Hobbled

For the last month or so, I've been walking every day in preparation for my trip to Walt Disney World next week. I've been feeling good about it and nice and strong. Everything was looking just great for my trip - with everything in place and a nice 10 days grace period to quietly slip into my vacation. And then...

Last weekend I started off my Youth Group for the year by spending all day Saturday running around buying the various ingredients for the Biblical Ice Cream Social. Saturday night, after I had gathered all the goods, I ran my first Youth Group meeting of the year - which also served as an opportunity to do some preparation for the Social the next day. Still not nearly finished, on Sunday morning, I went directly to church and worked to finish all the details. For the first hour and a half, I was entirely by myself. Up until about half an hour before the Social, I had one helper, then two until five minutes before the Social. Finally, I had a small but decent crew to run the Ice Cream Social and we had twice as many people attend this year as last year. We ran around and got everyone their ice cream. And then, afterwards, cleaned up the mess. By 2:00pm, I returned home and my legs were killing me. I'd been on my feet for nearly 36 hours straight by that point.

What I didn't realize until Monday morning was that I had also somehow tweaked my knee. As I got out of bed and realized that I could barely put any pressure on it, I frowned with annoyance and hobbled into the shower for a day's work. For most of the week, I've been hobbling along trying to get my leg back in shape. All of my previous walking and preparation for Walt Disney World will have been for naught if one little knee injury keeps me from walking anyway.

On Tuesday, however, with my leg a tiny bit better, I was able to relax again and start thinking about DisneyWorld and all the wonderful things that were going to happen there. Then, around noon, my sister called and asked me if I had ten minutes to talk.

"Sure," I said, "What's going on?"

"Dave's not going to Disney World."

Dave is my brother. We've been brothers all of our lives. To say that this didn't shock me would be to make it sound like this was the sort of thing my brother does all the time - it isn't... but the threat has been constantly there. While I may not have been shocked, I was certainly disappointed. My brother's rift with the family was finally reaching a crisis point. There was no putting off the inevitable this time. He'd finally thrown down the gauntlet and demanded a response.

The problem was, I didn't have any idea what that response might be. I've known for a long time that my brother has issues, but anyone who's ever met my brother knows that. The thing is, however, is that everyone has their own theory as to what those issues might be. A team of psychiatrists working round the clock for the next ten years might never find out. Which isn't to say that he's crazy. Neurotic... sure. But again, I don't want to make my brother sound 100% at fault.

I prayed for guidance. I asked the Lord for help. Then I called my brother. The conversation went pretty much as I expected with my brother levelling accusations left and right about this and that - none of which even came close to whatever was really eating at him. I tried to sift through it all and get to the heart of the matter, but I wasn't getting anywhere. In the midst of a situation like that, there's not a point where you can say, "Hold on... I'm not doing this correctly. Wait a second while I pray to God and consult Him as to what I should say next." Compounding the problem, of course, is the fact that he's my brother. There is a lot of human emotional baggage tied to that. Like Andy trying to remain calm with his parents. Its easy for us to tell him what he should or shouldn't do, but his emotions and his feelings get in the way. I tried to remain calm with my brother. I tried not to get sucked in to his arguments and his accusations, but... well... I just couldn't help it. I know I sinned. I know I failed my brother. But I just wasn't able to do anything to help the situation. The cut I'd been trying to heal turned into a rift. My brother had a few choice words for me and then hung up.

In life, there is no such thing as a straight line. Things are constantly falling into our paths to make us steer down different paths. We go places we never expected and deal with situations that were not of our choosing. Often times the path is hard enough just getting around these obstacles. But then, to make matters worse, we get hobbled along the way. Our legs break down and we're forced to limp along, slower and with much pain. Or, in our haste and blindness, we make wrong turns and go down wrong paths. When we reach deadends it can seem like the end of all things. But, we always have the option of turning around and going back the way we came.

My trip to Disney World is still on - currently minus one person. I would not have done this without much prayer. However, I'm still wondering if there is something more that I could do - something I haven't tried yet. I know that I don't want a rift between my brother and I, but I feel as if I am fighting a losing battle - trying to hold on to something that doesn't want to be contained. Ultimately, I have to let my brother go, if he wants to go. I can't keep him in the family against his will. I just hope he knows what it is he really wants.

Time heals all wounds and my leg is about 90% of normal right now - so I should be able to walk just fine when I get to Disney World. But the problem with my brother is a wound that cuts deep. Not only will it not heal by next week, it may grow worse and infected while I am trying to enjoy Disney World. I can only hope for a peaceful solution to all this, but I think that this is clearly a case where the solution is out of my hands. Either God is going to heal my brother and return him to the family, or He is going to give me the words to do it. But, on my own, there is nothing more that I can do.