Wanted (2008) - 3.5 Wigs

These people can curve bullets. What's there not to love?

Well, for one thing, in the history of movies I've never been to a movie that scored a 5 on all of its elements but one - plot - and lived to tell the tale. Even a movie as jacked up as The Fast and the Furious had a plot with some semblance of reality in it - but we didn't care because we were just too busy watching people drive really, really, fast and do incredibly cool things. All flash, little substance.

Well, Wanted is the first film in movie history with all flash and no substance - and really, we don't care that much. If it really bothers you, then you'll probably hate this film. If you really don't expect any, then you can just enjoy the ride.

So basically, the film follows a rather likable though completely post-modern jerk who considers his life to be a complete waste - until he finds out that he is the son of one of the world's most deadly assassins and that it is his destiny to become one as well. Fairly straight forward and, to be honest, had they left this alone and just made the rest of the movie from that point onward, the film could have been a great hit. But, after a good first half of the movie in which our hero learns to curve bullets, amongst other anti-social skills, the entire first half is squandered in one scene - the scene where we learn the true plot of the movie, and you can hear a collective groan from the entire audience. Wait. You're not serious, are you? I've seen better plots in a Sponge Bob Square Pants episode. In fact, I think Sponge Bob already spoofed this plot before you even made the movie. In terms of dumb plots, this ranks right up there with The Making of Dumb and Dumberer as one of the worst in history. This is the cinematic equivalent of all those WMD's in Iraq. Anyway, the cast apparently thought so as well because they asked the producers to make sure that none of them could ever come back for a sequel and the writers obliged.

This movie has more holes in it than any of the films many victims. Yet, its hard not to like. I mean, they curve bullets! What more do you need to know?