I really hated Jr. High. I attended a school far outside my "price range" starting in 1980. This was the time when fashion began to make an appearance in a child's dialog and I was never going to afford being one of the cool kids. But besides appearance as a dividing factor, social skills became increasingly important, and I didn't have the kind of cutthroat social skill set that makes all those cliche teenage TV shows so popular. I was the loner kid and after getting a taste of the "in-crowd" I discovered that I wanted nothing to do with them.
Its funny because Jr. High was such a productive time for me almost precisely because I wasn't part of any social group. I was able to develop my own unique story telling ability and voice because I wasn't being influenced by pop culture nor by peer pressure. But despite these productive gains in creativity, those three years were the years that I was tormented and bullied.
For the most part I was left alone, but that was because I preferred it that way. However, every time I was forced to interact with the rest of the class or with the teaching staff, I was mocked and ridiculed. I maintained my aloofness mostly because being part of the crowd was the fastest way to social destruction.
Three instances really stand out for me.
I was at lunch once bouncing my baseball into my Dad's baseball glove on the wall - a perfectly normal activity that can be done by oneself. Some kids came over and started messing with me and once they'd drawn me away from my baseball glove, they filled it with mustard. The next day, I found the same kids playing handball. I waited until the ball got loose, ran after it, picked it up and chucked it as far as I possibly could out of the school grounds. Instead of gaining respect, I got sent to detention.
Another time, we had a substitute teacher in English class and this guy saw that the other students didn't like me, so he started mocking me at the board. I didn't take this lying down either - I mocked him right back. Of course, the students wouldn't back me up, but I think I got in some pretty good licks on the "substitute teacher". Needless to say, I ended up in trouble.
On the final day of Jr. High, my teacher took the entire class to a local pizza parlor. Everyone was supposed to have a partner to split the cost of the pizza. None of my classmates wanted to be my partner. The teacher allowed them to form groups of three or four or five just to avoid being partners with me. SO, I went to the pizza parlor, ordered the extra large with everything on it, and ate the entire thing in front of my class. My Dad wasn't pleased when I didn't bring home any change, but it was so worth it to get my just desserts. I should add that I was skinny as a rail back then, so no, I wasn't being irresponsible with my diet.
I, of course, focus on the bullying moments where I fought back - but there were many moments where I either couldn't fight back nor where I had the energy to fight back. I couldn't stay out of the crosshairs of an entire student body for too long. I felt their bullying constantly and there was nothing I could do to change it.
The main effect of all this is that if ever there had been a moment where I could have come out of my awkward inner phase and become one of the Us's of the World, I would have had to join those very people that were making my life a living hell. Those kids were all the driven world beaters whose parents could afford to give them whatever the hell they wanted to have. Though I was every bit their intellectual and creative equals, I could never match their lifestyle and, as a result, I was never going to be accepted into their world.
I ended up coming out of Jr. High not only hating every single student that had tormented me, but also the entire system of education that had allowed such bullying to occur. The only thing I had learned for the three years of Jr. High that I had been forced to attend was how to endure and survive on my own. While useful as a skill, as a social building exercise, this tended to make my default setting - retreat to the bunker of my mind. I had been forced to live in my own mind for so long, I preferred it to real life.
But then, I got to High School and something dramatically changed all that... in Part Three.
4 comments:
Is it the education system or society in general? The human condition is predicated upon our sinful natures. I agree, however, that schools need to be mindful of the well-known propensities of
adolescents and ride herd on them more.
To that end, my kids have nondescript school uniforms and their Primary School (through 8th grade) is so small that the teachers nip any problem in the bud.
At the High School, kids cannot avoid extracurricular activities and there's a lot of cross pollination (no pun intended) between what would be called "jocks" and "nerds" in public schools. My Elder Son gets no grief from his soccer buddies about being on the Math Team, for instance.
Bottom line, at a Christian school, while not a panacea, there are guidelines and practices in
place to protect everyone and lift
everyone up. This year's motto is I Thessalonians 5:11,
11 Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.
It's too bad such words are anathema in public schools.
Cheers.
Glad you're writing this, Will. I've known you all my life, but these things in school I wasn't aware of, and that doesn't surprise me either.
I know I managed to keep my school life separate from my youth group/church life, and clearly you did the same.
Randall, glad to hear that the school your kids are attending is managing to avoid many of the pitfalls found in other schools, although from what I know of other Christian schools in my area (and the one I attended as a kid) the bullying issues are there, just more subtle.
I agree with you on this, Randall - that our schools (regardless of secular or not) need to be aware of the adolescent human condition - and more importantly, stay educated on the cultural issues that form them, as the outside forces in our society HAVE changed.
Thanks guys for commenting.
Ultimately the point I wish to make is that while the bullying may stop, the effect it has on a person's psyche sticks with them the rest of their life. Thus, it never gets any better. The damage is done. But, I'll see if I can convey this better in the remaining parts of this story.
Will, most of us (I'm still 5'6" and weigh 125 lbs.) remember a fair amount of unpleasantness during high school. I mean, gee, I had precisely three dates during four years.
Yet, I kept believing that God believed in me and lo, by the time I was in grad school, it really did get better.
Until then, it sucked, of course, but one must keep the faith.
Cheers, my friend.
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