TWO HOURS IN SEARCH OF A STORY - AMELIA EDITION

OR

HOW I BLATANTLY RIPPED OFF MUSINGS FROM THE HINTERLANDS STYLE SHEET BECAUSE THIS MOVIE DIDN'T DIDN'T DESERVE ANY MORE ORIGINALITY THAN IT SHOWED IN ITS ENTIRE TWO HOURS - LIKE, FOR INSTANCE, USING A CALIFORNIA GOLF COURSE AS THE SETTING FOR A TROPICAL AIRFIELD, OR HAVING ENTIRE CHARACTERS DISAPPEAR WITH NO EXPLANATION, OR MAKING THE MOST INTERESTING FLIGHT OF AMELIA'S CAREER BE THE ONE FLIGHT WHERE SHE'S A PASSENGER, OR THE FACT THAT NORMALLY WOODEN ACTOR RICHARD GERE IS THE ONLY ACTOR IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE (EXCEPTION BEING HILLARY SWANK WHO IS RATHER GOOD) THAT SEEMS ANIMATED, AND THEN ONLY IN THE WAY THAT PINOCCHIO SEEMS ANIMATED BEFORE THE BLUE FAIRY ARRIVES IN THE STORY, WHICH LEAVES ONE WONDERING WHAT WAS IN THE TWO BOOKS THE SCRIPT WAS ALLEGEDLY BASED UPON SINCE THERE'S MORE FACTUAL INFORMATION ON WIKIPEDIA ABOUT AMELIA EARHART THAN THERE WAS IN THE ENTIRE TWO HOUR MOVIE.

P.S. I didn't like it, and it wasn't even very good research for my novel - and how the hell do you make Christoper Eccleston boring?

Mississippi Relief Trip from February

I have no idea if this is going to work. Its not that I'm a technophobe. Its more that I'm a Bellsnwhistlesaphobe. I like technology. I'm not a fan of gadgets. So my lack of photos online is a direct correlation to my lack of willingness to get photos, digitize them, scan them, and upload them to various different programs all over the web. But these photos were too good to pass up.

So, now, if all goes according to plan, here are five photos from my mission trip to Mississippi earlier this year:

Here I am actually working. Not too many photos of this since I was mostly the support crew. In this photo, I think I'm holding something in place while the ladies are on the roof hammering it down. I worked on the ground and hence, took a lot of the photos.

Here I am holding a board which is being handed up to the ladies on the roof. In the distance you can see one of the ladies in conversation with the house's owner, Lee. For a point of comparison, most of that tree in the background was underwater during the Katrina storm surge.

At night, we surrounded the campfire - some for good times and conversation, but mostly to stay warm. It dropped below 20 degrees at night while we were there. In fact, it was colder in Mississippi that week than in Alaska (In February!) The only things we had to keep us warm was the campfire and our on again/off again heating blowers that blew warm smoky air into our cabins at night. But hey, it was too cold for mosquitoes.

Did I mention it was cold? On this particular morning, it didn't reach 20 degrees until about 10am. I think I had every layer covered with two or three things. But since most of the roof was finished (as you can see in the bottom of the photo) there wasn't a whole lot for me to do to stay warm. Where I'm standing used to be the backyard den of this house. It floated away during the flood.

Evidence of the infamous Sugar Fight at the Cafe Du Mond! On our last day in the area, we went to church in New Orleans and then got to explore the city for about two hours. We had beignets at the famous Cafe Du Mond which quickly erupted into a giant powder sugar fight. Nobody was left unscathed. After that, I had to find a Po Boy so that I could complete my New Orleans menu (we'd already done the Cajun gumbo and seafood boil the day before).

In all, it was a great experience. Not only did I get to meet some great new people, but I also got to live out my faith for an entire week (and I was well fed also... catfish and fried chicken and... ;) The fact of the matter is, this one week of work for me was more fulfilling than the remaining 51 weeks at any other job. If you get the chance this year to do something with your time off, I totally recommend serving others. You can't better the experience, no matter how much money you spend.

"From the Archives" Friday

This is probably the best response I can think of to the excellent six part documentary of Monty Python airing this week on IFC. As inspiring as the best of Monty Python is now, it was even more inspirational when I was younger - arriving at a time of comical development in my life. I immediately embraced its sense of anarchy, insanity, and utter silliness. This had a profound effect on my writing. Up until I was wrapped up under this Pythonesque spell, I was mostly a very serious Space Opera type sci-fi writer. Combined with these Python type urges, my writing style was utterly transformed. I became a Space Opera type sci-fi writer with some very strange concepts of humor.

As a result, although I spent the first six years of my writing career trying to write the Great American novel (in the Under 12 category) and failing miserably, as soon as I embraced the sillier side of my writing embrace, it was only a mere 18 months before I was writing my first novel length story (with some friends who have asked to remain anonymous).

Anyway, my thought this week was to start selecting some of the funnier bits out of these old writings. Humor, of course, being subjective (I found this stuff hilarious in High School ;) you might differ in your opinion of what is funny. So that's why I've decided to spare you by only printing small chunks and only on Fridays.

So here is the first of my new From The Archives selections:

We interrupt this program for an editorial statement from a concerned reader...

To whom it may concern... It has come to my attention that recently students at campuses such as UC Berkeley and Stanford have been staging riots and protests. Now there is nothing wrong with that, its the way they're doing it.

The other day I walked over to a local college and saw a guy walking in a circle, by himself, carrying a Gucci picket sign with the words, "Make Love; Not Dr. Pepper," written on it. What sort of protest is this anyway? Aren't our American youth protesting in peaceful ways? Is this what America has been reduced to, a nation of peaceniks? Why John Wayne would spit in his grave! I say the only way to a commie terrorist apartheid person's heart is through his guts. So let's drop those picket signs and grab picket axes and let's show the world what American protesters are made of.

Sincerely,
A Concerned Reader

The views expressed are not necessarily the views of management. But that doesn't mean that they ain't...

And now back to our regularly scheduled program...

Fritz Jordan and The Martian Papers

Chapter Seven: Too Close

(1985)

William Robison

Come back next week for yet more silliness... and have a good weekend.

Promoting What exactly?

I just read an article about a group of atheists and secular humanists getting together to put billboards in subway stations in New York. Now, I don't really have a problem with this, but what exactly are they promoting? I mean religion is an organized belief system shared in common with a large group of people. So, in essence, if they are trying to put a group of people together with an organized belief that there is No God, aren't these people in essence organizing a religion? Otherwise, what is the point?

I don't believe in Santa Claus, but that doesn't mean I have to put ads in subways looking for others that don't believe in Santa Claus - honestly, I could care less whether you do or don't. So what exactly are these people hoping to gain by organizing a group of people that don't believe in something? It seems like an awful lot of money to be spent to just say hi to others that share your disbelief.

I believe in a pendulum theory of human history. If the pendulum swings too far one direction, eventually it will swing back the other way equally as far. You go from a relatively staid 1950's, for instance, to the radical and turmoilific period of the late 60's and early 70's. I think this rise in secular humanism and atheism is a direct result of the oft-putting Moral Majority movement of the last ten years or so. As conservative Christians organized to take over school boards and elections in order to cram their religious beliefs down everyone's throats, there was bound to be an equal and opposite backlash at some point. This kind of excess has never been good for anyone. And while I don't expect a Spanish Inquisition (looking over my shoulder for Michael Palin now...) I think we haven't seen the last of the likes of Christopher Hutchins or his ilk any time soon. Considering how long the Falwell's and Robertson's of this world lasted, I suspect the atheists are here to stay for a while.

But to be honest, they've got a long way to go before they're ready to be subversive and subtle.

Things on my mind

Lots of things on my mind - my quiet here at the ol' blogging place not withstanding. I find that very few of them come up to the level of things that I wish to blog about. I guess right now I'm just doing a lot of thinking - mostly about what comes next. But there are a few things I wished to let you all know about...

1) If you're in the market for some fantastic items from Africa for extrememly cheap prices, our Kenya Group will have about four tables full of stuff from Kenyan artists for sale at the Alternate Christmas Faire at Lakeside Presbyterian Church in San Francisco on November 8th, 2009. Karl Morthole who has been our main leader in Kenya for years needed to fill up the rest of a 20' container full of coffee that he was selling here in the U.S.. So he asked his partner in Kenya to buy up a bunch of local crafts and art from Kenyan people and to ship this with the coffee. Well, about a third of the 20' container is still left. That means fresh Kenyan coffee and about four tables of authentic Kenyan crafts and art for sale at cost with 100% of the proceeds going to help the people of Kenya. How cheap you ask? We're probably going to have a $1 table, a $5 table, a $20 table, and a Bid Table (for things like wood carved Giraffes bigger than you are ;) I believe we're also selling 5 pound bags of Kenyan Coffee beans for $30 (I hear that's a good deal, but I really wouldn't know). Of course, some of the other things available at the faire are quite wonderful as well - a chance to donate an animal to the Heifer Project, or help with orphans in Bali, or buy a dinner/show ticket for an authentic Kenyan meal, and much, much, more... If you need more info, let me know.

2) If you're looking for something to get your boss or pastor for Christmas, my company (Yasutomo and Company - www.yasutomo.com) is having a sale on our popular Quad Pen's from Japan. These pens normally sell for $50 to $60 each. Right now, you can get them on our website for $29.95 - and there may be other deals coming down the pike before the end of the year. I'd check them out if you're looking for something a little on the fancy side for a cheap price.

3) If all goes well tonight, I should also be posting a new video to Youtube and on the Yasutomo website for a cool little project using origami and tealights - to make very wonderful decorations. Its something simple enough for kids to do and they really look good at any time of the year. I simply have to get the editing done and posted.

4) Just as an aside - did you know that there are Mandarin Immersion classes in San Francisco public schools? These programs are designed to take kids starting in Kindergarten and teach them for all but one hour a day in Mandarin. I guess the idea is that the students would become bi-lingual, but I'm not quite sure how that's going to work. Anyway, private schools do not offer these classes, so (mostly rich) parents are eagerly trying to get these programs expanded so that their kids can be enrolled in these prestigious classes. As I understand it now, there is so much pressure on the SFUSD to get these classes that in two years, SFUSD is planning to add the classes in every single school. In order to make this work, they will be converting one third of all classes (in the lowest grades, half in the higher grades) into language immersion courses. As a result of the expected lack of teachers capable of teaching only in the immersion language, they will be forced to hire teachers from foreign countries to fill the suddenly available teaching spots. This will no doubt lead to layoffs of qualified English speaking teachers. Quite frankly, I'm not sure I understand how you can teach a student ONLY in another language in an English speaking country and call them properly educated. How the heck are they supposed to pass the various tests if the tests they're given are in English? I'm not against the idea of bilingual teaching, but the only place I know of where immersion language classes are necessary are for situations where someone is about to be sent to a foreign country and needs to know the language. Anyway, chalk up another bizarre idea for San Francisco.

That's it for now... as usual, I danced around the real things on my mind, but I haven't yet decided whether I want to talk about those yet... someday soon perhaps.

Will, Out!

God's Comment on My Blog

God left me a comment on my blog post of yesterday in His usual way... scripture. Here I am trying to decide what His will for me is and whether I have heard Him correctly (or at all) and I open my Bible last night and read:

Isaiah 48:


15  I, even I, have spoken;
       yes, I have called him.
       I will bring him,
       and he will succeed in his mission.
 ¹⁶ "Come near me and listen to this:
       "From the first announcement I have not spoken in secret;
       at the time it happens, I am there."
       And now the Sovereign LORD has sent me,
       with his Spirit.
 ¹⁷ This is what the LORD says—
       your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
       "I am the LORD your God,
       who teaches you what is best for you,
       who directs you in the way you should go.
 ¹⁸ If only you had paid attention to my commands,
       your peace would have been like a river,
       your righteousness like the waves of the sea.
 ¹⁹ Your descendants would have been like the sand,
       your children like its numberless grains;
       their name would never be cut off
       nor destroyed from before me."

One of the things that boggles my mind about non-believers is how they can keep their eyes shut to the vast number of "coincidences" that occur in our lifetimes. You JUST happened to be in the right place at the right time... but it doesn't mean anything, right? Your whole life becomes one long string of meaningless coincidences that when you look back on it (if you look back on it) JUST happens to form a convenient pattern that brought you to this place and this time with just the right skills to do the things that you have an opportunity to do. Law of averages or chemicals in your mind playing tricks on you to make you think there is significance in random chance... anything, but God.

My faith was not tested by these thoughts that I've been having. I think I was simply pausing in order to contemplate my path up until this point and wondering if I'd managed to arrive here by happy coincidence or by revelation. My answer to that - a direct and completely obvious answer from scripture - could not have been more clear. God influenced my path in just such a way that I happened to read that passage last night right after writing that blog post. If God can communicate to me in that way, why not through a daydream?

I agree with what Pastor Dave Lamb said in his comment about people seeing signs and portents in too many things and using those as excuses to do the most horrible things (though I'm not entirely sure they DIDN'T hear God, just that maybe they didn't understand Him). I use the words and actions of Jesus as a litmus test for all that God has told me to do. And so far, I can honestly say that I've never "heard" anything from Him that failed the test. I don't always understand why I'm doing what I'm doing, but so far I've never had a reason to doubt that what I did helped further His kingdom. But its easy to look at people who claim that God told them to torture other people and see that they're delusional. It's much harder to dispute people who claim that God told them to serve the poor or feed the homeless - though sometimes these people might do even more damage in their attempts to do "God's Will". In the end, I like what Randall Sherman suggested - that I should do what I think God is telling me to do and have faith that He'll knock me upside the head with a holy 2x4 if I start going down the wrong path. In my experience, this is probably the most accurate statement of God's plan that I've ever read - and I've got the 2x4 marks to prove it. ;)

Anyway, I've got my answer. Now to get back to work on Kenya.

My very name means Ego

God's Will. My Will. I'm Will. I don't know where my will ends, His will begins and Will exists. That is the quandry I find myself in and I can't wrap my brain around it. So forgive me if this comes across as a little random. I shall do my best to make coherent logical statements about incoherent thoughts and feelings - which is, in essence, the problem in a nutshell.

For the first time that I can remember, I have completely given over to His will. Kenya was not my idea. My first knowledge of Kenya was as a location for a book that I wanted to adapt (someday) into a movie - a true story about some Italian POW's who climbed Mt. Kenya. A few months later, I heard about this mission group looking into doing some sort of mission project in Kenya. I went to their meeting. I was not overly impressed, but I kept the idea in the back of my mind. Finally, after going to Mississippi earlier this year, I decided to see what I could do to help the Kenya mission. I figured that I was good to lend a hand on a fundraiser or something. Then something happened. I was sitting in church, minding my own business, and, well, the next thing I knew I could clearly SEE myself in Kenya, walking down a dusty road. When I found myself back in church a moment later, I KNEW that God wanted me to go to Kenya. And so, I'm going. Not of my own choice, but because HE wanted me to go.

This has created a bit of a dilemma in my head. If I choose to go to Disneyworld, for instance, I know where I'm going, why I'm going, and what I'm going to do when I get there. Kenya wasn't my choice. God told me to go. I have my plane ticket. But beyond that, I'm completely in the dark. This is a very strange place to be. And its made me contemplate the question, "How do I KNOW that God wanted me to go to Kenya?" I'm not doubting the feeling, I'm just wondering what it was about the experience that made me so certain.

If for 99% of my life, I've been making decisions entirely based upon some part of my conscious will - even if only to justify some unjustifiable act after the fact - the sudden handing over the reins of my life to some non-physical, non-verifiable, mystic entity is a little bit disconcerting. I can't exactly call God on my cell phone and say, "Did I hear you right? You want me to go to Kenya?" I can't go visit him at a coffee house. To be fair, I can't even really say that He exists. I certainly couldn't prove it. And no court in the world would except the following answer, "Because God told me to," to any question about motivation. So, where does this certainty come from? And why should I decide to obey a daydream for such a momentous decision?

I am conscious of this question for a second reason. Someone I know is contemplating a major life changing decision based upon what they believe God is telling them to do. I don't doubt the signs or their significance. I have told my friend much the same thing that he is coming to believe, and so have others. But does that constitute a message for God? Is that really how God works?

Its no wonder that skeptics abound. From the outside looking in, Christians make life altering decisions based upon feelings and whims and then call it the Will of God. To be honest, from the inside looking out, it feels much the same way.

In the end, I must have faith that what I perceived as God's Will really was His will and not some deep seeded quirk of my own ego telling me to do something completely random. In the past, God's call has taken me to some interesting places - but I always went because I wanted to go and because I thought I was doing the right thing. This time, I'm going to Kenya and I don't know why or for what reason. I sometimes even wonder if I can do anything of value there. But then I remember God's call and I put the thought out of my mind. Whatever I do in Kenya is what God wants me to do. Beyond that, I'm just going to enjoy the trip, take lots of pictures, and wait for some sort of divine revelation. I have faith that my reason for taking this trip will be made clear.

The FTC made me do it...

In case you were all wondering, no, I don't always pick up books completely out of the blue, read them, and write a very professional looking review just for kicks and giggles. Occassionally, Multonomah Press sends me e-mails asking if I'd like to read their latest book and write a review about it. In exchange for this courtesy, they send me every book I request. I admit that I haven't read every book they've sent me. Some look better in press releases than in real life. But the books themselves aren't bad, they're just not my cup of tea. I could review them and say, "You'll like, but I don't," but I can't guarantee that you'll like these books even if I do.

Reviews are strange animals. Blogs are about free press. I'm supposed to be allowed to say anything I want about anything I want. The fact is, I sometimes get into free movies. But its not because I have a blog - its just cause I know people. Does this fact change my opinion of the movie? Anyone who worked with me for 8 years in a movie theater would know that free movies do not change my opinion of them. So, I'm not quite sure what the FTC is playing at. Honestly, if you buy stuff just because someone tells you its good, then you deserve whatever you get.

Make an informed decision. Don't let the FTC nor I make it for you.

No Win Situation

Japan had an environmental bid - cleanest Olympic Games ever!
Madrid had Juan Antonio Samaranch - the greatest IOC President ever - in failing health making a personal appeal to the IOC to award the games to Madrid.
Rio had Pele and the Copacabana and the fact that the IOC had never awarded the games to South America before.
Chicago had...

And so, the President was doomed from the start. If he's smart and stays out of the Olympic bid, and they lose to one of the better cities, Chicago and the US blames the President for not representing the country. If he goes, like he did, and the bid fails (as it was bound to do), he is seen as ineffectual and tarnished. If nothing else, he's taken the onus off all future Presidents to have to represent their countries bids at the IOC.

Still... last place? How badly have we p-ed off the IOC in the last 8 years? Maybe they secretly wanted the opportunity to vote for San Francisco in 2012 and 2016 and the USOC screwed it up? Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. So the rest of the USOC will just have to imagine my tongue sticking out at them. Shame on you for not letting SF represent!