasure Island Triathalon, ran with the torch runner down Lombard Street during the 2002 torch relay to Salt Lake City, and met many different former Olympians.
Four Movies I Could Watch Again and Again
(With one exception, I like all of these movies because of their writing.)
1. Little Women
2. Dead Poet's Society
3. Shawshank Redemption
4. Star Wars
Four Places I've Lived
1. San Francisco, CA
2. Honolulu, HI
3. Pocatello, ID
4. Las Vegas, NV
Four TV Shows I Love to Watch
1. The American Experience when David McCollough is narrating.
2. The Amazing Race
3. Lost
4. Extreme Home Makeover
Four Places I've Been on Holiday
1. Chester, England
2. Reykjavik, Iceland
3. Toronto, Canada
4. Oberammergau, Germany
Four Websites I Visit Regularly
1. NETSCAPE (Main Page for the news)
2. Aintitcoolnews.com
3. JimHillMedia
4. WDWIG
Four Favorite Foods
1. Liver, Bacon and Onions
2. Ball Park Hot Dogs (But only when the game is on).
3. Brooklyn Sandwich from Canters in Los Angeles (the only reason to allow this town its continued existence, IMO ;)
4. Grandma's Spaghetti... especially leftovers the next three days...
Four Places I'd Rather Be
1. Disneyland/Walt Disney World
2. A Cruise Ship
3. Challis, Idaho
4. Las Vegas during the cold months
Four Songs Wedding Reception D.J.'s Will Refuse To Play
1. You Stink (But I Love You) by Opus Penguin
2. One More Minute by Wierd Al Yankovik
3. Tiptoe Through The Tulips by Tiny Tim
4. Death Metal
Four People to Tag
1. I suppose my sister at Superstar In Training.
2. But then I wouldn't want to impose on anyone else.
And that's my list... and I'm out of time, so you'll have to hear about how I saved the world some other time.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Lackadaisical
Sometime early in High School, Andy introduced me to this word - Lackadaisical. I have been in love with it ever since. So much different than lazy or lethargic, lackadaisical is lethargy with whimsy. Its effortless. Its willful in not wanting to work, but not in neglecting work. Lazy is SO GERMAN. It is a disdain for labor of any sort. Lazy is a teenager told to mow the lawn during the summer months. Lazy is T.O. running out a pass play in spring practice when he's not getting paid and there are no reporters around. Lazy is spiteful. Lethargy is medical. It is clinical. It is what happens when a dog is in mourning and no longer chases cats. Lethargy is forced laziness - as if you would work if you could only overcome it. But lackadaisical is something altogether different. Lackadaisical is lack of work because you're too busy doing other things, better things, funner things. It is leaving the dishes in the sink overnight because you go to a midnight screening of King Kong. It is putting your homework off until the morning so that you can party tonight. It is walking to work and arriving late because it was just too nice to drive. Lackadaisical is inadvertent. It is non-challance as an adverb. It is aloof and devil-may-care.
My faith has been very lackadaisical. Really, my whole life has been lackadaisical. I have not been in any hurry to get anywhere. I have just been trying to go with the flow, enjoy the ride, and act like I'm above it all. I have been seeking a watered down faith, as C.S. Lewis describes it, without hardship, without pain, without suffering. I have gone up to Golgotha and entertained the soldiers while they were crucifying my Lord. No hard feelings. You were only doing what was required. Its not your fault really. Have a nice day.
When it has been time to do the hard things at church, I have found an excuse for not being there. This may not seem like me. I have always volunteered for serving coffee or collecting the offering. I have participated in just about every service. I have served on committees and lead the youth group. But I have never been serious about it. I have never done it with some knowledge of what I might be doing to further God's church. I have merely been going through the paces. You need me to lift that table. Sure. Okay. Goodbye. And off I go.
I say this not as a means to convict myself. I am a sinner and will always be one. God will convict me in His own time. I say this because I hope that we all understand James admonishment about works and faith. You can't get to heaven on works without faith and vice versa. Think about it. What would a relationship with God look like if there were no works involved? Welcome to the Church of the Lazy with our new self-serve communion. Come on in, or don't. We don't want to pressure you in any way. We might be here for you if you need us. We'll get around to helping you if we don't have anything better to do that Sunday. We'll fight injustice in our own time and in our own way - not limited to serving cookies, the occassional reading of scripture, and, every once in a while, an extra buck or two in the collection plate for a good cause. Is this a church you want to join? Is this a church where you are already a member?
God asked his buddies to help move his church. When He asked you, were you busy that day? Did you find a convenient excuse? Did you tell him that you'd show up if He bought beer and pizza and then only showed up after all the heavy lifting was done? Or did you show up ready to work and take nothing in return for the pleasure of helping a friend?
There are plenty of things still to move. Plenty of boxes still to pack. Plenty of messes still to clean. Its never too late to lift a hand and help out.
Thank God for that.
My faith has been very lackadaisical. Really, my whole life has been lackadaisical. I have not been in any hurry to get anywhere. I have just been trying to go with the flow, enjoy the ride, and act like I'm above it all. I have been seeking a watered down faith, as C.S. Lewis describes it, without hardship, without pain, without suffering. I have gone up to Golgotha and entertained the soldiers while they were crucifying my Lord. No hard feelings. You were only doing what was required. Its not your fault really. Have a nice day.
When it has been time to do the hard things at church, I have found an excuse for not being there. This may not seem like me. I have always volunteered for serving coffee or collecting the offering. I have participated in just about every service. I have served on committees and lead the youth group. But I have never been serious about it. I have never done it with some knowledge of what I might be doing to further God's church. I have merely been going through the paces. You need me to lift that table. Sure. Okay. Goodbye. And off I go.
I say this not as a means to convict myself. I am a sinner and will always be one. God will convict me in His own time. I say this because I hope that we all understand James admonishment about works and faith. You can't get to heaven on works without faith and vice versa. Think about it. What would a relationship with God look like if there were no works involved? Welcome to the Church of the Lazy with our new self-serve communion. Come on in, or don't. We don't want to pressure you in any way. We might be here for you if you need us. We'll get around to helping you if we don't have anything better to do that Sunday. We'll fight injustice in our own time and in our own way - not limited to serving cookies, the occassional reading of scripture, and, every once in a while, an extra buck or two in the collection plate for a good cause. Is this a church you want to join? Is this a church where you are already a member?
God asked his buddies to help move his church. When He asked you, were you busy that day? Did you find a convenient excuse? Did you tell him that you'd show up if He bought beer and pizza and then only showed up after all the heavy lifting was done? Or did you show up ready to work and take nothing in return for the pleasure of helping a friend?
There are plenty of things still to move. Plenty of boxes still to pack. Plenty of messes still to clean. Its never too late to lift a hand and help out.
Thank God for that.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Camp Will
It seems impossible for us to create those hot summer nights spent out in the woods with our best buds and newest friends - sharing ghost stories, s'mores, and lots of Narnia books. I remember vividly my entire week in summer camp when I was... 10 years old (Had to think when Skylab fell). I don't remember any of the kids that were there. I don't remember the name of the camp. But I remember the trip to the tide pools. And I remember the long hike through the woods that somehow ended at an ice cream shop in a nearby town. I remember swimming and playing in the stream. I remember hiking through the stream because it was cool on the feet. I remember sitting in my bunk reading Prince Caspian and The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. I remember all of these amazing things about camp.
Camps have grown up now. You don't go to Camp. You go to _____ Camp. You fill in the blank. Computer Camp. Music Camp. Basketball Camp. Etc... Its bad enough that our kids spend all year long cramming useless facts into their heads. God forbid they go into the woods and just learn to enjoy hiking. Hiking Camp, anyone?
I've got to know that a great many of us went to camp when we were kids. We remember what camp was and what it ought to be again. That is why I am proposing to add in the Future Wing of Eventual Projects To Be Built When I Figure Out How To Make A Ton Of Money And Have A Lot Of Free Time - Camp Will.
A visit to Camp Will will be the highlight of any summer. Nestled in the woods (if there are any left by that time) as far from civilization as humanly possible, it will be our goal at Camp Will to make your kids forget everything they learned in school that year. This "unfinishing" school will be to education what Daniel Boone was to Socrates. Here kids will learn to swim, fish, skip rocks, play tag, read books, sleep in hammocks, goof off, throw water baloons, play softball, toss horseshoes, ride horses, make cheap art projects, swim some more, eat lots of comfort food, run around a lot, and make lots and lots of friends. Generous doses of s'mores and sing-a-longs will be doled out every evening. If we don't turn your Kid into a kid by the end of the summer, you will get your money back. Guaranteed.
Future sign ups for this camp will commence as soon as I finish building my string of pub/fitness centers across the country.
I don't want to be the Apprentice. I want to be his boss! ;)
Camps have grown up now. You don't go to Camp. You go to _____ Camp. You fill in the blank. Computer Camp. Music Camp. Basketball Camp. Etc... Its bad enough that our kids spend all year long cramming useless facts into their heads. God forbid they go into the woods and just learn to enjoy hiking. Hiking Camp, anyone?
I've got to know that a great many of us went to camp when we were kids. We remember what camp was and what it ought to be again. That is why I am proposing to add in the Future Wing of Eventual Projects To Be Built When I Figure Out How To Make A Ton Of Money And Have A Lot Of Free Time - Camp Will.
A visit to Camp Will will be the highlight of any summer. Nestled in the woods (if there are any left by that time) as far from civilization as humanly possible, it will be our goal at Camp Will to make your kids forget everything they learned in school that year. This "unfinishing" school will be to education what Daniel Boone was to Socrates. Here kids will learn to swim, fish, skip rocks, play tag, read books, sleep in hammocks, goof off, throw water baloons, play softball, toss horseshoes, ride horses, make cheap art projects, swim some more, eat lots of comfort food, run around a lot, and make lots and lots of friends. Generous doses of s'mores and sing-a-longs will be doled out every evening. If we don't turn your Kid into a kid by the end of the summer, you will get your money back. Guaranteed.
Future sign ups for this camp will commence as soon as I finish building my string of pub/fitness centers across the country.
I don't want to be the Apprentice. I want to be his boss! ;)
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
The Conversation
I imagine the conversation went something like this...
Mr. President, thanks to the Patriot Act we are now virtually the greatest spies on the planet. There is almost nothing we don't know.
But there are things we don't know?
Well, yes, Mr. President. We're not omniscient. We can't, for instance, monitor the phone calls of American citizens.
Can Al Kiter monitor American phone calls?
With the right equipment - sure, Mr. President.
Can Al Kayter get access to everyone's e-mails and internet viewing patterns?
Mr. President, anything is possible, but I seriously...
Can Al Kidder gain access to social security numbers, bank account information, medical records and every single thing Americans consider private?
Of course, Mr. President, but...
Then that's what I want the U.S. to do. There's no way that Al Qiata should know more about my people than I do.
But there are laws...
Can Al Quintara get around the laws?
Well, yes, Mr. President, they can.
Then so can I. Nothing will prevent me from being one step ahead of those rascals this time.
With that amount of knowledge, Mr. President, we'll know more about Americans than anyone but God.
God?
Yes, Mr. President. After all, God knows the number of hairs on everyone's heads and what is in their hearts.
God knows this?
Yes, Mr. President.
Well, if God can find this out, I want to know it too... Get me the head of the NSA...
According to the news this morning, AT&T will start requiring their customers to allow AT&T to hand over their private information to the government whenever it asks. This will take effect on Friday. Either customers agree to this new privacy policy or they stop using AT&T. Those are your choices. There are only two words that come to mind at a time like this... Zeig Heil.
Mr. President, thanks to the Patriot Act we are now virtually the greatest spies on the planet. There is almost nothing we don't know.
But there are things we don't know?
Well, yes, Mr. President. We're not omniscient. We can't, for instance, monitor the phone calls of American citizens.
Can Al Kiter monitor American phone calls?
With the right equipment - sure, Mr. President.
Can Al Kayter get access to everyone's e-mails and internet viewing patterns?
Mr. President, anything is possible, but I seriously...
Can Al Kidder gain access to social security numbers, bank account information, medical records and every single thing Americans consider private?
Of course, Mr. President, but...
Then that's what I want the U.S. to do. There's no way that Al Qiata should know more about my people than I do.
But there are laws...
Can Al Quintara get around the laws?
Well, yes, Mr. President, they can.
Then so can I. Nothing will prevent me from being one step ahead of those rascals this time.
With that amount of knowledge, Mr. President, we'll know more about Americans than anyone but God.
God?
Yes, Mr. President. After all, God knows the number of hairs on everyone's heads and what is in their hearts.
God knows this?
Yes, Mr. President.
Well, if God can find this out, I want to know it too... Get me the head of the NSA...
According to the news this morning, AT&T will start requiring their customers to allow AT&T to hand over their private information to the government whenever it asks. This will take effect on Friday. Either customers agree to this new privacy policy or they stop using AT&T. Those are your choices. There are only two words that come to mind at a time like this... Zeig Heil.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Random Faith
Fate seems to always be in the way. I've had my printer for more than a year and never had a problem with it until last night. I went to print the first ten chapters of the Novel and after a half hour I'd only managed to print four pages. Suddenly my printer developed the most remarkable excuses for not working - some things I'd never even seen before. I don't know the rhyme and I can't fathom the reason, but I turned off the computer and called it a night.
How long would you wait at a stop light? If the light didn't turn green in like a minute or two, would you assume that it was broken? Would you try to drive ahead or just keep waiting? I was pondering this the other day and thinking how fast our world has become that suddenly two minutes seems a lifetime. We have faith in the outcome of an electronic switch changing the light color for us, but even that faith is shallow. How much more patient are we for the Word of the Lord? If we don't understand our path, how long will we stay on it? God has been trying to teach me patience for thirty six years and I have yet to learn it. Fortunately for us all, God is outside time.
My sci-fi theory of time is that time and space were created at the same moment. Just as we don't know the far edge of the universe, we don't know the far edge of time. But if time zero (Greenwich Mean Time for the entire universe) is out at the edge of the universe because that material was created in the very first moment of the universe, then we are somewhere in the middle. Someone standing outside of the universe could see the entire universe as a giant map with concentric circles of time - oldest on the edge to youngest in the middle. Time travel, as we know it, wouldn't really need to exist. In each place, in each locale, time would be local - today. But looking in any direction away from the local you would see yesterday. And if you could somehow jump ahead of the natural movement of space, you would blast yourself into tomorrow (you'd be local time whereever you stopped, but where you just left would be in the future). So, there is no movement in time. Time already exists. Its past is there. Its present is there. Its future is there. We just move through it. But standing outside of it, you could see it all unfold without it having any effect on you.
The problem with this theory, of course, is that it smacks of fate and lack of free will. So it creates the paradox. How can we be free to do whatever we want and yet still be subject to God's will? God grants us salvation by grace and yet, technically, we've already received grace or haven't received grace no matter what we do or don't do in our lifetimes. We're free to do what we want, but what we've done has already been seen. To put it another way, we're all free to make our own choices and yet God somehow arranges for us to meet our soul mates. How does He do this if He can't directly manipulate any of us?
As an author I know how complicated it is to set up a plot point hundreds of pages in advance. Seemingly random bits of conversation or actions that a character does, that is perfectly in keeping with their character, suddenly comes back to have a huge impact 20 chapters later. But I've manipulated the action. I've set the plan in motion. How, then, does The Author do this, not just for my story, but for the stories of all 6 billion of us on this planet? You know how complicated it is to keep track of everyone in the movie Crash or any of Altman's multi-character films? Imagine trying to keep track of that on a planetary scale. Now imagine trying to be the author of it all, and not just for one day, but for eternity.
Some say that not seeing God act on a daily basis is evidence that He doesn't exist. There are no modern equivalents of burning bushes or parting seas, they say, therefore those stories must be just that - stories. But look around you at the complexity of modern life and tell me how this whole crazy thing doesn't just fly apart or implode?
And remember, God doesn't just know how the universe works and what each one of us ate for breakfast and who is going to win the World Series next year, God also knows the number of hairs on your head - the names of all the fish in the sea - the amount of grains of sand in the Sahara desert (though I imagine He might have to call up His accounting department for that last one and get the latest figure ;) We can't begin to fathom God.
How long would you wait at a stop light? If the light didn't turn green in like a minute or two, would you assume that it was broken? Would you try to drive ahead or just keep waiting? I was pondering this the other day and thinking how fast our world has become that suddenly two minutes seems a lifetime. We have faith in the outcome of an electronic switch changing the light color for us, but even that faith is shallow. How much more patient are we for the Word of the Lord? If we don't understand our path, how long will we stay on it? God has been trying to teach me patience for thirty six years and I have yet to learn it. Fortunately for us all, God is outside time.
My sci-fi theory of time is that time and space were created at the same moment. Just as we don't know the far edge of the universe, we don't know the far edge of time. But if time zero (Greenwich Mean Time for the entire universe) is out at the edge of the universe because that material was created in the very first moment of the universe, then we are somewhere in the middle. Someone standing outside of the universe could see the entire universe as a giant map with concentric circles of time - oldest on the edge to youngest in the middle. Time travel, as we know it, wouldn't really need to exist. In each place, in each locale, time would be local - today. But looking in any direction away from the local you would see yesterday. And if you could somehow jump ahead of the natural movement of space, you would blast yourself into tomorrow (you'd be local time whereever you stopped, but where you just left would be in the future). So, there is no movement in time. Time already exists. Its past is there. Its present is there. Its future is there. We just move through it. But standing outside of it, you could see it all unfold without it having any effect on you.
The problem with this theory, of course, is that it smacks of fate and lack of free will. So it creates the paradox. How can we be free to do whatever we want and yet still be subject to God's will? God grants us salvation by grace and yet, technically, we've already received grace or haven't received grace no matter what we do or don't do in our lifetimes. We're free to do what we want, but what we've done has already been seen. To put it another way, we're all free to make our own choices and yet God somehow arranges for us to meet our soul mates. How does He do this if He can't directly manipulate any of us?
As an author I know how complicated it is to set up a plot point hundreds of pages in advance. Seemingly random bits of conversation or actions that a character does, that is perfectly in keeping with their character, suddenly comes back to have a huge impact 20 chapters later. But I've manipulated the action. I've set the plan in motion. How, then, does The Author do this, not just for my story, but for the stories of all 6 billion of us on this planet? You know how complicated it is to keep track of everyone in the movie Crash or any of Altman's multi-character films? Imagine trying to keep track of that on a planetary scale. Now imagine trying to be the author of it all, and not just for one day, but for eternity.
Some say that not seeing God act on a daily basis is evidence that He doesn't exist. There are no modern equivalents of burning bushes or parting seas, they say, therefore those stories must be just that - stories. But look around you at the complexity of modern life and tell me how this whole crazy thing doesn't just fly apart or implode?
And remember, God doesn't just know how the universe works and what each one of us ate for breakfast and who is going to win the World Series next year, God also knows the number of hairs on your head - the names of all the fish in the sea - the amount of grains of sand in the Sahara desert (though I imagine He might have to call up His accounting department for that last one and get the latest figure ;) We can't begin to fathom God.
Monday, June 19, 2006
The Last Perfect Moment
I realized that I have been taking my own sweet time with the editing of my novel not out of any concern for its quality, but merely as a means to savor this one last perfect moment.
In my head, the Novel was one thing - perfect in its conception, but never more than just a concept. I could not see if it was even possible to complete. I kept it there, out of love for the concept, knowing that it could never be as perfect as I conceived it in my head. But eventually, I knew it was time to write it.
On paper, the Novel certainly had a rough start. I wrote and rewrote the first chapter at least twelve times - never getting just that perfect balance. In my head, I could fast forward through the boring parts and zero in on the drama. But in practice, I had to include the boring parts to make the book work. My perfect concept was fading, being replaced by something new, something wonderful.
Slowly, really, really, slowly, the Novel took shape. And after each rendering, the concept became fainter and fainter - until it vanished entirely. It was replaced by a real thing. A real Novel that you could touch and read and feel. A perfectly made entity - the best work of its kind ever written... and edited... and edited again (to make it more perfect, of course).
And so now, I sit in wonder and in awe of this perfect story, this wonderful creation of mine, and I know that the final step in the process is about to begin. Once I send this Novel out to be read, it will stop being a perfect creation. Flaws will develop. Cracks where cracks had not existed before. Characters will seem less wonderful. Dialogue not as crisp. Descriptions will become confused and muddled. A million literary holes will spring forth in the perfect dike of my novel and there will not be enough fingers to plug them all. Perfection will end. Reality will arrive. And I will never be able to reenter this perfect garden of writing again. My Novel will have fallen and taken me with it.
So, I linger and savor this last perfect moment. The first ten chapters have been edited and are ready to send out to any willing readers. I will make five copies. I have five readers lined up. When I get those copies back, I will send them to whomever. By the end of the week, submissions will be sent to agents. The moment is coming to an end. Perfection is dashed. And all I can look forward to now is redemption.
In my head, the Novel was one thing - perfect in its conception, but never more than just a concept. I could not see if it was even possible to complete. I kept it there, out of love for the concept, knowing that it could never be as perfect as I conceived it in my head. But eventually, I knew it was time to write it.
On paper, the Novel certainly had a rough start. I wrote and rewrote the first chapter at least twelve times - never getting just that perfect balance. In my head, I could fast forward through the boring parts and zero in on the drama. But in practice, I had to include the boring parts to make the book work. My perfect concept was fading, being replaced by something new, something wonderful.
Slowly, really, really, slowly, the Novel took shape. And after each rendering, the concept became fainter and fainter - until it vanished entirely. It was replaced by a real thing. A real Novel that you could touch and read and feel. A perfectly made entity - the best work of its kind ever written... and edited... and edited again (to make it more perfect, of course).
And so now, I sit in wonder and in awe of this perfect story, this wonderful creation of mine, and I know that the final step in the process is about to begin. Once I send this Novel out to be read, it will stop being a perfect creation. Flaws will develop. Cracks where cracks had not existed before. Characters will seem less wonderful. Dialogue not as crisp. Descriptions will become confused and muddled. A million literary holes will spring forth in the perfect dike of my novel and there will not be enough fingers to plug them all. Perfection will end. Reality will arrive. And I will never be able to reenter this perfect garden of writing again. My Novel will have fallen and taken me with it.
So, I linger and savor this last perfect moment. The first ten chapters have been edited and are ready to send out to any willing readers. I will make five copies. I have five readers lined up. When I get those copies back, I will send them to whomever. By the end of the week, submissions will be sent to agents. The moment is coming to an end. Perfection is dashed. And all I can look forward to now is redemption.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Identity Theft
I've been stolen. Of course, by now, after parading around as me for a while, I'm sure they've discovered that I'm not such a great person to be.
I imagine they were quite excited to become me at first - the thrill of accomplishment if nothing else. "Honey, come quick! I've just become some former military guy named Will Robison in San Francisco!" But the thrill probably quickly wore off the first time they hopped behind the wheel of their car and immediately started cussing out the nearest driver. "Woah!" they probably thought, "Just what have I become." And then, a while later, as they approached the ATM to attempt to withdrawal my massive amounts of funds, they probably saw a McDonalds nearby and were overcome with a crippling desire for a really big cheeseburger - only to realize that they only had enough money to buy one miniscule burger. "I really ought to get a better job," they realized.
In the Wal-mart/E-bay highest bidder takes all world that we live in, I imagine my identity is back on the market trading somewhere in value below the surplus bat guano in the shape of Tom Bosley. The auction begins with, Please! Take this off my hands!
So to the person out there that has acquired my identity, along with the other 25 million ID's of military veterans in the United States, all I can say is, "You're welcome!" As to me, I'm starting over. I've decided to be Britney Spears husband... unless that identity is already taken.
I imagine they were quite excited to become me at first - the thrill of accomplishment if nothing else. "Honey, come quick! I've just become some former military guy named Will Robison in San Francisco!" But the thrill probably quickly wore off the first time they hopped behind the wheel of their car and immediately started cussing out the nearest driver. "Woah!" they probably thought, "Just what have I become." And then, a while later, as they approached the ATM to attempt to withdrawal my massive amounts of funds, they probably saw a McDonalds nearby and were overcome with a crippling desire for a really big cheeseburger - only to realize that they only had enough money to buy one miniscule burger. "I really ought to get a better job," they realized.
In the Wal-mart/E-bay highest bidder takes all world that we live in, I imagine my identity is back on the market trading somewhere in value below the surplus bat guano in the shape of Tom Bosley. The auction begins with, Please! Take this off my hands!
So to the person out there that has acquired my identity, along with the other 25 million ID's of military veterans in the United States, all I can say is, "You're welcome!" As to me, I'm starting over. I've decided to be Britney Spears husband... unless that identity is already taken.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Chaos Theory
Sometimes you get an idea so profoundly profound that you find yourself profoundly confused. I had just such an idea over the weekend when blogger was down and the computers were down and I couldn't bring myself to face its implications. So, here, in a nutshell is the idea: What if, instead of a Grand Unifying Theory of Everything - a simple law that explained how everything in the universe behaved - there was only chaos. What if, in essence, the Universe was Chaos?
This might seem to fly in the face of both science and theology at once. What do you mean the universe is chaos? What do you mean there's no GUT out there for us to discover that will explain the universe and how everything works? What do you mean there is no grand plan and nothing is controlled? Surely God created the Universe and he set it in motion using laws that we will eventually discover and then we will be able to conquer the universe. Right?
And that was the crux of this thought. What if God created the universe and set it in motion using what we call chaos? What if the key to understanding everything was the notion that we could never understand anything? Like I said, profoundly profound.
So, a little background using laymen's terms. Chaos Theory, in essence, says that we can never predict anything. It showed that for any steady state experiment there will always be some sort of unpredictability based on the notion that we can never precisely measure anything to get an accurate base for our starting point. It was discovered by a meteorologist who was doing weather predicting experiments. He entered in the numbers and got a week's worth of forecasts. Then, on accident, he reentered the numbers using three decimal places instead of six, and discovered that the results changed dramatically. He did some calculations and realized that the difference between three decimal places and six, in terms of weather phenomena, was the approximate equivalent of the beating of a butterfly's wings. This theory has come to be known as The Butterfly Effect and gives the example that whether a butterfly beats its wings up or down at a particular moment can mean the difference between a hurricane in Puerto Rico or a bright sunny day. Further, the difference doesn't stop with the butterfly's wings, because the way the air flows over the wings also can effect the final outcome. In other words, every single minute thing effects every single other minute thing. The entire universe then becomes one giant ball of chaos.
There is also a key component of this principle for quantum mechanics called the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle or the HUP for short. The HUP states that for objects in motion we can never precisely know where they are located and how fast they are moving. The closer we get to knowing one of the two figures, the more fuzzy the other one becomes. And there is never 100% accuracy no matter how hard you try. In otherwords, you will never be 100% certain that a particle is anywhere in particular. There will always be a 99% chance that a particle is somewhere its not supposed to be, even potentially on the other side of the universe. This leads to all sorts of really weird science - in that particles can be seen to pass through solid objects or have been shown in experiments to arrive at places before they were sent.
Most physicists believe that there is some sort of simple mathematical equation that explains it all. And that if we can figure out this GUT it will show us the way to explaining why chaos theory is and why the HUP isn't so unpredictable at all. In short, science believes that the understanding of everything in the universe in terms of physical interactions is just one equation away.
But, of course, in the meantime, science continues to discover weirder and weirder things that the mathematics and science seem to suggest as being possible - like String Theory (The idea that the entire universe is actually composed of strings so tiny that they could never be seen and that these strings vibrate in certain ways and that's what causes the universe to do what it does - very simplified explanation). So, we've got chaos theory that tells us the universe is unpredictable, the HUP that tells us we will never be able to pinpoint and particles, string theory that suggests we'll never be able to see the things that actually run the universe, and the GUT that says there is a simple answer to all of the above and then some.
I don't know about you but the GUT sounds to me suspiciously like faith wrapped in science's clothing. There is an answer to all of this chaos. We just have yet to discover it. There is a truth that is beyond all of our understanding. We just have yet to discover it. There is a God beyond all of our understanding. We just have yet to discover Him.
And so, back to the thought - the profoundly profound. If we follow that the Grand Unified Theory of everything is pretty much the same, truthwise, as the theory of the Grand Original Design, then it can be inferred that humans could discover the secret behind God's design - that humans could figure out how to be God. But looking at the objective facts - everytime we get close to thinking we've got it solved, we peel back the layers of science and discover yet another layer beneath - perhaps science is pointing to something that faith points to all the time. Perhaps science, by way of failure, has proven the existence of God.
And so what if our universe runs on Chaos Theory? What if the grand design is simply that there is no grand design? That the universe is as deep as it is wide? That it is, in essence, infinite in every single aspect and therefore unknowable? Into this chaos, God creates order. Into this chaos, He injects human beings and creatures that strive to make sense of the chaos around them - only to discover that there is no way to ever achieve that. If science was to prove tomorrow that there is no such thing as a GUT, that there is no ultimate goal to physics, that there is no way we will ever know how the Universe works, entirely, would we not start asking different questions? Would we not change our question from how to why?
Science and Religion are two sides of the same coin. We are all striving for answers. What if the answer is the same in both cases?
This might seem to fly in the face of both science and theology at once. What do you mean the universe is chaos? What do you mean there's no GUT out there for us to discover that will explain the universe and how everything works? What do you mean there is no grand plan and nothing is controlled? Surely God created the Universe and he set it in motion using laws that we will eventually discover and then we will be able to conquer the universe. Right?
And that was the crux of this thought. What if God created the universe and set it in motion using what we call chaos? What if the key to understanding everything was the notion that we could never understand anything? Like I said, profoundly profound.
So, a little background using laymen's terms. Chaos Theory, in essence, says that we can never predict anything. It showed that for any steady state experiment there will always be some sort of unpredictability based on the notion that we can never precisely measure anything to get an accurate base for our starting point. It was discovered by a meteorologist who was doing weather predicting experiments. He entered in the numbers and got a week's worth of forecasts. Then, on accident, he reentered the numbers using three decimal places instead of six, and discovered that the results changed dramatically. He did some calculations and realized that the difference between three decimal places and six, in terms of weather phenomena, was the approximate equivalent of the beating of a butterfly's wings. This theory has come to be known as The Butterfly Effect and gives the example that whether a butterfly beats its wings up or down at a particular moment can mean the difference between a hurricane in Puerto Rico or a bright sunny day. Further, the difference doesn't stop with the butterfly's wings, because the way the air flows over the wings also can effect the final outcome. In other words, every single minute thing effects every single other minute thing. The entire universe then becomes one giant ball of chaos.
There is also a key component of this principle for quantum mechanics called the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle or the HUP for short. The HUP states that for objects in motion we can never precisely know where they are located and how fast they are moving. The closer we get to knowing one of the two figures, the more fuzzy the other one becomes. And there is never 100% accuracy no matter how hard you try. In otherwords, you will never be 100% certain that a particle is anywhere in particular. There will always be a 99% chance that a particle is somewhere its not supposed to be, even potentially on the other side of the universe. This leads to all sorts of really weird science - in that particles can be seen to pass through solid objects or have been shown in experiments to arrive at places before they were sent.
Most physicists believe that there is some sort of simple mathematical equation that explains it all. And that if we can figure out this GUT it will show us the way to explaining why chaos theory is and why the HUP isn't so unpredictable at all. In short, science believes that the understanding of everything in the universe in terms of physical interactions is just one equation away.
But, of course, in the meantime, science continues to discover weirder and weirder things that the mathematics and science seem to suggest as being possible - like String Theory (The idea that the entire universe is actually composed of strings so tiny that they could never be seen and that these strings vibrate in certain ways and that's what causes the universe to do what it does - very simplified explanation). So, we've got chaos theory that tells us the universe is unpredictable, the HUP that tells us we will never be able to pinpoint and particles, string theory that suggests we'll never be able to see the things that actually run the universe, and the GUT that says there is a simple answer to all of the above and then some.
I don't know about you but the GUT sounds to me suspiciously like faith wrapped in science's clothing. There is an answer to all of this chaos. We just have yet to discover it. There is a truth that is beyond all of our understanding. We just have yet to discover it. There is a God beyond all of our understanding. We just have yet to discover Him.
And so, back to the thought - the profoundly profound. If we follow that the Grand Unified Theory of everything is pretty much the same, truthwise, as the theory of the Grand Original Design, then it can be inferred that humans could discover the secret behind God's design - that humans could figure out how to be God. But looking at the objective facts - everytime we get close to thinking we've got it solved, we peel back the layers of science and discover yet another layer beneath - perhaps science is pointing to something that faith points to all the time. Perhaps science, by way of failure, has proven the existence of God.
And so what if our universe runs on Chaos Theory? What if the grand design is simply that there is no grand design? That the universe is as deep as it is wide? That it is, in essence, infinite in every single aspect and therefore unknowable? Into this chaos, God creates order. Into this chaos, He injects human beings and creatures that strive to make sense of the chaos around them - only to discover that there is no way to ever achieve that. If science was to prove tomorrow that there is no such thing as a GUT, that there is no ultimate goal to physics, that there is no way we will ever know how the Universe works, entirely, would we not start asking different questions? Would we not change our question from how to why?
Science and Religion are two sides of the same coin. We are all striving for answers. What if the answer is the same in both cases?
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Wuv... Twue Wuv...
Mawwige... sorry, having a Princess Bride moment there...
Ahem. Let me start again...
On Sunday evening I finally got around to watching Elizabethtown - the latest movie from writer/director Cameron Crowe, about a guy who goes to the aforementioned town after his father passes away and ends up getting involved with a pretty strange girl. I won't recommend the film to anyone who does not think Crowe is a writing genius. I think I might even like this film better than Almost Famous but not quite as much as Jerry Maguire, which had football ;)
Afterwards, as I was dissecting the film in my mind, I began to realize two things - the quintessential element that all love stories share together, and, the fact that all love stories are about God - but especially this one.
There are spoilers below, so if you haven't seen this film, stop reading now.
Elizabethtown begins with Orlando Bloom talking about failure versus fiasco. He is just about to be fired because the shoe he designed has been recalled at a cost of nearly 1 Billion Dollars to his company. In a funny moment, Alec Baldwin takes Bloom around the headquarters and shows him all the people that will be losing their jobs because of him. He is forced to give an interview with a magazine in which he takes the blame for the entire thing. Orlando returns to his apartment and prepares to kill himself, but at the last second his phone rings and his sister tells him that his father has died unexpectedly of a heart attack and that the family needs him to go and claim the body.
Right off the bat, we are introduced to a character who is a complete failure. Everything he has strived to achieve has fallen flat on its face. He is about to be ostracized and shown to the world for the fool that he is. Orlando, however, is given a second chance. He heads to Elizabethtown to get his father's body.
On the flight there, he meets Claire (Kirsten Dunst). We're immediately certain that Claire is odd. She insists on drawing Orlando a map to Elizabethtown on the back of a napkin and follows him through the airport yelling directions at him. He immediately gets lost on his way to Elizabethtown anyway.
There are rifts between different sides of the family that Orlando's father was never able to fix. The rift continues after his death. Orlando tries to fit in, but he doesn't really know anyone and he's certain they don't really know him. Orlando returns to Louisville that night and finds himself calling Claire. They end up talking all night long about this, that, and the other.
To make a long story short, Orlando gets Claire. The rift gets healed. And everyone comes out happy in the end - bittersweet, to use Ariel's terms.
Orlando is a failure who has just caused everyone a great deal of grief through his error (never identified in the movie by the way) who somehow finds someone who loves him despite the fact that he is a failure and maybe even because of it and this love of hers indirectly heals all of the other relationships in the movie. Given choice after choice after choice, Orlando always ends up choosing Claire and she is always there for him. Now, where have I heard that before?
The thing is, all love stories work on this same premise. In a normal action story, the hero's greatness is directly compared to the villian's villiany. The more serious the evil, the greater the good. We can contrast, for instance, Frodo's sacrifice to deliver the ring into the heart of a volcano vs. the utter darkness that is Mordor. The same holds true for the love story. We contrast how much we believe the love story with how unlikely it is that it would ever happen. A sea captain and a novice nun and seven children? Yeah, right. A vagabond cardshark and the engaged daughter of an heiress on board a sinking cruiseship? Who are you kidding? A rebel princess and a mercenary smuggler? Suuuuurrrrreeeeee. The greater the odds against them, the stronger the love story. Or to put it more simply; No conflict, no story.
Don't you see where I'm going with this? The Greatest love story of them all - a flawed, sinning people and the ultimate creator of everything? We are not worthy and yet we are loved all the same. The strength of our love is matched intently by all the terrible things that try to get between us - the enemy and his minions. But just like in the movies, we should know that God will never leave us, that God will never tire of us, that God will always be there for us whenever we turn to Him. He is the ultimate in love. He is love itself.
Ahem. Let me start again...
On Sunday evening I finally got around to watching Elizabethtown - the latest movie from writer/director Cameron Crowe, about a guy who goes to the aforementioned town after his father passes away and ends up getting involved with a pretty strange girl. I won't recommend the film to anyone who does not think Crowe is a writing genius. I think I might even like this film better than Almost Famous but not quite as much as Jerry Maguire, which had football ;)
Afterwards, as I was dissecting the film in my mind, I began to realize two things - the quintessential element that all love stories share together, and, the fact that all love stories are about God - but especially this one.
There are spoilers below, so if you haven't seen this film, stop reading now.
Elizabethtown begins with Orlando Bloom talking about failure versus fiasco. He is just about to be fired because the shoe he designed has been recalled at a cost of nearly 1 Billion Dollars to his company. In a funny moment, Alec Baldwin takes Bloom around the headquarters and shows him all the people that will be losing their jobs because of him. He is forced to give an interview with a magazine in which he takes the blame for the entire thing. Orlando returns to his apartment and prepares to kill himself, but at the last second his phone rings and his sister tells him that his father has died unexpectedly of a heart attack and that the family needs him to go and claim the body.
Right off the bat, we are introduced to a character who is a complete failure. Everything he has strived to achieve has fallen flat on its face. He is about to be ostracized and shown to the world for the fool that he is. Orlando, however, is given a second chance. He heads to Elizabethtown to get his father's body.
On the flight there, he meets Claire (Kirsten Dunst). We're immediately certain that Claire is odd. She insists on drawing Orlando a map to Elizabethtown on the back of a napkin and follows him through the airport yelling directions at him. He immediately gets lost on his way to Elizabethtown anyway.
There are rifts between different sides of the family that Orlando's father was never able to fix. The rift continues after his death. Orlando tries to fit in, but he doesn't really know anyone and he's certain they don't really know him. Orlando returns to Louisville that night and finds himself calling Claire. They end up talking all night long about this, that, and the other.
To make a long story short, Orlando gets Claire. The rift gets healed. And everyone comes out happy in the end - bittersweet, to use Ariel's terms.
Orlando is a failure who has just caused everyone a great deal of grief through his error (never identified in the movie by the way) who somehow finds someone who loves him despite the fact that he is a failure and maybe even because of it and this love of hers indirectly heals all of the other relationships in the movie. Given choice after choice after choice, Orlando always ends up choosing Claire and she is always there for him. Now, where have I heard that before?
The thing is, all love stories work on this same premise. In a normal action story, the hero's greatness is directly compared to the villian's villiany. The more serious the evil, the greater the good. We can contrast, for instance, Frodo's sacrifice to deliver the ring into the heart of a volcano vs. the utter darkness that is Mordor. The same holds true for the love story. We contrast how much we believe the love story with how unlikely it is that it would ever happen. A sea captain and a novice nun and seven children? Yeah, right. A vagabond cardshark and the engaged daughter of an heiress on board a sinking cruiseship? Who are you kidding? A rebel princess and a mercenary smuggler? Suuuuurrrrreeeeee. The greater the odds against them, the stronger the love story. Or to put it more simply; No conflict, no story.
Don't you see where I'm going with this? The Greatest love story of them all - a flawed, sinning people and the ultimate creator of everything? We are not worthy and yet we are loved all the same. The strength of our love is matched intently by all the terrible things that try to get between us - the enemy and his minions. But just like in the movies, we should know that God will never leave us, that God will never tire of us, that God will always be there for us whenever we turn to Him. He is the ultimate in love. He is love itself.
I'm Back! Did you miss me?
No, this is not a post about the second coming ;) For the past several days, between blogger and earthlink, I've been unable to post. You've missed some sterling internal conversations from me during that time. But all is forgiven in this electronic universe we attend.
So, I've been sitting here, a little more than A mile from the beach thinking up these great posts to write about. Me. A humanmerelybeing. Writing to you, gentle souls, about the great mysteries of the faith - not the least of which is how The Carioca became a Dodger fan when I tend to have such great respect for Brazilians (one too many soccer balls upside the head, I suspect). My Reflections of the past few days have seemed at times like musings from the hinterland and I've banged my head against the wall many a time. But one thought in particular Changes Daily and that thought has to do with my love and respect for Jesus Christ. Truly, I am not the only man coming alive in Christ but I still feel a singular connection and my relationship is ever blossoming and such a part of The Bittersweet Life. Which is all just my way of saying, I missed you guys.
But now I'm back. Ready to take on the world one crazy obsessive fan at a time. So, feel free to comment. Or not. But do so knowing that God loves you infinitely more than you know.
So, I've been sitting here, a little more than A mile from the beach thinking up these great posts to write about. Me. A humanmerelybeing. Writing to you, gentle souls, about the great mysteries of the faith - not the least of which is how The Carioca became a Dodger fan when I tend to have such great respect for Brazilians (one too many soccer balls upside the head, I suspect). My Reflections of the past few days have seemed at times like musings from the hinterland and I've banged my head against the wall many a time. But one thought in particular Changes Daily and that thought has to do with my love and respect for Jesus Christ. Truly, I am not the only man coming alive in Christ but I still feel a singular connection and my relationship is ever blossoming and such a part of The Bittersweet Life. Which is all just my way of saying, I missed you guys.
But now I'm back. Ready to take on the world one crazy obsessive fan at a time. So, feel free to comment. Or not. But do so knowing that God loves you infinitely more than you know.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
I'll blame Global Warming for this too!
Its taken me two days to get this far. I still have no idea whether this message will even post. But I can say that the effects of the movie, An Inconvenient Truth, have not left me after two days. If anything, after a freak and powerful sandstorm swept across the southwest on Tuesday and powerful tornadoes wreaked havoc in the central states yesterday, 2006 is shaping up to be the year that proves Global Warming exists and is here with a vengeance.
In terms of films, I've seen much better. There isn't a great deal of emotional impact unless you know someone from New Orleans or are a big fan of glaciers. But in terms of raw intellectual stimulation, this is one scary movie. I would find it difficult for anyone to walk out of this movie, no matter what their politics and scientific background, and not be convinced of the facts of Global Warming.
Al Gore takes the raw data and places it before you. There is no massaging of the information. There is very little politics involved at all (maybe a few needling digs at the current administration, but then, Al Gore would be the first to point out the fact that there has not been much movement on the subject from any administration). You will not feel manipulated at the end of this film. You might feel overwhelmed. There's a lot of evidence given here, but it is done so in a way that is completely understandable.
The movie begins with Al Gore's lecture and ends with Al Gore's lecture - the movie is Al Gore's lecture. And I think, therein lies one of its problems. At the end of the movie, I wanted to wait around and ask Al Gore a few questions about what I'd just been shown - which, of course, you can't do in a movie. The movie also assumes a certain intellectual level amongst its audience members. The average film going public is probably not going to embrace this film - but they should see it anyway. I can think of a great many people who will never see this film - even if I offer to pay.
In the end, it won't matter much whether people see it or not. I'm afraid that if the film is correct, the movement will die before it gets started - a warning cry that arrived too late. I realize that people have been trying to get the world to take notice for almost forty years now, but there are just too many of us to get all of our attention and we're too set in our ways to change. Ultimately, we're doomed. Still, its nice to know what sort of environmental disasters to expect in the next ten years and to have an inside track on investing in companies that specialize in disaster relief and space travel.
So, whether you see it or not, it won't make a difference. The end is nigh.
In terms of films, I've seen much better. There isn't a great deal of emotional impact unless you know someone from New Orleans or are a big fan of glaciers. But in terms of raw intellectual stimulation, this is one scary movie. I would find it difficult for anyone to walk out of this movie, no matter what their politics and scientific background, and not be convinced of the facts of Global Warming.
Al Gore takes the raw data and places it before you. There is no massaging of the information. There is very little politics involved at all (maybe a few needling digs at the current administration, but then, Al Gore would be the first to point out the fact that there has not been much movement on the subject from any administration). You will not feel manipulated at the end of this film. You might feel overwhelmed. There's a lot of evidence given here, but it is done so in a way that is completely understandable.
The movie begins with Al Gore's lecture and ends with Al Gore's lecture - the movie is Al Gore's lecture. And I think, therein lies one of its problems. At the end of the movie, I wanted to wait around and ask Al Gore a few questions about what I'd just been shown - which, of course, you can't do in a movie. The movie also assumes a certain intellectual level amongst its audience members. The average film going public is probably not going to embrace this film - but they should see it anyway. I can think of a great many people who will never see this film - even if I offer to pay.
In the end, it won't matter much whether people see it or not. I'm afraid that if the film is correct, the movement will die before it gets started - a warning cry that arrived too late. I realize that people have been trying to get the world to take notice for almost forty years now, but there are just too many of us to get all of our attention and we're too set in our ways to change. Ultimately, we're doomed. Still, its nice to know what sort of environmental disasters to expect in the next ten years and to have an inside track on investing in companies that specialize in disaster relief and space travel.
So, whether you see it or not, it won't make a difference. The end is nigh.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Against The Wind - Bzzzt!
The years rolled slowly past
And I found myself alone
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends
I found myself further and further from my home
And I guess I lost my way
There were oh so many roads
I was living to run and running to live
Never worryied about paying or even how much I owed
Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breaking all of the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searching
Searching for shelter again and again
We are sometimes no more than mice in a gigantic experiment, running around, looking for cheese, and occasionally taking a wrong turn and ZAP! BZZZZZZTTTT! Electrochock therapy, we get smacked and tossed and turned and thrown for a few loops. We fall on our keisters and sit in our ash heap and wonder where the heck we made a wrong turn.
Against the wind
A little something against the wind
I found myself seeking shelter sgainst the wind
I was walking yesterday, reflecting, walking and reflecting, and most of all resisting. The wind was strong yesterday. I saw several cows fly by - or maybe just one cow that went by twice. I could feel this force, this invisible force, pushing against me as if to say, "NOOO, WILL, NOT THIS WAY! DARN YOU! STOP! AND LOSE SOME WEIGHT! JEEZ, YOU'RE HARD TO STOP!" Nearly blinded by this wind, I kept going forward, resisting, because I knew this was the only way to lose weight, get the girl, and make a name for myself. But... in the back of my mind, I wondered what God wanted me to do.
Well those drifter's days are past me now
I've got so much more to think about
Deadlines and commitments
What to leave in, what to leave out
Late last night, I stared at my computer and felt the little electronic dots staring back at me, daring me, challenging me, telling me in their best Clint Eastwood impersonation, "Go Ahead, make our day!" I didn't feel particularly lucky, punk, so I just sat there and stared. I wanted... no, I NEEDED to get another chapter edited on the Novel. I could feel my anxiety levels growing. I could feel the desire inside me growing. Edit this. Finish this. Do this and all will be right with the world. You'll finish the Novel, then lose weight, then get the girl and make a name for yourself. All I had to do was stop staring and start doing. But there was this force, this invisible force, resisting against me, yelling in my ear, "Don't Will! Stop! Think about what you're doing! Quit now! Get some sleep!" Finally, I could take it no more. I sighed. And turned off my computer. I gave in.
Against the wind
I'm still runnin' against the wind
I'm older now but still runnin' against the wind
The most amazing thing happened. The force fell away from me. I found that I was no longer resisting anything. Like a person who had walked in out of a wind storm and suddenly found themselves in a shelter from the storm, I felt light and free and full of energy for the first time all day long. I could see the cheese at the end of the corridor and there was no zappy things! I plunged headlong down that corridor and ate the cheese. I sat on the edge of my bed and zipped through my reading of Jeremiah, then I tapped through my journal, then I sang my way through four pages of script for my website, then I gently rolled over and went to sleep and had the deepest and most satisfying dream that I've had in weeks. I woke refreshed and renewed and reinvigorated.
I had gained everything I'd really wanted by simply giving up.
And that, ultimately, was the answer to the questions I'd posted on Ariel's blog yesterday. How can we get what we need if we don't work for it? How can we improve if we don't strive for improvement? Simple. We don't own ourselves. We were created by God and we belong to Him. If God wants us to improve, He will improve us. If God wants us to gain a new skill, He will train us. If God wants us to have more money and a family, He will provide it for us. But we will always be doing His will, not our own. Whenever we try to do our own will, we are simply running against the wind.
Resistance is futile. Praise the Lord!
And I found myself alone
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends
I found myself further and further from my home
And I guess I lost my way
There were oh so many roads
I was living to run and running to live
Never worryied about paying or even how much I owed
Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breaking all of the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searching
Searching for shelter again and again
We are sometimes no more than mice in a gigantic experiment, running around, looking for cheese, and occasionally taking a wrong turn and ZAP! BZZZZZZTTTT! Electrochock therapy, we get smacked and tossed and turned and thrown for a few loops. We fall on our keisters and sit in our ash heap and wonder where the heck we made a wrong turn.
Against the wind
A little something against the wind
I found myself seeking shelter sgainst the wind
I was walking yesterday, reflecting, walking and reflecting, and most of all resisting. The wind was strong yesterday. I saw several cows fly by - or maybe just one cow that went by twice. I could feel this force, this invisible force, pushing against me as if to say, "NOOO, WILL, NOT THIS WAY! DARN YOU! STOP! AND LOSE SOME WEIGHT! JEEZ, YOU'RE HARD TO STOP!" Nearly blinded by this wind, I kept going forward, resisting, because I knew this was the only way to lose weight, get the girl, and make a name for myself. But... in the back of my mind, I wondered what God wanted me to do.
Well those drifter's days are past me now
I've got so much more to think about
Deadlines and commitments
What to leave in, what to leave out
Late last night, I stared at my computer and felt the little electronic dots staring back at me, daring me, challenging me, telling me in their best Clint Eastwood impersonation, "Go Ahead, make our day!" I didn't feel particularly lucky, punk, so I just sat there and stared. I wanted... no, I NEEDED to get another chapter edited on the Novel. I could feel my anxiety levels growing. I could feel the desire inside me growing. Edit this. Finish this. Do this and all will be right with the world. You'll finish the Novel, then lose weight, then get the girl and make a name for yourself. All I had to do was stop staring and start doing. But there was this force, this invisible force, resisting against me, yelling in my ear, "Don't Will! Stop! Think about what you're doing! Quit now! Get some sleep!" Finally, I could take it no more. I sighed. And turned off my computer. I gave in.
Against the wind
I'm still runnin' against the wind
I'm older now but still runnin' against the wind
The most amazing thing happened. The force fell away from me. I found that I was no longer resisting anything. Like a person who had walked in out of a wind storm and suddenly found themselves in a shelter from the storm, I felt light and free and full of energy for the first time all day long. I could see the cheese at the end of the corridor and there was no zappy things! I plunged headlong down that corridor and ate the cheese. I sat on the edge of my bed and zipped through my reading of Jeremiah, then I tapped through my journal, then I sang my way through four pages of script for my website, then I gently rolled over and went to sleep and had the deepest and most satisfying dream that I've had in weeks. I woke refreshed and renewed and reinvigorated.
I had gained everything I'd really wanted by simply giving up.
And that, ultimately, was the answer to the questions I'd posted on Ariel's blog yesterday. How can we get what we need if we don't work for it? How can we improve if we don't strive for improvement? Simple. We don't own ourselves. We were created by God and we belong to Him. If God wants us to improve, He will improve us. If God wants us to gain a new skill, He will train us. If God wants us to have more money and a family, He will provide it for us. But we will always be doing His will, not our own. Whenever we try to do our own will, we are simply running against the wind.
Resistance is futile. Praise the Lord!
Monday, June 05, 2006
Warning: Sharp Sarcasm Ahead
The Swift Boat Veterans For Truth have this to say about America's Number One concern; Gay Marriage.
What you probably don't know about Gay Marriage -
In 2001, Gay Marriage concerns by the FBI kept them from properly monitoring Al Qaeda communications.
In 2002, The increase in Gay Marriage proposals inextricably linked with increases in steroid use amongst Barry Bonds and increases in the number of large Texas energy companies filing for bankruptcy.
In 2003, Proponents of Gay Marriage likely suspects in disappearance of WMD's from Iraq.
In 2004, Gay Marriage in San Francisco results in less body armor for our American Troops.
In 2005, Gay Marriage fervor drains FEMA resources needed to fight Hurricane Katrina.
In 2006, The Gay Marriage Terror forces the NSA to begin spying on American citizens in order to thwart this terrible national security threat.
So, my Fellow Americans, you can clearly see that Gay Marriage is the number one most insidious and dangerous thing that we Americans face right now. Which is why we Swift Boat Veterans For Truth call upon all members of the Federal Government currently seeking reelection to fight this terrible menace as if it was the most important thing in the whole world. Because it is. And we have no reason to lie.
Thank you.
What you probably don't know about Gay Marriage -
In 2001, Gay Marriage concerns by the FBI kept them from properly monitoring Al Qaeda communications.
In 2002, The increase in Gay Marriage proposals inextricably linked with increases in steroid use amongst Barry Bonds and increases in the number of large Texas energy companies filing for bankruptcy.
In 2003, Proponents of Gay Marriage likely suspects in disappearance of WMD's from Iraq.
In 2004, Gay Marriage in San Francisco results in less body armor for our American Troops.
In 2005, Gay Marriage fervor drains FEMA resources needed to fight Hurricane Katrina.
In 2006, The Gay Marriage Terror forces the NSA to begin spying on American citizens in order to thwart this terrible national security threat.
So, my Fellow Americans, you can clearly see that Gay Marriage is the number one most insidious and dangerous thing that we Americans face right now. Which is why we Swift Boat Veterans For Truth call upon all members of the Federal Government currently seeking reelection to fight this terrible menace as if it was the most important thing in the whole world. Because it is. And we have no reason to lie.
Thank you.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Friday's Category
Name three things that Andy has yet to add to his blog, but will likely get around to sometime this summer.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
The Ruler and the Prophet
This is a modern Biblical story.
There was a man who counted himself amongst the most devout of all the land. He read his Bible every day and went to church on Sunday's and he ruled according to the convictions of his heart and the words of scripture. When a great plague was sweeping across his nation, he was not tempted by the devil to give in to the wicked people who had spread this plague. When the people pleaded for help with this crisis, he agreed to help the righteous folk who had not spread this disease but who had been swept up in its wake. For the sinners that had caused its spread, he offered only condemnation.
It is not for me to say if this condemnation angered God, but He did send an unlikely prophet to speak with this man. A singer by trade, this prophet spoke to the masses in a popular manner pleading with them wherever he went to follow their hearts and do the right thing. He urged nations to help the poor. He urged corporations to help the sick. He urged the people to decry false imprisonments and torture. But because he did not do so from a recognized pulpit, many did not hear his message. When this prophet heard of this ruler's condemnation of the sinners, however, he felt compelled to go visit with this ruler.
The prophet had no idea what he was going to say to the ruler. They were from very different places in society. He was a common man and the ruler from a place very high in esteem and power. They met together and sat down together and discussed the problems of the plague. And then, it came time for the prophet to ask the ruler to change his mind. And these are the words he used:
Matthew 25
The Sheep and the Goats
31"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
41"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
46"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."
The ruler was convicted. With tears in his eyes, he thanked the prophet and promised to do something to help even the sinners. One day the ruler was against the sinners and the next day he rushed to their aid. The Glory of God's words had changed him.
This is a true story. The ruler's name is Former Senator Jesse Helms. The plague is the AIDS virus. And the prophet's name is Bono of the rock group U2. The day after meeting with Bono, Jesse Helms met with President Bush. And by the time of the State of the Union address a few months later, the President announced a 30 billion dollar program to fight AIDS around the world.
There was a man who counted himself amongst the most devout of all the land. He read his Bible every day and went to church on Sunday's and he ruled according to the convictions of his heart and the words of scripture. When a great plague was sweeping across his nation, he was not tempted by the devil to give in to the wicked people who had spread this plague. When the people pleaded for help with this crisis, he agreed to help the righteous folk who had not spread this disease but who had been swept up in its wake. For the sinners that had caused its spread, he offered only condemnation.
It is not for me to say if this condemnation angered God, but He did send an unlikely prophet to speak with this man. A singer by trade, this prophet spoke to the masses in a popular manner pleading with them wherever he went to follow their hearts and do the right thing. He urged nations to help the poor. He urged corporations to help the sick. He urged the people to decry false imprisonments and torture. But because he did not do so from a recognized pulpit, many did not hear his message. When this prophet heard of this ruler's condemnation of the sinners, however, he felt compelled to go visit with this ruler.
The prophet had no idea what he was going to say to the ruler. They were from very different places in society. He was a common man and the ruler from a place very high in esteem and power. They met together and sat down together and discussed the problems of the plague. And then, it came time for the prophet to ask the ruler to change his mind. And these are the words he used:
Matthew 25
The Sheep and the Goats
31"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
41"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
46"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."
The ruler was convicted. With tears in his eyes, he thanked the prophet and promised to do something to help even the sinners. One day the ruler was against the sinners and the next day he rushed to their aid. The Glory of God's words had changed him.
This is a true story. The ruler's name is Former Senator Jesse Helms. The plague is the AIDS virus. And the prophet's name is Bono of the rock group U2. The day after meeting with Bono, Jesse Helms met with President Bush. And by the time of the State of the Union address a few months later, the President announced a 30 billion dollar program to fight AIDS around the world.
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