Dear Congress Person:
My new E-Bay business has fallen on hard times and I need your help to secure TARP money to continue forward. So far, I have managed one sale. But of my four other bids, all are failing. Prior to 2008, I didn't have a single E-Bay sale failure. This is a new thing for me.
Recently, I voted to give myself a one million dollar bonus. As you can see, with the economy stuck in the toilet like it is, I probably won't be able to afford that bonus and continue to operate my business. But I need myself to keep this business running and since I'd probably end up leaving this company if I don't receive the bonus, it is imperative that this bonus be honored and that there still be enough capital funds to keep my business afloat.
Therefore, I am asking for a loan of $2,000,000 of TARP money to keep my E-Bay business afloat and to still be able to give my employee the bonus that he deserves. Since this amount is just a drop in the bucket for the TARP money, I suspect that approval should be forthcoming in a timely manner. I await your funding and your response.
Sincerely,
Will Robison
A Tax Paying American Citizen That Is Too Big To Fail
2 comments:
Too big to fail,
That is a supersized pork barrel request.
Unfortunately, that's been the modus operandi for awhile and the chickens are coming home to roost.
Cheers.
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