Shoeless, Lewis, and Moses, Oh My!

Three gifts from three different people with three different tastes and all bring me closer to God. Now how's that for a Christmas season?

Having finished the book and school and all my other responsibilities, I have suddenly found time to focus again on myself and my own spiritual journey. But when you've been off the path for a while, you can find yourself Frodo-like in the midst of a landscape that offers you no clear direction to your ultimate objective. Perhaps it was the exhaustion of the past couple of months, or perhaps the sheer weight of all that had transpired - I wasn't feeling particularly close to God. I found church to be boring. I found Youth Group, uninspiring. And I found my prayers lacking a certain conviction. I was looking around the landscape trying to figure out where the hell I was and I wasn't seeing any particular path out of those spiritual doldrums.

And then, on Tuesday, I opened up one of the DVD's my brother had gotten for me - Field of Dreams. We've all seen it. We all have it imprinted on our Man DNA. But, I admit, I hadn't seen it in a few years and while I hadn't forgotten the story or the characters or any of the lines of dialogue, I also hadn't felt its impact in a long time. I found myself weeping again at scenes like Costner and Moonlight Graham, and the kid stepping across the line to become a doctor. I found myself wondering along with Shoeless Joe whether this cornfield in Iowa wasn't some sort of Heaven. Baseball is God's sport, no doubt about it, and this movie always makes me long for a true Field of Dreams where we can all belong in a brotherhood and talk about things that truly matter (like OBP and RBI's ;) After watching this movie, I still didn't have any idea where I was, but I knew where I wanted to be. I had at least rediscovered my longing for God.

Then, on Wednesday, I opened up a set of 6 CD's my Dad had gotten for me - one of the World's Greatest Courses selections on The Life and Work of C.S. Lewis (Did you know he liked to be called Jack?) I listened intently to the first of 12 lectures, and then plunged right on in to the second lecture on his earliest works (Pilgrim's Regress, etc...) As the instructor explained the early life of C.S. Lewis and his understanding of Joy and how that lead to his becoming a Christian, I couldn't help but remember the Field of Dreams from the night before. Here was a longing so real that it could only point to something even more beautiful. I found myself wondering why I couldn't feel real joy over things in my own life.

And finally, last night, I opened up a book that Andy had given me - Walking The Bible - a story of one man's real life quest to walk in the footsteps of Moses and the early patriarchs of the Bible. I found the book fascinating and I couldn't put it down until I literally couldn't physically keep my eyes open any longer.

In the book, the author describes his approach to this quest - starting from a completely scientific and research oriented point of view. He admits that as he begins to do more and more research, he finds himself asking more and more questions of his own expectations and beliefs.

God doesn't give people quests to serve their own selfish needs. Ultimately, every personal quest becomes something more that we can all benefit from.

I don't know where I am, still, but I've got a feeling that the next few steps are going to take me in a direction I hadn't anticipated, and that somehow, it will all be for the benefit of God.