Will Almighty

And lo, an Angel of the Lord appeared unto me, saying, "So, you think you're pretty hot stuff now that you've finished creating that book. How would you like a real challenge?"

"Bringeth iteth oneth," I replied.

"Stick to modern English before you hurt yourself," the Angel replied.

And thus I was transported into nothing - a big vast field of nothing.

"Where am I?" I asked.

"You are Before. God has suggested that you might want to try your hand at creating something a little more challenging - like the whole universe!"

"Hmm... Sure, why not? I'm in between gigs right now. I suppose I can take a week off."

And thus, following the great trend of Hollywood, Will Almighty set out to revamp the first couple of chapters of Genesis. And therefore it was that...

Genesis 1

1 - In the beginning, there was nada. 2 - And Will saw that he liked the nothing and began to plan what he would like to do with all that nothingness, that blank canvas (which is something not yet invented). 3 - The beginning and the end of the first day . 4 - On the second day, Will continued to contemplate all that nothingness and ate nachos (again with the not yet invented thing). 5 - The beginning and end of the second day. 6 - On the third day, Will decided that he needed to begin with a flourish and thus he created the heavens, the earth, the sun, the stars, the moon, and a giant space creature to destroy them all in a cataclysmic fireball, but after seeing his results, he scrapped the whole thing and went to bed early. 7 - The beginning and the end of the third day. 8 - On the fourth day, Will thought about going one better, and separated the lights from the darks, the colors from the socks, and did his laundry. Then he snapped his finger and the entire universe appeared as it had been before (minus plants, animals, and people) with the requisite 15% changes so that he could claim unique ownership. 9 - The beginning and the end of the fourth day. 10 - On the fifth day, Will decided to take a short break while he contemplated what to do next. 11 - The beginning and the end of the fifth day. 12 - On the 223rd day, Will thought about adding the color green. And he liked it. So it stayed. 13 - On the 435th day, Will created water and when it didn't kill him, he kept that too. 14 - On the 856th day, Will added birds, animals, and fishees. And they tasted good. So he kept them. But since he hadn't yet created insects (yuck) nor plant life (icky) they all died out. 15 - On the 857th day, Will begrudgingly created vegetables, but he countered this by also creating ice cream and chocolate syrup. 16 - On the 9,342nd day, Will made everything that was not a cheeseburger taste like chicken. 17 - On the 10,456th day, Will gave up.

And thus it was that Will's vast ego and his self important vision of himself as a master creater was completely destroyed with a single stunning sunset. Forever acknowledged as a failed creator, Will retired to a normal life of fiction wherein he could pretend to be a really, truly, awesome writer.

And as for the Angel, she eventually retired and started a detective agency in Los Angeles - but that's another story...

Amen

It's not about me.

Every year for the past dozen years or so, we've had a sort of tradition in my family that you might as well call The Last Present tradition. It really started one year when my step mom got my dad a Learn to Paint kit complete with canvas and oil paint. The following Christmas as we just finished opening all of our presents, my dad said that he had one last present for my step mom to open. She opened the present and started to laugh. My dad had done his own interpretation of a beloved family icon - a paint by numbers Horse's Head that he'd painted as a kid in summer camp. The family joke had been going on for years that whenever my step mom took a painting down for cleaning or dusting or something, she would come back and find the space filled with this (hideous) paint by number's horse's head. Anyway, long story short, my dad had achieved the perfect mix of surprise and delight.

The following year he enlisted my aid in suprising her with a hand made doll house. The year after that it was my sister's turn to "surprise" everyone with the news of her engagement. And so on and so forth... Every year for years now, we've had that surprise moment at the end of Christmas.

This year I wanted to surprise everyone with the news that I had finally finished my novel. Not a great surprise, mind you, but a surprise nonetheless. I've been keeping the fact of my impending completion underwraps for months while I struggled through one of the most brutal scheduling periods of my life. I purposefully made it more difficult by adding the completion of the novel as a goal on top of everything else. My thought was to surprise everyone and feel their delight at the completion of this task. But as I approached the actual completion, I began to feel awkward about doing the surprise thing.

On the one hand, I knew it wasn't that big a deal. I've completed five different drafts of this thing - that it was the final one was noteworthy, but sort of like celebrating the completion of ROCKY after viewing Rocky VI. So I thought that making a big deal out of it would only serve to pump up my ego. Yes, it was a hard slog. Yes, I'm happy to be done with it (and good riddance ;) But I don't know that it was necessarily newsworthy, much less surprise worthy.

On the other hand, I had this notion in the back of my mind that Christmas shouldn't be about the biggest or the best gift. Its a notion that's been building in my mind for some time now. Christmas should be about Jesus and family and celebrating the idea that God cares for us. I actually began to look forward to a nice low key Christmas where I could put the enjoyment of others ahead of my own enjoyment.

The greatest gift I received this Christmas season was the completion of the book, not because of impending riches and untold wealth, but because I realized that there is a time to write about life and a time to absorb life. And for the first time in a long time, I am ready to absorb life. God has given me this wonderful gift and it has truly colored my new vision in ways that you can not imagine.

There's a line in the book that describes the main character as having a "psychic burr" that drives him to do the things that he does. I finally excersised my own psychic burr. And now I'm ready to simply enjoy the wonderful world that God gave me free of charge.

May your days be merry and bright...

And may all your Christmas's be white... okay, that's probably not the actual message I was going for here. Somehow that phrase, out of context, has some negative connotations. Er, um...

Anyway, Merry Christmas to you all and I hope to be back at this again in a few days with some post-holiday news.

Until then...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Forget the Old and New, we need a Current Testament *

I think so many people fall into the trap of believing that Christianity ended in something like 132AD and that everything that has happened since has been man's inexhaustable attempts to screw it up. There have been no new additions to the Bible since about that time and therefore anything we add to Christian literature is bound to be considered human, not holy.

But, of course, we know that there have been some very profound things said about God and the nature of love and Christianity since then. You could have an entire section of a Current Testament devoted to the various sayings and prayers of St. Francis, and an entire gospel according to C.S. Lewis or Deitrich Bonhoffer. But even then, in writing, we might have a tendency to codify our religion (St. Francis said it, therefore it must be true) as opposed to living our religion.

If anything is true in our need for a Current Testament, its this - rather than writing it down, we perform it. The beginning may have been the Word, but currently its the Deed.

My thoughts have been traveling down these paths lately because I've been reading the Old Testament again and, at the same time, a current book of theology. Its put me into a kind of temporal flux where I'm seeing Christianity from its ancestry and its progeny at the same time - the ultimate before and after picture. As a result I've been struck by two competing, but harmonious thoughts.

My first thought came from the reading of Genesis about Abraham. In that story, Abraham has a son, Ishmael, that he basically discards into the wilderness. "Don't worry," God tells Abraham, "I will make him into a great nation as well." It struck me that the Islamic faith believe themselves descended from Ishmael and that the sons of Ishmael and the sons of Isaac still don't get along after all these years. And yet, God promised each of them essentially the same thing. What if God had some intention for these two peoples that are much greater than anything we can possibly imagine? What if God sent us Jesus and them Mohammed? And what if there is some great reconciliation out there? This isn't to suggest that I am for the idea of a pluralistic view of God or that I accept a univeralistic view of God's grace. But I'm wondering, ultimately, if we don't all serve His view of the story and not our own - that there isn't some current chapter of the story that we're living and not reading.

My second thought follows the first, in some respect, in that it seems that there are a great many books out there right now that suggest that we've all got it wrong somehow - that there is a better way to worship God and we're not following it. Think about the plethora of "self-help" books out there for churches, congregations, or Christian individuals that each might as well be called, "Ten Ways To A More Religious You!" I'm currently reading one of them and I find the book compelling and interesting and, at times, convicting, but I was suddenly struck with the notion that this guy had no more of a clue about how religion should be done correctly than C.S. Lewis did. Ultimately, all of these "self-help" books are futile in that each of us will play our role in human history the way God intended (even if it means that we're going to read one of these books and be inspired by it to do... whatever.) God is writing the story and we are merely the characters involved.

I can't help but reading the old testament and new testament and think of the people in these books as characters, not living, breathing people. But then I have the same problem reading history books, or newspapers for that matter. Sometimes it's just hard to get out of one's own head. But the "characters" in the Bible and in history and in newspapers are real people, who breath, eat, drink, exist. And each of them has played some part in the world that was not of their choosing. Just like me. Their view of reality was/is the same as mine. They can only see what has happened behind them and can only predict what will come next and try to react to it. They will only know what is in their immediate presence as being fact. And even though most of them are long since dead, their lives form the soil that I walk upon, just as my life will one day form the soil of others yet to come.

And so we're left with an ongoing story of God - not a story of God in the past or a promise of God in the future, but a current story of God right now - an interactive story, a choose-your-own-adventure story, a living breathing testament to the one true God. And whether we are main characters or background characters or just window dressing to the main story, each of us is a part of this continuing story. Each of us is a part of the current testament to God.


* As testament is actually another word for covenant and therefore the designation actually means "Old Covenant with God, New Covenant with God" we don't really need a "Current Covenant with God". The Christ led one will suffice for us all. Therefore I use the term here more as a designation of time (as in Old Testament Times vs. New Testament Times).

Delayed Reaction

At 11:59pm last night I finished working on all of my projects for the entire winter season and semester. My two films, two papers, two sound projects and other projects were all done. I had been working solidly since Thanksgiving, and even longer on most of the projects. My average sleep for the past three weeks had been around 6 hours a night (nothing like Ariel, but still...) and my total output had been just shy of incredible - even for me. And when I finally shut down my computer and stared straight ahead, I wondered how I should feel about completing all this work.

I was tired. That was how I felt. Not overjoyed, not elated, not ready to celebrate or scream for joy. I wasn't about to run out into the street and send a goose to Tiny Tim for Christmas. I wasn't about to run twelve blocks to ask Sally to marry me. I wasn't about to throw my sword across a field and cry, "FREEDOM!" No. I just say there and said, "I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed now." Kind of like Forrest Gump after running across the country three times in a row.

I got up from my desk, walked into the bathroom, and started to brush my teeth. And as I stood there and looked into the mirror at my puffy face and bloodshot eyes, the enormity of all those projects and all those deadlines met, and the very real notion that I'd done good work, if not great work, hit me and I suddenly felt this overwhelming feeling of true gratitude to God for having pulled me through it all. It was like getting to the top of a nasty hill and then suddenly looking down to see that Jesus had been carrying you the entire time. My eyes welled up with tears, which was really annoying as I had a vibrating toothbrush in my mouth at the time, and I started to praise God for all my blessings.

Its hard sometimes to read the Old Testament and remember the God that inscribed His law in my heart. Reading and rereading all those rules and regulations and trying to imagine that there isn't some egotistic perfectionist God out there telling the Israelites how its gotta be is a hard thing to do when you read the Pentatuch (double word score bonus for Hebrew words). You wonder why God seems to be telling the Israelites how to worship Him. And then, you get a reminder of how God can bestow blessings in your life, and you suddenly feel that He is worth every ounce of praise He receives and then some. Then its not so hard to imagine that an entire people, brought out of Egypt and fed and watered daily, might want to worship God.

But here's the thing... here's the metaphor... the wilderness of Sinai is something we carry with us all the time, and without food or water or God, we will perish in our wilderness of society as well. God is there to provide for us. And, as a result, we should praise him and worship him for all the wonderful things He does, but also for the basics of life. We are all His people. And once we remember that, we will be allowed to claim our inheritance.

This post is all over the place, but that's kind of how it tumbled into my head and heart last night - only much faster and in a jumble. I felt it and thought it all at the same time. And when God reveals his truth to me, its so wonderful that my body can not contain it all at once and tears of joy spill out.

I call those moments, my Holy Spirit moments. And I half expect to look in the mirror and see a flame over my head and to hear myself speaking in tongues.

So the end result is that I am finally done. I am still tired. And I am filled with the love and praise of Christ Almighty. And all just in time for Christmas.

Amen.

Sustainable Futures

There's probably an ah ha out there and a I told you so. But if there is, I don't remember them.

The first Dams were built not with the idea of hydro-electric power or watermills or anything useful in mind, so much as a way to keep the countryside from flooding. The feast or famile approach to existence was a very primitive but necessary way of life, since they had no concept of dams yet. Once the dam was invented and people could keep themselves from becoming inundated, agriculture could thrive and modern society could really develop.

I've been pondering that lately as I approach modern life.

I wrote earlier this fall at the almost perfect storm of a schedule that I was contemplating. So far, I've managed to weather most of the storm and am happy to say that by this time next week, I will be in clear skies and sailing free. I'm not adverse to a little weather from time to time, but the past couple of months, and especially the past six weeks, have taught me that if you can avoid being inundated you ought to do that.

And so, in my idle moments now while I wrap up the few remaining projects that I still have to do (and ponder all that Christmas shopping I have yet to even contemplate) I am beginning to imagine a sustainable future wherein I don't overimmerse myself in projects and plans. I am trying to contemplate a slow and sustainable rate of growth insted of throwing all projects on the fire at once.

Nobody knows what the future holds for them, of course, but I'd like to be prepared to tackle things on my own terms as much as possible. So the planning for the future begins and the dam thing better work.

How would THAT look under the tree?

A little light Friday after a long week...

Occasionally I read the subject lines of spam e-mail and I can't help but wondering if the e-mail is as creative as the headline. But the one I just saw made me smile even though I immediately erased it.

It read: "Santa will make your willie stronger and thicker."

This sudden explosion (pardon the pun) of hoohaa related spams has at least made the purveyors of spamdom start thinking creatively to get people to open their e-mails. I've hand promises of all kinds about strengthening my rope, extending my reach, thickening my third leg, etc... But to me, there are flaws in the basic approach to the spam. The flaws are similar to those messages you see at the beginning of DVD's, "This program has been modified to fit your TV screen." How do they know how big my screen is? How do they know it needs to be modified? I'm quite happy with my screen. It can do the job just fine, giving me robust color and powerful channel reception, and if I want to enjoy the privacy of my screen in my own home, I can do that too. So keep your program modification out of my home, damn you! Oh wait... what was I talking about again?

Oh, that's right... Santa. Imagine him carrying this thing around in his sleigh and then trying to shove it down a chimminey. Too painful? Probably.

I'm getting out while the getting is good.

Have a nice weekend.

A Good and Faithful Servant Returns Home

I just found out from my sister today that my Aunt Jane passed away recently. Apparently there were some communications issues and we just found out about it yesterday - after the funeral. And that's all right with me.

My Aunt Jane was just about the most religious person I know. She was the kind of woman who used to let us kids read those Catholic comic books that depicted the Bible stories in graphic detail and where a priest would fight off demons to protect unborn fetuses from being aborted. But there wasn't a hint of hypocrisy in her body. She was a real believer and a real wonderful woman, and one of the kindest relatives I can remember ever having.

She owned a big old house in Oakland and we used to go over and visit her when we were younger. Then my Mom got sick and we would visit less and less often. But when my Mom was better, she actually went and lived with my Aunt and had a small number of rooms to herself on the lower floors, and we kids were able to spend Christmas with our Mom. I always loved that house. It seemed to take on the character of my aunt - prim, proper, and kind. I can't explain it.

I last saw my aunt about ten years ago. She was in her 80's then and still going on strong, but she was going to sell the house and move into an assisted living center. I guess I didn't know that it would be the last time I saw her, but I'm not sure it would have made much of a difference. I gave her a hug and thanked her as I left and she smiled and thanked me for coming and I felt like she meant it.

She was 93. And now she has finally returned home to be with the Lord who loves her. I will miss her, but I'm pretty sure she's where she always wanted to be in the first place.

Please send out a prayer for my Aunt and for her loved ones who might still be grieving.

Inspiration costs more!

I've been smashing my head against the wall since Sunday trying to figure out what to do about my half completed film now that my actors are no longer able to help me finish it and the deadline is two weeks from today. Though I've head plenty of ideas, none of them really sat right with me, as the film was a complicated mix of religion, humor and bizarreness that worked together. Replacing one moment of bizarreness for another wouldn't necessarily work. The elements all had to fit together to work.

I was finally at that point today when I was ready to set my mind to a particular idea that would finish the film, but wouldn't make a great film. I was just going about figuring out the logistics of this new idea - what footage I would need, what new props, etc... when I suddenly had a very funny vision and my mind seized upon it.

Though I had an idea and it would have worked, it wasn't the genius solution I had been hoping for. This new idea is genius. By holding out as long as I did, I was able to arrive at the idea that I really needed.

Which just goes to show you, ideas are cheap. Inspiration costs more.

Getting Old Isn't All Bad

Item: I had an early senior moment on Sunday. I was reading one of the hymns in church and my mind did one of those old people things and I suddenly had to chuckle because instead of praising the truine God, I was praising the Itune God ;)

Item: I had an extremely unproductive weekend. In terms of school disasters, it ranked right up there with the time that my two part 64 page epic short story got erased before I could print it out for school and I had to start over from scratch with a week left before it was due (as I recall it came out better, but we won't go there). I was trying to finish my film this weekend with three actors. One of the three actors kept telling me that he'd be there, but when I was ready with everyone else and the equipment he bailed on me - not once, but twice! In both cases I had to apologize to the other actors and send them on their way, but in the meantime, I wasted my entire weekend getting nothing done. To say that I was mad was an understatement. But one of the nice things about getting older is that I find it easier to have my anger assuaged. After my team finished first in The Amazing Race, I suddenly realized that I was no longer mad. I don't think I've ever felt so angry about something and then came to a true sense of peace about it in so short a period of time in my life. But God knew that I needed to get to that place, so He simply took away my anger. That's the best description I can give for it. There were more important matters on God's agenda than me being mad. And so, all is forgiven and forgotten. And now comes the question of how to put this bloody film mess back together again in so short a time.

Item: I had the distinct pleasure of watching my Dad and my Uncle (both old enough to know better) get in trouble this weekend. It wasn't one of those serious kinds of trouble, more of a scolding, but it was like one of those deja vu moments from my childhood only in reverse. Very character revealing.

Item: My brother hit a major rough patch in his life when he turned 40 this year. He's fast approaching his 41st birthday and I'd like to say that his life has never been better. My brother can be a real jerk sometimes, but when he isn't, he's one of the coolest guys I know. I mention this mostly because 40 is still two years away for me, and I'd like to think that I'll approach it with grace and dignity. But I'm worried that I'll freak out and succumb to some sort of mid-life crisis like others have. As a writer who lives in his head a little too much, the possibility definitely exists. I hope you'll all be around to straighten me out if I should get a little bent.

Item: It's easier to keep secrets as you get older. As these are the holidays, that's all I'm going to say for now.

Have a good week and remember that it is both fitting and wonderful to follow the Itune God. ;)