Age of Exploration
I grew up wanting to be a filmmaker and I’ve spent
most of my life pursuing that dream. So what, might you ask, has prevented me
from becoming a filmmaker? The short answer to the question is that God has had
other plans for my life.
When I
graduated from high school, I went straight to film school. I bombed horribly.
No matter how much I wanted to be a film maker, my heart wasn’t it. Here I was
finally getting the opportunity to play with real cameras, lights, and other
gear and the one thought that kept coming to my mind was, “Is this it?
Shouldn’t I be doing something more with my life?”
When my
friend, Jay, told me that he was dropping out of film school to join the Navy,
I told him that he was an idiot. But somewhere in the process of trying to talk
Jay out of it, I had a firm push from behind to go out into the world and find
the answers to the questions I’d been asking. I called Jay and told him that I
was joining the Navy too.
What I
didn’t know then, but I realize now, is that I had just taken the first steps
in my spiritual journey.
It
sounds kind of strange to say that a young person raised in a loving church
family would have to go out there to find God, but then Jesus’s own story of
the Prodigal Son probably wouldn’t ring so true. Even the author of
Ecclesiastes admits to trying out all the real world has to offer before
finding that such a journey ultimately returns to God. All people take
spiritual quests. All spiritual quests end in God. Not all spiritual quests
take you to Hawaii for three years, though, so I guess I was luckier than most.
Of
course, I had no idea that I was on a spiritual quest. I was, like most young
people, merely trying to find my place out in the world. I only wanted to
answer one simple question – what is my purpose in life? It seemed that any day
I would find the answer to that question and that the rest of my life could begin
in earnest – especially the part where I was making movies and winning Oscars.
But the more I looked, the more I explored, the harder the question was to
answer.
At
first, I tiptoed around the question. I read a lot when I was in the Navy. Not
just the collected works of Heinlein, Asimov and other great Sci-Fi legends,
but also classics like Dante, Shakespeare, Steinbeck, and the X-MEN. I also
read about the history of Christianity and of Christian thought and started
wondering which of the various factions of Christian theology was correct. I
became obsessed with the idea of figuring out which words in the Bible were
true and which were made up. It was all a chasing after the wind as I came to
the conclusion that nobody really knew. I either accepted all of the Bible as
valid or I didn’t. That wasn’t a terribly satisfying answer. I wanted truth,
instead I got faith.
I
suddenly came to a crossroads of my young spiritual journey. If I couldn’t
historically or scientifically verify the validity of every word in the Bible,
did I believe in it? Did I believe in God? I was 20, living in Hawaii,
completely on my own, and I didn’t have anyone trying to persuade me one way or
the other. I could decide the answers to these questions all on my own. Not
what was I taught… what did I believe?
The
answers to both questions were yes. I did believe the Bible and I did believe
in God. In my case, the seeds planted here at Lakeside had landed on good soil.
Now that
I believed in God, I decided then and there to give myself over to Him. “Lord,”
I prayed, “I’m completely lost here trying to run my life. If you can run the
universe, surely you can take me where I need to go. From now on, you’re in
charge. Lead on.” I think I suspected that God would reveal to me the answer to
my questions then and there and I could get back to that award-winning
lifestyle any moment, but, again, I was wrong.
Instead,
as no quest ever truly takes you where you were expecting to go, I began to
develop a curious new question about God and my new found faith – in short,
what about everyone else? What about people who never encounter a Bible? They
are created by God. They live their lives. They die. Having never been given
the opportunity to know Christ in their lifetime by being born into the wrong
circumstances, were they doomed from conception to the eternal flames?
I went
to the one source that I was sure would have the answer to my questions. I
finally read the Bible. Cover to cover. Word for Word. Not bad. Some boring
bits, but on the whole – a pretty good read. It didn’t specifically answer my
question though.
I sought out other books. I
searched for answers. I prayed for enlightenment. Though it was only a nagging
question that really had nothing to do with me, per se, since I believed in Jesus
and I believed in God and I’d been fortunate enough to know Him my whole life,
I continued to look for answers all the same. For some reason, the fate of the
rest of the world plagued me. It just wasn’t enough for me for Christianity to
be some sort of Golden Ticket to a fantastic chocolate factory, I really needed
to know that anyone could have a relationship with Jesus whether they were ever
formally introduced to him or not.
Of course, what I didn’t
realize was that my spiritual quest was starting to affect my other life – the
one that I live the other 99% of the time when I’m not trying to resolve deep
theological questions. When I got out of the Navy, I tried film school again –
only lasted six weeks this time. I changed majors. I studied writing for about
two weeks, realized that I knew more than the teachers, then switched to
History for a semester or two before settling on archaeology.
(As an aside, I suppose I
really studied archaeology because I wanted to be Indiana Jones. If you can’t
film them, join them.)
It came time to decide where
to go to get my degree. I sent out college applications to all the state
schools and universities in the west and Florida. Two days later, I got a
package from Idaho State. I’d never even heard of Idaho State before I’d
applied there. I was just being thorough. But again, I received that gentle
nudge that told me that God had some sort of purpose for me to go there. So
despite never having set foot in Idaho before, I went to school at Idaho State
in Pocatello. Film school, as you can imagine, was completely abandoned at this
point.
Though I was majoring in
Anthropology in order to become an archaeologist, I found myself trying to
resolve the religious questions that still lingered in my mind. Anthropology is
the study of all people in all cultures, past, present, and future. In my
studies of other disparate cultures from around the world and in different
times, I began to see an interesting trend.
So far, every culture in
every time has had religion. Humans, it seems, are by their very nature
religious beings. While most scientists have tried to explain this fact by
suggesting that as social creatures we need the connection that religion gives
us to one another, or that religion is some sort of reflexive response to primitive
stimuli like thunder or death or other things that primitive minds can’t
explain without science to show the way, I began to wonder if humanities need
for religion wasn’t something internal – some part of their very make up.
C.S. Lewis postulates in his
book, Mere Christianity, that all human beings, having been created by God, are
bound together by a desire to return to God because He is that feeling of
perfection humans strive to attain. Though I hadn’t read C.S. Lewis at the
time, I had arrived at a similar theory. If the soul really does exist, then
humanity throughout history, would always feel the urge, the need, to seek out
God. For those not born into Christianity, the desire to find God would still
be there – but it would manifest itself in a way that was culturally
significant to that particular person. In other words, a Christian would
worship God, a Muslim, Allah, a Buddhist, Buddha, a Native American, Coyote,
etc... All would be seeking to find God and to worship him, but they would do
so in a way that they could understand and that they were taught.
I knew that I was on some
pretty unstable ground. My teachers were already warning me about using my
Christian upbringing to answer scientific questions. Trying to write a thesis
in which I explain that all religions are essentially the same thing would have
been the very short end of my anthropoligcal career. But I knew that the
thought was important. If everyone on the planet is a child of God and everyone
yearns to get back to God, to be closer to their creator, then all sincere
religion, all sincere seeking, all spiritual quests lead to God – the one and
only God. No matter what shape that quest takes, all of these yearnings are
yearnings after the same thing.
We – all of us, all of them,
everyone – are exactly the same in our desire to find God, to find love, and to
be truly happy.
In this, in all my studies
and readings and explorations during and since college, I have only found two
people that have the right answer to humanities ultimate goal and how to
achieve it – the author of Ecclesiastes and Jesus of Nazareth.
The author of Ecclesiastes,
reputed to be King Solomon, tells a story of a spiritual quest that takes him
to the very ends of the Earth in search of the answer to the question that
plagues him – what is his purpose here? As you may recall, Solomon was gifted
by God with divine wisdom. He begins his book about this quest by saying that
everything we do here is meaningless – that all of our efforts to find
satisfying happiness on our own, whether that be through hard work or leisure
or wealth or pleasure or escape – that all of these attempts are a complete
waste of time. The truth, he says, is that we all live and we all die and
nobody is exempt. Everything else means nothing… EXCEPT our relationship with
God.
Jesus said, “Sell everything
you have, give it to the poor, and come and follow me.” And the rich man walked
away very sad because he was very wealthy. Isn’t that a great punchline. He
walked away sad. Why did he walk away sad? Because he was very wealthy… Think
about it. We assume that the Bill Gates’ of this world are extremely happy –
ecstatic even – because of their vast wealth. But here is Jesus saying that
this rich man who has done everything in his power to conform to the religious
doctrines of his day, who was considered a righteous man by other people, this
man walks away sad because of the vast wealth he has in the bank. Imagine
someone giving you a million dollar bill and you burst into tears, and cry
out,” Oh what cruel fates! How will I ever give away all of this money?”
This is, I think, the crux
of the question. After all my years of searching, after all my questions, after
all my explorations, I believe more than ever that Jesus is our Lord and that
His way is the only way because of this passage. Because Jesus is saying that
the only way to achieve immortality, to find love and happiness, is to let go
of everything this world has to offer – all of the false hope, all of the false
love, all of the false promises of security and power – to drop it all / give
it away because it is utterly meaningless, and then to follow him and become a
servant of love to your fellow human being. And it doesn’t matter if you’re
rich or poor, and it doesn’t matter where you were born, and it doesn’t matter
how you were raised or what you think you know about the world – all of that is
a chasing after the wind – what matters is that you leave it all behind and do
as Christ does.
Jesus of Nazareth is the
only religious figure who teaches this selfless love. At Idaho State, I took a
course of Western Philosophy from Plato to Nietsche. It was a worthless class
in that after we learned everything about a particular philosophy, we also
learned why that philosophy was wrong, invalid, and did not conform to reality.
As I learned the entire knowledge base of secular humanism, it occurred to me
that the one philosophy that could not be refuted was the one taught by Jesus
of Nazareth.
Love your neighbor can’t be
refuted. And you can’t tell me that those people who follow this philosophy –
no matter what their background or upbringing – aren’t the people the Jesus is
talking about when he says, “For I was hungry and you gave me something eat. I
was thirsty and you gave me something to drink. I was a stranger and you
invited me in. I needed clothes and you clothed me. I was sick and you looked
after me. I was in prison and you came to visit me.” Jews, Gentiles,
Samaritans, Romans… in the end, it is what’s written on our heart that defines
us.
At Idaho State, I learned
all sorts of things about life and religion and respect for other cultures. But
when it came time to go for my Master’s Degree in Religious Anthropology, I had
another major revelation – there are no jobs for religious anthropologists. The
formal side of my spiritual quest came to an end, but even after I came home, I
continued to follow Christ wherever he led me.
He returned me to Lakeside
finally after a nice long prodigal journey of my own. I came back to join the
choir… and maybe have a few cookies every Sunday. That plan lasted all of one
half choir rehearsal. I joined the bell choir. Then I became an assistant youth
leader. Then I was asked to join Session. Then I became the head youth leader.
I went on mission trips. I went to Kenya. I became a deacon. And God continues
to lead me into places I never expected to go.
In fact, long after I had
given up on any thought of film school, I was approached by two of my youth
group kids. They wanted to make a film and wondered if I could help them. I
didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Faith, as it turns out, is the assurance
of things hoped for. I got to make my film. My journey has finally come full
circle.
Every single one of us is a
child of God. Every single one of us yearns to be reunited with Him. We all
search for love. We all search for Happiness. Since all love and happiness
comes from God, we all search for God. And if we are fortunate in our search,
we will discover God in service to others.
Love the Lord your God with
all of your heart, mind, body and soul. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Everything else is meaningless – a chasing after the wind.
Amen.
4 comments:
A thoughtful response to follow. Work and life overwhelms that which is more interesting sometimes.
A really enjoyable read. I had no idea you were an anthropology major. I was a sociology major - BA and MA. I had a bit of a crisis of faith because of some of the same tensions you describe - secular scholarship does not need faith to explain faithful behavior. It was this crisis that, to some degree, drove me to seminary. Imagine my surprise when I got there and found that the professors at San Francisco Theological Seminary viewed the Bible and religion through the lenses of sociology and anthropology!
There's a lot more to react to here, and lots of thoughts you've stimulated, but that will have to wait. Hopefully we will have a chance to tease out some of those thoughts here or elsewhere.
Sounds like a plan... I wouldn't say that I'm so totally committed to these ideas that I'd call them 100% right. But I suspect that I'm close to being right... this or something similar.
I saw Bruce Almighty the other day where Morgan Freeman as God was explaining how he pulled some sort of "miracle" on Ghandi and nearly scared him to death. See, I can believe that Ghandi knew Jesus - not that Ghandi knew that he knew Jesus, but that Ghandi knew him all the same. I think the one caveat to all this is for those who are exposed to Jesus, who understand who he is and what he represents, and stick with their own religion anyway. It's one thing to pray to a piece of wood because you don't know any better. It's another thing if you've experienced God and pray to the wood anyway (which is pretty much the entire Old Testament lesson in one sentence. ;)
Ghandi was reported to have said, "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians." Not a faith statement on Ghandi's part. More an appreciation of the ethical teachings of Jesus and an indictment of the ethics of far too many of his followers.
But it is a crucial question for the thoughtful Christian. Is Ghandi burning in Hell because he came face to face with Jesus and chose not to become a Christian?
Rob Bell's book "Love Wins" begins wth this question. I really like most of what I've read and heard from Rob Bell. He is quite controversial - even called heretical - in many evangelica circles. His book has a few theological holes you could drive a truck through, but I like his questioning approach to faith. I think you would enjoy the book.
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