God Is Love

When I was young, I did not understand love. Though I received it freely, I did not know how to return it, except instinctually - a smile, a hug, a thank you, a song, a dance. But love requires effort, not non-challance, and dies quickly of neglect.

When I was on the verge of manhood, I did not understand love. Though I enjoyed its many rewards, I also dabbled in its many sins - anger, jealousy, fear, pride. But love requires patience, wisdom, and understanding, and I was still a child.

When I had traveled the world and explored its wonders, I did not understand love. Though I watched others fall in love, commit to love, and bring love into the world, I did not know how to join them - I dated, I failed, I longed for a lasting companion. But love requires community, not independence, and I was unwilling to settle down.

Now that I am old enough to understand love, I still do not have love. Though I struggle to give it freely, I have not found many to accept. Though I have been patient, understanding, and sought wisdom, I do not have anyone with which to share what I have learned. Though I have settled down in a community of faith, I have not found a true companion. For all my wasted years and efforts have taught me the most important lesson of all. Love comes from God. It is His most sought after and treasured gift to us all. And we squander it at our own peril.

I gave over my heart to God, right after I finished cursing and swearing at the driver in front of me for going to slow.

The car in front of me was nothing more than a stone in the road, an obstacle to be avoided and passed at the earliest convenience. I wasn't in any particular hurry, mind you, but I didn't want to be stuck behind the stone all the same. This object was bothering me. So I cursed him and swore at him and thought all sorts of terrible things about him and his parentage.

We have this urinal at work that I hate to use, but occassionally I forget and use anyway. Its at such a height and angle that as you're taking a piss, it splatters. You can feel your own piss landing on you, but its too late to do anything about it but feel disgusting and unclean. When I sin, it too, has a tendency to splatter. After cursing this thing that was making my life inconvenient, I suddenly felt disgusting and unclean.

Right there, in the car, at that very moment, I prayed to God, "Lord, please make me a better person. Open my heart up to my fellow human beings and to you. Allow me to feel love again."

This was only two or three weeks ago. At first, it was a mighty struggle. I'd been so used to driving around obstacles for so long and cursing the ones who deigned to want to share the road with me that I was constantly feeling God's hand gently guiding me back to the right road - the one with all my fellow travelers. It wasn't that I slowed down, so much, as that I suddenly didn't mind slowing down if I had to let someone in front of me.

I'd like to say the transformation was instantaneous and that I am a much more courteous and happy driver on the road, but, that doesn't happen in reality. Let's just say its a work in progress.

But as I drove to work more peacefully than I could remember in years, I also began to notice other things happening - a confluence of events that could not be mere coincidence.

I began to remember with joy the years I'd spent as peacemaker in my family - not taking sides, but actively working to prevent sides from being formed. I remembered that when I was younger that I'd thought I'd had some talent at that sort of negotiation and that I felt learning to be a family peacemaker had taught me a great deal about human nature, which I used to great effect in my writing. Though there isn't any great crisis in my life, I found myself beginning to use my peacemaking skills again - dusting them off and shaking loose the cobwebs.

I found more enjoyment in my reading of the psalms. I found great thrills reading each other's blogs. I looked forward to spending time with friends and family. I embraced Christmas as a holiday to enjoy, not as an ordeal to rush through. I worried more. I prayed more. I contemplated more. I felt more alive.

I also began to realize other things. I began to realize that I had been holding God responsible for many of my own failings. I'd actually been ridiculous enough to think things like, "If God doesn't want me to eat this cheeseburger, he'll send me a sign." And I knew that I'd been treating God like a cosmic Ouija board. But I didn't know what to do about it.

Before I even knew how to ask the question, I had the answer to my prayer. That's been happening a lot lately too.

Psalm 118:5-6


5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?

The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. I stopped treating God as a crutch and started treating Him as a friend. Don't do it for me, God, but help me to do it. Help me to be reminded of what it is that I'm trying to accomplish. Don't catch me a fish, teach me to be a fisherman.

I started to suspect that there was more to the Bible than I was reading into it - that perhaps the true strength of this book was not of the Do This, Do That variety - but of the love behind the Do This and Do That - the wisdom of God, more so than the instruction.

And that was when Andy gave me the present of Donald Miller's, "Searching For God Knows What?" for Christmas. I had thoroughly enjoyed Blue Like Jazz and found it to be an interesting gateway into Biblical thought - not the authority figures of Chesterton or C.S. Lewis, but a schmoe from Portland who had grown up a lot like Andy and I. Here was a way into Christian thinking that didn't require a PHD. Here was someone I could understand. But what I didn't realize was that Donald Miller was also working for God.

His book's first four or five chapters were all about - A) Not using God as a wish fulfiller. B) The hidden language of Love in the Bible. And C)Finding community in both our relationship with God and with each other. Here was a perfect synthesis of exactly what I'd been experiencing and feeling for the past three weeks, already written out, and already published - waiting for me to stumble upon.

St. Augustine once said that he'd looked back over his life and saw a pattern develop. Again and again, God had intervened and guided his path. I don't even question this passage anymore. God clearly walks beside me where ever I go.

Despite Donald Miller's assertion that the Bible is not a source for simple formulas, I had a thought a while back, when I first started writing this blog, that you could apply the Mathematical Transitive Formula to the Bible and come up with the following result that would tell you exactly what God is like. So, let's give it a try...

According to the transitivie property of Mathematics, If A=B and B=C, then A=C. Using that formula, let's start with, God is Love 1 John 4:16, and take it as God = Love. And then apply that thought to 1st Corinthians 13:1-8. Wherever you read the word Love, here, replace it with the word God.

1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails...

Okay... you might need to change the word It to God as well. Its an over simplification, of course. God is all these things and so much more. We can not begin to fathom God.

But all this thought of love got me to thinking about what it was that I had been doing wrong - about how I might truly attain the thing I most sought. If God is love, and He is the greatest thing ever, then the best way to emulate God, the best way to be like God, is to be love.

To live a life of love. To live a life in love. To live a life to love. To take the I out of live, and replace it with an O. There should be no I in live. It should be replaced with the circle which represents unending, ceaseless, infinity. To take the I out of love.

If I have not found someone to love, it is because I have not been ready until now. I am ready to love. I am ready to give and to receive love. I am ready to embrace love. I am ready to be love. I will not be afraid, for the Lord is with me. What can man do to me?

As you head out into your New Year's celebrations, I want you to do one thing for me. Please ask God to open your heart and help you learn to love. None of us will be perfect. Many of us, myself included, will take a long time to get the basic concepts. But the rewards will far outweigh the struggles. Let us all live a life of love. We can not fail for the Lord is with us.

God bless you all, and have a Happy New Year.