So, it wasn't hives, after all, but a simple case of Static Dermatitis (I.E. It still itches like hell!). Oh, and I'm morbidly obese... but then we knew that last one.
Anyway, in light of the fact that I still itch and that I'm not supposed to scratch (apparently shredding my legs with my finger nails is not a good thing... but nothing compared with being morbidly obese), my doctor prescribed a topical cream that looks something like flax seed oil to rub on my legs in order to make the itching go away, temporarily, and cure the dermatitis.
Apparently, this cream has steroids in it. Steroids!? The bane of modern existence! I am no longer a pure athlete just competing for the love of the sport (and the money) now I have been tainted by steroids! Oh, will the suffering ever stop! And how come they don't have steroids to help you lose weight?! Darn it! Did I mention that I was morbidly obese?!
So I had this weird but powerful dream last night and I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and empowered - like I could manhandle linedrives from my shoe tops over four hundred feet into McCovey Cove. It got me to thinking about things and about how I could fix certain things.
Did you know that you could define morbid as having an obsession with death. Wow. Way to keep your prejudice out of a scientific term there skinny science boys - apparently, I am so fat that I have become obsessed with death. Say that to my face and I'll kill you! (Dang... 'roid rage is already kicking in!)
The long and the short of it (not that anything's shriveled... yet) is that if you check back at this blog in one week, there will be a major announcement. I think. If I haven't already got a shoe contract by then. So, once again, Major Announcement, One Week From Today!
And now I shut up tighter than Scholastic Books! So don't ask. No hints given.
5 comments:
Well, just think, if we got a picture of you, Bonds, and Duane Kuiper, collectively there are 755 home runs between the 3 of you.
Bonds with 754.
Kuiper with 1.
Will with 0.
The "cream" seems to have worked its magic with you.
Andy, that's just wrong. Will has hit plenty of homeruns on Nintendo baseball.
The clues to his news are all in the blog.
Will is going to Hogwarts. He's going to be the next defense of the dark arts teacher - that's why he's morbid.
what could will's major announcement be? is this the second coming of geraldo rivera and al capone's vault? perhaps a contract from scribner and sons? or more exciting, a guest column on milefromthebeach. i am way more interested in this than i will be in mr. flaxseed's 755th.
I had what I thought were hives, once, and yeah, it was almost too much to bear. I learned two things:
1) Don't get totally stressed out about your job at the PSE (Pacific Stock Exchange). At the time, it was important, and it could have led to my big break. Worrying about making mistakes on the job doesn't work.
2) Unless you are bleeding to death, don't go to San Francisco General's emergency room. You could spend all day there and not be seen.
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