The First Thing To Go...

As President, here is the first thing I would eliminate... The Consumer Product Safety Commission - a group of well-meaning, but completely inept people who will use a bull-dozer to find a china cup (to paraphrase Belloq).

In trying to craft sweeping legislation to prevent the sort of boondoggle we had last year with lead contents in children's toys, they've created new laws that go into effect November 12th that, amongst other things, require:

1) A certification of compliance with all current safety regulations on the books be sent by the manufacturer, importer, and any other interested party to all distributors and retailers for every single product covered by an existing safety regulation.

2) That this certification show the date and time the product was tested to meet these regulations and the name of the certified testing agent (of which there are only a handful worldwide).

Okay, here's the problem with this legislation in a nut shell. Paper. Ordinary paper. Paper is covered under the Federal Hazardous Substance Act where it says, to wit: Paper is safe. However, since Paper is under the FHSA, by this new law, certification must be obtained from the manufacturer that claims that this product is in compliance with the FHSA, and it must provide the name of the testing company that proves that this product is in compliance with the FHSA. So, Paper companies need to get their manufacturers and testing companies to agree that paper is, in fact, paper and therefore safe. And they need to do it for all of their paper products and by November 12th.

All this because some cheap ass Chinese products were found to be bathed in lead paint.

Gee, I'm so glad the government is looking out for me. I feel safer already.

Keep in mind, that all of this testing and labeling and certifying costs money and takes time. And who gets to pay for the cost of this colossal waste of time - the consumer.

So the next time you buy paper, you might want to ask your local retailer if they can prove that its safe. After all, we wouldn't want to think this was just paperwork for paperwork's sake.

P.S. If I'm not around between now and November 12th, guess what I'll be doing.