Let It Be

I am not a patient person. I never have been. And while God has been working on me, my patience is still not endless. But I have managed to attain a certain amount of Godly wisdom over my years, whether I practice it or not, that there are times when the best thing to do is nothing.

When I was a teenager, the thing that scared the bejezus out of me was nuclear weapons. I used to wake up with nightmares. I'd be driving along in my car, panicked, in a hurry, and then I'd see a flash behind me and there'd be a mushroom cloud rising over San Francisco and then I'd wake up with a start and covered in cold sweat. Way too damn serious for a kid - and ultimately nothing I could do about it. I just had to hope and pray that God would keep me safe. Eventually, the cold war ended and nuclear weapons stopped being such a great fear, but by then I had moved on to other worries.

For me, anxiety is a full contact sport. I shake and shiver and wind myself up about ready to explode. I'm the kind of person who gets to the airport four hours early for a one hour flight - just to make sure I am safely checked in and past security before the plane leaves. When I reach my final destination, I can finally relax and move on to some other anxiety. But while I am gripped with anxiety, I feel like the other shoe is about to drop.

I have never really connected my anxiety with a lack of faith. I am sure that I'll be extremely anxious on the day of judgment as well - hopefully for other souls, and not so much for myself. But anxiety is almost universally a state produced by a lack of faith - whether in God or yourself. And its simple cure is to abandon your anxiety and throw it at the feet of God and let Him take care of it, which is usually much easier said than done.

In July of 2001, while I was driving in New York, I was trying to find the turnpike that would take me to Boston (I never did find it). I was driving by myself with only a rudimentary map and no previous driving experience in the area. As the city melted away into rural countryside and I started seeing "familiar" landmarks like Westchester County (home of the X-Men), I realized that I was what most people would refer to as lost. My anxiety was growing by the minute and I felt ready to pull off the side of the road and rage against my outrageous misfortune.

But then a calmness settled over me and I heard an inner voice speak up. "Will, you're the smartest guy you know. If anybody can get out of this situation its you. You couldn't get lost if you tried. And even if you did, with all your travel skills, you'll easily be able to find your way safely. You need to trust in your abilities. These gifts weren't given to you to be hidden away. Don't be afraid to use them occassionally."

I drove on, my anxiety forgotten. Ten minutes later, I found a highway that went east, and thirty minutes later, I connected to the turnpike that took me to Boston. I wasn't anxious for a single moment the entire rest of the trip - trusting in my God given abilities to navigate my way anywhere I wanted to go.

Sometimes when things seem darkest, we all need to be reminded to just let it be and God will handle it. That is the only way we grow in faith.