A whole lotta shakin' going on...

Okay folks (all two or three of you)...

I'm heading off to Earthquake country (Reno, NV) for the rest of the week but will return on Monday, May 5th, assuming I'm not swallowed by a large earthquake or volcano in the meantime.

Wish me luck.

To Film or Not To Film...

Recently, I finished writing the script for a summer movie that my former youth group member and I have been writing. The plan IS to shoot this film this summer on a limited budget and with a cast of monetarily uncompensated actors. But many factors must fall into place before a single frame can be shot.

This is where the Producer steps in. The Producer, in this case, is moi. It is not a role I relish (yet) but it is a necessary job, in so much as the Producer makes sure that everyone is on the same page and motivated towards finishing the project. Considering the number of wild and seemingly impossible tasks that I've started, and/or finished in my lifetime, I seem suited to this role.

So, over the weekend, almost as soon as the script was finished, the first wave of disappointments started setting in. Sigh. What's a producer to do? Oh yes... Job Description #1 - The Producer must overcome every obstacle.

Many of my actors are now planning to audition for a musical at Pacifica's Spindrift Players that would be in production at the end of September. Or to put it another way, they would be rehearsing exactly when I intend to film. So, my casting challenges have just multiplied. But they are still not impossible, yet.

Also, my prime choice location that I had written the script around is going to be tied up for a Vacation Bible School - the exact same week that I had planned on filming my movie. Hmmm. The location was going to be a challenge to get anyway. Now I'm thinking that if I have to get a new location, and possibly pay for it, I might as well get a good location and guarantee some perks with it as well. Still, very annoying.

On the other hand, I have discovered a new source of possible budgetary money for the film that I had intended to pay for out of my own pocketbook. This investment might even be as high as five grand. As much as this takes some pressure off the film budgeting process (I don't have to sweat profusely as I write zero amounts in areas where I know the spending will probably be fast and furious ;) five grand is still not a huge amount for a film budget. I still have to be exceedingly frugal.

The end result of all this is that while in the past I might have pulled the plug after the first setback, I have now developed the intestinal fortitude to go ahead with my plans until the brick wall looms up and smacks me in the face a few times. And only when I'm sure that I can't smash that wall down, will I call it a day.

Such is the job of producer. That's why we get paid the big bucks. And why Hollywood fears us so much.

Unlike the rest of you pervs...

I've moved on to more enlightened things. Apparently my phallic quantity is just right, and my chest enhancements have also been determined to be normalized. So right now, the only thing the rest of the spam world thinks I need is a new watch, preferably a real expensive one bought online from any of a hundred different locations.

Somehow I just know this is a politician's fault.

Vote for your favorite Geek Films.

And have a great weekend.

Rumples$%&@#*$, B***h!

Once upon a time there was a morally bankrupt President of a large animation company where dreams came true (only not those dreams - those far inferior dreams that didn't pay him his money - those dreams that were meant to be mocked incessantly at the expense of entertainment). For the sake of abruptyness, we'll call him Jiffy Kidsinbank.

One day, Jiffy was strolling through the internet looking for new ideas for animated films that he could totally use to bash those other dream makers (the ones with the original and creative ideas that he hated so much) when he came across a young blonde harlot being consumed by bears.

Ah ha! He exclaimed. I know what I shall do. I shall use this young harlot's story as a new vehicle for being edgy and cool and for blasting away at those other dream makers who aren't nearly as good as I am. I shall turn her story into an animated film.

And so, after casting around for a writer and finding none, he decided to write the story himself in order to ensure the maximum profit and creative bankruptcy. He called the movie, Goldilocks and the Three Blogposts. And the highlight of the movie is a song called The Blogging Song.

In an ICON exclusive, I've actually managed to pirate the song lyrics and shall post them here:

The Blogging Song

We blog blog blog blog blog blog
blog in our mind the whole
day through
To blog blog blog blog blog blog
blog is what we like to do
It ain't no trick to get
rich quick
If you blog blog blog with a laptop or a PC.
Its all mine! Its all mine! Its all
mine! Its all mine!
Where a million
good thoughts die!

We blog blog blog blog blog blog
blog from early morn
'til night
We blog blog blog blog blog blog
blog about everything in sight
We blog up diatribes by
the score
A thousand postings
sometimes more
But we don't know what
we blog 'em for
We blog blog blog a-blog blog

Hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho

hey-ho, hey-ho
You comment from afar
(whistle)
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho

hey-ho, hey-ho
I am a blogging star
(whistle)
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho

hey-ho, hey-ho
(whistle)

hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho hum

hey-ho, hey-ho
Its off to blog I go
(whistle)
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho

hey-ho, hey-ho
My traffic doesn't flow
(whistle)
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho

hey-ho, hey-ho
I'll write all I know
(whistle)
hey-ho, hey-ho
hey-ho

hey-ho (until faded out)

This is sung by the evil blogmaster (the villain of this film) who is out to get Goldilocks by forcing her to sell all that she owns in order to afford a single day's park pass at a theme park run by a certain group of former colleagues.

Of course, there are smart alec quips from Mike Myers and Jack Black, and a gratuitous chase scene with score by Danny Elfman, and loads and loads of merchandise to be bought at Burger King. And at the very end, the villain, voiced by Bruce Willis, jumps off the roof of the Yasutomo tower with a machine gun and yells, "Rumple$!$&!^, B***h!"

The End

Goldilocks And The Three Blogposts

Once upon a time a blonde harlot was trolling the internet looking for a blog to read. Suddenly, she came upon a beautiful creamy looking cottage industry of a blog and she snucked in and lurked. While lurking she came across three blog-posts. The first one that she read was not nearly as nurturing as she wanted, so she let it pass by without comment. The second blog post was way too complicated for her tiny little brain, so she ignored it. But the third one, seeing as how it dealt with a blonde haired beauty like herself, was JUST right. So she left a comment.

And then she was eaten by bears.

The End.

Wilpunzo, Wilpunzo, let down your gold hair...

Once there was a young man named Wilpunzo who lived in an ivory tower and spun stories and opinions into solid gold hair. With no one to challenge him, his hair soon grew so long that all the members of ZZ Top were jealous. But still he spun. He spun faster than Greg LeMond at the Playboy Mansion fitness center. And on and on his hair grew until it was... like... totally long. Down past his ankles even. All this hair was starting to give Wilpunzo golden hairballs and he was constantly coughing up, nay, regurgitating the same stories and opinions over and over again. It was quite disgusting. And since Purina didn't make a brand of fairy tale character chow, Wilpunzo was forced to move his hair outside the window and let it dangle for all the world to see.

To his utter dismay, they ignored all his stories and opinions. Didn't they see how they sparkled in the light of day? Didn't they see how they outshone the moon and the stars at night? Were they blind? Wilpunzo thought maybe they couldn't see it because it was so high in the sky, so he spun out even more stories and opinions at an even faster rate, and watched as his golden hair crept down to ground level. But still, no one paid him the least bit of attention.

So, he quit.

The end.

Becoming

We all start out wanting to be Luke Skywalker. Then, somewhere along the way, we realize that its more fun to be Han Solo. But when all is said and done, we end up becoming Obi-wan Kenobi. Lately, I've been feeling the pull of my Obi-wanness.

When we are young we say, "When I grow up, I want to be..." As we get older, and becoming is more immediate, we say, "I'm studying to be..." At adulthood, we are constantly asked what we are, what we've become. We begin to reach that peak-identity and we struggle with the notion, "Is this all that I am?" Finally, as we are past our prime, we wonder, "What will become of me?"

I'm moving past a stage of growth. I can feel a new paradigm shift in my thinking. For me, its no longer about BEING anything, but about BECOMING. I find the inadequacy of being is that it feels like a constraining definition. Who am I? I am a youth leader - but that doesn't define me. I am a Inventory Specialist - not even close to a true definition. I am a Christian. I am a Film Student. I am a writer. I am a blogger. I am a T-Ball coach. I am a stat man for USF. I am a hiker. None of these things really defines who I am. And to be fair, my BEING a hiker is not really fair to the definition of a HIKER.

It is far better to say that in all these endeavors I am becoming a Christian, film student, writer, blogger, t-ball coach, stat man, hiker, inventory specialist, youth leader. I am constantly evolving. I am constantly changing, not only my goals but my inner core that sets and defines my goals. When I achieve one goal, I do not stop and simply become that thing. No, I reset my goals and begin to achieve anew. The person that is Will Robison is in a constant state of becoming something else, even after death.

Being is static. Becoming is dynamic. It changes the state of everything when you replace one with the other. Jesus was becoming fully human and fully God, as opposed to Jesus was fully human and fully God. Indeed, one suggests that the journey was over the second He was created. The other suggests that there was some purpose to the journey, as indeed there was. But history then becomes a thing which is constantly in motion. We are never complete. We are always evolving. Life doesn't just go on, life becomes. Everything starts as nothing and becomes everything. We all have an end goal. We all have an end point. And until we reach that point, we are constantly becoming that end point.

But, lest you become bored with this thought game, I shall end this blog now and let it become a blog with comments attached.

Despair or... Ignorance?

There are so many things going wrong with the world right now, that I don't want to talk about them. And so, I'm not.

I could rant about any number of things, go on long tirades about this, that, or the other. But the end result of all that ranting and tirading would be that I would be more depressed and feel more hopeless than when I started. Why? What's the point? The only one capable of fixing the messes we're in is God. So why not just turn everything over to Him in prayer and... take the rest of the weekend off.

For us, fixing the problems of the world seems insurmountable. For God, its a laugher. He could snap his fingers and cause an earthquake in Illinois. How hard would it be for Him to solve world hunger? So, us worrying about things that we can't possibly fix is a waste of time and a real downer.

God wants us to spend our days loving one another, not fixing one another's problems. If we did more loving and less Dr. Phil-ing, this world would be a much better place.

So, what am I going to do this weekend? I'm going to enjoy God's world and let God do the driving. If He needs me, He knows where to reach me.

Exercise Sucks!

5 out of 5 scientists say so.

But the benefits of exercise are numerous. You can smoke more cause your lungs have more capacity. Its harder for you to fall down drunk. Beating people up is easier. And, of course, everyone wants to bonk your brains out constantly. Or at least that's what I read in some magazine once.

The fact of the matter is that exercise sucks but lack of exercise sucks more. I know. I've been a poster boy for both causes. I ran pretty much every day from 1977 until 1987. Then I quit. I'd quite had enough of running by then. And now, I kind of wish I'd only partially retired - like maybe the occasional fun run or happy-go-lucky jog.

Anyway, at the beginning of the year I had author's legs and my cardiovascular system reminded me of the inside of a 1950's TV set I once opened with wires everywhere and fading cathode ray tubes. So, I decided to slowly and steady get back into shape. And it sucked. For a long time. No, actually it still sucks. I've cut down my eating. I've started exercising on a daily basis. And I've even cut out my 50 cents a day coke habit.

The end result is that I've lost 30 pounds and can now walk for several hours without wanting to commit hari-kari. Big whoop. Still waiting for that constant bonking.

To that extent, I've decided to begin a bit more formal training - with actual goals and what not. And so, I've started a new blog wherein I'll start posting the juicy and boring details of my incredible work-out regimen on a casual basis. You can click on the Help Will Train link to the right of this blog, or simply visit www.helpwilltrain.blogspot.com.

Last Chance To Vote In The First Round!

Today marks the beginning of the end of the first round. The last two matchups in the first round films are up for voting today and tomorrow. You can decide which of these four films are the last to make it to Round Two. Will it be the classic James Bond Film (#7) From Russia with Love or the Mel Gibson Mad Max film (#10) The Road Warrior or perhaps you'd like the other Aussie Russell Crowe as (#2) Gladiator or the Governator himself, Arnie Schwarzenegger in (#15) T2. Whatever you pick, these films will join the ranks of the previous 30 winners...

Old School Sci Fi
#1 Star Wars (Episode IV)
#8 Close Encounters

#5 Blade Runner
#4 E.T.

#6 Star Wars Ep.V The Empire Strikes Back
#3 Planet of the Apes

#7 Forbidden Planet
#2 2001

Fantasy Films
#1 Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
#9 Time Bandits

#5 The Wizard of Oz
#13 The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad

#11 Monty Python and the Holy Grail
#3 Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

#7 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
#2 Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Modern Sci-Fi Films
#1 Matrix
#9 Contact

#12 Total Recall
#4 Armageddon

#11 Tron
#3 Jurassic Park

#7 The Abyss
#2 Star Wars Ep.3 - Revenge of the Sith

and the Action Film winners, so far:
#1 Ben Hur - A Tale of the Christ
#9 The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

#12 Conan the Barbarian
#4 Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

#6 Aliens
#3 Raiders of the Lost Ark

So, now is the time to vote in the last two members of this group, because starting tomorrow, we start voting to advance teams into the Sweet 16.

5 Worst Things About Losing Weight

Don't let them fool you, losing weight ain't all roses and sunshine, there is a dark side to this silver lining. So here below are the Top 5 Worst Things About Losing Weight (so far)...

5 - Your pants fall down. Often.

4 - No more Garlic Fries. Ouch.

3 - People scrutinize what you eat even more than before waiting for you to go off the wagon. Go away.

2 - You suddenly have WAY too much energy. At first, its great to not feel winded when you walk into the living room and sit down in front of the TV. But after a while, you find that you can no longer sit and enjoy 2 hours of mindless comedies because you want to get up and DO something. Very tedious.

1 - You have THOSE feelings again. You know the ones I'm talking about. It almost makes you want to grab a Big Mac and forget the whole business. Disturbing.

So, I'm just putting everyone on notice. Fat ain't all that, but all that ain't phat.

Peace out.

From the outside looking in...

Its cold out here, freezing, and lonely - oh, so desperately lonely. You walk by. We smile, but you ignore us. You're in a hurry and we can understand. The music is playing. The wonderfully lit tent beckons, its heat radiating at the entrance but not penetrating the dark night. We long for the tent. We can see the dancing. We can see the laughing. We can see the smiles and the hugs and the kisses. We wish to join. We long to go inside, but we have no invitation.

Moving now to the tent window we look inside. You are there, playing with one another, teasing one another in happy appreciation. The food is on the table in front of you - heaps and heaps of delectables, steaming hot and fresh. We have not eaten in weeks, months, we don't even remember our last meal. And you are gorging yourselves on food, filling your belly, and laughing about how it all tastes so good. Our hunger gnaws at us, physically digging pits in our stomachs, ravaging us with pangs so real that we feel weak just watching this display of plenty. We can't help but feel the envy and the anger as we watch you eat, but it only makes the night colder.

Around to the back of the tent now and we see the servant's entrance. The servants are happily working, rushing forward with trays of food and wine, washing dishes in hot, soapy water, standing in the warmth of a coat check stand, listening to the choir on the box in the valet. They seem content for having good honest work. They are not hungry. They are not cold.

And through the back flap, finally, we can see the head table and the Bride and the Groom greeting their guests. They are beaming with a love so pure that it hurts to look on their joy. And we are overcome with bitter tears, tears of pain and suffering, tears of a loss so final, so devastating, that we know we will cry ourselves to sleep tonight and every night to come for all eternity.

This was supposed to be our party. This was supposed to be our wedding. But we threw the invitation in the trash with all the junk mail. And it never occurred to us to ask for another invitation, knowing full well that the host would gladly send as many invitations as was necessary until we came to the feast. We were too proud, too obstinate, too full of our own self, to admit that we had been wrong.

We long for warmth. We long for joy. We long for friends. We long for food. We long for fulfilling labor. We long for love. We long to join the party. We long to join the feast.

But we have missed our invitation and we will never have any of these things again. We shall be forever on the outside, looking in.

I'm Feeling No Pain

La la la la la lalalalalalalalala! Its like its Friday around here. My brain is bouncing off the ether of my mind. Bounce. Bounce. Bounce. Boing.

I can't explain the feeling, but its kind of like someone replaced the milk in my coffee with Nitrous Oxide. My brain is firing on all cylinders and I'm zooming through the world like Willy Wonka's boat through a tunnel, except Gene Wilder isn't in control and singing a creepy song.

I've had some genius ideas today - and none of them will end up on the dustbin later in the light of day. I also got to see my second film for film class yesterday and it sucked, and I don't really care. Nothing hurts. I'm just bouncing along. Paid off some judges in Nevada. No arrest warrant. Boing, boing. Going to Reno later this month on a business trip, staying at a crappy resort, going to gamble by eating at the buffet and pretend I know what I'm talking about. Bounce. How about a WMD in my shorts? Sure, why not? Nothing is off-limits in this strange brain in the membrane of mine.

And on top of it all, I'm finally getting a clear understanding of the direction God is leading me. Strange. Like I've found the rarified air on His mountain and beyond the prophesying and annoying flame above my head and on my tongue, I can actually catch a glimpse of da future...

My church is world-class at being a church. It has church services and an organ and a choir and wonderful music and time spent doing living portraits and video on a screen and handbells and candles and pews and hymns and hundreds of committees each trying to make the occasional visitor welcome and good sermons and cute kids saying wonderful things and prayers for the whole world and locally and all sorts of incredible well-thought out and proper church things. But I'm tired of doing church. I want to do Christian things for a while. I want to be a Christian in the world. Its time to take the church out to the people.

But I have no idea what that means and this air is hard to breathe and I think I just saw John Lennon. Boing. Bounce. I need to come down from the heights. I need to breathe normal oxygen. I need to be back amongst my peeps. No man was meant to be this giddy for no darn good reason. Quick, a cheeseburger, STAT! I need to be weighed down and come down from the mountaintop. I need to stop and breathe, just breathe.

Whew.

Back to normal. No more bounce. No more boing. Just everyday mundane world - joy wrapped up in a box, put on a shelf to be viewed from time to time in dark days. Back to church as usual. Back to choir and youth games and bell ringing and who's going to make the cookies and serve the coffee and greet the guests. I've already forgotten what I was talking about before. Bonk. Splat.

Gravity sucks.

A TIE!

We went through the whole first half of the first round without a tie, and now, we've had our first tie - 2 to 2. #3 Planet of the Apes vs. #14 Time Machine. In the event of a tie, I will always award the contest to the higher seed. After all, there's got to be some advantage to being the higher seed (since there's no real home court advantage, etc...) So, #3 Planet of the Apes advances into the second round.

Now, you can vote for the last two films to make the second round of the Old School Sci-Fi category. And starting tomorrow, you can vote for the second half of the Fantasy Geek Films - including two LOTR films, DragonSlayer, Excalibur, Monty Python, etc... Should be a fun time.

Hasta...

New AND Improved

Its not everyday you can use those two words together. And so fully cognizant of the risks, both mental, spiritual, and physical, of tooting my own horn, I would like to say that both words apply to my newly updated and newly improved website.

And here's the good news... This is only a preview!

And here's the better news... It's free!

And here's the best news... God loves you. (Okay, it doesn't exactly fit the theme, but it really is the BEST news).

So, go on over to my website and check things out. The first new issue of Adventure Quarterly has a few kinks, but overall its a vast improvement over anything I've shown before - and there's a great article in there about me from a good friend of mine down south. And also an article I wrote myself about the early years of The Adventure Chronicles. So, stop by and visit and drive up my hit-counter.

P.S. The preview movie takes a long time to load - so don't load it unless you have a few minutes to wait.

Every missed deadline is an education...

When I left for vacation, I knew I would be killing myself to get my latest web update up by today, but there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn't exactly reinventing the wheel. I know the wheel exists. I see it and use it everyday. But for me, what I am doing with the latest web update is something I've never done before, and so I'm not sweating being a little behind.

Every time I miss a self-imposed deadline like this, it typically means that I'm probably neck deep in learning new techniques - whether it be special blue screen effects on my editing program that take forever to render or, in this case, a big crash course on Flash Buttons from Scratch. So when I blow a deadline, I kind of kick myself, but I also remember how much I've just learned and how useful that knowledge will be to me the next time I use that particular skill.

So, not that any of you were holding your breath, or even remembered that there was a deadline, to make a long story shorter; the TAC website update will be launched tonight (maybe) unless I run into other new skills that I need to learn.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll figure out how to post some photos here from my recent trip as well.

Hasta la pasta...