The Annual Review

If today was the Judgment, I am sure that I'd be chaffed with most of humanity. When I see what it is that Our Lord calls for us to do, I am sure that I am not even close to being considered near the top 10% of humanity in regards to that summons. There are many, indeed, who do not even know Christ who are much better Christians than I will ever be. But as my year end assessment begins and I focus on the areas that are much in need of improvement for next year, I am certain of one thing - hope. I have received an abundance of it this year and I carry forth its remnants into a new year filled with its afterglow. Hope will be my banner for next year.

I am still way too selfish. Jesus's words convict me constantly. I am not anywhere near like the beggar woman with her two small coins. I retain far too much wealth for myself and spend it foolishly on things and needs that I do not require. It seems as if the more I try to disentangle myself from this consumerist society, the more I fall lock step with it. Though my not purchasing a PlayStation 3 or Wii should count for something ;) Yet, I have hope that I might break free of the cycle that has kept me from spending wisely and that has encouraged my overspending. I have hope that I shall learn not to need so much of this gift that has been given to me and that I might find a way to put more of it to His use.

My heart is still too dark with thoughts and feelings that are not worthy of inclusion in Heaven. I wish to embrace the love of Christ and to be its conduit to the world. But the vast amount of love I receive remains locked inside of me - there to heal my own wounded heart. I hope to be mended so that I might mend. I hope to love, so that I might be loved. I hope to cast away the fear and the pain that has kept me in dark places. I hope to forgive, truly, and not to carry dark thoughts with me. I hope to go forth and sin no more.

I have great hope. On my birthday, I prayed for a gift that was real and I was filled with God's love for me and for the world. It lightened my soul like a solar tower in a coal mine. I bounced for a week before I felt the lightness slip from me and I became burdened again with the world. And again, this Christmas, I prayed for a glimmer of hope and there she was with a smile meant just for me - a bright spot on a gloomy day. A glimmer and nothing more, but a promise of things to come, a sign for my soul of a path on which I am about to embark. A spark just bright enough to give me a flicker of the world to be and to light a fire within my soul. Hope is a wonderful thing.

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for. And I have had my faith rekindled in hope. Sometimes we all need a glimpse of that for which we strive - a vision, a smell, a touch, a sound, a taste of the one truth. That hope is enough to brace us for the battles to come.

I am not there yet. I have a long way to go. But I have every hope that I will be there in the end.

May 2007 be better than 2006 for you and all your kin.

Will Robison