Bittersweet Bloke Bludgeoned By Buxom Biddies!

Or... Why I blame Ariel for this post.

Innocent me, minding my own business, I was strolling through the blogiverse yesterday, as I'm wont to do sometimes, looking for enlightenment, when I came across a post by Ariel at Bittersweet Life (see link in the side panel). This innocuous looking post reminded me of a certain apple on a certain tree. It looked juicy and innocent... but it hid the DEVIL! Or, to be more accurate, the Devil in the form of a link to another innocent looking post from an Australian blogger about Why Men Don't Attend Church.

Being completely naive about such things, I read the post and found that some of the words confused me and made me agree with them. I was bewitched I tell you. I started thinking things like, "Damn straight!" and "Ooh Rah! A man's gotta be a man!"

This, in and of itself, would probably not be so bad. And, in fact, it had no immediate effect on me. I went about the rest of my day and early evening feeling manly and not having an ill effect on anyone. Until I arrived at church last night for choir and met, "As A Deer."

For a guy who has been singing since I was in second or third grade, I have never once questioned the manliness of what I do. This is God's gift after all, and I usually get so uplifted afterwards. I have never, not once, considered the manliness of being a Choir Boy. But last night, after singing "As A Deer" I wanted to rip hairs off my chest, wrestle an alligator, or perhaps ride a motorcycle without a helmet at a high rate of speed while being chased by a Hell's Angel gang. But still, I was not in trouble. No.

The trouble came when I innocently noted to the entire choir, "This has to be the sappiest song I think I've ever sung." For some reason, I immediately had 20 sets of female eyes narrowed on me in that disapproving sort of way that says, "You've crossed the line buddy!" It didn't help that the three other guys in the choir all had their heads and eyes turned away from me in a manner that clearly said, "You're on your own, Rambo!"

I tried to explain. I tried to plead my case. But I was just too outnumbered. I had been done in by an Australian blog and a sappy song combining in my church like The Perfect Storm. I felt emasculated.

And so, I went home, opened the first e-mail I saw and ordered a Penis Enlargement kit... No, just kidding. Had you going for a second though, didn't I?