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Skinny People To Blame For Global Warming and High Medical Costs - (TAC)

It has been clearly proven in a study that athletically skinny people are to blame for most of societies ills, not overweight people as has been reported in the past.

"It's just a case of the blind leading the blind," says Dr. Knotso Fast, lead investigator of the study, "Skinny people clearly want to see the world through their eyes and therefore anyone not like them must be to blame for all of societies troubles. This is clearly the worst miscarriage of scientific justice since the scientific community tried to claim that smoking pot lead to violent crimes."

In this study, it was clearly shown that an increased range of activity such as skiing, snowboarding, skydiving, skateboarding, wakeboarding, windsurfing, bungee jumping, strenous excercise, bicycling, etc... actually lead to more accidents and deaths, and higher doctor's bills, than the combined effects of diabetes, heart disease, and other illnesses related to obesity.

"Its worst than that," Dr. Fast added, "Because these people tend to live longer and thus generate all the medical bills of geriatric people as well. If they were to develop a fine case of heart disease, say, they'd cut off at least ten years of medical costs at the end of their lives."

In addition, the study clearly proved that while obese people need more fuel to move their added mass around, thus increasing their impact on global warming, their lack of movement in general more than offset the cost of the additional mass.

"These people just don't move... that's the whole reason they're obese in the first place," Dr. Fast explained, "They don't hike or swim or play golf or soccer and, therefore, they don't drive to all of those locations. Generally, the fitter you are, the more active you are, and the more active you are, the greater your carbon footprint. Clearly this is a case of the pot calling the kettle black."

As well, the fact that obese people tend to die younger means that their lifelong carbon footprint ends up being much smaller in the long run and doesn't add to the problems of over-population.

"If you were to read those other reports, you would be left with the conclusion that the best thing for Planet Earth would be for everyone to be fit, young, fertile and blessed with an overabundance of opportunities to procreate - and that's the worst possible scenario for earth. Believe it or not, obese people are doing us all a favor by dying young. We should encourage more obesity, not less."

Clearly, Dr. Fast's study has not been received well by the 90210-ish scientific community, but he's not concerned.

"Someday my research will be regarded as visionary."