It Doesn't Get Any Better... A Square Peg Into A Round Hole Part Three

I'd like to say that my high school years were vastly different, that I was well liked, and that I excelled, but that wasn't entirely the case. While I did excel in some things and I did have a lot of friends and acquaintances, in hindsight I can clearly see how the bullying of Jr. High kept me from developing even more. In fact, had it not been for one event, its safe to say that I might not ever have pulled out of the tailspin of Jr. High.

When I think back on those high school years, I like to remember my Senior Year where I knew everyone in school and everyone liked me - but that would be glossing over somethings to the point of rewriting history. While it was true that I went to Lincoln High School primarily because all of the kids I hated in Jr. High were going to a different high school that doesn't mean the bullying stopped immediately.

In my Freshman year, I was still a freshman. And Freshman get hazed. I was no different. But seen from the lens of Jr. High it really felt as if it was more of the same. I was really depressed because I thought that I was going to face another four years of misery and I was prepared to go it alone again. I can clearly remember starting to disappear into that fantasy world yet again, but three things radically altered my life in somewhat quick succession.

First, and most importantly, I discovered that my Grandmother had terminal cancer. Unfortunately, because I wasn't supposed to know and my Grandmother wanted to go out on her own terms, I wasn't allowed to share this information with anyone. I had to bear the knowledge of her impending death on my own. I'm not saying that I would have suddenly become chatty about it, but at least I could have shared my grief with my siblings had they known as well. This furthered my depression and not being a particularly motivated student before, I became an even worse student as a result.

Second, having come from an honor's program in Jr. High, I was slotted into advanced algebra in high school. My depression combined with never being a really huge fan of math (its a left brain / right brain kind of thing) meant that I fell extremely far behind the rest of the students. My brain was just not getting into gear. Then, I went to a doctor and discovered that I needed glasses. The day after I got my glasses, I went into class and suddenly everything clicked into place. I hadn't realized that I was squinting and not making out the math problems on the board before. I ACED the mid-term, but ultimately it wasn't enough to save my grade and I flunked out at the end of the semester.

Third, in the midst of my depression, I came to English class unprepared for anything and my teacher asked us to turn in our writing assignments. In desperation, I flipped through my notebook and found a story I had written over the summer. I handed it in to my teacher feeling that I had just saved my grade for the time being, but not really thinking any more about it. A few weeks later, my grades having slipped even further, my teacher approached me and said, "Why don't you try writing my stories like the one you turned in a few weeks ago?" I was stunned. My teacher had not only read but remembered something I wrote. Truth be told, this was the true start of my writing career.

A month or so later my Grandmother died. I was devastated. I flunked out of my first semester of high school. I had to drop out of the swim team. And I was dumped into remedial math. (How you can go from Advanced Algebra to Remedial Math, I have never understood) But rather than becoming even more depressed, I became angry with myself. I knew that I had let myself down. I decided then and there to turn my life around.

By the following semester I was on the honor roll. I excelled in every class. I retook and aced advanced algebra. I became an editor on the school paper. I ran cross country and won the most improved award. And so on, and so forth. I had switched from being a Them to being an Us.

But lest you think that I became a member of the bullying Us, I still remembered the lessons I had learned in Jr. High and from that point forward, I made it a point to try and include everyone equally in everything I did. This, more than anything else I did to improve my image, was the reason I had so many friends in High School. I saw no point in elevating myself at the expense of others.

While that trait served me well in High School, it would have serious ramifications for the rest of my life. But that's a story for the conclusion tomorrow...