I was a religious kid. I may not have been good at it, but I showed up. I did the choir thing and the youth group thing and the lectionary thing and the usher thing and the committee thing and the serve cookies, make coffee, clean up, set up tables, etc... thing. I thought I was pretty hot stuff, religiously speaking.
I had a few very capable youth leaders who really taught me what it was to be a Christian by their actions - Pastor Dave, Lila Bennet, Phil Hughes, Thad Lewis and a large host of others. I really enjoyed my time spent with them and I felt that they had the coolest jobs in the world (little did I know ;).
I remember the day Phil Hughes told us that he was going into Seminary. Phil was a cool guy. We really liked Phil. But he was a college student, not a religious student. How the heck does one decide to be a Seminarian? I asked him. And he told me point blank, "I was called." To this day, really, I haven't a clue what that means. I've been waiting for a call for so long, I'm assuming my number's been disconnected. It reminded me, in hindsight, of the scene in Contact where Matthew McConaughey describes the moment he found religion, (I'm paraphrasing here), "And there He was... God." The look on his face and the light in his eyes suggest something in McConaughey's character that implies the awesome majesty of the Risen Lord.
The day I met God, I came to the conclusion that I too wanted to be a youth pastor. I was a senior in High School and as I often did in my senior year, I took the long and quiet way home from swim practice so that I could have time to think. I walked through the green fields and pastures of the upper Sigmund Stern Grove park and my mind wandered over the thousands of possibilities layed before me for the course of my life. Somewhere along that route, I came up with the realization that I'd be a really good youth pastor.
You see, I already knew the job. Pastor Dave and Phil and Lila, etc..., had been such good teachers. You create a devotion. You tie some games into it. You make some punch. You sing some songs. I could even learn to play the guitar (Boy, how wrong I was on that last one ;). And every summer you take the kids to a work camp somewhere, and I love to travel! This was great. I was already such a religious person - how hard could Seminary be?
About the time I could see my house up ahead, though, I suddenly realized that I was missing one thing - one key ingredient in this fantasy of being a youth pastor. I had not received my call. God had not called me to be a youth pastor. Didn't know what that was, but I knew from Phil that it was important. So I stopped walking, closed my eyes, and I prayed to God.
"God, this is Will. Listen, I've been thinking. What do you think about me being a Youth Pastor?"
And that was when I heard the voice of God - a strong, hearty, pleasureful, robust laugh like I've never heard before. God laughed at me for so long and so hard, that I could almost see the streams of tears in His eyes. It was so infectious that I started to laugh as well.
I mean, who was I kidding? Me, a youth pastor?
My life has taken many twists and turns since then. And I've never received my call. But I've never once doubted that God existed since that day when He laughed at my pretention. I wonder sometimes, if he's still laughing.
9 comments:
"The Call". I've never received it either. I've toyed with the idea recently, but I haven't heard that call from God either.
On the other hand, you are leading the youth group currently, and performing a lot of the functions that a youth pastor would otherwise do, except for the occasional Sunday sermon.
Maybe He laughed because He knew you couldn't afford seminary. And He still got you to lead the youth group.
You mean you have to PAY for Seminary... what a gyp! ;)
He did call - but Cindy wouldn't put call-waiting in, so you missed it. God hasn't installed those telemarketer computer things that re-dial and re-dial until someone answers (even if it is 3 a.m.). And, one time, you thought he called, but that was just the parrot. The few times he tried to call and it actually rang, well, there was no answering machine, so he couldn't leave a message.
He tried calling you at work, but the receptionist thinks your name is Roybleson, Riberson, Ronburton, or some combination, so she said you didn't exist. To which God really laughed.
He tried calling your cell phone, but you never answered.
He tried emailing you, but couldn't spell Lanzfranco.
So, God decided to call you (for) something else.
I'm still not sure exactly what a call is, either, Will. I certainly never heard any celestial voice. Later I wondered if I made it all up in my mind. Maybe some of Lila's Elixir of Life would make it clear.
Here's my idea of what a call is:
You feel moved serve God. It might be a call, or it might be indegestion. It's hard to say. You say, "I think God wants me to do something." Then you wait to see what people say. If they say, "Cool, I think so too!" you go the next step - you actually do something. You take it a step at a time. Pretty soon you're in seminary (on scholarship).
I must step on a soap box for a moment and say that it is not necessary to go to seminary to act on God's call. It's really a matter of the gifts God has given you. You can be called to be an accountant or a lawyer or a teacher or a garbage collector. I think we have to take seriously the scriptural imperative: "Whatever you do, do it unto the Lord." And whatever one's vocation, each of us has the obligation to try and hear and act on whatever it is that God is calling or shouting or whispering in our ears.
"I may not have been good at it, but I showed up."
Will, I think you've hit upon a basic principle of life. Most of the time, the most important thing we do is show up.
I think on the strength of that insight alone you should apply for a seminary scholarship.
My call, of course, was not to be a Seminarian. God has plans for me, of that I am not in doubt. I'm just not sure what those plans are yet. But at the notion of me being a Youth Pastor, He laughs.
I remember watching Joan of Arcadia where God would take over the bodies of ordinary people and use them to convey messages to Joan. I think that that is what God really intends for us. That sometimes he will "tell" us to turn left instead of right, and as a result, an accident won't occur. We'll never know the reason why we turned left. We'll just shrug and say, I guess it was God's will.
In my latest post, Prayerful Thoughts (don't ask me to do the HTML to link to it), I go through what happened to me in prayer.
I don't know that I would classify it a "call" per se, but building on it, I can see how God wanted me to learn through the various books I've recently read.
If I've been "called", it's to become a stronger believer and disciple. Going forward, I need to keep praying and listening as to what the eventual next steps are in His plan for me.
I think we are all on a path of our own choosing. God has an idea which direction he wants us to go, but it is up to us. When we stray too far from our path, God reminds us.
I think this is why I am so down about my job. I *know* its not the path for me.
Excellent point Heather. God does remind us, and it's up to us to discern whether the next step will be aligned with His will.
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