Once again, I was trying to repair myself through long lists of things to do. And it was working. I was eating right (sort of). Exercising correctly (sort of). I was watching my dollars and getting my tasks done (sort of). I was flying high... or so I thought.
In the back of my mind, there were doubts. While I had started the list of foods that I was eating so that I could start eating better foods, I discovered that 1000 calories of salad was the same as 1000 calories of Big Mac - and who wouldn't rather eat a Big Mac? And the same with hiking. 5 hours of hiking over tough mountains and rocks was the same as 5 hours walking through a mall. And it was easy to justify a few bucks for a book when I hadn't spent hardly any money in a week and if I broke down my jobs into the smallest increments, I could check a job off my list after a mere five minutes work and then reschedule the rest of the job for the next day. Yeah... I was using my lists to slack off.
Not too ironically, if you've paid any attention whatsoever to the way God works, I was doing EXACTLY what the Israelites were doing for hundreds of years in Judea and Israel. God laid out a list of laws and tasks and said, "Follow these and you'll be just fine." And the Israelites followed the laws, sort of, and did all the tasks, kind of, that God laid out for them. What God wanted them to do was to embrace the laws and embrace the tasks and to do things whole heartedly for God and for themselves - what they did was the minimum whenever possible, and even less more often than not. They changed the laws and tasks to the point where they no longer came anywhere close to the ones that God had given them - and then they ignored the new laws and tasks anyway.
So what did God do? He blewed up the laws and tasks! Blewed dem Sky High!
In my case, God sent an infection to my leg. What happened? All of my lists and tasks and everything were completely thrown out the window. My schedule, my diet, everything... just completely thrown out. I found myself lying in bed and back at square one - wondering whether to start over with lists and schedules and things, or whether I should just embrace the spirit behind the lists and schedules and things and get my life changed without all the written checklists.
But for the Israelites, God did something even more devious and completely awesome. He sent Jesus. And Jesus threw out all the schedules and laws and tasks. He fulfilled them. He told the Israelites that if they really wanted to be closer to God like they'd been trying to do with all the laws and prophets, then they needed to become close to Him. Simple. Follow me and I will be the way for you. There is no law to follow, no prophet to listen to, no test, no record keeping, no lawyer that will keep you safe - just do as I've done, and you will find yourself close to God.
You know it's funny... the more things change, the more they stay the same. Time to move on and start over again. Only this time, I'm going to do it right.
