It was a hot and gorgeous day in June and over the Grand Canyon, clouds were building that would eventually become thunder storms. Sometimes you think you know a guy...
Being in a deeply committed relationship at the time, and greatly in love, I was overflowing with the need and the urge to help my friends feel the exact same thing. When they were with me, I'd often strike up conversations with beautiful women, just to get my nerdy friends close to one. It meant nothing to me, after all, to be friendly with other women - I was deeply committed, as you know.
Andy, my best friend in the whole world, and I were just about to sit down to a nice quiet lunch in the cafe. We were going to discuss Proust or Hidegar or perhaps compare and contrast the great works of William Shakespeare with whale song. Just as I was about to ask the lady behind the counter for a three bean salad and a crust of bread, Andy spotted three rather attractive young ladies seated in the cafe. I heard his breath stop up and I had to remind him to breathe.
I'll never forget the next words as long as I live. They were so... cinematic. Andy got this strange glint in his eys and rubbed his hands together and said, "My own... my precious!"
I tried to talk him out of it. I tried to thwart his attempts. But Andy would not be dissuaded. He finally trumped all my logic with the short statement, "Talk to me Goose." What could I do? I was his wingman. And you never leave your wingman.
I went in, knowing what a monumentally bad idea this was, and approached the young ladies. They saw me approach and a look of apprehension crossed their faces. Some people have a face for the movies... I have a face for books.
I said, "Excuse me, ladies." And then, in perfect voice, as if I'd been practicing it my entire life, I started to sing.
There have been great betrayals in history - Benedict Arnold at Valley Forge, the entire German army at Stalingrad, 51% of the population at the 2004 Presidential Election - but this was nowhere near any of those.
"You never close your eyes..."
And suddenly, the words escaped me. At the point when I was supposed to turn around and have Andy start to sing, nothing happened. Andy was nowhere to be seen. I was standing all alone in the center of the cafe, red faced, singing to some girls that I didn't even think were all that attractive while my "friend" was hiding somewhere in the shadows - laughing at me.
I weakly smiled and muttered, "Never mind," and then ran away - the most gracious retreat someone who has just been shot down in burning flames has ever had - a victim of friendly fire.
I found Andy, standing around the corner, unable to breathe because he was laughing so hard. I walked up and gave him a big hug and said, "You stink, bro... But I love you!"
Sometimes, as a story writer, I remember that day and the urge comes over me to recreate that scene in one of my books - thus ridiculing my friend forever. But I always succesfully fight off the urge.
I just haven't written the right kind of story yet.
7 comments:
My agent has notified me and recommended that I clarify a couple of points:
1. We have never discussed Proust together.
2. We have discussed whale song, but only in regard to Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, and never with Shakespeare.
3. Actually, we have never discussed Shakespeare together.
4. It was a bad idea. And I make no excuses.
5. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so while he might not have found them attractive, I did - but then again, what does a stupid teenage boy know anyway?
6. It is still one of the most hilarious moments we've ever shared.
Hmmm...now that's an idea for a future posting...
Ah... but you admit the rest! Ah ha! Oh ho!
And we did discuss Shakespeare...
I believe it was Much Ado About Nothing ;)
what you two need to do is locate these three ladies and re-create this moment. and this time andy will not leave his wingman. do a google search for them. search the phrase: "three rather attractive young ladies who were at the grand canyon when andy and i almost sang to them"
Elisa:
Oh my Gosh, I just read your post! You don’t hold back do you? Well, I am single but not available. I have been in a long time relationship, still hoping for a commitment. I like Will very much so far, but not ready to marry yet. You are so sweet wanting to marry him off like that.
Will,
You have wonderful friends who are looking after you. I hope you come to Pastor Peter’s Bible Study some day. Peter is on sabbatical until end of February so maybe in March you can come with Andy.
Your short story was very adorable. Why did that young lady let you get away?
Peter -
I did the search, but I didn't find anyone... ;)
I'm still laughing... that was the best response ever!
I find it rather appropriate that if you cut and paste Peter's words into Google, you come up with Huxley's Brave New World.
Talk about providence...
So, they're in Rhode Island? I'm confused... ;)
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