Help! I've Fallen and I can't get up!

So much of sin seems to be a failure that we don't recognize sin for what it really is - a lifestyle, a condition of human nature, something that we simply can't get over. We are sin. We wallow in it. We breathe it. We absorb it in our skin. Everything we say or do or touch or taste is tainted by it. We can try to ignore it. We can try to counter it. But ultimately we are flawed creatures by nature.

I love cheeseburgers. I love the taste of cheddar bursting in my mouth, mixed with the saltiness of the beef, the crispness of a fresh bun, the tang of pickles, the sharpness of fresh onions, and the sweet flavor of the catsup - all mixing together to form a sensation that my mind registers as pleasure. Pleasure - that feeling that all is right with the world, even for a split second - is what really drives me. I love the feeling of pleasure and I try to surround myself and do things that create that sensation. It is a moment of bliss, a feeling of being most alive. And ultimately, it is a dead end. Because I can't maintain that feeling. It is a high, a narcotic, an obsession. And this week, its a cheeseburger that helps me feel that pleasure. And next week, a single cheeseburger doesn't help me at all. It tastes like cardboard, so I add bacon to the mix. And the following week, I have two cheeseburgers. And then three. And then three with bacon. And then I change to chicken sandwiches, and that lasts a while. Then I mix them. Then I add a milkshake. But it is never enough. I am chasing something that I can never catch, that I can never predictably reproduce, and the efforts of pursuing pleasure are destroying me.

This is human nature.

In Le Jardin du Eden, Adam and Eve had everything they could possibly want - food, companionship, water, space, animals, the whole world at their fingertips. They walked hand in hand with God who would have given them anything they wanted... but one thing. And that was what Adam and Eve wanted the most. They weren't satisfied with what they already had. They were looking for that new high, that new pleasure, that thing that would be better than anything else they'd ever tried. They threw away all that they had to go after that next thing. And it left them with a mouth full of ashes and pain and death. They fell not from wanting more, but from being unable to control their urge to want more, their urge to want everything. They fell because they tried to make their obsession into their reality.

Right now I am suffering from Hives. I can't tell you how or why I have hives, but I am beginning to understand the suffering of Job. Hives itch like you wouldn't believe. And it takes all my self control to keep from scratching myself. One little scratch and I can't stop. I have to get at the itch. And I scratch and scratch and scratch until little rivers of blood are running down my legs - I scratch myself until I bleed, and still the itch does not go away. I keep scratching with the hope of finding the pleasure of itch relief and it don't even stop when I have blood pooling around my legs. I keep going because I know that sooner or later, the itch will give way to pain and pain is a far easier thing to handle than that crazy desire to itch. Pain may not be pleasure, but it is not obsession either. It is far better to be in pain than to be obsessed.

To choose sin is to choose pain. To give in to the itching until you are literally ripping the skin off your body is to give in to pain. Obsession always leaves to pain. Obsession always leads to sin. Sin leads to death.

But the good news is that even though we are born this way, and even though we can't help ourselves and give in to our obsessions to seek whatever pleasure it is that we can't live without, there is hope. Jesus died for our obsessions. Jesus died so that we might find relief from the pain of obsession. Jesus died to bring us into a place where there is no pain, and their is no suffering, and their is no obsession. Jesus died so that we might live - truly live.

Oh, to be without the desire for cheeseburgers or scratching or any of the hundreds of other obsessions I have; to be able to supplant all my wants and desires and replace them with a life of giving and caring and loving others - that is my fondest wish. But right now, I've fallen, and I can't get up.

Only Jesus can save me now.

Sinning is Contagious!

According to new fake scientific research from the Institute of Scientists Who Have Nothing Better To Do Than Come Up With Lame Solutions To Real Research Questions, sinning is contagious! The study finds that if you are a sinner, it is 100% likely that you have a friend or loved one who is also a sinner. This connection clearly shows that sinning must be contagious and is not, as once believed, a personal choice or a condition of birth.

"This sheds new light on the nature of sinning," says I.M. Wastingeverybodiestime. "Now that we understand the communal aspects of this disease, we might be able to create a vaccine that can prevent the transference of sin from one person to another."

In the meantime, the Institute recommends that we all hunker down and not associate with anyone else who might be a carrier of sin. "The less contact we have, the less likely we are to catch sin from someone else," says Dr. Dimbulb. "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of redemption."

After the press conference, the members of the Institute retreated quietly into their own caves until such time as all sin had passed out of this world and the epidemic has passed. They haven't been seen from since.

Faith vs. Science - Back to Square One

The obvious answer to a scientist non-belief about God is, of course, to point out the incredible vastness of the universe and say, "Do you really believe that all this just sprang into creation out of nothing and for no purpose?" For those of us who believe, the answer is, of course not. It must have been created by something and for a specific purpose. Something as big as the universe doesn't just happen.

Well, it just occurred to me that the same argument can be applied to God Himself by scientists. I.E. If something as big as the universe doesn't just happen, then how does God just happen? Or to put it another way, if God created the universe, who created God?

Putting the mumbling and grumbling aside for a while, we are forced to admit that scientist have a point and that it still comes down to an issue of faith. We are never going to reason God into existence and we are never going to reason Him out of existence. Ultimately, we are simply left with a choice. Do we believe or don't we? If there was proof one way or the other, we'd be pretty foolish to ignore it and we wouldn't really need faith.

So what kind of person are you? The kind who believes everything just happens? Or the kind who believes there's a purpose to everything? I think that pretty much sums up the question.

Bush Government Supresses The Truth! EVIDENCE!

Somewhere deep in the bowels of the White House...

"Well, Bat Boy, now that you've returned from Iraq what should we do now? Should I send you to the moon to rescue Lincoln's brain? Or maybe have you raise Mrs. Cheney's alien baby? Or perhaps you could once and for all prove that Kennedy was killed by Cuban zombie assassins?"

"No, Mr. President, it is my patriotic duty to defend this country and our boys and girls overseas from an insidious danger - a magazine that is leaking the truth to the unsuspecting masses. Ever since they revealed the truth about the Space Shuttle being powered by alien technology, I haven't had a moment's peace. We must stop them!"

"You don't mean..."

"Yes, Mr. President... I intend to shut down the Weekly World News and keep their truths from reaching the light of the world."

"You think that'll stop them?"

"Unless there is some other brave soul out there willing to take their place, yes."

And so, back at TAC Headquarters...

"A toast to Weekly World News! You kept us entertained (and cough cough, informed) for nearly thirty years!"

"To the Weekly World News!"

"And now, people, we've got work to do. There are so many undiscovered truths out there! We must find them and bring them to the light of the world! We must take up their mantle and be a beacon of truth! Let's get started with our first story... Bush Government Supresses The Truth!"

And so, the Truth rolls on...

IN MEMORIAM
WEEKLY WORLD NEWS
1979 - 2007

Anticipation

They huddled together in line - a large group of them, talking excitedly amongst themselves.

"What do you think it'll be like?"

"I don't know, but I expect we'll finally have all the answers."

Up ahead, with some excitement, they could see that the line was moving and that a person at the front of the line was checking off their names and then handing them a book. With an excited squeal, the people receiving their books opened them immediately and plunged into the contents - smiling broadly as they walked through the doors just past the man and disappeared from sight.

"I can't wait. I've been waiting for this my whole life."

"It's just a little longer. In another couple of minutes, all the mysteries will be solved, all the heroes will get their rewards, and all the villains their comeuppance."

"I can't believe that some people are not in this line. This is like THE event."

"Not everyone agrees with you. Some people have better things to do."

"Better than this?! Do you remember that time when..."

"I remember it all - the good times, the bad times, the exciting parts, the scary parts, and the parts where I felt like I'd never fell happy again... Quite frankly, I'm glad its almost over and I can relax knowing that everyone is safe and happy for ever after."

The line surged forward again. The excited whispering seemed to be reaching a fever pitch as more and more people joined the line at the back and an exciting party like atmosphere was breaking out. After all, this event was only going to happen once and then never again. Everyone in line agreed, the wait had been worth it.

Finally, I reached the front of the line and it was my turn, my pleasurable turn. I walked up to the old man and waited patiently.

"Name?"

"Will Robison."

"Ah yes..." he said, "I've saved a place for you. Here's the Book. Welcome!"

And St. Peter handed me a copy of the Bible and the doors to my salvation opened before me. My anticipation was over. My Joy had just begun.

A Minor Revelation With A Big Kick

Do you ever feel like you're banging your head on the cieling of understanding - like there's something there that everyone else gets but somehow you're just not seeing it? And then there's a minor shift in light or mood and suddenly you see it clearly and you understand it and you know it. To everyone else its no big deal, but to you its profound. I had that kind of revelation yesterday.

I was driving home and thinking about the article I wrote about yesterday - a venemous diatribe against religious people on the basis of the fact that we were delusional and insane and clearly incapable of understanding simple facts. In the 400 plus responses to this diatribe the comments were generally along two lines - Yeah, you tell those god freaks and I'm sorry you can't see, taste, feel God. It got me to thinking about what the evangelical movement in this country must be doing wrong that so many people were so upset at organized religion that they would spew such vitriol. I mean we all know that some people come across heavy handed and try to force their religion on people who are clearly not ready for it. These people come away feeling put upon and angry and not at all pleased with organized religion. Instead of converting them, we are diverting them to other things. And that was when I had the revelation.

It goes something like this.

Me: Someone ought to do something about that.

God: Why not you?

Me: What do you mean, me? I can't force other people to behave more like a responsible Christian.

God: Yes, but you can start by behaving like a responsible Christian yourself, can't you?

Me: Wow. I never thought of it like that.

And suddenly it occurred to me, we are all individually responsible for showing the world the love of Jesus Christ.

See. For most of you that's got to be the sort of no-brainer, biggest DUH, of the week. Of course, we have to do that. But for me, it was a sudden eye-opener.

If I want more greeting to be done on Sunday morning at my church, perhaps I ought to go there and greet people myself. If I want non-christians to know the love of Christ, perhaps I should show them that love myself. If I want more people to live the gospel in their everyday life, perhaps I ought to live it myself.

The immediate thought I had, of course, was what the heck had I been doing before this really obvious revelation and I realized that I'd been trying to do this very thing but without understanding the reasoning behind it. I was doing good for the sake of doing good. I was walking the walk because that was the direction I happened to be going, not because I was on a journey anywhere. I had been blindly doing things, but now I understood the reason behind those things. I had known, for instance, that yelling at other cars was not a good thing to do while driving, but I didn't particularly understand why (other than its just not nice, even if they are slowpokes ;) Now I knew that the way I drove to work and interacted with my fellow drivers was a direct reflection to them of the love of Jesus Christ. If I yelled at them, I was not projecting the very things I professed to believe.

Wow. And again, Wow.

God is refining me this summer and so far, I am the much better for it. May He continue to bestow these blessings on me.

When it comes to flames, we are wet blankets...

I just read a long blog about how scientists think religious people are all insane. Having been interested in both subjects since I was a kid, I can't understand why there is a whole lot of animosity between these groups - since both groups are trying to reach the truth. My guess is that the vast majority of people in both groups could care less about what the zealots on either end have to say - that there are just as many scientists who think their "all religion is crap" brethren are narrow minded bigots as there are religious people who think their "all science is crap" brethren are narrow minded bigots. I don't understand how a rational person can't look at a butterfly and not be fascinated by the way it flies and eats and changes from a caterpillar into a butterfly, and also be deeply moved by the experience of seeing such a wondrous creature up close. Those at the far extremes would have you believe either a)what the butterfly does for a living is unimportant because God takes care of it for you or b)its just a leptidopterus that came from a long line of leptidoterae before it, having evolved from a small insect sometime during the paleolithic era (or some such).

However, regardless of how we feel about science and religion, us religious types are going to lose the incessant flame wars on the web, so we'd probably be better off not participating in them. When it comes to slinging cold hard facts around like sledge hammers, our scientific brethren have been bred and trained for combat. We religious types might believe that we have truth on our side, but since the scientific method is formed by the same logic required for a proper debate, the deck is stacked in science's favor. Ultimately, all we can say is, "You're wrong. But we still love you." Which might be the truth, but isn't a very thrilling come back.

No, better still to concentrate on the things that make religions thrive - faith, hope, charity, and love. Whether they want to admit to them or not, it's these four cornerstones that all humans feed upon, and as far as I know, there isn't a scientific explanation for any of them.

Here's a Novel idea...

Okay, time for the Novel update that I know you've all been waiting for (I'm sure all your e-mails demanding such were lost because of the crush of sheer numbers). The Novel is... Half Way Finished... Again!

No, but seriously, after a long stretch of zero mental activity, the Novel has gone back into production over the last two weeks. I don't know that I've gotten very far with it, but I have written solidly for two weeks and I don't see an end in sight, so that's good.

Currently, the Novel is half way done and stands at about 220 pages. If I were to simply take the rest of the material written and tack it on (without editing or any modifications or additions) it would be about 345 pages. In theory that puts me more than half way, but in reality, its about the half way point of the book. Last night I stayed up really late and mapped out the remainder of the book - including all the new material that I wanted to add - and I realized that another 220 pages is closer to how this draft of the story will end.

I am hoping to complete the first (new) draft by my birthday - approximately 22 days away. So, for those of you keeping score at home, that's an apparent average of 10 pages a day. However, many of those pages are already written and merely need to be edited or enhanced. So, its not quite as much a stretch. And, most of the remaining pages are action pages which write faster (trust me on this... I can't explain it otherwise).

Once I am done with the first (new) draft, I will go immediately into the second (new) draft since I already know what major change I need to make to the whole book. That major change will dictate more than anything else what stays and what goes in the final draft of the book. Then I will dissect the book and cut away the fat and I should have a final version ready for reading of about 300 to 350 pages by the middle of September. Honestly, I won't survive past that point. I need to finish this before it finishes me.

So, now that you all know you can stop pestering me with all of those phone calls, e-mails, smoke signals, biblical signs, and other forms of communication asking me for the completion date and a signed copy for their ailing mothers. The rumor that my novel will bring about peace on earth was just a really good bit of PR. So, keep spreading it, won't you?

The Last Acts of Desperate Men

I've been trying to avoid political discussions because I realize my views are skewed by my hatred of the war in Iraq that we should never have begun. However, that doesn't make me really anti-war, it just makes me anti-war unless there's a really, really good excuse for wasting lives. Lately, however, the White House strategy for fighting this war has taken a turn for the bizarre - surely the last acts of desperate men.

We are to believe that we need to continue funding and supplying troops to fight a war that we can't win, that we refuse to try and win, and that even the Iraqi people are saying we don't need to be their fighting. We are told that if we fail in this battle for Iraq, we will fail in the war on terror. That's what the puppet on the left hand says.

The puppet on the right hand says that Al Qaeda is stronger now than at any period since 2001 and that they are itching to attack the U.S. at any moment.

Um, did I miss something? We are supposed to support a White House that has gotten us into a deadly and costly war with no plan of getting out and has been fighting a war on terror for over five years with absolutely NO RESULTS? What exactly have we been spending $400 Billion on each and every year since 2002? Where has all that money gone? And why aren't we any safer now than we were before we ever landed in Afghanistan?

This seems a strange strategy to me right before the election. The White House seems intent to scare us into not pulling out of Iraq because we'll lose the war on terror, and they seem intent on scaring us at home as well because the terrorists might strike at any moment. So basically, the only thing the White House has left to offer the American People is Fear Itself.

Even if I believe the Democrats will be just as incompetent as the Republicans in running this country right now, I would still vote for them in a heartbeat just because they haven't insulted my intelligence in nearly 8 years. That's got to count for something.

The Instruction Book

A One Act Play
Starring
Kino and Jokem

Jokem stands stage center with a black book in his hand. Kino enters stage left and approaches Jokem.

Kino: Hey, Jokem, whatcha doing?

Jokem: Reading.

Kino: Whatcha reading?

Jokem: An instruction book.

Kino: An instruction book? What do you need instructions for? Instructions are for morons. What are you trying to do?

Jokem: I'm trying to love my neighbor as myself and the man with too much starch in his collars said that this was the instruction book for that.

Kino: Well, you could read that instruction book cover to cover my friend and not get any closer to figuring this one out. Fortunately for you, I happen to be an expert.

Jokem: Really?

Kino: Really... now put down that instruction book and follow me. Besides, how hard can loving your neighbor be?

Jokem: I don't know Kino... the guy that wrote this is a carpenter and he's pretty smart.

Kino: Carpenter? Bah! Any fool can use a hammer and nails. Come on, I'll show you. Look, here comes a neighbor now.

A NEIGHBOR enters stage right and walks across the stage, right past Kino and Jokem. As he's passing, Kino gets his attention.

Kino: Howdy, Neighbor.

The Neighbor looks at Kino and just keeps walking.

Kino: I said, Howdy, Neighbor!

The Neighbor keeps walking.

Kino: Hey, Jerk! I said Howdy. You're supposed to say Howdy back to me! What kind of idiot are you?!

Neighbor: What did you call me?

Kino: I called you a jerk. What are you going to do about it?!

As Kino and Neighbor get into a big fight on the stage, Jokem frantically reads through his instruction book.

Jokem: Kino! Kino! I think you're doing it wrong!

Kino: I'm skipping some steps (oof!) Jokem. I'm going straight (pow!) to the part where I tell my neighbor (bam!) about how he's supposed to be (argh!) more friendly... or else.

Kino finalls knocks out his Neighbor and stands over his unconscious form.

Kino: See, Jokem... its simple. I am loving my neighbor by showing him the error of his ways. Now there is peace in our time.

Jokem: I'm not sure that loving my neighbor is supposed to look like this. I think I'm going to read the instructions some more.

Kino: Well... if you want to. But don't blame me if you waste your time and discover I was right all along. As I always say, Jokem, instructions only get in the way.

The End

(Everyone have a great weekend!)

Five Worst Harry Potter Predictions (SPOILERS!)

If you haven't read the other six Harry Potter books by now, what the heck are you waiting for? Either way, stop reading now! There be spoilers ahead...
















Ah, that's better... a little breathing room.
As you may know, Harry Potter's final book is being released in ten days and I'd thought I'd jump on the bandwagon and make a few terrible predictions about the final book as well. Since I was so wonderfully astute with my Hagrid Is The Half Blood Prince observation, I should warn you about the accuracy of these predictions. But then again, the accuracy of these predictions will speak for themselves.

#5) DUMBLEDORE IS HARRY'S REAL FATHER - It will be revealed in the last book of the illicit love affair between Dumbledore and his student Lily Evans and that after the affair, Lily tricked James Potter into marrying her and naming Dumbledore's son Harry.

#4) SNAPE IS HARRY'S REAL FATHER - See above, only in this case it was Severus Snape and Lily Evans who had the illicit love affair.

#3) THE SORTING HAT IS A HORCRUX - Having gone back in time to steal something of Godric Gryffindor, Voldemort actually kills Godric and uses his hat as a Horcrux, thus permanently animating this vile and punny hat.

#2) DOBBY IS THE ILLICIT SON OF LEGOLAS - Having borrowed so heavily from Greek Mythology, this is clearly an attempt by JK Rowling to tie her story to a more contemporary mythology.

#1) HARRY POTTER LIVES - Realizing that dying would suck, Harry decides to give up his quest to kill Voldemort and live it up. Cashing in on his fame to get into parties and concerts and to star in how own reality series where he uses Magic to pretend he can do a whole bunch of normal muggle tasks, Harry quickly discovers the excesses of fame. With Harry out of the way, Ron and Hermione die a little inside.

So, there you have it. In ten days, we'll all know the accuracy of these predictions. Personally, I'm really hoping for a perfect 0 for 5 score.

The Tanks On Empty - Hallelujah!

Boy, I am not going to lie to you. There are days when I can't imagine raising my head to sing God's praises. There are days when I want to never leave the comfort of my bed. There are days when work and church and school and T-Ball and youth group and choir and basketball and everything else that I have running in my life seems like too much and I want to just let all the balls drop, to hear them bounce away from me, so that I can crawl into a nice comfortable cocoon and rest. Life would be so much simpler then, so much more satisfying, if I got to keep all of it for myself - if I didn't have to share with anyone.

In the past few months I've been to two amusement parks that I didn't want to attend. I've walked around a tidal basin when I would have much rather slept in. I played ultimate frisbee in the park when I would have rather been at home pretending to watch television. I went to several movie screenings with my friends that I really couldn't afford and probably could have waited until they were on DVD. I forced myself to travel all over San Francisco to film a movie that didn't really need to be made. I tagged along to the All Star Fan Fest to watch a T-Ball game that was just another opportunity for a sponsor to make money. I have done things that I didn't want to do. And, as a result, I missed out on all that glorious, self satisfactory, free time.

Jesus said it best, but I'm still going to paraphrase: In order to have a life, you must give away the one you have.

Life is so inconvenient to those who would rather laze away a sunny afternoon.

Shortest Blog Post Ever... (runner up)

There was a great line in Alien vs. Predator which I saw last night.

(After finding alien weapons inside an ancient pyramid buried deep beneath the Antartican ice)

Man: This is like digging up Moses's DVD collection.

Have a great weekend!

iDOL

I lined up the other day with hundreds of other folks because I just happened to be walking down the street and there was this line.

"What are we waiting for?" I asked.

"Its the most amazing thing," said one man, "Its a new thing that will absolutely save your life."

"Some sort of life saving device?" I queried.

"No," said another, "Its everything you ever wanted all rolled into one. Its going to change the world. I wouldn't be surprised if it can even effect the weather!"

"Wow, that sounds impressive," I admitted. "What is it?"

"They've both got it wrong," said a third, "This thing is just absolutely amazing. I'm willing to shell out a thousand bucks for mine and then pay another 200 bucks a month just to have the ability to tell other people that I have one in my own home. I'll be the envy of my neighborhood. I'll be toasted and feted and people will come from miles around to see and praise my new thing. This is the start of something huge and I'm going to be in at the very beginning. I'm going to be one of the few people who can say that I was there when it first appeared on Earth."

Starting to get a little annoyed at all this hyperbole, I asked a little more forcefully, "Yes, but what is this thing?!"

"It's the new fruit colored iDOL and you will absolutely worship it!"

"No, thanks," I replied. "I really can't afford it and besides, I already have something to worship - something you can't see, or feel, or touch, but that has already saved me from a fate worse than death."

Sometimes it's better not to get in other people's lines.

Signs of the Apocalypse #2

Its often the small things that should scare us (unless we have our eschatalogical ducks in a row, of course). So while you might, like me, be terrified of the recent Duran Duran sighting at Wembley Stadium yesterday and wonder whether this might be a sign of the apocalypse, no, you'd be wrong. The more terrifying thing, the most insidious threat to our security and to life as we know it, is much smaller. It is, in fact, bacon - only not bacon as anyone would have qualified it five years ago.

I am talking about the sign of the devil - microwavable bacon. Although this alleged benefit to the cuisine of humankind has been deemed perfectly safe by the FDA, I would beg you to reconsider for the sake of your soul. The Bible says pig is bad to begin with. What do you think the OT would say about pig that has been somehow created in a lab to be microwavable safe? Its an abomination.

It looks like bacon - it tastes somewhat like bacon - but it is not bacon!

Now you're probably wondering why I am freaking out about this. After all, you say wisely, why not just buy regular bacon if its such a big deal? Nobody is forcing me to have this satanic microwaveable product, are they? Well, that's what makes this threat so insidious!

First, I noticed it on a Bacon cheeseburger. Okay, McDonalds is not known for its haute cuisine. I can understand that. It doesn't change the fact that they're charging 80 cents per slice of bacon, but that's neither here nor there. I didn't like it, but I can live with it. But, then, within a week, I got microwaveable bacon at Denny's! DENNY'S! That's Un-American, I tell you! But yesterday was the final straw! I ordered a Hawaiian Pizza and it came with Ham, Pineapple, and several strips of microwaveable bacon on top (not crumbled bacon bits like there should be!) This literally made the pizza unappetizing. And unappetizing pizza is like one of the cardinal sins in my book!

So, you see, this threat is spreading. Soon, there won't be a single piece of real bacon left anywhere on the planet. Don't believe me? Have you seen how hard it is to find a regular box of MacNCheese lately - one that isn't microwavable crap?

Fight microwaveable bacon! Its not only patriotic, its a moral responsibility! Buying microwaveable bacon supports the terrorists!

Here endeth the sermon!