My nephew turns two today. Happy Birthday Joshy!
He is also my god son. Which, of course, makes me a god father. Now, any of you god parents out there who have any suggestions about what exactly we're supposed to do as god parents, please let me know. (I've taken the mumbling lessons, moved my office into a dark room, had a few guys whacked, even started going around granting favors - but somehow it all seems so Hollywood... and besides, I would never want to cut off the head of a horse. I like horses.)
No, but seriously... What is the role of the Godfather? Anyone have any clue? I mean, I know the basics - protect and nourish Josh in his walk of faith. But isn't that the role of all Christians? Shouldn't we all be Godparents when it comes to that?
Other thoughts... Hollywood has managed to massage a 750 plus page book into a two and a half hour movie again - Harry Potter - and while I will go see it, I'm kind of wondering how Hollywood would manage to massage The Bible into a two and a half hour movie. So here are some thoughts...
1) World created with great special effects in 70 seconds underneath opening credits with "Invisible Touch" playing softly in the background.
2) Cut back Joseph's musical numbers and don't dwell so much on his coat.
3) Run the entire book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy underneath the film in small print with a scrawl.
4) Amalgamate all the Judges into one badass super Judge and have him played by Clive Owens.
5) Jews defeat the Babylonians - thus no need for all those time consuming prophets.
6) Get 50 Cent to record a few of the psalms as raps, and play them over the closing credits.
7) You know... I'm thinking it might just be easier to make a trilogy of super extended DVD's with audio-commentary by Charlton Heston. No way you shorten the Bible into 2 1/2 hours.
8) Wait, I got it. In not trying to offend anyone, writers cut the overt religious message of the Bible and are left with 43 minutes and change. After you add back in the car chases, wild stunts, and gratuitous sex scenes, the Bible clocks in at a cool two hours.
HAH! And you said it couldn't be done!
Have a Happy Weekend. I will add The Welcoming Psalm later.
2 comments:
Well, instead of having Bible! The Movie! drag out over the course of thousands of years, you make it into one gigantic disaster movie, with God at the helm. Floods, locusts, forests of burning bushes, animals rushing a boat owner as he tries to escape with his family (but only 2 of each kind...). During it, of course, you could have the scary lepers running around, the greedy kings stealing the first borns, the man who refuses to leave his moutaing top home without his precious stone tablets... Oh, and don't forget when the earthquake hits and the nightclub, Babylon, is destroyed.
In the middle of it all, you have Jesus, the mysterious wanderer who is somehow unaffected by the tragedy surrounding him and appears to have superhuman powers to heal. He and his posse stride into the flood waters, fishing the men's (and women's) bodies out of the murk. They are so greatful that he has healed them, they follow him and help, too.
At the end, a fighter pilot flies into the storm clouds and creates a negative ionic supercharge which pushes the clouds safely to Jupiter. The last scene is of a dove flying with an olive branch towards a rainbow and the survivors singing "kumbaya."
What? Did I move too much around???
First, the godfather thing...
I've seen too many "godparents" who weren't even Christians! So what's the point in that, other than tradition? Anyway, the fact that you're thinking seriously about it means that you will be a real godfather to this child, that you will be a resource for him in his faith journey. I don't think enough of us understand or do that role.
The Bible movie...
Should be a series of animated shorts. Leviticus/Deuteronomy could be a handful of scenes showing sinners sinning and being stoned or burned up by God, along with animals being sacrificed.
Quick cuts of various prophets saying, "The Messiah is coming", Jesus arriving and proclaiming, "I am the Messiah" and the Pharisees responsding, "No you're not."
"Am too."
"Are not."
"Am too."
"ARE NOT."
"AM TOO!" Then raises Lazarus from the dead.
"ARE NOT." Judas kisses him, and then we know the rest of the story.
Cut to musical number with Andrew Lloyd Webber's music.
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