There are days when you walk and talk beside the Lord. And there are days when you feel the Lord pushing you up the hill. I find that image from the famous short story - Footprints - to be comforting in so many ways. Its a gentle reminder that even when we don't feel God near, He is still with us, helping us and keeping an eye on us.
I tend to lose focus from time to time. I think it comes part and parcel with my writing ability. My life just sort of goes fuzzy around the edges. I move forward, deliberately, but I don't look around or stop. Everything is blurry on the edges and I really don't know what I'm doing. Despair and depression are just waiting to pounce - to remind me what a no good loser I am. Every step is a struggle. Every breath a labor. Nothing seems important or has value. And though I know it all to be an illusion, a false feeling that will eventually pass, like a headache that I just can't shake, all I can do is be patient and move forward.
And then, slowly, the edges begin to become clearer and I can see the good things in my life again. I'm reminded of what love feels like, or joy, or mirth. Optimism returns like a sunrise - slow, spreading, warm. And there, to my side, is Jesus - still walking with me and guiding me every step of the way - a constant companion to my blind bad self.
So, I'm back from the Hinterlands now, and if you didn't notice that I was gone - well, I've had 36 years of practice to make you think I was here all along. Anyone can pretend to be awake when they are asleep, and some are more accomplished at it that others. I am leading the Youth on a ski trip to the Sierras this weekend. And then next week, I am winding down the editing of my Novel for hopefully the last time - followed by the sending out of letters to Agents starting a week from Monday, and then the second half rewrite (editing is one thing, rewriting is another skill entirely) with a deadline of March 7th, 2006. In all these plans, I know that I am still God's servant and that He might have other plans for me. I will await patiently and hopefully with my heart open to hear His call.
I love you all.
In Christ,
Will
2 comments:
Yo dude, have fun up on the slopes. Let me know how you do attempting the 360 on the halfpipe...that is the 360 when you're flat on your back. ;-D
Shred it, dude.
90% of the battle is knowing that it is there. I always get lost in where I am at the time. I am so blessed that even when I forget that God is with me, He is there and like you, when I finally come out of the fog..There is that sweet light that only can come from above. My life goes forward and my lord is beside me...hell can not claim me. I survive... another victory, today and for as long as I need to sojourn. Welcome back, you were missed.
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