My special thanks to Randall Sherman for hooking me on the "Reluctant Memsahib" blog from Tanzania. Anthea is the mother of four living in a far away outpost of Tanzania trying to make ends meet. Her blog is a story of Africa, but also a story of a family struggling with the day to day issues of life. As such it feels so familiar and yet so exotic - which is an incredibly mesmerizing and addiction forming combination. If there is a more perfect antidote for the kind of anxiety I displayed in my last post, I don't know what it is.
One of the issues I've been struggling with this week is the thought of why I am going to Kenya. At our last meeting, I heard the familiar refrains of mission travelers everywhere, "Why go at all? Surely the money can be better spent... blah, blah, blah..." These are the questions of people that have never taken any sort of mission trip, but that would never question spending thousands of dollars to travel to exotic locations on a vacation. The same argument could be made about a vacation, by the way. Why go to all the way to Italy when you could just visit North Beach in San Francisco and save thousands of dollars? However, every time the question is asked of me I still question my motivations.
For me, the answer is fairly clear. I'm going to Kenya because God called me to go. I don't say that like I've got some sort of direct line to Heaven and that God wanted me to go to Kenya specifically cause nobody else can do what I can do. I'm not some sort of savior of Africa. Heck, I don't even really have any idea what I can do there, or if I'm even needed. I might spend the entire time there sick with malaria for all I know. I say it because its a fact. Before God clearly told me to go to Kenya, I really had no notion of going. None. As a vacation, sure, maybe... but it's an awful long ways to go to see some animals in overgrown vegetation. And as far as being a missionary... there are other people way more qualified than I am. But my opinion on this matter doesn't count. God called me to go, and I have humbly accepted the task. What I do when I get there is anybody's guess.
But that lack of knowledge about what I can do in Kenya can really make one question their motives. Is there some secret desire on my part to go to Kenya? Did I imagine the whole God thing because deep down inside I've always wanted to go there? Am I really just acting out some sort of savior complex? Do I believe I'm going to make a difference and save Kenya?
I don't suppose that the fact that I think these questions are absurd clears me entirely. So, for the record, my answer to all these questions is no. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, no.
I'm going to Kenya because God is calling me there. Of my trip, I can say three things with certainty. I will not be able to go without God's help. I have no idea what I'm going to do there. And I'm sure I'll take more from Kenya than I'll ever be able to give back. I expect to be changed. I hope that I can also help Kenya change - for the better. But that's really in God's hands. I'm just going along for the ride.
2 comments:
I'm glad you wrote this, Will. You needed to clarify the "why" - even though a lot of folks STILL won't understand it, as evidenced by some of the snarky remarks made by some about your trip on Facebook.
But that's part of it, too - Jesus said we'd experience criticism for doing what He tells us (actually He said "persecution") - but the ONLY opinion that matters is His. Remember, too, that criticism is often borne out of fear, and that's not your burden to bear.
Don't forget that some of the first "missionaries" were a bunch of relatively uneducated fishermen that simply gave up the life they knew to follow this former carpenter. And look at what they did...
So stay strong. And stay obedient to His Call. He will get you there.
I'm glad you found and enjoyed Anthea. Comment there, if you wish. She writes very well about what life is like there, but more, what Africa "does" to someone. Perhaps God will do the same to you albeit on a different level.
Cheers.
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