Bill O'Reilly proved what a deep thinker he is yesterday when he called for San Francisco's Coit Tower to be bombed by Al Kye Duh because we had the nerve and the audacity to say that we didn't want recruiters in our schools and guns in our homes. Rather than going on a long and lasting rant about how angry this made me feel, I've decided to do the Christian thing and turn the other cheek. Its what Jesus would have wanted me to do.
So in the spirit of Friday Insanity, I'd like to offer Il Quae D'oh a list of other targets that they might as well blow up while they're here enjoying San Francisco's gorgeous weather and charming hospitality.
First, Candlestick has got to go. If the 49ers are ever going to get a new stadium, come on, blow that sucker up!
Second, The New Cliff House - I'm sorry, but its ugly! Bring back the old one.
Third, half a dozen Starbucks Coffee Houses - it's not many, but its a start.
Fourth, those high rise condos on Bay Street that block the view of the bay. Honestly, the guy who put those in place should be chained in the building first.
Fifth, about half the new high rises around Willie Mays Field - I liked it better when it stuck out there all by itself.
Sixth, Pacbell/SBC/AT&T Headquarters - but just a small one - we only want to knock some sense into them about naming Willie Mays Field.
Seventh, any developer who wants to turn Treasure Island into a giant Wal-Mart.
Okay... that's about as many as I can think of. But I'd like to take this opportunity to speak to El Qae Dhuh. Come on guys, the suicide bombings are so last year. Get a new racket. How about reanimated corpses or zombies? Maybe combine some human DNA with a fly and wreak havoc that way? A giant Sea Monster attacking Tokyo or San Francisco would also be cool. Don't evil geniuses have any pride in their work anymore? Whatever happened to mad scientists and crazy schemes to destroy the world? People just don't take the time anymore to do things right.
And as for Bill O'Reilly, I just have one thing to say... but I'm not going to say it, because it isn't polite and probably anatomically impossible.
That's it. Anyone else have any suggestions for Hal Khy Der, while I'm at it?
5 comments:
The only thing I'll say with regard to SF politics is that Mayor Gavin Newsom looks like an ultra right wing conservative next to some of the morons on the Board of Supervisors.
Now that I've gotten that off my chest...
1. There was really only ONE corporate name that would have worked - had Magowan been able to convince Ralph Lauren, a good buddy of his and a Giants fan, to pony up $50 million and call the park the Polo Grounds. All else being equal, I concur - AT&T Field doesn't work, Should be Mays Field. But I'll settle for Ray Ratto's The Phone Booth.
2. Our fave group should target the Olive Garden in Stonestown. Ever eaten there? The service is shoddy, the food lousy, yet people still line up there! What gives?
3. All the street lights on the Great Highway. What happened to the days when we could do 90 mph along the beach?
4. In that same vein, all the new street lights on Lake Merced Blvd, too...used to be only the one at Winston and Font and Brotherhood Way, between Westlake and Lowell HS. Now you get traffic jams all along that road. Fun!
5. All those new townhouses at the site of the old Shriners Hospital on 19th Ave. Loved that old open space. At least the tree is still there for Christmas.
That's it for now...
Oooh... good choice on the town houses...
Also, any film makers making remakes in San Francisco should also be targeted. I don't think we need a Gus Van Sant version of Vertigo or McG's Maltese Falcon 2 with Pia Zadora.
And, in general, I'll agree about SF politics. Really, I've thought this for a long time that SF deserves everything that happens to them. They can be the densest voting population on the planet... but at least they know what to do with a well hung chad ;)
How about we just bomb O'Reilly the next time he visits our City?
Seriously, I hope he's never in our City if something serious happens here...
Well, OK, I'll admit that Starbucks is probably deserving, but I hope I'll have a few seconds warning so I can get out of it before it blows up.
Dave, you've been away from the Bay Area too long. You shouldn't be FOUND in a Starbucks...Tully's or Peet's would be substantially better choices.
Better yet, some hole in the wall joint no one's ever heard of...
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