Netscape Headlines

My mind is wandering today and as a result, my world outlook is slightly skewed (read here: Eccentric ;) But when I saw these headlines, my interest was perked.

Headline #1: Dakota Execution
Personally, I think the little girl is creepy and I'm glad she's being executed. I think just about anyone involved with War of the Worlds (Crappy Tom Cruise Version, not Marcel version) should be executed. But Dakota is something else entirely. She's TOO good to be real. My reaction to her is the same as the reaction the fremen had to Paul Atredes sister in Dune. Surely, Dakota is the sister of the Cusineart Haddock, or whatever he was called. Anyway, I know I'm normally against capital punishment, but in this case, I think the punishment is just capital!

Headline #2: NASA loses Moon Tapes
Okay. Does anyone else see the obvious conspiracy theory here? Surely, they're going to be coming out with new Moon tapes soon. After the failure of Miami Vice, I'm sure Michael Bay is looking for work. They'll go back to the same studio and get some actors who look similar to the originals. They'll update the script - "Three feet down, drifting to the right a little... Oh My God! There's Snakes In The Capsule!" Maybe get some new special effects. Oh, and modern sensibilities - I think it might very well be Noelle Armstrong and maybe Jimmy "Buzzotch" Aldrin. This is SO obvious. And, of course, entirely Bush's fault.

Headline #3: Chief Ramsey
I'm not sure what my old Boot Camp Navy Chief is doing - something about opening a restaurant - but to be honest, I don't really want to know. Better to let sleeping dogs lie.

These Netscape Headlines are often more entertaining than the stories as they don't have any more connection to reality than some of the stories they advertise. Thank God for the internet! Otherwise, we'd have to go to the Weekly World News for the truth.