Its just like riding a bike...

Two things ran through my mind as I took my first training ride on my bike around Lake Merced in San Francisco on Sunday... 1) OOOOWWWWWWWWW! THE PAIN! MAKE IT STOP! and 2) If you never forget how to ride a bike, how come I need a coach?

My friend, Jay, a former cycliste profesionale, not only gave me the bike that I'm riding but has also agreed to coach me on its fine use. He taught me things yesterday that I never knew, nor suspected I needed to know, about riding a bike. I learned to keep my legs straight and to not twist my ankles and to keep pedaling even on downhills and that Lance Armstrong is such a genius on the hills because he has one less testicle - I learned that one the painful way.

All this got me to thinking... they say love is like riding a bike. You never forget how to do it. If I knew so little about riding a bike, what did I really know about love? What had I learned and forgotten? What had I never suspected that I needed to know?

My only love affair was, thankfully, not brief. I was in a loving relationship for six years that never quite made it to the final step. I was young. And stupid. So perhaps that's a good thing. But over the years I've often wondered how much I really knew about loving someone else.

To be honest, I was never very good in this department. When other kids were chasing girls in school, I was busy writing or playing games or seeing movies. When they were learning social skills and dances, I was in front of a computer learning how to program. When I did fall in love in High School, I fell hard. And I was completely discombobulated. But I was really, truly, deeply in love and so, somehow, despite the dangers of rejection and social ostracism, I took the plunge and managed to get a girlfriend out of it. Total wooing time, however, was about one month and included two dates.

Six years later when I broke up with my girlfriend, I had no clue what to do next. There was a long period of mourning. And when I was helped out of that period I had a few dates that all ended in disaster. I tried the online dating thing - disaster. I agreed to be set up - disaster. I went out with a girl who had a crush on me - disaster. I've come to realize that I am a disaster when it comes to love.

To be fair, I've never again felt anything like I felt when I was around my ex-girlfriend. No butterflies. No utter fascination. No strong desire to be near someone and to share their thoughts, dreams, and hopes. They say that no love is like your first love, and perhaps that true. Perhaps I'm just hoping for a feeling that will never return, or that perhaps was never there in the first place.

They say its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I don't know. I think the jury is still out on that one. Before I fell in love, I was perfectly content with my lot in life... now I'm constantly wondering what's wrong with me. I've been left with a dull aching pain and a strong desire to yell... OOOOWWWWW THE PAIN! MAKE IT STOP!

But at least I go up hills faster... ;)