First of all; the new website will not stop me from posting. Website is creative. Blog - decidedly less creative ;) But that brings me to my next blog post...
In cataloging all of the myriad projects I'm working on, I often give short shrift to the religious aspects of my life. Currently if I add up the long list of items that I do for my faith it might seem like a formidable pile o' stuff. Besides being an active church attender (a feat in and of itself in this hectic world), I am an active Church Elder and have recently been participating in the church on the regional level (San Francisco Presbytery) and the local level (San Francisco Urban Ministry group). Beyond that, I am a member of the choir and the bell choir, and am still an active participant in the Kenya Children Mission Project. As for other projects, I am still editing my KCMP video and am re-writing my church's Lenten play on the Last Supper. It seems like a lot except when stacked against all the other things I do.
Recently the KCMP has been discussing the disciplines we pledged ourselves to do as part of our solidarity with the Kenyan children and also as a way to seek a closer relationship with God. Of these disciplines, I do exactly NONE on a daily basis. On a monthly basis, I maybe do two or three. Despite having all of these "projects" that I do for my Church and for my God, when it comes to my own personal relationship with Christ, I really don't have much of one.
What it really comes down to is that fact that I lay my relationship down so that I can deal with "real" things and not intangible things that are little more than hocus pocus and wishful thinking. Prayer? Really? What does that accomplish? I be quiet and think things to an imaginary presence in my mind. That's not entirely true, of course. I've seen God's power in real life. I've felt his answers to prayer before. And yet, when push comes to shove and I need to decide whether to pray or whether to "accomplish" something, I choose my own power over God's every single time. My faith in God, it seems, only applies when I'm so far in over my head that I have nowhere else to turn.
It makes me wonder whether I am just human and flawed and failed or if I should be applying more effort to the task of turning my WHOLE life over to Christ and not just the parts that I can't do myself. Perhaps its a bit of both. God clearly wants me to write... He wouldn't have given me a talent for it otherwise. But at what point do I stop writing for me and starting writing for Him?
I will be returning to my disciplines in the near future and I hope that you'll find the time to pray for me so that I might discover the time to pray as well. In the meantime, God, can you please allow me to be reminded every once in a while of your awesome power? (I fear the answer to this question... and that shows that my faith is active).
5 comments:
One of the enemy's great traps is to have us be so busy for the Lord ("after all, we're doing it for the Lord!") and completely miss out on our OWN relationship with the Lord.
The reality is that I've been just as guilty of that as you. We just exited a season of fasting as a church to kick off the year and it really helped me refocus on my own relationship with Christ - and that season of fasting pointed out how I have given short shrift to my relationship with Him by simply doing ministry work.
When I read the Bible...am I reading it for ME and MY relationship with God, or am I reading it to teach to someone else? Therein lies a fine balance.
I discovered, it's all a matter of setting up one specific time and sticking with it until it becomes routine. It all starts with time in the Word.
Cheers.
Lately I feel invisible. I admire how you can write almost everyday and somedays you get no comments but you keep plugging on. I feel bad when nobody responds to my Facebook LMAO comments. I guess if I want to write I have to be a bit of an egomaniac with a very thick skin.
Sue
BTW: Liked your book trailer. I expect the product will be funny. I miss your top 10 lists. Have you got any saved up?
Sue;
I realized a long time ago that if I was happy with my writing, that was good enough for me. It's hard enough pleasing myself - much less anyone else. Though, to be fair, it would probably be more profitable the other way around. ;)
Well I like your writing. I am looking forward to your book from the trailer. I know you can be very funny when you are in the right mood. You beat yourself up a lot but you always com back to your old jovial self.
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