Who wrote the Bible? Many people believe it was God. Or Moses. Or various religious leaders of their day. The scholars have all sorts of evidence about who wrote one chapter or another and about what schools of scholars edited the thing. But for my money, I've long suspected that there was a conspiracy going on and that we'd discover that it was some old partriarch, some long lost Shakespearian character, who wrote the Bible to make up some new religion that we could all believe in.
The precedent is certainly there. Most Christians believe that that is exactly what Mohammed did - I only say this to make a point, not to belittle the beliefs of Islam. We also are almost certain that Dianetics is fake and that the Mormon Bible is just a bunch of hooey. So, why not the Bible?
Examining the Bible from a story teller standpoint, it definitely is like no other story ever told. Its a series of short stories that teach us things, but that also show its heroes in pretty bad light. Come on, if we were writing the story, Moses would not only get into the promised land, he'd have conquered the Egyptians and gotten the girl as well. We can't help but want endings to have a certain justice to them, and yet, really, there is no justice in the Bible. David gets to be king by slaying Goliath - but only after he's hunted for years and years by Saul. And then, he screws it all up by going after his neighbor's wife. And though his children inherit the kingdom and a powerful nation, they squander it all away with some really poor judgement. So what's David's ultimate reward? The Son of God is born into his family line, comes with great glory and hope for mankind, and then is nailed up on a cross. Wow. Bummer ending. Did anyone even test market this? How the heck are you going to write a sequel?
And yet, how oddly compelling this story is. How strangely wonderful to read a story where the good guys finish last and yet remain good guys. How vibrant, how rich, how truthful even though the events of this novel took place thousands of years ago. Surely, only a master craftsman could have written such a story.
The sneaking suspicions didn't really go away until after I'd written my novel, and... contemplated my second novel. You see, up until the very end of the writing, I had been convinced that one day I'd sat down and decided to write a novel and that I knew immediately that I would write the novel that I wrote. In Biblical terms, I was that master craftsman, sitting in the desert with some honey and locusts, parchment and paper, deciding to write a book of books that I called the Bible. In my version of the story, I was going to write the great American novel. But as I finished this wonderful book and decided to quickly spit out another great novel so that I'd have a pair, something interesting happened. My version of the beginning of this story changed.
I remembered, instead, that I sat for months trying to think up a story to write. A writer works with ideas. We come up with them every day. Some are better than others. Some even seem good and compelling and potentially sales worthy. In the months after I decided to write a novel, I must have contemplated hundreds of story ideas. I must have fleshed out thousands of plots and characters. But all to no avail. And then, one day, out of the blue, I suddenly realized that my first novel would be The Thin Line. I didn't have to think about it anymore. I just started working. In my new version of the story, I didn't choose The Thin Line, it chose me.
I have never questioned my decision. I have never doubted that this was the story to write. And, as a result, as I come to the conclusion, I know that this was meant to be - as if I was just the conduit for words that were already there waiting to get out to the people.
I'm not about to suggest that there is anything remotely holy about my novel. It has very few redeeming qualities if you ask me. But through this experience I have come to understand something about the writing process. Writers don't choose their books, their books choose them. Philip K. Dick, in his very last interview before his death, said, "Its like the commercial says - I'll write no story before its time." The story has a time and a place. Therefore, who ever wrote the Bible, or parts of the Bible, or edited the Bible, or translated the Bible, was likely chosen by the Bible for that very purpose.
So, who wrote the Bible? I'll leave you to decide that for yourself. But as for me, I think I know who the ultimate author is. And I thank Him every day for His gift to me.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
You Are Not Worthy
82 cross country skiiers left the stadium on Sunday mornings 50km race in Turino for one last chance at gold. Half way around the world, I would be having breakfast at the same point on the sundial.
On Sunday morning, I woke with tired legs and a sore back. I hobbled out of my house and climbed into my truck and started on a pilgrimage to a place that only the worthy are called.
The previous morning I had helped to coach Tee Ball with Andy and while Andy stood quietly while his kids threw the ball at the backstop, I stood in the center of the field and ran after balls thrown from errant kindergartners - wrenching my back left, then right, then up, then down. It was easy to see who was the head coach and who was the assistant coach. Other than a few aches and pains, it didn't really bother me. I was not worthy of head coaching status - especially not to a guy who taught his son the names of all the Giants players. I've been a Giants fan my whole life and I doubt I could name half the Giants players. Andy knows the game, played the game, and loves the game. He is worthy.
After the game, I rushed home, took a shower, and then headed out to call the last home game of the USF Women's team this year. Knowing that the next opportunity I would have to call a game for the stats team would be during the Sweet 16 round and since I hadn't called a game since early December, I decided that I needed a little practice before the important games in March. I usually just keep track of the players who check in and out of the game, but I'm the back up for calling the game and need to be ready at a moments notice. As I listened to the fans and alumni quietly grumbling behind me about another wasted season for the USF Women, I heard several people question whether they could coach better than the head coach. Anyone could do a better job, they said. In Idaho and Las Vegas I had been assistant coach to my good friend Russ's Jr. High teams. My main job had been to keep the stats book for him so that he could keep track of fouls and shots and time outs not only for us but for the other team as well. My other, very important, job was to keep my friend Russ's anger in check. If he got kicked out of the game, it was my job to take over as coach. And while I had picked up a great deal of education about the way the game was played, I was not worthy of being head coach of a Jr. High basketball team - not even for five minutes in a losing effort with questionable reffing. I decided that anyone questioning whether they could do a better job of coaching the USF Women, probably didn't know the first thing about coaching.
By the time I got home on Saturday night, I could feel my legs stiffening and my back tightening. I collapsed into bed and went to sleep.
Sunday morning, I and my brother-in-law went to a little hole in the wall in the Inner Sunset that has played host to countless future Nobel prize winners for a little breakfast. Specifically, there is a Teriyaki omelet at this place called the Samurai. It is just this side of Heaven - a sinful concoction of eggs, cheese, teriyaki beef, and onions. It is served with a healthy side of hash browns, wheat toast, and a cup of pretty good coffee. For most people, they are not worthy to eat here.
This particular place is so small that only about fifteen to twenty people can eat at a time. It is a single counter restaurant - like an old diner - with only stools as your seating option. The entire counter top is covered with old photos and postcards from people who make the regular pilgrimage to this place. The postcards are from literally every place on the globe, showing that this small place has a world wide reach. You come in and sit down at whatever spot is available on the counter. If you have two people and the only two spots are not together, a patron will be asked to move so that you can sit. In the many times I have eaten here, I have slid from one seat to another almost every single time. Its crowded. But its worth it. However, with such small space, I am reluctant to bring new people to this place. I am reluctant to share the Samurai experience with them. I will not just take anyone. I figure they have to be worthy first, worthy of such a culinary experience.
I knew Carl was worthy the day I tasted the wood fried Salmon steak that he'd ordered at the Artist Point. I knew this man understood good cuisine. He also makes a good cup of coffee.
I am worthy, of course, because I've actually sought out and visited four of the locations shown in The Hot Dog Movie. I not only like a good meal, I'm willing to travel to get one. (I won't even mention the 7/8ths of the World's Largest Hamburger I finished).
We are all worthy of certain things. We all have talents and we deserve to use those talents - not for the collection of accolades to follow, but just because we've done the time, we've put in the work, we've struggled to achieve. Worthiness is not a judgement of ability, its a quality of justice.
I watched the Olympians struggle up the hills on little skis - 20 miles out of 30 accomplished and I realized that this was something that I would never be worthy of doing. We all like to joke about Jamaican Bobsledders and Kenyan Cross Country skiers. We like to think that somehow because there is no snow in their countries that they are an aberation of the sport - that they are only in the Olympics because they come from a country where there is no competition to compete. While they may not be the best athletes, while they may never win any awards, they are worthy of being called Olympians.
P.S. If you feel you are worthy of a Samurai, and would like to go with me sometime, please post a comment on why you feel you are worthy for this culinary masterpiece. Many are called, but only a few will be chosen.
On Sunday morning, I woke with tired legs and a sore back. I hobbled out of my house and climbed into my truck and started on a pilgrimage to a place that only the worthy are called.
The previous morning I had helped to coach Tee Ball with Andy and while Andy stood quietly while his kids threw the ball at the backstop, I stood in the center of the field and ran after balls thrown from errant kindergartners - wrenching my back left, then right, then up, then down. It was easy to see who was the head coach and who was the assistant coach. Other than a few aches and pains, it didn't really bother me. I was not worthy of head coaching status - especially not to a guy who taught his son the names of all the Giants players. I've been a Giants fan my whole life and I doubt I could name half the Giants players. Andy knows the game, played the game, and loves the game. He is worthy.
After the game, I rushed home, took a shower, and then headed out to call the last home game of the USF Women's team this year. Knowing that the next opportunity I would have to call a game for the stats team would be during the Sweet 16 round and since I hadn't called a game since early December, I decided that I needed a little practice before the important games in March. I usually just keep track of the players who check in and out of the game, but I'm the back up for calling the game and need to be ready at a moments notice. As I listened to the fans and alumni quietly grumbling behind me about another wasted season for the USF Women, I heard several people question whether they could coach better than the head coach. Anyone could do a better job, they said. In Idaho and Las Vegas I had been assistant coach to my good friend Russ's Jr. High teams. My main job had been to keep the stats book for him so that he could keep track of fouls and shots and time outs not only for us but for the other team as well. My other, very important, job was to keep my friend Russ's anger in check. If he got kicked out of the game, it was my job to take over as coach. And while I had picked up a great deal of education about the way the game was played, I was not worthy of being head coach of a Jr. High basketball team - not even for five minutes in a losing effort with questionable reffing. I decided that anyone questioning whether they could do a better job of coaching the USF Women, probably didn't know the first thing about coaching.
By the time I got home on Saturday night, I could feel my legs stiffening and my back tightening. I collapsed into bed and went to sleep.
Sunday morning, I and my brother-in-law went to a little hole in the wall in the Inner Sunset that has played host to countless future Nobel prize winners for a little breakfast. Specifically, there is a Teriyaki omelet at this place called the Samurai. It is just this side of Heaven - a sinful concoction of eggs, cheese, teriyaki beef, and onions. It is served with a healthy side of hash browns, wheat toast, and a cup of pretty good coffee. For most people, they are not worthy to eat here.
This particular place is so small that only about fifteen to twenty people can eat at a time. It is a single counter restaurant - like an old diner - with only stools as your seating option. The entire counter top is covered with old photos and postcards from people who make the regular pilgrimage to this place. The postcards are from literally every place on the globe, showing that this small place has a world wide reach. You come in and sit down at whatever spot is available on the counter. If you have two people and the only two spots are not together, a patron will be asked to move so that you can sit. In the many times I have eaten here, I have slid from one seat to another almost every single time. Its crowded. But its worth it. However, with such small space, I am reluctant to bring new people to this place. I am reluctant to share the Samurai experience with them. I will not just take anyone. I figure they have to be worthy first, worthy of such a culinary experience.
I knew Carl was worthy the day I tasted the wood fried Salmon steak that he'd ordered at the Artist Point. I knew this man understood good cuisine. He also makes a good cup of coffee.
I am worthy, of course, because I've actually sought out and visited four of the locations shown in The Hot Dog Movie. I not only like a good meal, I'm willing to travel to get one. (I won't even mention the 7/8ths of the World's Largest Hamburger I finished).
We are all worthy of certain things. We all have talents and we deserve to use those talents - not for the collection of accolades to follow, but just because we've done the time, we've put in the work, we've struggled to achieve. Worthiness is not a judgement of ability, its a quality of justice.
I watched the Olympians struggle up the hills on little skis - 20 miles out of 30 accomplished and I realized that this was something that I would never be worthy of doing. We all like to joke about Jamaican Bobsledders and Kenyan Cross Country skiers. We like to think that somehow because there is no snow in their countries that they are an aberation of the sport - that they are only in the Olympics because they come from a country where there is no competition to compete. While they may not be the best athletes, while they may never win any awards, they are worthy of being called Olympians.
P.S. If you feel you are worthy of a Samurai, and would like to go with me sometime, please post a comment on why you feel you are worthy for this culinary masterpiece. Many are called, but only a few will be chosen.
Friday, February 24, 2006
Friday Categories
I've decided to try something new here (old for some of you)...
Its a little game I call Categories. I name a subject and you give me your three best answers. I.E. What are the three best names for a baby alligator? And you'd answer: Huey, Duey, and Luigi. Or whatever...
So, here goes...
What are the three worst ways you could ever end a prayer?
Check out the answers as they come in...
Its a little game I call Categories. I name a subject and you give me your three best answers. I.E. What are the three best names for a baby alligator? And you'd answer: Huey, Duey, and Luigi. Or whatever...
So, here goes...
What are the three worst ways you could ever end a prayer?
Check out the answers as they come in...
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
New Psalm 2 - The Psalm of The Path
The path to you is trouble, O Lord.
From our first step to our last,
we travel a troubled path.
Between heartache and glory,
between elation and grief,
between darkness and sunrise,
between sunset and fear;
Lord, you are our path.
We walk the narrow;
We walk the rocky;
We walk the windy;
We walk the corrupt;
We thread the eye of the needle, Lord.
But in you, there are no pebbles.
In you, there are no thorns.
In you, we find no darkness.
In you, we consume no dust.
In you, Lord, there is only oasis after oasis.
Guide my path, Lord.
Show me the narrow way.
Lead me through trouble.
Guide me in darkness.
Bring me to the land of promise.
For you are my Lord and my guide.
All roads lead to you, O Lord.
But only one brings me home.
From our first step to our last,
we travel a troubled path.
Between heartache and glory,
between elation and grief,
between darkness and sunrise,
between sunset and fear;
Lord, you are our path.
We walk the narrow;
We walk the rocky;
We walk the windy;
We walk the corrupt;
We thread the eye of the needle, Lord.
But in you, there are no pebbles.
In you, there are no thorns.
In you, we find no darkness.
In you, we consume no dust.
In you, Lord, there is only oasis after oasis.
Guide my path, Lord.
Show me the narrow way.
Lead me through trouble.
Guide me in darkness.
Bring me to the land of promise.
For you are my Lord and my guide.
All roads lead to you, O Lord.
But only one brings me home.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Out of Synch
Early on in boot camp, my company was marched out to a parade field with a track around it and introduced to a Navy Seal who was going to teach our unit how to run, and pass, the Navy PT test. PT stands for Physical Training, and if you ever want to learn how to get your body in real shape, find a Navy Seal. In addition to teaching us how to do proper sit ups and push ups, our personal physical fitness guru taught us how to run as a group.
The first day, we ran in formation and it was a disaster. We had to run a mile and a quarter in under 6 minutes to pass the test. We started the clock and began to march - not run, but march. After about twenty yards, the Seal barked out, "At the quick time, march!" Staying in formation, but now beginning to jog a little, we picked up the pace of our marching. We quickly accelerated until we were up to speed. And that was then the whole group fell apart. One by one, we lost people off the back of the group as they struggled to keep up. Only a year out of high school cross country, and I finished in 6 minutes 30 seconds. I was about the tenth person across the line. The seal and one or two other recruits had finished in time.
We tried again about three weeks later. We were a little more experienced this time, and most of us kept up for a good three quarters of the laps, but then, again, one by one, we fell off the pace and collapsed at the end. With only two weeks left to our one and only chance to qualify, many of us figured we were doomed to repeat some portion of boot camp. We took to our own time to train, running around the base where we could without worrying about running afoul of military training. Individually, our times were dismal - not even coming close to the pace the Seal set for us to follow.
On the day of the final PT test, I was extremely apprehensive. I had barely survived the Push Ups (never one of my strong suits, even when I was a stud athlete ;) and was not looking forward to the run. Though I had run cross country for four years in high school, and though I had run for fun six years before high school, I didn't think I would be fast enough to complete the race.
"At the quick time, March!" The Seal set out at a much faster pace this time. But there was something different about this last race. I felt at home, comfortable, running beside my fellow recruits. Their rythmic pacing of boots on the track and the cadence the Seal was keeping (yes, cadence, at a nearly four minute mile pace...) kept me going forward in lock step with everyone. We marched at a fast pace around the entire track, and only at the very end, at the last half lap, did we finally start to lose people. We breezed across the finish line only short three recruits and with such a comfortable margin of time, that even those recruits made it under the time alloted. In synch, we had accomplished what many of us could have never accomplished alone.
How often do I feel as if I am running God's race by myself - struggling to keep up with His demands and falling behind so quickly. And then, every couple of laps or so, I feel this gentle push and I find myself in lock step with His glory.
I wrote about the correction I felt last week. And this weekend, I felt back in synch. I spent Saturday with my various nieces and nephews (Andy's kids at Tee Ball practice in the morning, and my sister's kids at her house that night) and I was reminded of the importance of family. I sang and ran the youth group on Sunday morning, and then watched and discussed the movie Chariots of Fire with members of my church, Sunday evening. Though I barely had time for myself all day Sunday, I felt in lock step with God the entire day, and as a result, I got home and got right back to work on my Novel - rewriting three and a half chapters before I went to bed. On Monday, I took my Mom out for breakfast and then came right home and rewrote another four chapters. I finished Monday evening with some more study of Proverbs and a clear feeling of being in God's company and on God's right path.
But how easy it is to take a misstep. To falter. To run out of breath. To run out of energy. And find that you are falling behind the rest of God's kingdom. You feel out of synch. You can't quite put your finger on it, but you know that you are just not up to the task of catching up with the group. You feel lost. You feel alone.
Well, cheer up - the track is an oval and God's coming around again. So you'll be able to get back in step, get back in synch, and continue to carry on in God's great race. And someday, when the race is done, you will be able to celebrate with all the other racers and thank God for helping you stay up to speed.
The first day, we ran in formation and it was a disaster. We had to run a mile and a quarter in under 6 minutes to pass the test. We started the clock and began to march - not run, but march. After about twenty yards, the Seal barked out, "At the quick time, march!" Staying in formation, but now beginning to jog a little, we picked up the pace of our marching. We quickly accelerated until we were up to speed. And that was then the whole group fell apart. One by one, we lost people off the back of the group as they struggled to keep up. Only a year out of high school cross country, and I finished in 6 minutes 30 seconds. I was about the tenth person across the line. The seal and one or two other recruits had finished in time.
We tried again about three weeks later. We were a little more experienced this time, and most of us kept up for a good three quarters of the laps, but then, again, one by one, we fell off the pace and collapsed at the end. With only two weeks left to our one and only chance to qualify, many of us figured we were doomed to repeat some portion of boot camp. We took to our own time to train, running around the base where we could without worrying about running afoul of military training. Individually, our times were dismal - not even coming close to the pace the Seal set for us to follow.
On the day of the final PT test, I was extremely apprehensive. I had barely survived the Push Ups (never one of my strong suits, even when I was a stud athlete ;) and was not looking forward to the run. Though I had run cross country for four years in high school, and though I had run for fun six years before high school, I didn't think I would be fast enough to complete the race.
"At the quick time, March!" The Seal set out at a much faster pace this time. But there was something different about this last race. I felt at home, comfortable, running beside my fellow recruits. Their rythmic pacing of boots on the track and the cadence the Seal was keeping (yes, cadence, at a nearly four minute mile pace...) kept me going forward in lock step with everyone. We marched at a fast pace around the entire track, and only at the very end, at the last half lap, did we finally start to lose people. We breezed across the finish line only short three recruits and with such a comfortable margin of time, that even those recruits made it under the time alloted. In synch, we had accomplished what many of us could have never accomplished alone.
How often do I feel as if I am running God's race by myself - struggling to keep up with His demands and falling behind so quickly. And then, every couple of laps or so, I feel this gentle push and I find myself in lock step with His glory.
I wrote about the correction I felt last week. And this weekend, I felt back in synch. I spent Saturday with my various nieces and nephews (Andy's kids at Tee Ball practice in the morning, and my sister's kids at her house that night) and I was reminded of the importance of family. I sang and ran the youth group on Sunday morning, and then watched and discussed the movie Chariots of Fire with members of my church, Sunday evening. Though I barely had time for myself all day Sunday, I felt in lock step with God the entire day, and as a result, I got home and got right back to work on my Novel - rewriting three and a half chapters before I went to bed. On Monday, I took my Mom out for breakfast and then came right home and rewrote another four chapters. I finished Monday evening with some more study of Proverbs and a clear feeling of being in God's company and on God's right path.
But how easy it is to take a misstep. To falter. To run out of breath. To run out of energy. And find that you are falling behind the rest of God's kingdom. You feel out of synch. You can't quite put your finger on it, but you know that you are just not up to the task of catching up with the group. You feel lost. You feel alone.
Well, cheer up - the track is an oval and God's coming around again. So you'll be able to get back in step, get back in synch, and continue to carry on in God's great race. And someday, when the race is done, you will be able to celebrate with all the other racers and thank God for helping you stay up to speed.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Corrections
Okay, so I don't know everything. And here I was thinking I was SOOOO smart. Apparently being a writer does not automatically make you some sort of religious Jeopardy champion. Apparently, when it comes to God, I know very little.
So I thought I'd play it smart - cut out the distractions, quit blogging for a while, maybe use that time in wise meditation on the true essence of a good book. What I didn't realize, however, was the fact that I needed all that clutter around my mind like some sort of literary human shield. You all were there to protect me from the inner workings of my sick and twisted mind, bashing away errant thoughts and allowing me to focus on the Novel that has become the small precious golden ring around my neck. Thoughts of midnight snacks - bashed away by discussions of Proustian logic in 2nd Corinthians. Lascivious desires for rock and roll stardom - bashed into the ground by the mere thought of the Toys R Us Kids Praise Song (I don't wanna grow up, I'm one of God's Kids...) Destructive depression of how much my book sucks - bashed into space by the thoughts of all my adoring writing fans (you know who you are - Sue ;) The fact is, my day dreams of winning the Oscar and announcing, "You like me! You really like me!" were fast changing into plaintive cries of, "Do you like me? Do you really like me?"
So, after a week of failed attempts to get my writing restarted, I've decided to rededicate my blog and start over again. It seems that God was up on his throne shaking his head at me for the past week saying, "That boy just doesn't get it! He never gets it! Just when I was about to let him get to the end of his novel, he decided to go it alone... again! That kid puts the I in independence. Okay - zap! - no more writing until he gets the message! May the words in his brain dry up faster than San Francisco support for the GOP Presidential Convention!" Okay, so I get it now. I need you guys. I need my Christian brothers and sisters. I love you all. Can I write now?
Actually, I had a thought this morning in prayer and it was so poetic I just thought I'd share it with you - not something I usually do in these private conversations with God, but considering my normal poetic abilities range somewhere on the cultural meter between Dukes of Hazard and Pauly Shore movies, I thought I'd try to get back into your good graces by plagarizing prayer.
I started by apologizing to God for not praying more often. My first thought was that I was too busy, but I knew that was just my brain lashing around for excuses. Of course, God was reading my heart like PG&E reads the gas meter. I could have talked til I was blue in the face, thrown every single excuse I'd ever invented at Him, but He knew the truth anyway. So, anyway, I was making up this excuse and I suddenly realized that I hadn't been praying enough because a) I was too wrapped up in my own little world, and b) My own little world was pretty damn lonely. And then I started to ask God to make me less lonely - ("preferably a red head" is usually the way the prayer goes ;) - when I realized that the reason I was lonely was because I had taken my own little world and wrapped it around me like a blanket to keep out the cold night. See, poetic. So I asked God to help me open my heart so that I could stop being so lonely - to let people in to my little world so that it could illuminate my darkened heart.
So, I guess I've learned a few things this week. One - I need the clutter of human interaction in order to write. Two - I need to pray more. Three - even a blind pig finds a poetic acorn once in a while. Four - Cap'n Andy gets to go to Hawaii a lot more than me, but I still lived there for three years, so ha! Five - Red heads are cool, but God is tired of that refrain. Six - I need to open up my heart and my life and let more people inside. And Seven - Did you know that the top luger on two-man luge has a seat to sit on? And that he's got a seatbelt to keep from sliding off the sled? Me neither.
Okay, so party in my heart. Bring chips, dip, beer, and single red headed female friends, and I'll provide the karaoke.
I don't wanna grow up, I'm one of God's kids,
I've got the best, and I'm so blessed,
It really flips my lid!
No bikes, no trains, no video games,
He's the biggest Lord there is! Gee whiz!
I don't wanna grow up, cause baby if I did,
I wouldn't be one of God's kids!
So I thought I'd play it smart - cut out the distractions, quit blogging for a while, maybe use that time in wise meditation on the true essence of a good book. What I didn't realize, however, was the fact that I needed all that clutter around my mind like some sort of literary human shield. You all were there to protect me from the inner workings of my sick and twisted mind, bashing away errant thoughts and allowing me to focus on the Novel that has become the small precious golden ring around my neck. Thoughts of midnight snacks - bashed away by discussions of Proustian logic in 2nd Corinthians. Lascivious desires for rock and roll stardom - bashed into the ground by the mere thought of the Toys R Us Kids Praise Song (I don't wanna grow up, I'm one of God's Kids...) Destructive depression of how much my book sucks - bashed into space by the thoughts of all my adoring writing fans (you know who you are - Sue ;) The fact is, my day dreams of winning the Oscar and announcing, "You like me! You really like me!" were fast changing into plaintive cries of, "Do you like me? Do you really like me?"
So, after a week of failed attempts to get my writing restarted, I've decided to rededicate my blog and start over again. It seems that God was up on his throne shaking his head at me for the past week saying, "That boy just doesn't get it! He never gets it! Just when I was about to let him get to the end of his novel, he decided to go it alone... again! That kid puts the I in independence. Okay - zap! - no more writing until he gets the message! May the words in his brain dry up faster than San Francisco support for the GOP Presidential Convention!" Okay, so I get it now. I need you guys. I need my Christian brothers and sisters. I love you all. Can I write now?
Actually, I had a thought this morning in prayer and it was so poetic I just thought I'd share it with you - not something I usually do in these private conversations with God, but considering my normal poetic abilities range somewhere on the cultural meter between Dukes of Hazard and Pauly Shore movies, I thought I'd try to get back into your good graces by plagarizing prayer.
I started by apologizing to God for not praying more often. My first thought was that I was too busy, but I knew that was just my brain lashing around for excuses. Of course, God was reading my heart like PG&E reads the gas meter. I could have talked til I was blue in the face, thrown every single excuse I'd ever invented at Him, but He knew the truth anyway. So, anyway, I was making up this excuse and I suddenly realized that I hadn't been praying enough because a) I was too wrapped up in my own little world, and b) My own little world was pretty damn lonely. And then I started to ask God to make me less lonely - ("preferably a red head" is usually the way the prayer goes ;) - when I realized that the reason I was lonely was because I had taken my own little world and wrapped it around me like a blanket to keep out the cold night. See, poetic. So I asked God to help me open my heart so that I could stop being so lonely - to let people in to my little world so that it could illuminate my darkened heart.
So, I guess I've learned a few things this week. One - I need the clutter of human interaction in order to write. Two - I need to pray more. Three - even a blind pig finds a poetic acorn once in a while. Four - Cap'n Andy gets to go to Hawaii a lot more than me, but I still lived there for three years, so ha! Five - Red heads are cool, but God is tired of that refrain. Six - I need to open up my heart and my life and let more people inside. And Seven - Did you know that the top luger on two-man luge has a seat to sit on? And that he's got a seatbelt to keep from sliding off the sled? Me neither.
Okay, so party in my heart. Bring chips, dip, beer, and single red headed female friends, and I'll provide the karaoke.
I don't wanna grow up, I'm one of God's kids,
I've got the best, and I'm so blessed,
It really flips my lid!
No bikes, no trains, no video games,
He's the biggest Lord there is! Gee whiz!
I don't wanna grow up, cause baby if I did,
I wouldn't be one of God's kids!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
The Obvious
Sometimes the obvious thing is the hardest thing to see. My sister took 8 years to marry her husband when the rest of her family figured it out in about ten seconds. Well today I had the most stunning revelation of my young life and looking back on it, I realize how obvious it should have been all along.
Over the past fifteen years of working on my Novel (including the last three when I was actively writing it) I must have had 20 different first chapters. I could never, for the life of me, get that first chapter that combined all the elements into one place. So much of what I wanted the story to be just couldn't come through. As a result, even to this day, the story starts off slow and gradually builds steam. As of today, that's going to change.
For 9 months I've been worrying about the first chapter. While I edited and rewrote this novel, I worried that the first chapter would ultimately not grab the reader, that it was too slow, and that it took too long to get started. Beyond affecting the sales of my novel, I worried that it would never get past the publishers who would read the first few pages and then put it down. But today, I came up with a brand new first chapter idea that is so stunning that I can't wait to get home and start writing it.
You see, it has nothing to do with the story at hand, and yet everything to do with it at the same time. Its exciting and thrilling and dangerous and will leave you wanting for more. And then it will linger with you as you wonder what the hell it has to do with the rest of the story. I'm so happy.
The thing is, I wrote this particular first chapter stuff ten years ago as part of a screenplay for a movie I never finished. The only reason it has anything to do with the novel at all is because I needed some background filler for the main character and I stole it from this unfinished script. Here it is, 3 years after I started writing the novel, and I'm just now getting the correct first chapter - material that I had all along.
I feel like Pharoah, looking out over an entire Kingdom filled with dead first born children and saying to myself, "Maybe God wants me to let the Hebrews go?" I don't know how it could have been more obvious all along.
Okay, back to work...
Over the past fifteen years of working on my Novel (including the last three when I was actively writing it) I must have had 20 different first chapters. I could never, for the life of me, get that first chapter that combined all the elements into one place. So much of what I wanted the story to be just couldn't come through. As a result, even to this day, the story starts off slow and gradually builds steam. As of today, that's going to change.
For 9 months I've been worrying about the first chapter. While I edited and rewrote this novel, I worried that the first chapter would ultimately not grab the reader, that it was too slow, and that it took too long to get started. Beyond affecting the sales of my novel, I worried that it would never get past the publishers who would read the first few pages and then put it down. But today, I came up with a brand new first chapter idea that is so stunning that I can't wait to get home and start writing it.
You see, it has nothing to do with the story at hand, and yet everything to do with it at the same time. Its exciting and thrilling and dangerous and will leave you wanting for more. And then it will linger with you as you wonder what the hell it has to do with the rest of the story. I'm so happy.
The thing is, I wrote this particular first chapter stuff ten years ago as part of a screenplay for a movie I never finished. The only reason it has anything to do with the novel at all is because I needed some background filler for the main character and I stole it from this unfinished script. Here it is, 3 years after I started writing the novel, and I'm just now getting the correct first chapter - material that I had all along.
I feel like Pharoah, looking out over an entire Kingdom filled with dead first born children and saying to myself, "Maybe God wants me to let the Hebrews go?" I don't know how it could have been more obvious all along.
Okay, back to work...
Friday, February 10, 2006
Black Friday
Just a quick thought, then I swear I'm going into temporary retirement...
I've been saying all along that Bush's deeds would catch up with him someday. Now, its not quite to the point of impeachment yet, but this has surely been a bad day for the Bush Administration.
It started this morning when word came out that Libby (Cheney's former Chief Aide) said that he was told to leak the information about Valerie Plame by his superiors.
Then, Former FEMA Chief, blasted the White House by saying that they were aware of the levy breaks and other parts of the disaster long before Bush said he had been told.
Then, Abramoff, the indicted lobbyist who is at the center of a serious influence peddling probe in Congress and beyond, revealed that he'd met with President Bush at least 8 times, had been invited to Bush's ranch, and had his picture taken with the President many times. Bush doesn't ever recall meeting Abramoff.
And finally, just now, the senior Intelligence analyst with the CIA confirmed that the Bush Administration hand picked the intelligence it needed to justify going to war with Iraq ignoring all the evidence and the recommendations of the intel analysts that a war with Iraq was not only a dangerous proposition, but also completely unnecessary.
If you are still a Bush supporter, I'd honestly like to hear why. Cause I don't get it. This man is a crook, a fraud, and most of all, a liar. And those are his good qualities.
History will show these last 6 years as the darkest in US History - darker even than the Watergate years.
But I'm off my soapbox now. And I swear I'm going into temporary retirement.
I've been saying all along that Bush's deeds would catch up with him someday. Now, its not quite to the point of impeachment yet, but this has surely been a bad day for the Bush Administration.
It started this morning when word came out that Libby (Cheney's former Chief Aide) said that he was told to leak the information about Valerie Plame by his superiors.
Then, Former FEMA Chief, blasted the White House by saying that they were aware of the levy breaks and other parts of the disaster long before Bush said he had been told.
Then, Abramoff, the indicted lobbyist who is at the center of a serious influence peddling probe in Congress and beyond, revealed that he'd met with President Bush at least 8 times, had been invited to Bush's ranch, and had his picture taken with the President many times. Bush doesn't ever recall meeting Abramoff.
And finally, just now, the senior Intelligence analyst with the CIA confirmed that the Bush Administration hand picked the intelligence it needed to justify going to war with Iraq ignoring all the evidence and the recommendations of the intel analysts that a war with Iraq was not only a dangerous proposition, but also completely unnecessary.
If you are still a Bush supporter, I'd honestly like to hear why. Cause I don't get it. This man is a crook, a fraud, and most of all, a liar. And those are his good qualities.
History will show these last 6 years as the darkest in US History - darker even than the Watergate years.
But I'm off my soapbox now. And I swear I'm going into temporary retirement.
I can't help myself...
I said I was going on hiatus and here I am again. But I saw this thing on TV on Wednesday and its just stuck in my mind ever since.
It was on that show The Biggest Loser (I think... I was flipping channels and I really didn't stick around too long). The two couples of oversized people were facing their latest challenge. In front of them, arranged on two card tables, were about thirty different dessert items - cakes, pies, cookies, etc... and there were points printed on every plate. The challenge was to stand there and not eat anything. If they ate things, they lost points.
I was insulted. I thought, how stereotypical that they would think that FAT people can't control their urges and would just start splurging. This was going to be the easiest contest ever. All they had to do was stand there and not eat. How hard is that?
And then, as I watched, one of the women couldn't control herself and reached out and took a plate of chocolate chip cookies and ate them. What?! How could she lose control that easily? I thought, wow, she really has a problem.
Ever since then, it seems like I've been stuck on that same show taking that same challenge and I was wondering if anyone else felt like this. You know you shouldn't eat it. You know it will only make you fat and cause you to lose points, and yet you do anyway. You can't control yourself. You can't control your hunger for things that are not good for you.
I guess, ultimately, I was a little too hard on the contestants of this show. It just seemed that compared to some other challenges like dangling over a pool of sharks or scaling Mt. Pinatuba or sliding down the outside of a pyramid, that standing in front of a table full of sweets and not eating anything was, well, extremely easy. I didn't realize how difficult it could actually be.
It was on that show The Biggest Loser (I think... I was flipping channels and I really didn't stick around too long). The two couples of oversized people were facing their latest challenge. In front of them, arranged on two card tables, were about thirty different dessert items - cakes, pies, cookies, etc... and there were points printed on every plate. The challenge was to stand there and not eat anything. If they ate things, they lost points.
I was insulted. I thought, how stereotypical that they would think that FAT people can't control their urges and would just start splurging. This was going to be the easiest contest ever. All they had to do was stand there and not eat. How hard is that?
And then, as I watched, one of the women couldn't control herself and reached out and took a plate of chocolate chip cookies and ate them. What?! How could she lose control that easily? I thought, wow, she really has a problem.
Ever since then, it seems like I've been stuck on that same show taking that same challenge and I was wondering if anyone else felt like this. You know you shouldn't eat it. You know it will only make you fat and cause you to lose points, and yet you do anyway. You can't control yourself. You can't control your hunger for things that are not good for you.
I guess, ultimately, I was a little too hard on the contestants of this show. It just seemed that compared to some other challenges like dangling over a pool of sharks or scaling Mt. Pinatuba or sliding down the outside of a pyramid, that standing in front of a table full of sweets and not eating anything was, well, extremely easy. I didn't realize how difficult it could actually be.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Oh the places you'll go...
I am going on hiatus for a while. As I enter my last month of work on my novel, I've decided to save my brain the extra work of having to blog about life, liberty, and the pursuit of God knows what on a semi-daily basis. So, until this novel is done, I shall only be reading other people's blogs and commenting.
Also, secretly, I'll be completely drained from watching all 24.5 hours of Olympic Coverage on NBC (Thank God I don't get cable!) And then there's the last two home games of the season for the USF Dons, Tee Ball Practice, my first hikes of the season, getting my youth group started, and other assorted and sundry things to take care of in addition to my novel.
So, consider me gone, and while I'm gone, think of all the places you'll go while I'll be chained to my computer desk imagining the words, deeds, and worlds of my novel. If you're thinking of starting your own novel, remember this... Don't!
You'll thank me someday.
Also, secretly, I'll be completely drained from watching all 24.5 hours of Olympic Coverage on NBC (Thank God I don't get cable!) And then there's the last two home games of the season for the USF Dons, Tee Ball Practice, my first hikes of the season, getting my youth group started, and other assorted and sundry things to take care of in addition to my novel.
So, consider me gone, and while I'm gone, think of all the places you'll go while I'll be chained to my computer desk imagining the words, deeds, and worlds of my novel. If you're thinking of starting your own novel, remember this... Don't!
You'll thank me someday.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Wisdom - Part Two
Proverbs 9
Invitations of Wisdom and of Folly
1 Wisdom has built her house;
she has hewn out its seven pillars.
2 She has prepared her meat and mixed her wine;
she has also set her table.
3 She has sent out her maids, and she calls
from the highest point of the city.
4 "Let all who are simple come in here!"
she says to those who lack judgment.
5 "Come, eat my food
and drink the wine I have mixed.
6 Leave your simple ways and you will live;
walk in the way of understanding.
7 "Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult;
whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse.
8 Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you;
rebuke a wise man and he will love you.
9 Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still;
teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.
10 "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom,
and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
11 For through me your days will be many,
and years will be added to your life.
12 If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you;
if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer."
13 The woman Folly is loud;
she is undisciplined and without knowledge.
14 She sits at the door of her house,
on a seat at the highest point of the city,
15 calling out to those who pass by,
who go straight on their way.
16 "Let all who are simple come in here!"
she says to those who lack judgment.
17 "Stolen water is sweet;
food eaten in secret is delicious!"
18 But little do they know that the dead are there,
that her guests are in the depths of the grave. [a]
Believe it or not, this will be short and sweet.
If you are like me, then you have a great many problems professing your faith to non-believers. You don't want to pressure them, or creep them out, or chase them away from the best thing that could ever happen to them. You just hope that by going to slow and safe method and being there for them that eventually they'll knock on your door and ask to join your church.
In reading this chapter of Proverbs above the first time it seemed pretty straight forward. God (Wisdom) was inviting people in. And Satan (Foolery) was inviting people in. But only those who were wise would end up with God and only those who were Fools would end up with Satan. Good people = Good. Bad people = Bad.
But in reading the chapter the second time, I realized something that I had mis-read. It didn't say what I thought at all. What it was saying is that those people as yet uninitiated into the halls of wisdom, both Wisdom and Foolery were calling to them. The "innocent" were being led to both wisdom and foolery. Like carnival hawkers at the county fair calling to the rubes, Wisdom and Foolery were battling it out for customers.
The thing is that when we remain silent and wait for these people that we know to come to God, when we wait to tell them what they're missing, then we are not only missing an opportunity to introduce them to God, but we are also letting Satan get to them first. Just because we're remaining silent, doesn't mean Satan is. He has set up his house. He has positioned his carnival hawkers. He has enticed the innocent into his house and served them the food and drink of death. And we are letting him do this because we are not offering these people the alternative.
We are not doing anybody any favors by remaining silent. It is time we started inviting people in to the House of the Lord.
Invitations of Wisdom and of Folly
1 Wisdom has built her house;
she has hewn out its seven pillars.
2 She has prepared her meat and mixed her wine;
she has also set her table.
3 She has sent out her maids, and she calls
from the highest point of the city.
4 "Let all who are simple come in here!"
she says to those who lack judgment.
5 "Come, eat my food
and drink the wine I have mixed.
6 Leave your simple ways and you will live;
walk in the way of understanding.
7 "Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult;
whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse.
8 Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you;
rebuke a wise man and he will love you.
9 Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still;
teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.
10 "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom,
and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
11 For through me your days will be many,
and years will be added to your life.
12 If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you;
if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer."
13 The woman Folly is loud;
she is undisciplined and without knowledge.
14 She sits at the door of her house,
on a seat at the highest point of the city,
15 calling out to those who pass by,
who go straight on their way.
16 "Let all who are simple come in here!"
she says to those who lack judgment.
17 "Stolen water is sweet;
food eaten in secret is delicious!"
18 But little do they know that the dead are there,
that her guests are in the depths of the grave. [a]
Believe it or not, this will be short and sweet.
If you are like me, then you have a great many problems professing your faith to non-believers. You don't want to pressure them, or creep them out, or chase them away from the best thing that could ever happen to them. You just hope that by going to slow and safe method and being there for them that eventually they'll knock on your door and ask to join your church.
In reading this chapter of Proverbs above the first time it seemed pretty straight forward. God (Wisdom) was inviting people in. And Satan (Foolery) was inviting people in. But only those who were wise would end up with God and only those who were Fools would end up with Satan. Good people = Good. Bad people = Bad.
But in reading the chapter the second time, I realized something that I had mis-read. It didn't say what I thought at all. What it was saying is that those people as yet uninitiated into the halls of wisdom, both Wisdom and Foolery were calling to them. The "innocent" were being led to both wisdom and foolery. Like carnival hawkers at the county fair calling to the rubes, Wisdom and Foolery were battling it out for customers.
The thing is that when we remain silent and wait for these people that we know to come to God, when we wait to tell them what they're missing, then we are not only missing an opportunity to introduce them to God, but we are also letting Satan get to them first. Just because we're remaining silent, doesn't mean Satan is. He has set up his house. He has positioned his carnival hawkers. He has enticed the innocent into his house and served them the food and drink of death. And we are letting him do this because we are not offering these people the alternative.
We are not doing anybody any favors by remaining silent. It is time we started inviting people in to the House of the Lord.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Wisdom - Part One
Proverbs 8
Wisdom's Call
1 Does not wisdom call out?
Does not understanding raise her voice?
2 On the heights along the way,
where the paths meet, she takes her stand;
3 beside the gates leading into the city,
at the entrances, she cries aloud:
4 "To you, O men, I call out;
I raise my voice to all mankind.
5 You who are simple, gain prudence;
you who are foolish, gain understanding.
6 Listen, for I have worthy things to say;
I open my lips to speak what is right.
7 My mouth speaks what is true,
for my lips detest wickedness.
8 All the words of my mouth are just;
none of them is crooked or perverse.
9 To the discerning all of them are right;
they are faultless to those who have knowledge.
10 Choose my instruction instead of silver,
knowledge rather than choice gold,
11 for wisdom is more precious than rubies,
and nothing you desire can compare with her.
12 "I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence;
I possess knowledge and discretion.
13 To fear the LORD is to hate evil;
I hate pride and arrogance,
evil behavior and perverse speech.
14 Counsel and sound judgment are mine;
I have understanding and power.
15 By me kings reign
and rulers make laws that are just;
16 by me princes govern,
and all nobles who rule on earth. [a]
17 I love those who love me,
and those who seek me find me.
18 With me are riches and honor,
enduring wealth and prosperity.
19 My fruit is better than fine gold;
what I yield surpasses choice silver.
20 I walk in the way of righteousness,
along the paths of justice,
21 bestowing wealth on those who love me
and making their treasuries full.
22 "The LORD brought me forth as the first of his works, [b] , [c]
before his deeds of old;
23 I was appointed [d] from eternity,
from the beginning, before the world began.
24 When there were no oceans, I was given birth,
when there were no springs abounding with water;
25 before the mountains were settled in place,
before the hills, I was given birth,
26 before he made the earth or its fields
or any of the dust of the world.
27 I was there when he set the heavens in place,
when he marked out the horizon on the face of the deep,
28 when he established the clouds above
and fixed securely the fountains of the deep,
29 when he gave the sea its boundary
so the waters would not overstep his command,
and when he marked out the foundations of the earth.
30 Then I was the craftsman at his side.
I was filled with delight day after day,
rejoicing always in his presence,
31 rejoicing in his whole world
and delighting in mankind.
32 "Now then, my sons, listen to me;
blessed are those who keep my ways.
33 Listen to my instruction and be wise;
do not ignore it.
34 Blessed is the man who listens to me,
watching daily at my doors,
waiting at my doorway.
35 For whoever finds me finds life
and receives favor from the LORD.
36 But whoever fails to find me harms himself;
all who hate me love death."
Luke: I don't, I don't believe it.
Yoda: That is why you failed.
3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
11"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
What is it all about? I have no idea. But I now know where to look.
What is It - this thing we are all searching for, this thing that gives meaning to our life, that answers all our questions, and that we, as a species, have been searching for since the dawn of time. We have always couched it in the terms of the knowledge available to us at the time - What makes the sky angry? Which falls faster, a pound of feathers or a pound of bricks? What is the sound of one hand clapping? Why is the sky blue? Are we alone in the universe? How do we make cold fusion? Should we clone human beings? We are always pushing the edge of the envelope, climbing the next hill to see if the horizon beyond is the one we have been looking for all along. But we never find it. Because, for the most part, we don't even know what It is.
To say that It is wisdom is to speak that cliche that we all know. The cartoon never shows the man walking up to the top of a hill and knocking on the NASA observatory there to ask the question, "Why am I here?" No, the cartoon always shows some mountaintop in the middle of nowhere and an aged WISE man sitting there with some pithy answer to the question - "Bring me a sandwich," or, "I just like the view," or some such. That we all know the answer to the question lies in our search for wisdom only points out the fact that we all know the definition of wisdom - the search for unknowable answers.
But there is an answer there. An answer has always been there. There is nothing hidden in the world, just undiscovered. As the saying goes, "In all situations there are three sides, your side, my side, and the truth." None of us have cornered the market on truth, and even if we had, that would only be our interpretation of that truth - not the actual truth itself. We are all only interpreters in life. So, where then, is the real truth? And how can we ever discern it?
This Sunday, after a nice breakfast at Zephyr Point Presbyterian Camp in South Lake Tahoe, NV, my pastor and I sat down with our youth group to hold a devotional. Our part in this devotional was to name our favorite Bible passage and explain what that passage meant to us. It was quite an eye opening experience. One of the youth selected the story of the woman who was to be stoned (printed above), the one that I remember as ending with the phrase, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." After reading the passage and explaining what it meant to them, our pastor asked us this question, "What was Jesus writing on the ground?" The Bible is less than forthcoming about what words He might have been scribbling in the dirt, but our pastor told us the answer anyway. "Jesus was writing the sins of every single man in the crowd holding a stone. When the men looked and saw their sins on the ground and realized that they could just as easily be condemned, they dropped their stones and walked away." This is not written anywhere in the Bible. It was from a sermon that my pastor had heard thirty years before and always remembered. This was wisdom - an unknowable answer, and a truth.
Where does knowledge such as this come from? And how do we know its true? Did this pastor find some long lost text with eyewitness accounts of this moment of time attesting to what was written on the ground? The answers lie in the passage from Proverbs.
"I was appointed from eternity, from the beginning, before the world began," says Wisdom. Wisdom was around when God was making the world. Wisdom was there to watch and praise God as He made everything. Wisdom was, is, and ever shall be.
The answer, the Truth, Wisdom; its been here since the beginning, since before the beginning, waiting for us to find it - to know it - to learn of its truth. Wisdom is the thing for which we've been searching since we could walk - answers to unanswerable questions, the truth behind the truths we tell each other and see. It is the answer to the question, "Why am I here?" It is the truth of the nature of God and the moment of the resurrection. It is that which props up our faith.
We don't always trust in wisdom. We don't always know its extent or its purpose. We seek other authors of it - self help books, Shakespeare, bumper stickers. We are always trying to boil wisdom down into smaller sayings each trying to reach the thing that it can never reach, as if "What Would Jesus Do?" could even begin to explain the complexity of everything.
I often find myself sitting with a problem and hearing myself suggest taking it to God, I would laugh to myself and say, "What does God know about computers? Or cars? Or money problems?" As if God can only answer my questions in Aramaic and has never ridden anything faster than a donkey.
I am reminded of the scene in Empire Strikes Back where Luke Skywalker's X-Wing Fighter sinks into the bog. Yoda, who had been teaching Luke to use the force to raise rocks, and stones, and R2-D2, tells Luke that he has to now lift the X-Wing. Luke says that it is too big and Yoda tells him that that is all in his mind and that he has to unlearn that which he has learned. When Luke fails, he tells Yoda that it is impossible. And when Yoda succeeds in raising the X-Wing, Luke says, "I don't believe it," and Yoda replies, "That is why you failed."
We all want our wisdom to be easy to recognize and understand. But if it were so easy, then there would be no fools. I was foolish to think that a being that could create the universe wouldn't understand something like computers or cars or money. I am sure I have been foolish before to question that which God knows and understands.
There is only one being who could know all that wisdom is and has to teach us and that would be the being that created it in the first place - from whom all wisdom flows and returns and in whom all wisdom is revealed. God is our wisdom. He is the source of all knowledge and understanding, and all that we learn from wisdom will point us back to its source. God is wisdom.
Do you want to know what it is all about? I can't give you the answer. But I can tell you where to look.
Wisdom's Call
1 Does not wisdom call out?
Does not understanding raise her voice?
2 On the heights along the way,
where the paths meet, she takes her stand;
3 beside the gates leading into the city,
at the entrances, she cries aloud:
4 "To you, O men, I call out;
I raise my voice to all mankind.
5 You who are simple, gain prudence;
you who are foolish, gain understanding.
6 Listen, for I have worthy things to say;
I open my lips to speak what is right.
7 My mouth speaks what is true,
for my lips detest wickedness.
8 All the words of my mouth are just;
none of them is crooked or perverse.
9 To the discerning all of them are right;
they are faultless to those who have knowledge.
10 Choose my instruction instead of silver,
knowledge rather than choice gold,
11 for wisdom is more precious than rubies,
and nothing you desire can compare with her.
12 "I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence;
I possess knowledge and discretion.
13 To fear the LORD is to hate evil;
I hate pride and arrogance,
evil behavior and perverse speech.
14 Counsel and sound judgment are mine;
I have understanding and power.
15 By me kings reign
and rulers make laws that are just;
16 by me princes govern,
and all nobles who rule on earth. [a]
17 I love those who love me,
and those who seek me find me.
18 With me are riches and honor,
enduring wealth and prosperity.
19 My fruit is better than fine gold;
what I yield surpasses choice silver.
20 I walk in the way of righteousness,
along the paths of justice,
21 bestowing wealth on those who love me
and making their treasuries full.
22 "The LORD brought me forth as the first of his works, [b] , [c]
before his deeds of old;
23 I was appointed [d] from eternity,
from the beginning, before the world began.
24 When there were no oceans, I was given birth,
when there were no springs abounding with water;
25 before the mountains were settled in place,
before the hills, I was given birth,
26 before he made the earth or its fields
or any of the dust of the world.
27 I was there when he set the heavens in place,
when he marked out the horizon on the face of the deep,
28 when he established the clouds above
and fixed securely the fountains of the deep,
29 when he gave the sea its boundary
so the waters would not overstep his command,
and when he marked out the foundations of the earth.
30 Then I was the craftsman at his side.
I was filled with delight day after day,
rejoicing always in his presence,
31 rejoicing in his whole world
and delighting in mankind.
32 "Now then, my sons, listen to me;
blessed are those who keep my ways.
33 Listen to my instruction and be wise;
do not ignore it.
34 Blessed is the man who listens to me,
watching daily at my doors,
waiting at my doorway.
35 For whoever finds me finds life
and receives favor from the LORD.
36 But whoever fails to find me harms himself;
all who hate me love death."
Luke: I don't, I don't believe it.
Yoda: That is why you failed.
3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
11"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
What is it all about? I have no idea. But I now know where to look.
What is It - this thing we are all searching for, this thing that gives meaning to our life, that answers all our questions, and that we, as a species, have been searching for since the dawn of time. We have always couched it in the terms of the knowledge available to us at the time - What makes the sky angry? Which falls faster, a pound of feathers or a pound of bricks? What is the sound of one hand clapping? Why is the sky blue? Are we alone in the universe? How do we make cold fusion? Should we clone human beings? We are always pushing the edge of the envelope, climbing the next hill to see if the horizon beyond is the one we have been looking for all along. But we never find it. Because, for the most part, we don't even know what It is.
To say that It is wisdom is to speak that cliche that we all know. The cartoon never shows the man walking up to the top of a hill and knocking on the NASA observatory there to ask the question, "Why am I here?" No, the cartoon always shows some mountaintop in the middle of nowhere and an aged WISE man sitting there with some pithy answer to the question - "Bring me a sandwich," or, "I just like the view," or some such. That we all know the answer to the question lies in our search for wisdom only points out the fact that we all know the definition of wisdom - the search for unknowable answers.
But there is an answer there. An answer has always been there. There is nothing hidden in the world, just undiscovered. As the saying goes, "In all situations there are three sides, your side, my side, and the truth." None of us have cornered the market on truth, and even if we had, that would only be our interpretation of that truth - not the actual truth itself. We are all only interpreters in life. So, where then, is the real truth? And how can we ever discern it?
This Sunday, after a nice breakfast at Zephyr Point Presbyterian Camp in South Lake Tahoe, NV, my pastor and I sat down with our youth group to hold a devotional. Our part in this devotional was to name our favorite Bible passage and explain what that passage meant to us. It was quite an eye opening experience. One of the youth selected the story of the woman who was to be stoned (printed above), the one that I remember as ending with the phrase, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." After reading the passage and explaining what it meant to them, our pastor asked us this question, "What was Jesus writing on the ground?" The Bible is less than forthcoming about what words He might have been scribbling in the dirt, but our pastor told us the answer anyway. "Jesus was writing the sins of every single man in the crowd holding a stone. When the men looked and saw their sins on the ground and realized that they could just as easily be condemned, they dropped their stones and walked away." This is not written anywhere in the Bible. It was from a sermon that my pastor had heard thirty years before and always remembered. This was wisdom - an unknowable answer, and a truth.
Where does knowledge such as this come from? And how do we know its true? Did this pastor find some long lost text with eyewitness accounts of this moment of time attesting to what was written on the ground? The answers lie in the passage from Proverbs.
"I was appointed from eternity, from the beginning, before the world began," says Wisdom. Wisdom was around when God was making the world. Wisdom was there to watch and praise God as He made everything. Wisdom was, is, and ever shall be.
The answer, the Truth, Wisdom; its been here since the beginning, since before the beginning, waiting for us to find it - to know it - to learn of its truth. Wisdom is the thing for which we've been searching since we could walk - answers to unanswerable questions, the truth behind the truths we tell each other and see. It is the answer to the question, "Why am I here?" It is the truth of the nature of God and the moment of the resurrection. It is that which props up our faith.
We don't always trust in wisdom. We don't always know its extent or its purpose. We seek other authors of it - self help books, Shakespeare, bumper stickers. We are always trying to boil wisdom down into smaller sayings each trying to reach the thing that it can never reach, as if "What Would Jesus Do?" could even begin to explain the complexity of everything.
I often find myself sitting with a problem and hearing myself suggest taking it to God, I would laugh to myself and say, "What does God know about computers? Or cars? Or money problems?" As if God can only answer my questions in Aramaic and has never ridden anything faster than a donkey.
I am reminded of the scene in Empire Strikes Back where Luke Skywalker's X-Wing Fighter sinks into the bog. Yoda, who had been teaching Luke to use the force to raise rocks, and stones, and R2-D2, tells Luke that he has to now lift the X-Wing. Luke says that it is too big and Yoda tells him that that is all in his mind and that he has to unlearn that which he has learned. When Luke fails, he tells Yoda that it is impossible. And when Yoda succeeds in raising the X-Wing, Luke says, "I don't believe it," and Yoda replies, "That is why you failed."
We all want our wisdom to be easy to recognize and understand. But if it were so easy, then there would be no fools. I was foolish to think that a being that could create the universe wouldn't understand something like computers or cars or money. I am sure I have been foolish before to question that which God knows and understands.
There is only one being who could know all that wisdom is and has to teach us and that would be the being that created it in the first place - from whom all wisdom flows and returns and in whom all wisdom is revealed. God is our wisdom. He is the source of all knowledge and understanding, and all that we learn from wisdom will point us back to its source. God is wisdom.
Do you want to know what it is all about? I can't give you the answer. But I can tell you where to look.
Monday, February 06, 2006
On Wings of Eagles
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Stop me if you've heard this one: I had a revelation on top of the mountain.
But that's not what today's blog post is about. That's for tomorrow.
I come back from my youth group's annual ski trip with renewed strength and purpose. Sometimes you don't know how tired you are until you go and do something even more tiring. I am reminded of this after every completed hike - as I sit in a puddle of sweat and exhaustion and can feel the home fires burning nice and hot and bright. My short and sweet explanation is that it takes energy to create energy. The more you put out, the more you get.
God was with us this weekend. He was there on Lake Tahoe. He was smiling through the sunset. He provided a curtain of snow for the young lady from Madagascar that had never seen snow, much less touched it or played in it. He watched over us as we gondolaed to the top of Squaw Valley and skated in the outdoor ice rink at 8200 feet. He surrounded us and pierced us and bound us together.
The thing about altitude is, of course, that it affects you in unseen ways. With less oxygen in your head, you begin to slow down. Instead of rushing to do everything you can as fast as you can, it makes you stop and appreciate the world around you. It forces you to watch sunsets and sunrises. And in so doing, you can feel the spirit on the water and appreciate the calm and the quiet. Not just us older people are affected either, but even the youths grow tired and weary, and young people stumble and fall. But there is something about being together on a trip with the Lord. Even with less oxygen, you can't help but smile and feel invigorated and ready for whatever challenge should come next - from tubing to boarding to skiing to skating, there is never a lack of energy.
Still, I'm betting everyone slept really well last night.
Tomorrow, I shall discuss my big revelation (big to me, though I imagine the rest of you have already figured this one out a long time ago).
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Stop me if you've heard this one: I had a revelation on top of the mountain.
But that's not what today's blog post is about. That's for tomorrow.
I come back from my youth group's annual ski trip with renewed strength and purpose. Sometimes you don't know how tired you are until you go and do something even more tiring. I am reminded of this after every completed hike - as I sit in a puddle of sweat and exhaustion and can feel the home fires burning nice and hot and bright. My short and sweet explanation is that it takes energy to create energy. The more you put out, the more you get.
God was with us this weekend. He was there on Lake Tahoe. He was smiling through the sunset. He provided a curtain of snow for the young lady from Madagascar that had never seen snow, much less touched it or played in it. He watched over us as we gondolaed to the top of Squaw Valley and skated in the outdoor ice rink at 8200 feet. He surrounded us and pierced us and bound us together.
The thing about altitude is, of course, that it affects you in unseen ways. With less oxygen in your head, you begin to slow down. Instead of rushing to do everything you can as fast as you can, it makes you stop and appreciate the world around you. It forces you to watch sunsets and sunrises. And in so doing, you can feel the spirit on the water and appreciate the calm and the quiet. Not just us older people are affected either, but even the youths grow tired and weary, and young people stumble and fall. But there is something about being together on a trip with the Lord. Even with less oxygen, you can't help but smile and feel invigorated and ready for whatever challenge should come next - from tubing to boarding to skiing to skating, there is never a lack of energy.
Still, I'm betting everyone slept really well last night.
Tomorrow, I shall discuss my big revelation (big to me, though I imagine the rest of you have already figured this one out a long time ago).
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Back from the Hinterlands
There are days when you walk and talk beside the Lord. And there are days when you feel the Lord pushing you up the hill. I find that image from the famous short story - Footprints - to be comforting in so many ways. Its a gentle reminder that even when we don't feel God near, He is still with us, helping us and keeping an eye on us.
I tend to lose focus from time to time. I think it comes part and parcel with my writing ability. My life just sort of goes fuzzy around the edges. I move forward, deliberately, but I don't look around or stop. Everything is blurry on the edges and I really don't know what I'm doing. Despair and depression are just waiting to pounce - to remind me what a no good loser I am. Every step is a struggle. Every breath a labor. Nothing seems important or has value. And though I know it all to be an illusion, a false feeling that will eventually pass, like a headache that I just can't shake, all I can do is be patient and move forward.
And then, slowly, the edges begin to become clearer and I can see the good things in my life again. I'm reminded of what love feels like, or joy, or mirth. Optimism returns like a sunrise - slow, spreading, warm. And there, to my side, is Jesus - still walking with me and guiding me every step of the way - a constant companion to my blind bad self.
So, I'm back from the Hinterlands now, and if you didn't notice that I was gone - well, I've had 36 years of practice to make you think I was here all along. Anyone can pretend to be awake when they are asleep, and some are more accomplished at it that others. I am leading the Youth on a ski trip to the Sierras this weekend. And then next week, I am winding down the editing of my Novel for hopefully the last time - followed by the sending out of letters to Agents starting a week from Monday, and then the second half rewrite (editing is one thing, rewriting is another skill entirely) with a deadline of March 7th, 2006. In all these plans, I know that I am still God's servant and that He might have other plans for me. I will await patiently and hopefully with my heart open to hear His call.
I love you all.
In Christ,
Will
I tend to lose focus from time to time. I think it comes part and parcel with my writing ability. My life just sort of goes fuzzy around the edges. I move forward, deliberately, but I don't look around or stop. Everything is blurry on the edges and I really don't know what I'm doing. Despair and depression are just waiting to pounce - to remind me what a no good loser I am. Every step is a struggle. Every breath a labor. Nothing seems important or has value. And though I know it all to be an illusion, a false feeling that will eventually pass, like a headache that I just can't shake, all I can do is be patient and move forward.
And then, slowly, the edges begin to become clearer and I can see the good things in my life again. I'm reminded of what love feels like, or joy, or mirth. Optimism returns like a sunrise - slow, spreading, warm. And there, to my side, is Jesus - still walking with me and guiding me every step of the way - a constant companion to my blind bad self.
So, I'm back from the Hinterlands now, and if you didn't notice that I was gone - well, I've had 36 years of practice to make you think I was here all along. Anyone can pretend to be awake when they are asleep, and some are more accomplished at it that others. I am leading the Youth on a ski trip to the Sierras this weekend. And then next week, I am winding down the editing of my Novel for hopefully the last time - followed by the sending out of letters to Agents starting a week from Monday, and then the second half rewrite (editing is one thing, rewriting is another skill entirely) with a deadline of March 7th, 2006. In all these plans, I know that I am still God's servant and that He might have other plans for me. I will await patiently and hopefully with my heart open to hear His call.
I love you all.
In Christ,
Will
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