God Is Love

When I was young, I did not understand love. Though I received it freely, I did not know how to return it, except instinctually - a smile, a hug, a thank you, a song, a dance. But love requires effort, not non-challance, and dies quickly of neglect.

When I was on the verge of manhood, I did not understand love. Though I enjoyed its many rewards, I also dabbled in its many sins - anger, jealousy, fear, pride. But love requires patience, wisdom, and understanding, and I was still a child.

When I had traveled the world and explored its wonders, I did not understand love. Though I watched others fall in love, commit to love, and bring love into the world, I did not know how to join them - I dated, I failed, I longed for a lasting companion. But love requires community, not independence, and I was unwilling to settle down.

Now that I am old enough to understand love, I still do not have love. Though I struggle to give it freely, I have not found many to accept. Though I have been patient, understanding, and sought wisdom, I do not have anyone with which to share what I have learned. Though I have settled down in a community of faith, I have not found a true companion. For all my wasted years and efforts have taught me the most important lesson of all. Love comes from God. It is His most sought after and treasured gift to us all. And we squander it at our own peril.

I gave over my heart to God, right after I finished cursing and swearing at the driver in front of me for going to slow.

The car in front of me was nothing more than a stone in the road, an obstacle to be avoided and passed at the earliest convenience. I wasn't in any particular hurry, mind you, but I didn't want to be stuck behind the stone all the same. This object was bothering me. So I cursed him and swore at him and thought all sorts of terrible things about him and his parentage.

We have this urinal at work that I hate to use, but occassionally I forget and use anyway. Its at such a height and angle that as you're taking a piss, it splatters. You can feel your own piss landing on you, but its too late to do anything about it but feel disgusting and unclean. When I sin, it too, has a tendency to splatter. After cursing this thing that was making my life inconvenient, I suddenly felt disgusting and unclean.

Right there, in the car, at that very moment, I prayed to God, "Lord, please make me a better person. Open my heart up to my fellow human beings and to you. Allow me to feel love again."

This was only two or three weeks ago. At first, it was a mighty struggle. I'd been so used to driving around obstacles for so long and cursing the ones who deigned to want to share the road with me that I was constantly feeling God's hand gently guiding me back to the right road - the one with all my fellow travelers. It wasn't that I slowed down, so much, as that I suddenly didn't mind slowing down if I had to let someone in front of me.

I'd like to say the transformation was instantaneous and that I am a much more courteous and happy driver on the road, but, that doesn't happen in reality. Let's just say its a work in progress.

But as I drove to work more peacefully than I could remember in years, I also began to notice other things happening - a confluence of events that could not be mere coincidence.

I began to remember with joy the years I'd spent as peacemaker in my family - not taking sides, but actively working to prevent sides from being formed. I remembered that when I was younger that I'd thought I'd had some talent at that sort of negotiation and that I felt learning to be a family peacemaker had taught me a great deal about human nature, which I used to great effect in my writing. Though there isn't any great crisis in my life, I found myself beginning to use my peacemaking skills again - dusting them off and shaking loose the cobwebs.

I found more enjoyment in my reading of the psalms. I found great thrills reading each other's blogs. I looked forward to spending time with friends and family. I embraced Christmas as a holiday to enjoy, not as an ordeal to rush through. I worried more. I prayed more. I contemplated more. I felt more alive.

I also began to realize other things. I began to realize that I had been holding God responsible for many of my own failings. I'd actually been ridiculous enough to think things like, "If God doesn't want me to eat this cheeseburger, he'll send me a sign." And I knew that I'd been treating God like a cosmic Ouija board. But I didn't know what to do about it.

Before I even knew how to ask the question, I had the answer to my prayer. That's been happening a lot lately too.

Psalm 118:5-6


5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?

The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. I stopped treating God as a crutch and started treating Him as a friend. Don't do it for me, God, but help me to do it. Help me to be reminded of what it is that I'm trying to accomplish. Don't catch me a fish, teach me to be a fisherman.

I started to suspect that there was more to the Bible than I was reading into it - that perhaps the true strength of this book was not of the Do This, Do That variety - but of the love behind the Do This and Do That - the wisdom of God, more so than the instruction.

And that was when Andy gave me the present of Donald Miller's, "Searching For God Knows What?" for Christmas. I had thoroughly enjoyed Blue Like Jazz and found it to be an interesting gateway into Biblical thought - not the authority figures of Chesterton or C.S. Lewis, but a schmoe from Portland who had grown up a lot like Andy and I. Here was a way into Christian thinking that didn't require a PHD. Here was someone I could understand. But what I didn't realize was that Donald Miller was also working for God.

His book's first four or five chapters were all about - A) Not using God as a wish fulfiller. B) The hidden language of Love in the Bible. And C)Finding community in both our relationship with God and with each other. Here was a perfect synthesis of exactly what I'd been experiencing and feeling for the past three weeks, already written out, and already published - waiting for me to stumble upon.

St. Augustine once said that he'd looked back over his life and saw a pattern develop. Again and again, God had intervened and guided his path. I don't even question this passage anymore. God clearly walks beside me where ever I go.

Despite Donald Miller's assertion that the Bible is not a source for simple formulas, I had a thought a while back, when I first started writing this blog, that you could apply the Mathematical Transitive Formula to the Bible and come up with the following result that would tell you exactly what God is like. So, let's give it a try...

According to the transitivie property of Mathematics, If A=B and B=C, then A=C. Using that formula, let's start with, God is Love 1 John 4:16, and take it as God = Love. And then apply that thought to 1st Corinthians 13:1-8. Wherever you read the word Love, here, replace it with the word God.

1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails...

Okay... you might need to change the word It to God as well. Its an over simplification, of course. God is all these things and so much more. We can not begin to fathom God.

But all this thought of love got me to thinking about what it was that I had been doing wrong - about how I might truly attain the thing I most sought. If God is love, and He is the greatest thing ever, then the best way to emulate God, the best way to be like God, is to be love.

To live a life of love. To live a life in love. To live a life to love. To take the I out of live, and replace it with an O. There should be no I in live. It should be replaced with the circle which represents unending, ceaseless, infinity. To take the I out of love.

If I have not found someone to love, it is because I have not been ready until now. I am ready to love. I am ready to give and to receive love. I am ready to embrace love. I am ready to be love. I will not be afraid, for the Lord is with me. What can man do to me?

As you head out into your New Year's celebrations, I want you to do one thing for me. Please ask God to open your heart and help you learn to love. None of us will be perfect. Many of us, myself included, will take a long time to get the basic concepts. But the rewards will far outweigh the struggles. Let us all live a life of love. We can not fail for the Lord is with us.

God bless you all, and have a Happy New Year.

I AM NOT A CLANGING GONG! WOOHOO!

I've just had an epiphany! I am not a clanging gong! This is very important to me.

I've been worrying lately that I do not have enough love in my heart. Its been a bunch of subtle things - stress over the holidays and such - but I've honestly been wondering if I had some sort of love block, preventing me from loving as I should. Well, I just got my answer.

I was reading Elisa's excellent blog where in she wondered whether her friends and family were going to Heaven and whether she was going to Heaven - very guilty Catholic kind of thinking. I wrote her a response and then I went back to work. While I was working on mind numbing number crunching, my mind started to wander. I was especially moved about her question of whether her brother had gone to Heaven. I wanted to just reach out to her, hold her in my arms, and tell her - "Yes, your brother is in Heaven. You can rest easy tonight. God is a great and merciful God and He loves us." And I was angry with her "friends" for telling her that she was going to Hell because she belonged to such and such church. I wanted to tell Elisa, "No, you're not going to hell because you belong to such and such church. God doesn't work like that." But then it occurred to me... I don't know a damn thing about any of that. Who am I to say these things? How the heck should I know any of this?

And that was when the epiphany hit me. I realized that the knowledge I had about these things was coming from my heart - not my head. There was no amount of book reading or blog reading or burning bushes that I could read or hear that could tell me the truth of what was already in my heart. God wrote his new covenant on our hearts. And it was at that moment that I knew I didn't have to be a scholar to say what I was saying because it was coming from my heart and was being said in Love.

I don't remember the actual words from 13 Corinthians and I'm totally hopeless about finding Bible verses on the web, but to paraphrase for my own purposes, "If I speak of Heaven, but have not love, I am nothing but a clanging gong!" I have love. I realize that now. I am not love deficient. I am not love blocked. I am not love intolerant. And I know what I am talking about, because I have love!

WHOOOEEEEE! God is truly great and magnificent! All praise to God!

It's Official! We have a ghost!

I'm not inclined to spread hoaxes, but this one was too weird to pass up.

Yesterday, my co-worker came rushing down the hallway all flustered and read faced. She'd been all alone in the back room working on a project when she saw something out of the corner of her eye. She turned and saw a figure of a woman in a white wedding type dress descending the steps into the room, and then it just vanished. She would not go back into the room the rest of the day.

I don't know what she actually saw to make her think it was a ghost, but I know some people who swear to have encountered ghosts before (Heather!). This person was not the type to make up a story like that, so I gotta believe that she believes what she saw.

Now that's not the official confirmation part.

Last night, after everyone had gone home except the janitor, the President of the company and his brother were talking to each other about the story that my co-worker had told. Skeptical, they went into the room and started looking around for something that might have cast a reflection or made her think that there was a ghost. While they were looking, someone began rattling the outside door (next to the staircase). Thinking they'd accidentally locked the janitor out of the building, they rushed to the door and pushed it open. Nobody was there. The Janitor was in the front of the building at the time. This story was confirmed by all three participants.

So, it looks as if we've picked up a hitchhiking ghost just in time for the new year. I don't care what anyone says, I know that's good luck. As poor as this company has been doing the last couple of years with the downturned economy, it just goes to show us that our spirit is alive and well and rattling the doors of opportunity.

Looking forward to 2006. May you all have a Happy New Year.

"I Do Not Believe In God!"

Donald Miller ends the second chapter of his book, "Searching For God Know's What," with this pronouncement and it was the last thing I read before going to bed. I tossed and turned all last night after reading this terrible sentence. I'm hoping the book gets better after this, or else its going to be a very short book in terms of a Christian Message (Searching For God Know's What - a new book about Christian Spirituality from someone who doesn't believe in God ;)

The passage in the book equates belief in God to belief in Santa - that many of us have Christianity stamped on us like children have Santa stamped on us. Eventually we grow older and stop believing because God was never a real construct for us. While I debated posting yesterday's blog about Reality vs. Fiction, this second chapter was really making my point for me and I realized that I needed to post the blog so that everyone could understand my further discussions of this book.

In my College English term paper entitled, "The Arm Chair Diety," I argued that people write to change the world. It is my firm belief that we humans try to emulate the real world in our arts by creating an idealized version of it. The daily drives and tediums of reality can never be fully captured in the arts because, quite frankly, who would want to capture it? No matter how good the play, the movie, the book, the poem, the painting, etc... it can not capture the minute by minute experience of daily life. We don't go to a movie to watch two hours of a character's life - to see them walk around thinking inane thoughts, sit at their computer and type their daily blog, go to the bathroom, wash their hands, contemplate lunch, make phone calls, scratch themselves, etc... It would be boring and pointless. We emulate the real world in such a way that we can skip all that in-between stuff and get straight to the point - love is good, evil is bad, heroes thrive, villians die, etc... Thus showing the world the way we want it to be, not the way it is. But in doing so, we also show the world the way it needs to go, or warn it against going a certain way.

Writing has greatly affected the world. The Bible has had a lasting impact on generation after generation. Mein Kampf led the world into unspeakable horrors. Shakespeare continues to enlighten and enthrall.

A good writer can lead us into places we do not want to contemplate. I was thinking about this after reading Miller's above passage. I have certain things that I simply refuse to contemplate. I just know I'm not strong enough to resist the intellectual urge and I'm afraid that once I start down that path of discovery, I will never be able to find my way back to safe, normal thinking. The first, and foremost, is What if there isn't a God? Not going there. Don't need to. The second, and almost as scary, is For what would I sell my soul? Again, not going there. Don't need to. Don't want to. I'm afraid that just contemplating such a question may create a pact between you and the Devil. As if the question is just floating out there, an unsigned contract, and mere contemplation and decision would seal the deal. Hell no! Not me! And finally, I never contemplate suicide. There's just bad karma waiting around the bend on that one. Donald Miller is making me confront that first question... and I don't like it... but I'm sticking with it for now.

Am I stuck in some sort of adolescent stage as a result? Is my unwillingness to challenge my own belief in God mean that I am clinging to some Santa Claus ideal of God - some wish fulfillment fantasy? I don't think so. I am old enough to know now that God has some better things planned for me, but in terms of denseness, I make the original disciples look like super geniuses. God keeps having to beat my head against the wall to get me to learn anything ;) Or, rather, I should say, I keep beating my head against the wall and God continues to say, "Will, there is a better way, if you'd just listen to me."

Anyway, I look forward to chapter three where I'd better read these words, "Not believing in God wasn't a great idea..." or Donald Miller will have some serious explaining to do. And so will Andy for that matter... ;)

Reality sucks!

My thanks to Andy who gave me two new Donald Miller books for Christmas. I waded into "Searching For God Knows What" last night and came away with the following lesson, "Reality is like wine. Children don't appreciate it." The rest of the first chapter expresses Miller's attempts to write a story about Christianity and looking for a formula and discovering that there is no formula to reality. That's the gist of it, anyway - I was starting to feel that Triptofan buzz when I read it.

My mind travels down strange paths. It always has. But for the longest time, I've known that my body can not travel where my mind goes. Reality and fantasy have become two very real worlds for me. I like to live in the latter, even while forced to live in the former. Most of who I am, most of what I want to be, is in the fantasy world. I've often felt that there ought to be a way to make the two worlds one.

"Harry Potter suceeds because it is a case of wish fulfillment," said a recent critic of the best selling books on the planet. But I really wonder, how much of that is true? You read Harry Potter, and maybe it brings you joy and pleasure for a few hours, or if you're a slow reader like me, a few days, but eventually you have to return to the world of reality. At most, you are only a visitor - and an unwanted guest at that.

But how much more so is that the case of The Bible? On its surface, it is a story of a man who claims to be the son of the one holy ruler of everything - a being so powerful as to be omnipotent - who comes to Earth to save us all from Satan's power, when we have gone astray... Oh, Tidings of Comfort and Joy... Oops, sorry, still in Christmas mode. I mean the Jews had been wishing for a Messiah all their lives, and voila, there He was. Wish fulfillment, right? Now here was a Messiah who could heal the sick, feed the hungry, toss out demons, give sight to the poor, and asked nothing in return except faith. The son of a God who had liberated his people from the all powerful Egypt by sending plagues on Pharoah and drowning his army in the parted Red Sea had come for us. Total wish fulfillment. Snap his fingers, if he wanted, and you could have anything your heart desired.

Only, of course, there was a snag. Harry has to face death and dismemberment every year. God's people don't believe in him no matter what he does. Jesus had to die on a cross in order for us to be saved. Hardly what I'd call wish fulfillment.

It seems that even wish fulfillment can not escape the adult pleasures of reality. It seems that those who seek fantasy and have some measure of success attaining it, only delay the arrival of reality. We all want the fantasy. None of us want the reality attached to it.

I write because I want to live in a fantasy world. But as a writer I am cognizant of one important rule about every story - it has a beginning, middle, and an end. The fantasy world stops and the real world returns. Wish fulfillment is just an escape. But it is an important escape because it shows us, however briefly, the kind of world we want to live in - the kind of reality we want to experience. Whether it be casting spells with our friends or living in community with Jesus, it will always remain a fantasy until we make it a reality.

If fantasy is great, and reality sucks, then I want to make my reality more like my fantasy. And that is why you can not abandon fantasy and experience only reality. Without fantasy, reality has no direction.

Hark! The Herald...

Angels sing...
Glory to the newborn king.

I'll leave you with that. Finish the song on your own. You know you want to.

Merry Christmas to all! Goodwill and Peace On Earth To All Mankind!

Nature vs. Nurture

Not to be outdone by my partners in last night's movie going experience, I too had some thoughts on King Kong. Though, really, relating King Kong to sin was pure genius.

My thoughts are much more mundane, human, and perhaps morbid. After all, they came to me in the shower this morning - my own private little creative laboratory where my body goes on neutral under the warm flow of water and my mind is given free reign to come up with some of the bizarrest thoughts of my life. This one was no exception.

Having seen The Chronicles of Narnia on Monday, and King Kong on Tuesday, the thought occured to me about what sort of havoc Kong would wreak in Narnia. Kong, as Peter Jackson envisions him, is just pure raw nature - destructive as an earthquake, dangerous as a forest fire, and yet, tender as new fallen snow. Nature, in all its power and glory, unleashed on mankind. In its own environment, it rules. In proximity to humans, it is deadly. Narnia, on the other hand, is an allegory for the Christian story and is meant to symbolize some sort of Christian kingdom. It is ruled over by a lion, by the name of Aslan, who sacrifices himself to save the entire kingdom though he is pure and innocent.

Right off the bat, come on - Giant Ape that can defeat several dinosaurs at once versus a lion. No contest. The Ape would smash the lion and rip its head off. (Like I said, morbid ;) But this is no ordinary contest. The lion has the deck stacked in its favor. For though Kong represents all of nature - nature at is most wild, spectacular and dangerous - the King of the whole natural world, King Kong would kneel before the lion - not for fear of losing its life, but for the hope of gaining it.

If King Kong would bow before the lion, shouldn't we as well?

Monday's More Important Things...

And now for some more important things...

There's an online petition to strongly suggest to SBC/AT & T to rename SBC Park/Pac Bell Park home of the San Francisco Giants, Willie Mays Field. Please support this noble effort by clicking here and signing up.

Kudos to Time Magazine for naming Bono of the rock group, U2, and Bill and Melinda Gates co-people of the year for their tireless efforts to end world poverty and hunger. If you haven't already joined, please click here to join the One Campaign. For just the price of your signature, we can pressure the governments of the world to do something good for all mankind for a change.

So Willie Mays Field and the End of Poverty and Hunger in one blog... that must be some sort of record... ;)

Silence is Golden?

Ariel posted this, "Inaudible Answers to Prayer" in which he quotes the following from Oswald Chambers:

"If God is taking us into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, He will give us the first sign of His intimacy—silence. The devil calls it unanswered prayer."

Ariel has posted a Blogger Limelight challenge to respond to this quote. He asks:

"What do you make of Chambers' statement? Do you violently disagree? Or does his assertion contain some truth? If so, how much—a few grains, or a whole sackful? At the bottom of this is the question of what we actually should expect, experientially, when we pray to God the Father."

(God, I love cut and paste... thank you Andy for typing up this first part... saved me a lot of time... ;)

I think this whole assertion rests on the very first part of that statement. IF GOD IS TAKING US INTO THE UNDERSTANDING THAT PRAYER IS FOR THE GLORIFYING OF HIS FATHER... Okay, maybe I missed that message somewhere. Or maybe God and I aren't that intimate. I don't recognize that understanding yet. Prayer, I think, can take many different forms. It can be spoken aloud - publicly, and en masse. It can be intimate - spoken in a quiet moment when no one else is around. It can be a feeling - a communion between your soul and the soul of God that doesn't even require words. It can be done in song, or poem, or chant. Sometimes it is used to thank God for the many blessings we have achieved. Sometimes it is to ask God for His help or His understanding. Sometimes, and let's be honest, its to ask God, why? And sometimes, it is to praise God. In a sort of metaphysical sense, to pray is to glorify God by recognizing that He is your sovereign Lord and savior and that He is the one you need to approach with your heart, mind, and soul. But the act of prayer, itself, is not always meant as a glorification of the Lord Most High.

As to the second part of this phrase, that He will answer us with the intimacy of silence, my first and honest response to this is... Poppycock! It'd be some answer to anyone's innocent question about whether God hears our prayers if we were to answer, "If you're doing it right, God will answer you with silence." And if we're doing it wrong? "You'll hear nothing." Uh... isn't that the same answer? The better way of phrasing this, I think, is to say that if you are still and calm and silent, you will hear God's answer, though probably not audibly. In other words, His silence speaks volumes.

And yes, the Devil would want people to think that not hearing a voice from the clouds that sounds like James Earl Jones means that God's not listening and not answering us, I doubt that the Devil would have to work that hard if we told new parishioners that God answers us with silence. The Non-Believer in us would naturally say, "Riiiight," and walk away slowly.

Prayer is a deep and personal thing. It is our communion with God. It is our chance to talk through our own troubles with God an active listener. But its kind of like sending snail mail to someone to clarify something that you already sent via e-mail. God already knows what you want to say and has already answered your question before you've even asked it. I find most often that the act of prayer itself is the answer to the question I haven't yet asked. If I am troubled about a relationship and I go to ask God what I should I do about it, I will usually find my answer to the question while I am asking God for His answer and I'll just suddenly know what the answer is. You can't tell me that God's answer is silence. I know from personal experience.

Friday's Filings

Brought to you by Kellogs... start your day fresh with a big bowl of Kellog's Breakfast Cereal... and by the Number 4.

Lately, I find myself thinking of a certain President flying onto an aircraft carrier and declaring to the world that the "War is Over". I "Finished My Novel" on May 17th. It is now the end of December and I still haven't reached the half way point on the rough draft. Its taking a lot longer than I thought, primarily, because I've never been this far before on a novel or story. I've never rewritten anything. And the tendency is to try and perfect something that you know you'll never be able to perfect. Its like making Spaghetti and after cooking the noodles and adding the Ragu sauce, you want to start experimenting with spices to give it the most authentic Italian flavor possible. Sooner or later, all you're left with is a big mess of cold spaghetti. So, I've finally forced myself to come up with a withdrawal date - Novel done or not - and I'll be pulling my creative troops out of harms way on March 7th, 2006. See, Mr. President, it was that easy.

And speaking of Bush... Why does he need the Patriot Act? He seems to be dismantling the Constitution just fine on his own without any help from Congress.

Politics aside, this January 1st marks another banner day for me and my annual tradition. About 8 years ago I started a new tradition of creating a list of New Year Resolutions - one for each year that I've been alive. So, this year, now that I'm 36 (at least, I'm fairly certain that's how old I am... doing math is getting more complicated as I get older ;) I have to come up with a list of 36 New Year's Resolutions. Now, most of these resolutions tend to be the usual sort that you find on everyone's list - eat right, excercise more, write novel, win Pulitzer Prize for Fiction; that sort of thing. But combined with that smaller list, I usually try to match it with things that I actually want to do - to sort of force myself to do them. It just works as a sort of reminder throughout the year to take time out and do things for myself - like vacation or concerts or spend time with friends, things that I might cancel for other "more important" things if they weren't on my list. At least a few times every year I use the excuse - well, I've got to do that because its one of my resolutions. So, anyway, I totally recommend this excersise to you. I'll tell you now that you'll have no more success with 30 plus resolutions than you do with one. I usually get about 2 to 7 done a year. This year, I think I actually got about 10 done. But it definitely reminds you throughout the year what you wanted to accomplish and makes you think ahead about what's important.

This year, I believe the things on my list will include: Go to Disney World, Go to NCAA Sweet 16, and go to Giants game on my birthday. If any of you would like to chime in with some fun things you think I'd like to do, please send your comments. I have until January 1st to finish my list.

Under New Management...

Apparently, I've been bought out. In an agressive move, Andy from Mile From The Beach blog, bought up 2700 shares in ICON and is now the majority stock holder with 54% (which really makes one wonder who owns the other 46%). This is all part of a fantasy blog share game that you can access through Andy's blog at Mile From The Beach.

As Andy is now in charge, I will, of course, be changing my demands. No more will I be speaking about myself in whatever manner I choose. But now, since Corporate America has taken over my site, I will, of course, skew my dialog to whatever demographic pays the most money to visit my site and my advertisers. And since this data is collected scientifically and because Andy wants me to maximize my earning potential, I will no longer be advertising Gay Ford Trucks on my blog. That's right. Only manly trucks will be advertised here.

Of course, this is all dependent on whether our contract negotiations go through. As an employee now, my union wants a few words with Management. I need paid breaks, a good pension, and about a thirty million K signing bonus (whatever K is supposed to be ;) No bling, no blog. Its that simple.

*Sigh* I remember the day, not too long ago, when blogging was simple - before the corporations took over and became mega-bloggomerates. Back then the message was all about truth and God. But there's no room for that in the Corporate world.

So tomorrow's topic will be The Latest Things Paris Hilton Is Doing To Her Hair.

Guess You Had To Be There...

The Prodigal Son is the story of the beginning of wisdom. Every person goes through their own prodigal journey. Its a growing experience. Without it, we never will learn the important lessons of life.

For those of you who are new to the Bible, let me recap: A young man comes to his father and tells him that he wants to go see the world. The father gives the young man his share of the inheritance and sends him off. The young man travels the world. He sees amazing things, does amazing things, and generally sows his oats - so to speak. But then, he runs out of cash. He finds himself slopping the pigs for some farmer in a foreign nation just to survive. Then he realizes that even as a slave for his father, he would be treated with more respect - so he returns home. When his father sees his son return, he is so overjoyed that he calls for a great feast and restores his son to his former glory as his son (though one suspects the trips to Vegas aren't included in the new deal ;) In a nutshell, that's the story.

I just finished watching a movie called Jarhead. I can't recommend the movie, but to a very few people, but I think it perfectly captures the particular experience of youth finding their own way in the world. There's a scene near the end of the movie where the young Private, played by Jake Gylenhall, is in the middle of the Iraqi desert with his Staff Sergeant, played by Jamie Foxx. All around them it is artifical night as the oil wells burn and black clouds cover the landscape - illuminating the desert with their fiery glow. They are standing in a bomb crater. A completely fire gutted car sits silently at one end of the crater. The Staff Sergeant looks at his Private and says, "You know why I like this job?" "No, Staff Sergeant." "Because of this... where else are you going to see something like this?" It is a painfully ironic moment - and the beginning of wisdom.

Where else are you going to witness the fiery hell of war? Where else are you going to find yourself upside down and someone sliding an entire beer down a tube into your head? Where else are you going to go skinny dipping under a waterfall? Where else are you going to want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane? Where else are we going to stay up all night talking to someone we can't wait to know better? Youth. Prodigal youth. The beginnings of wisdom.

Until you live life, you can't begin to understand it.

Soap Box Time

In my novel, there is a character who, in essence, is the Prophet of this generation. He speaks to the people of the United States about being good and faithful servants. Basically, he gets up on his soap box and tells the people of America what he really thinks.

I was thinking. If you could stand up on a soap box and tell America one thing, one bit of wisdom, or one prayer, or one exhortation, what would it be? What would you tell America?

So, please, tell me what America needs to hear...

As the song says...

If I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all...

I just got off the phone with my Ford Dealer. Now, to preface this, I don't really blame Ford. They're just playing the game. The dealers have always been nice and I've gotten nothing but exemplary service. That being said...

I bought this Ford Explorer in 2002. As part of the expense I took the warranty. The warranty was 3 years, 30,000 miles (Full Coverage) and 6 years, 60,000 miles (Extended Warrany). Because of the release date of the truck, its 3 years ran out about a month after I got the truck, and surprise, there was nothing wrong with it. About four months later, the hatch on the back of my truck broke (just a tiny piece of plastic sheered off). I took it in. $600 in repairs... and, because it was the exterior of the vehicle, it wasn't covered by the extended warranty. Since then, every six months or so, there has been some minor repair that has been needed. And surprise, its never once been covered by warranty.

I took my truck in yesterday with a problem with the pressure valves - an inside the engine kind of thing, right? There's only 57,000 miles on the truck. Well, as I said, I just got off the phone with my Ford Dealer. Not only has the extended service warranty expired - by one month - but this pressure valve thing wasn't covered by my warranty anyway. Another $300 down the drain.

I've probably already spent more for this car, in three years, than I did for my previous two cars over the course of 8 years. *sigh* And now with gas being what it is, its probably impossible for me to resell and not lose money. Oh well... at least I get a rental car for the next day...

Talk about being born under a bad sign...

Christian Music

I grew up in the choir - almost as much as I grew up in Youth Group. My first choir director was Mr. Groves. When I was in grade school, Mr. Groves would not only teach and direct the boys and girls choirs, but he would also write and direct musicals. I sang in a couple of these musicals, most notably as Jamichi's Grandfather and The Selfish Giant - though I really wanted to be the dragon.

As I grew too old for boys choir and my voice started to change, I joined the adult Chancel Choir. I joined them just in time for Mozart's Requiem. To this day, that is one of the most challenging and best pieces of music I've ever sang. I sang with the adult choir, off and on, throughout high school and into my first year of college. Then I left to join the Navy.

Also during my youth group years, we would have singing sessions during our meetings and sometimes on our work camps. My good friend, Andy, preached recently about sitting around a campfire on the beach singing songs. One of the songs he mentioned was Have You Seen Jesus? I read the title, and I admit, it brought back no memories for me. I could see half of the titles as songs that I'd probably sung, but only a few tunes had stuck in my head since then.

More than ten years after I'd gone off to the Navy, I decided to go back to Lakeside. The thing that drew me back, actually, was the chance to sing in the choir. Though I was rusty at first, I really enjoyed the time spent singing. I've never been a very good singer - maybe better than average, but that's about it. I'd come to respect the fact that I was never going to be the next Pavarotti a long time before. And since, when you go off into the world, you tend to forget those skills that aren't going to take you anywhere - like riding a bike or playing pinball - I'd left singing behind as something I no longer needed. But when it was time to go back, I remembered how much joy I'd had singing. And sitting in that choir and singing to God really brought me back to my youth and reminded me of how good it felt to be in communion with God. I haven't looked back since.

The strangest thing happened to me today. Out of the clear blue, I was thinking about my Uncle's struggle with cancer and wondering what the future held in store for us all, and suddenly... this tune popped into my head. My brain is weird, all the time, and so I realized that it had probably seen the title of the song and started sifting through twenty years of memories to find the corresponding tune and words. But there I was, at work, suddenly humming and singing "Have You Seen Jesus?".

Here are the lyrics, in case, like me, you've forgotten a word or two...

Have You Seen Jesus My Lord?
Words and Music by John Fischer
(Written during his summer as the first music director at Ponderosa Lodge, the new high school camp at Mount Hermon Christian Conference Center.)

Have you seen Jesus my Lord
He's here in plain view
Take a look open your eyes
He'll show it to you

Have you ever look at the sunset
With the sky mellowing red
And the clouds suspended like feathers
Then I say you've seen Jesus my Lord

Have you seen Jesus my Lord
He's here in plain view
Take a look open your eyes
He'll show it to you

Have you ever stood at the ocean
With the white foam at your feet
Felt the endless thundering motion
Then I say you've seen Jesus my Lord

Have you seen Jesus my Lord
He's here in plain view
Take a look open your eyes
He'll show it to you

Have you ever looked at the cross
With a man hanging in pain
And the look of love in his eyes
Then I say you've seen Jesus my Lord

(I remember a verse that isn't there... so I think maybe there was another later version).

Anyway, I just wanted to share with you some thoughts on music. Hallelujah, Amen.

More

I've been spending time these last couple of weeks thinking about my own needs. Not in the selfish way that I usually do, but in a philosophical way intended to better myself. I think my biggest problem is that I always want More. More money, more food, more happiness, more love. Isn't it the Bhuddists who say that all of our problems are created by not accepting things as they are? I don't really know. All I know is I want More Knowledge on the subject.

Emile Durkheim proposed a theory at the turn of the century that all religions speak to the desires of the society. The theory suggested that if a society wants law and order, the religion will promote just that. Its really hard to agree or disagree with the theory because as an American I have grown up in a poly-religious society. If I want a religion that promotes law and order, I can go find one. There is no one religion that we all belong to. But I have often thought that the single greatest flaw in this theory is how counter-intuitive Christianity is. We all strive to be first in everything - that is human nature - but Christ said, The Last shall be First and the First shall be Last. And I don't see a societal shift of everyone racing to be Last.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be self-less - to take yourself completely out of the equation. I mean, think about that. What if you were to make every choice, and every decision, on the basis of what it would mean to other people? I'm not sure it can be done. I'm not sure that even Jesus did it. Even He stopped to feed himself from time to time. Even He didn't give all His possessions to the poor. Presumably He kept the clothes on His back and the sandals on His feet. But Christ did give everything for us. He sacrificed Himself for us. He took the whip for us. He took the flail for us. He took the Cross for us. Even though He knew He could stop it at any time. I'm not sure that I'd be anywhere near as good. I hate pain. I can't even stand to go hungry. I'd be broken a lot faster than three cock crows. I'd probably break after the second... or maybe the first.

So what does it mean to want More? What does it mean when you spend your entire life thinking about how you can do things that benefit you the most? Does it just mean you're human? Does it mean that you're trying to be the best you you can be? Or does it mean that you are not yet self-less? Or dare I say it, selfish? Is Greed a part of my daily life?

I don't know. I want to know more. I think we all do. I'm pretty sure that doesn't make me greedy. But I'll bet God is the judge of that.

The Hills Are Alive...

I thought we'd change pace a bit and rewrite some classic songs in honor of Christmas using our own words. While this first song isn't exactly a Christmas song, I always watch this movie at least once this time of year.

I've only written the first verse, so feel free to chime in with the rest...

Rainstorms and doughnuts and lovely swimsuit vixens!
The flicker of movies and chicken - finger lickin!
Electronic games that like to go "ping!"
These are a few of my favorite things!

Join in!