Some valleys are deeper than others

You might say its because I'm getting closer to 40, or it might be an attack from the Enemy, or it might even be some sort of depression, but I think its just exhaustion. No matter what the cause, lately I've been feeling bluer than normal. Its hard to remain optimistic when you slog into yet another hard period of your life and know that there will be little to show for it on the other side. It makes you start questioning things that ought not be questioned.

I know that God loves me, but there are times when I just feel like paraphrasing Dr. Evil and saying, "Could you throw me a frickin' bone here, Jesus?" I look around at other more settled lives and I think, why not me? What did I do differently? Where's my happiness? Am I just meant to be lonely and tired and sad my whole life?

See, it's clearly a case of the blues.

Happiness, like sadness, is usually just a matter of perspective. If I were a Katrina refugee or a hunted tribesman in Congo or Somalia or something, my problems wouldn't amount to a hill of beans. Others might chastise me for worrying about being lonely when I have a ton of friends and family that care for me. And still others, more poignantly and pointedly might just say, "You don't look like your starving... for attention or otherwise."

In the famous poem, "Footprints," the author wants to make it clear that there are hills and valleys in every life and I'm not sure that comparing one life to another, for good reasons or bad, is very helpful. No matter how well off I am or how bad off, I still have feelings of joy and sadness, hope and despair, like everyone else. It is in those bad times that faith in Jesus carries us... even if we question whether He has our best interest at heart.

So, somehow I'll muddle through until the sun comes out, and then I'll be right as rain again. I'm not sure when that'll be since I don't see an end in sight until the middle of December for all this hard work. But I can guarantee that by early to mid-January, I'll be getting back to myself by doing something that I know will make me feel better.

Until then...

I work all day...
And edit all night...
don't make no money...
but that's all right...
Ain't got no one...
to spend it on anyway...

I've been so down...
but I don't gotta pay...
Cause da Blues is free
for one and for all
Whether you want'em
They come to call

Da Blues Is free...