Thirst Continued

There is an aspect to thirst that only occurred to me about thirty minutes after writing yesterday's blog. It was not a new thought, just one that I had not considered at the time I wrote the first part of the blog.

For me, it is not enough to be thirsty and to seek some sort of refreshment that will slake that thirst. I have to seek the best, the ultimate form of refreshment. In the past, I would tell people that I was a perfectionist. I knew that that adjective applied to my makeup, but one look at me would cause people to doubt my words. If they could have seen inside my mind, they would realize that while I often did not achieve perfection, perfection has always been my goal.

It is not enough for me to simply have a coca-cola. I want that coca-cola in the best possible way. I want it in just the right glass, at just the right temperature, during the perfect moment of the perfect activity in the perfect location. For me, it is not just the need to fulfill my desire, but to do it in such a way that that desire is permanently fulfilled. I can't just find a job working in the film industry, I need to be the next Walt Disney. I can't just write a book, I need it to be the Great American Novel. I can't just go to Kenya, look around, enjoy what I see, and come back, it needs to be an EPIC JOURNEY!

As you may imagine, I am constantly disappointed. My thirst can never be slaked because I make the conditions of being satisfied impossible to fulfill. I use my need for perfection as a wall against enjoyment.

I wonder though if this is a bad thing. Jesus said that he was the water of life and that whoever drank from him would never be thirsty again. Now there are two ways of interpreting that. The first way is that once you've had the Jesus drink, you never need to drink again. And the other way is that drinking of Jesus is the only way you will ever be satisfied - his drink is cool, refreshing, perfect and never runs out. Drink early and drink often and come back as often as you want. These are two different interpretations that both spell out as Jesus being the only true satisfaction to our thirst - but one way means that you can drink from Jesus and never be Thirsty again, and the other way means that you will continue to Thirst, but Jesus will always be there to slake your thirst.

I can never have perfection except through Jesus. But having Jesus, does my desire for perfection go away? Does my thirst for justice and peace and that ultimate sunset and ultimate love ever diminish? Of course not. Nor should I want it to.

So I have this problem with thirst. I get thirsty. I want to find the perfect way to slake my thirst. I try to find the ultimate expression of any earthly thing that can help to satisfy me, but fail every time. And yet, I know where to find that satisfaction. I know where to find that perfection. Thirst motivates me to do things. But the thirst I have creates impossible goals that can never be achieved. So I set myself up for failure at every turn. What I need to do is learn to become thirsty for the one thing that is perfect and that I can drink to my heart's content - Jesus.

I had a taste of this water in Kenya. My trip there was far from perfect and yet it was the most rewarding trip of my life. I want more of that. I want to drink deeply. God willing, I will.