Probably Not All That Original Revelation

I'm sure someone must have noticed this before, but it was a new thought for me.

The scripture lesson on Sunday was the extremely dramatic and powerful Genesis text where Abraham is directed by God to sacrifice Isaac. Of course, Abraham follows through with the sacrifice and that's the end of the Bible... okay, only kidding on that part. God, of course, prevents Abraham from carrying out the sacrifice and we get the beginnings of Judaism and, ultimately, Christianity.

As I was listening to the familiar story, I had the usual profound thoughts. God was asking Abraham to sacrifice the one thing he most craved and Abraham willingly did so. I always wonder what the one thing I most crave is and whether I'd be willing to sacrifice it for God. Tough call - one I hope God never asks me to make. Second, I realized that Abraham must have been feeling a little bit strange - God had promised to make a nation of him and here he was sacrificing his ONE chance at that nationhood. But, of course, Isaac had also been God's promise and Abraham had laughed at the thought of Isaac. He wasn't about to make that mistake again. If God said he was going to make Abraham into a great nation, then that was what was going to happen - whether or not Isaac was sacrificed.

But then, I had a new realization. God was asking Abraham to sacrifice his only begotten son - a horrible, horrible, horrible thought for any parent out there to even contemplate. Just the thought of taking that child of yours, the one you brought into the world and raised, and placing him on an altar and then taking a stone knife and... that's where the squeamish usually stop contemplating. God was asking Abraham to do this horrible thing, this thing that nobody should ever have to do. And yet, even then, God knew that he was going to be asked to do the same thing with His own son - that He was going to have to sacrifice Jesus for the sins of us all. Only, nobody was going to stop this sacrifice from occurring at the last second - God was actually going to go through with it.

It seems to me then that Abraham's story of the sacrifice of Isaac - a story central and pivotal to three major religions - only has its culmination in one religion. Without God's sacrifice and death of Jesus and the raising of Him back to life, the sacrifice of Isaac is ultimately about a strangely cruel and sadistic God taunting his subjects to see just how much they really love him. With Jesus' death, however, the story takes on new meaning by looking to the far future and saying, one day, I will do for you what I would not ask you to do for me. I will provide the lamb for your sacrifice.

Like I said, I'm sure somebody thought of this already.

You Don't Mess With The Zohan (2008) - 4 Wigs

Some comedies like to play it safe. They go for the safe laughs, the safe gags, the safe humor. Movies like Austin Powers, though dangerously close to the edge, still managed to not show us anything. Then there are other comedies that don't do safe. They go right for the jugular and show you things that make you feel uncomfortable and the humor comes mostly from that feeling of being out of your normal realm - I'm talking things like American Pie (you know the scenes). But to be really dangerous and still not go over the line, that's a real skill and a movie that can do that can be hilarious.
You Don't Mess With The Zohan is Adam Sandler's best comedy since The Wedding Singer, and ranks right up there with Happy Gilmore in terms of character, story, and humor. It basically tells the story of Zohan, an Israeli uber-commando who has grown tired of the war on terror and wants to go to the United States to pursue his dream of becoming a hair dresser like Paul Mitchell. That's a pretty funny premise in itself, but its execution is incredible.

DISCO TIME! DISCO! DISCO! DISCO! DISCO! DISCO! DISCO! DISCO! DISCO! DISCO!

Now, first of all, when I say that Zohan is an uber-commando, I'm not talking Rambo or Jason Bourne, I'm talking someone like Samson or Hercules. My first thought when watching Zohan in action was, "This is what it would be like if God appointed a new Judge in Israel." His power and his magnetism seemed to flow out of some unbelievable power source that is never questioned in the movie - not quite superhero, not quite normal human being either. Its rather hilarious.
Bringing this "power" with him to the United States and using it for the purposes of hair-dressing is what really gives this movie some zing. This is not just some Rambo type who wants to dress hair, this is Samson the Hair Dresser - a guy who could basically be anything he wants to be at all and he wants to be a hair dresser.
Adam Sandler films have a tendency to have a very simplistic view of the world that is incredibly sweet and innocent. We buy the view because we want to. This movie has just such a view about the middle east, but we don't mind. If only life were as simple as an Adam Sandler movie.
As you can see, I'm trying to skirt the issue of the humor in the movie. The less you know about what's coming, the better the movie will be. Needless to say there are some very funny cameos, guest stars, and other moments that have nothing to do with Adam Sandler. All of these moments delight and surprise at the same time.
I am giving Zohan 4 Wigs - a score previously only given to Iron Man this summer - because, well, I not only laughed all the way through the movie, but I keep returning to the film in my mind. This movie has staying power.

The Happening - 2008 (GUEST REVIEW) - 1 Wig

The following movie review was written by guest reviewer Jay Raymond. With more reviews like this, we may just invite him back to do more guest reviews.

Mother Nature is hunting YOU!

A review of "The Happening"

by Jay Raymond

Watch out for goold old Ma Earth for she is one pissed off woman in this movie, pimpslapping humanity in the face with a good old fashoined "five across the eyes" move. M. Night is at it again trying to make us believe in the "boogey-man" again. We've faced the scary forest and the unworldy aliens but this time, it's the damn trees, bushes, and flowers. In "The Happening", M. Night presents an event where People begin committing suicide on a massive scale and our players, Marky Mark and John Leguizamo, are on the run, fleeing to avoid the wave of death while the masses throw themselves off buildings, shoot themselves in the head, and gouge out their own throats. M. Night even includes a classic "throw yourself under the giant lawnmower" move. Sadly, my disbelief failed to suspend itself. John Leguizamo's character includes a small daughter who he pawns off to Marky Mark and his squeeze so he could go find his wife. Sure...

This movie is perfect for the paranoid because the antagonist is the surrounding environment. Someone with a persecution complex will relish this movie. The trees are out to get you and the flowers are in on it. That blade of grass next to your left foot wants you and your family dead while the very wind itself plays a great monster role, reviving memories of "Jaws" except its the wind. The damn scary wind. Ooooohhhh the wind is out to get you Marky Mark...Oh give me a damn break. This movie rates a one star for absolute silliness and should be recut as a comedy. If this movie scares you, go see a shrink. Pronto. Or, get a job pruning to get back at those evil plants.

Preparing for battle

I sort of slipped in here the announcement that I would be stepping down as Lakeside Youth Leader at the end of the summer. The decision took a long time for me to make because I love working with the youth and I fought for the longest time against the obvious for that reason. But I knew as early as the beginning of last year that this would be my last year as youth leader. I can cite dozens of reasons - the most obvious being that I'm just burnt out from doing it for so many years. But the number one reason is that God wanted me to move on.

I can't explain that rationale. I don't claim to have a hot line to the Big Cheese. But sometimes, when I'm still, I can discern His will for me fairly easily. I waited until just such a moment and I prayed, "Lord, should I stop being a youth leader?" And instead of Him showing me the final days of being a youth leader and asking me the usual questions of why I wanted to quit or what will become of the youth program after I'm gone, He showed me the thousands of myriad possibilities of things I could do after I was done with being a youth leader. I suddenly felt elated at the idea of moving on and doing something new and exciting for God. The youth group, I realized, was always in God's hands and He would do wondrous things with it after I left. My time had come.

After I let the powers that be know of my decision, the number one question I was asked was - what now? I think everyone had something in mind for me, or assumed that I was leaving because I had something in mind. But, honestly, I didn't have a clue of what I am going to do next. I figured that God got me into Youth Leadership and He would get me into my next project, whatever that might be.

Of course, being human, I imagined some things I might try. But I could tell that these were my ideas, not God's, and that, as such, they were slightly half-baked. I kind of picture King David inquiring of the Lord when He wanted David to build a temple in Jerusalem and being told, That is not for you to do. I'm sure David was a little bit stunned. Not for me?! Well, who else can do such a thing?! Anyway, I knew these ideas were just idle mental ramblings. God would let me know in His time.

But, I admit, at some point, I finally had to ask. Okay, God, What now? I was surprised to get an instant answer. So surprised, in fact, that even though I knew it was from God right away, I hesitated and pondered it for quite some time. What God said, in not so many words, "You're good with food."

I admit that I've always had a soft spot for food (mostly around my mid-section ;) and I love to do food raising events for the San Francisco Food Bank, but I had never once considered taking it any farther than that. But God made it very clear to me that this was what He wanted me to do and He also made it clear to me that the sooner, the better. Considering the rising costs of food, the number of disasters that we currently seem to be enduring, and the shrinking resources available to help those less fortunate people amongst us, I don't need to be hit over the head with the obviousness of that statement.

So over the next several months, as I finish up my tenure as Lakeside Youth Leader, I will be strapping on armor around here at Icon, as I prepare for a battle of an entirely different sort. I don't know to what sort of front line God will be sending me, but I hope to be prepared wherever I go.

Yet More Facts...

America's Second Harvest Food Bank Local Impact Survey

America’s Second Harvest—The Nation’s Food Bank Network conducted a survey of its food banks April 28 through May 2, 2008 to assess challenges facing the nation’s charitable distribution system due to weakening economic conditions.

180 food banks provided estimates, based on feedback they have been receiving from their partner agencies (including food pantries and soup kitchens) about increases in the number of people in need of emergency food assistance, the ability of food banks to secure sufficient resources to meet the needs of hungry people in their communities and the ability of their agencies to meet the strong demand for food.

* 99% (98.89%) of food bank respondents stated that they have experienced an increase in the number of clients served within the past year. Food banks cite as contributing factors:
o 92.78% the rising cost of fuel
o 91.67% the rising cost of food
o 46.11% mortgage or rent issues
o 43.33% rising unemployment
o 42.22% rising underemployment
o 31.11% the inadequacy of food stamps

* The increase in the number of clients is estimated at 15% to 20%.

* 81.11% of surveyed food banks have indicated that they are currently unable to adequately meet the demand without having to reduce the amount of food or their operations.
o 54.79% stated that their agencies already have or are considering reducing the amount of food offered to clients.
o 48.63% of these food banks already have or are considering reducing the variety of food offered to agencies.
o 45.21% of these food banks responded that they already have or are considering diverting budgeted funds from other areas to purchase food.
o 43.84% of these food banks stated that they already have or are considering reducing the amount of food offered to agencies in order to meet demand.
o 27.4% of these food banks responded that some of their agencies already have or are considering reducing the number of new households they will serve.
o 13.7% of these food banks responded that they already have or are considering reducing or suspending programs and services offered.

TYPES OF FOOD NEEDED AT FOOD BANKS

Think what kinds of healthy foods you like to eat and that's just the kind of donations needed. They accept food donations of any kind from non-perishable items to fresh and frozen foods. However, what they need most are protein items, those "center-of-the-plate" foods such as:

Beans, Rice, Pasta
Canned tuna, meats, chicken
Soups and Stews
Peanut Butter
Macaroni & Cheese
Cereal
100% Fruit Juice

No homemade food or glass containers, please.

Please donate.

More Facts...

Average weekly food consumption of families around the world
December 11th, 2007

I have been informed that these pictures were the work of Peter Menzel Photography for a piece published in Time Magazine. In each picture you get to see the weekly food intake for an average family of the country they represent.

Italy: The Manzo family of Sicily
Food expenditure for one week: 214.36 Euros or $260.11

Germany: The Melander family of Bargteheide
Food expenditure for one week: 375.39 Euros or $500.07

United States: The Revis family of North Carolina
Food expenditure for one week $341.98

Mexico: The Casales family of Cuernavaca
Food expenditure for one week: 1,862.78 Mexican Pesos or $189.09

Poland: The Sobczynscy family of Konstancin-Jeziorna
Food expenditure for one week: 582.48 Zlotys or $151.27

Egypt: The Ahmed family of Cairo
Food expenditure for one week: 387.85 Egyptian Pounds or $68.53

Ecuador: The Ayme family of Tingo
Food expenditure for one week: $31.55

Bhutan: The Namgay family of Shingkhey Village
Food expenditure for one week: 224.93 ngultrum or $5.03

Chad: The Aboubakar family of Breidjing Camp
Food expenditure for one week: 685 CFA Francs or $1.23

Pretty interesting?

Some facts

Everyone talks about how much food there is to eat on a cruise ship. But did you ever wonder exactly how much food has to be prepared? The following facts will surprise you!

* Meals: 105,000 meals prepared per week
* Desserts: 300,680 prepared per week
* Appetizers: 234,000 prepared per week
* Steaks: 69,000 prepared per week

It's impossible to go hungry on a cruise ship. There is always a meal just waiting for you right around the corner. The following facts will show you just how much we consume in one week on a cruise ship.

* Beef: 20,000 lbs.
* Chicken: 12,000 lbs.
* Pork: 5,000 lbs.
* Lobster: 1,400 lbs.
* Seafood: 4,000 lbs.
* Salmon: 2,500 lbs.
* Eggs: 28,000
* Flour: 15,000 lbs.
* Sugar: 4,300 lbs.
* Coffee: 1,500 lbs.
* Fruits: 35,000 lbs.
* Vegetables: 65,000 lbs.

In addition to all of that, cruisers consume 1,500 gallons of milk, 18,000 slices of pizza, and 8,000 gallons of ice cream!

Now that is a lot of food!

The Incredible Hulk (2008) - 3.5 Wigs

When I was collecting comics, I started by first collecting my favorites. Hulk was not one of my favorites. Though I had watched the Hulk on TV as a kid, I was not a big fan of watching a big green guy go around and smash things. I like good writing and smashing things for the sake of smashing things is, well, not exactly Shakespeare - its the comic equivalent of a Michael Bay film. But, eventually, somewhere down the line, I started buying Hulk comics because they began to write stories that were interesting and had the occasional throw-down to appease Hulk fans. I still wasn't a Hulk fan, but I enjoyed the Hulk comics because of the story.

The first Hulk movie was created to please the original Hulk fans. Hulk smash. See. Isn't that great? Not so much.

The second Hulk movie, however, pleased me. It threw down an easy to follow story that made the characters interesting and gave me a rooting interest. The villain is fun to watch and the action sequences were well done. Instead of taking the character and making him some sort of artistic force of destruction, they ran the character from the point of view of Bruce Banner (like the TV show and the better written comics did) and as a result, they gave the Hulk some depth as a character and some soul. And ultimately, when Hulk smash, we root him on because we now give a damn about his character. Really. Was that so hard?

Marvel has regained creative control over most of their properties after the twin fiascoes of X-3 and Spiderman 3 because they realized that all the special effects and actions scenes in the world can't beat a good, simple, story. So far this summer, we've seen Iron Man kick butt and now The Incredible Hulk follows in its wake of destruction. This is the summer of Marvel's resurgence.

To be honest, after seeing this movie, I was a little disappointed that there wouldn't be another Marvel superhero movie until next year or 2010. It even made me begin salivating for a Captain America movie - and that's something I thought I'd never say.

If you like super heroes, even slightly, go see The Incredible Hulk. Your faith in the comic book world on film will be restored.

Anchor's Aweigh...

20 Years Ago Tomorrow, I officially joined the Navy and headed off to Boot Camp.

On this 20th Anniversary, I can think of no better way to turn anchor chains into margaritas and dress blues into Hawaiian shirts than to head off on a 10 Day cruise to Alaska. So, I won't be around for the next little while, but don't you... forget about me. I'll be fishing for salmon, running from bears, and hiking through the Alaskan gold country. Oh, and I might do a little eating.

See you all when I get back.

The Announcement You've All Been Waiting For ;)

My fellow Americans;

It is with a heavy heart and dashed career ambitions that I must now concede in this year's race for the Democratic Presidential nomination. I fought a hard, tough, campaign, but I can see the writing on the wall and know now that Barack Obama will win the party's nomination. Though my supporter (thanks, Mom) suggests I stay in the race until all the votes are counted at the convention later this summer, I have decided that for the good of the party I will put aside my selfish ambition and my end justifies the means campaign style and concede the race. To the victor goes the spoils and for the vanquished, perhaps a nice cushy government job somewhere - maybe Ambassador to Disney World? Do they have an Ambassador? Cause, I mean, they have all those countries there around World Showcase... I could be like an Uber-Ambassador, covering like 12 countries at once...

But I digress...

I would like to call now on my other failed candidates to also step down for the good of the party and put our support entirely behind Barack Obama. Lester Grudenwald - you ran a tight race for a while there in New Hampshire, but without your own write-in vote, I'm not sure you ever had a chance of getting a single vote. Still, sticking in the race long enough to ensure that Barack Obama took your argument for water cooler reform seriously shows your committment to the Democratic process. I think you almost swayed at least one super-delegate to your cause. Maggie Dupry - you fought a hard race in Eastern Michigan and managed to get half a delegate in the process. Congratulations. You're now part of history. And, of course, how could I forget Auggie Johnson? What more can I say about the brave campaign of Auggie Johnson? Except that all of my fellow candidates have had the sense to back down and let the decision of the democratic party stand without taking their fight to ridiculous lengths for selfish reasons.

For some, I know that my sticking around in the race this long might seem like Steve Young making a furious drive late in the game when he was down 48-3 in the waning minutes of a complete turd kicker. There has never been any real hope of victory for a long time but I had hoped that my inability to quit would seem like a positive trait and not some desperate hope for a miracle or mean spiritedness, but I realize now that my time has come and that I should stand behind Barack Obama, as should all Democrats, because any other alternative would just be crazy.

And only a fool would stick around in a race that was already over.

Therefore, my fellow Americans, I hereby resign from the 2008 Presidential Race. Thank you for your support.

The Fall (2008) - Three and a Half Wigs

As Jay Leno said last night, "I found out I have two things that prevent me from seeing Sex and the City,"... "Testicles." So, instead of seeing that, and having seen all the major blockbusters out there this summer, we were forced to scrounge around in the independent film market for a new cinematic experience. We originally looked at going to see Son of Rambow, but the film left the area before we got the chance. However, sight unseen and with very little advanced knowledge, we discovered a movie called The Fall, written and directed by Tarsem - a music video and commercial director most known for the big budget film, The Cell, with J.Lo. We were glad at the discovery.

The film's plot, as thin as it is, still manages to keep the film going for the entire two hour length. It involves Roy, a stunt man in the silent era of Hollywood, who is injured performing a complicated stunt. We come to discover that he is borderline suicidal over the loss of his girlfriend to the film's leading man. He befriends a young migrant worker child (played with dazzling honesty by newcomer, Catinca Utaru) and begins to tell her a story, all in a self-serving effort to get this child to steal him some morphine so that he might commit suicide. The story he tells is a child-like fantasy about a group of bandits who have sworn revenge on the evil Lord Odious and its a thin retelling of the stunt man's life and problems. As the film takes a more sinister and darker tone towards the end, all of these various elements are brought to a head and we realize that the end of the story and the fate of Roy are decidedly intertwined.

Okay... so why three and a half wigs? That's almost as many as I gave Iron Man. As a whole, this film reminded me of what a film school student might make if someone handed him a blank check. The film was in development for 11 years. The director would scout locations while doing commercial and video shoots and then get the owners of these locations to promise to let him come back and shoot there at another point for free. The end result is that this low budget film has some locations that big budget Hollywood movies could only drool over. At one point in the film, I looked up and realized that they were shooting a scene across the street from the Taj Mahal - only it looked bland in comparison to the other more fantastic and real life locations that this film had already used by that point. On locations alone, this film earned the first two wigs.

The cinematography was also incredible. The director of photography wasn't just content with having these amazing locations, he knew what to do with them as well. The opening shot of the accident scene in slow motion is perhaps one of the finest pieces of slow motion work I've seen in a long time. The film is filled with an amazing array of colors and fantastic images that for one one hundredth of the budget and without any special effects, rival the work seen in 300. The cinematography earned it another wig.

But the part that has stuck with me the most is the acting of the young Catinca Utaru - who played the part as real as you will ever see a little girl act. At no point in the movie did I ever think she was acting. (It was later revealed that through a communcations mix-up, the girl was told that the actor playing Roy was really crippled and the girl responded to that with incredible emotional depth). The script, in this case, was a real gem in that it allowed the conversations to be natural in a way that was almost annoying - just two people talking and trying to understand one another. There was a scene in the movie where the girl was being examined by a doctor (she had broken her arm falling from a tree where she was picking fruit) and she was interpreting for her mother who spoke no English. The doctor tells the little girl's mother that the little girl will recover but that the little girl shouldn't be allowed to pick any more fruit. The look on this girl's face was priceless, totally conveying the "Are you nuts! I can't tell my mom that!", while at the same time smiling and pretending to tell her mother exactly what the doctor just said. It was a brilliant scene and really well done. For the girl alone, one half wig.

Okay, that all being said, the biggest problem was with the story. It was exceptionally thin and it was filled with dialog and scenes that you just don't see in regular movies for good reason. There were several dramatic moments that just ended up being laugh out loud funny for the wrong reasons. But for all these flaws, it was still easy to enjoy this film. These film makers weren't just phoning it in for a nice fat paycheck, or trying to please impossible fanboys. This film was a labor of love and it showed, even despite its serious flaws.

If you can see this one on the big screen, go. If not, wait until you can watch it in High-Def. The visuals alone will make this worth the extra wait.

Will Rob says, check it out!

Am I Crazy? I must be...

It occurred to me today that I wasn't writing a three book saga, but a five book saga. The original plan had been for me to write three books. But after four drafts, I broke the first book into three books. That means that now there is the first three books, compromising what used to be the first book, followed by books two and three (now books four and five). Further, I realized that it would actually make more sense for me to figure out what the entire arc of the entire story was and not just come back to books four and five at some later date. It would be irresponsible for me to write three books out of five.

What the heck have I gotten myself into?

Well, it sounds crazier than it actually is. In the actual chronology of writing this story, I was writing book four first when I realized that I needed to write the first three books so that people would know what was going on. The fifth book, which was to be the sequel to the fourth book, was going to wrap up the two part story.

So, basically, I started writing book four first, then I realized I needed book three, then book two, then book one. Then I combined books one, two, and three into one book. Then I wrote the one book but realized that it was too long, so I broke them into three books, of which I am currently finishing book one, and about to start on book two. But I'm now also going to start the synopsis process on book four and five. Clear as mud?

All this is a long way of asking your advice. The first book is called In Full Measure and the name comes from a verse in Isaiah. The second book is called Summer House, Winter House and comes from a verse in Micah (I believe... or Amos). I decided today that based on the storyline for the third book, the title should come from my favorite book in the Bible, Ecclesiastes. Here are the verses I selected and I was wondering which sounded the most Novel Title like to you...

1) With Much Wisdom
2) To The Place Streams Come From
3) In The Place Of Justice
4) The Heart Of The Wise
5) The Same Destiny Overtakes All
and
6) Every Hidden Thing

(And as a bonus, I've decided to give the following Ecclesiastical title to the fourth book, "The Days Of Trouble Come.")

So, if you've ever wanted to influence the naming of a major novel, motion picture, video game, and television spin-off series, now is your chance. Vote for your favorite and let me know why.

When is writing like sex...

I don't know why. I really don't want to self-analyze and ruin the feeling. But after spending an hour and a half working on my novel yesterday, I feel as giddy as a schoolboy today. Maybe its the lighthearted feeling of knowing that THIS TIME IS THE LAST TIME! But I have a feeling its more to do with the endorphin rush from writing again and from beating my brain against the side of the computer to shake out the very last ounces of pure creative energy my body has stored inside, thus allowing for a very pleasant night of sleep.

Either way, I'm going to enjoy the sensation and then light up a cigarette afterwards.

Apparently Not Finished Yet - A Novel Update

I thought I was done. But every time I write, The End, it keeps pulling me back in!

Actually, most of the book is set. It was just the ending I didn't like - and mostly because I'd done so many changes to the beginning and middle that the old ending just didn't gel with the rest of the book. So while I've been consciously trying to ignore the novel, to pretend it was finished, I have been idly sort of wondering what I'd do to improve the ending if I ever was to possibly, maybe, go back to it. Just idle thoughts, I swear.

What actually prompted me to revisit the ending of In Full Measure was the beginning of Summer House, Winter House. While I hadn't actually painted myself into a corner or anything, I realized that I'd dropped so much momentum at the end of In Full Measure that there was almost no way to start the second book without it being really flat. In rethinking the beginning of the second book so that I could make it into a stand-alone story, I realized that everything I wanted to do pointed to changing the ending of In Full Measure.

And so, a couple of weeks back, I actually had a sort of breakthrough - a way to change the ending of In Full Measure that didn't require a whole lot of rewriting (more of moving things around) but that created a lot more suspense and action scenes and allowed for a great set up for the second book. As a result, I decided to leave it alone for a while longer until I was sure that it was what I wanted to do.

This weekend, I figured out how to definitively start the second book and that, in turn, has locked in the changes to the ending of the first book. *whew*

To make a really long story even longer, I will begin working this week on the rewrites and the final, final, final version of In Full Measure.

On top of all that, I've sent off the first three chapters of In Full Measure to someone in the publishing biz who wanted to read them and will hopefully offer me some advice on how to improve the beginning of the book. May this be the first step towards publishing - sometime in my lifetime.

Of course, its hard to publish a book that isn't finished yet. So I need to get back to the writing. I can feel the headaches already starting.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) - Three Wigs

I'm an anthropologist because of Indiana Jones. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Its not exactly hero worship. And I wasn't one of those kids that fell over backwards for the movie and lined up for four weeks for the next installment. But when I realized that my love of adventure was being fused with my love of history, the only logical profession I could picture myself in was Archaeology. I even own a bull whip. Of course, I gave up any idea of being a professional in this field because I didn't want to owe banks $100K in student loans and because my first love of writing seemed like the better occupation over the long run. And that's a long way of justifying my review of this film.

First, let me say that Indiana Jones really doesn't pick up until Shia LeBeouf comes on screen. Yes, I said it. The beginning of the film with Indy was good, but it wasn't fun. The second Shia entered the picture, the film became fun. And overall, I really enjoyed myself.

But, that being said, and my love for Indy not withstanding, even Spielberg and Lucas do not get a free pass when it comes to story. STORY, STORY, STORY! How many times do we have to say it? Its not the special effects or the acting or the music or the bull whip or the action sequences or the pulp references or the popcorn - its the story. That's what makes a great movie. The script problems with this film are the stuff of Hollywood lore. Some of the greatest writers of an entire generation had a look at this script. And so, someone finally came along and took a little bit of this and a little bit of that and threw this final movie together - and it feels like it.

What this film needed was a singular vision - a singular pass on the script. Great that they wanted so many different ideas in the film, but get someone like Frank Darabont or Lawrence Kasdan to take that "final" amalgamation and rewrite it into a single story. There were plot threads that just disappeared and characters that seemed to come and go out of nowhere.

But there is a stretch in this film, after the appearance of Marion Ravenwood, where the film settles into a nice old fashioned Indy rhythm and we just hang on for the ride. That 40 minutes of film made up for the other 80 because for a short time, we were able to remember what these Indy films used to be like. For that 40 minutes, this film earns almost five wigs. But then the ending comes and we're let back down again, almost gently, and by the end, we're back to three wigs. Take them and enjoy them. Because we're not likely to see them again.

(AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHY COULDN'T MARION SAY, "INDIANA JONES... SOMEDAY I ALWAYS KNEW YOU'D COME WALKING BACK THROUGH MY DOOR." WOULD IT BE TOO MUCH TO ASK?)

Geek Film Champion of 2008

And the winner is...



Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

My own experience with this film is one of the grandest movie adventures of all time. My Dad has clients in Los Angeles and so, once a year, we would head down to Los Angeles for a little Disney time and an occasional side trip to Hollywood. This particular trip was memorable for many reasons (We met Chubby Checker in our swimming pool and he propositioned my step-mom, amongst other things ;) but the one thing that I will always remember it for was my first viewing of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

When I arrived in Hollywood, my Dad had been down there a day ahead of us for meetings with this clients. The first thing he said to us kids was, "You've got to see this movie!" Now my Dad likes movies like most people - he goes, he enjoys them, he forgets about them the next minute. For my Dad to gush about a movie like a little fan boy, I was immediately intrigued. As he himself said to me the other day, "I don't go see movies twice. But with Raiders, I not only saw it twice, I saw it twice in the same day." Anyway, he then explained to us about the movie and it sounded okay. But then he noted that it had Han Solo in it and that was when I wanted to see it.

So, we drove on down to Graumann's Chinese Theater - YES, THE GRAUMANN'S! - and got in line. The line was around the block, but we managed to only have to wait about two hours to get in. We went into the nice air conditioned theater and sat down. The theater was HUGE. Then my Dad made me go and get popcorn and drinks for everyone. So I trudged back into the lobby and waited and waited and waited. And finally, popcorn and drinks in hand, I opened the doors to the theater and walked in.

There on this incredibly HUGE movie screen was a man running away from a giant ball that was chasing him through some sort of temple. The entire theater rumbled with the sound of that ball. And I very nearly dropped my popcorn and sodas. It was love at first sight.

After a recent viewing of this film, I noted that one of the things that made the film work for me more so than just about any other film was in how originally everything was executed. There isn't a mis-step in the entire film or script. Every scene is original, but in such a way as to convey familiarity. Raiders of the Lost Ark wasn't just an action film. It was THE ACTION FILM - the one all other films have tried to be throughout history and the one all other action films will be forever compared.

For that fact alone, Raiders of the Lost Ark deserves the title of Geek Film Champion of 2008.

We'll see if it can defend it's crown next year.

Half a grand...

Despite the fact that I've had a lot to say the past week, I've been sitting on this post for a while now because, well, it marks my 500th. We like to commemorate big numbers in our human way and I was waiting for the perfect issue to pop up to make the 500th seem more monumental than it actually is.

My first inclination, of course, was to blog about all the milestones and important decisions I've made in my life recently - like the fact that I've taken the plunge into the online dating world again, or the fact that I've decided to retire from Youth Ministry in September, or the ongoing nature of making a film. But why does my blog always have to be about me? Me, me, me... I sound like a song-bird. So I decided to let all that information, and the fact that I recently won a wine-tasting cruise for two, to pass and not comment on it.

My next inclination was to be more witty. I thought of all those great comic book milestones of my youth - ISSUE #500 BATMAN IS DEAD! or ISSUE #500 - MEET SUPERMAN'S ILLEGITIMATE CHILDREN! I was thinking of what sort of life-altering announcement I could make that would really catch people's attention. ISSUE #500 - WILL BECOMES A PRIEST! or ISSUE #500 - MEET WILL'S LONG LOST EVIL TWIN! But, of course, that's just too silly for such a milestone blog.

More recently, I've been trying to figure out what serious issue I could tackle in such an insightful way that people would point to this 500th post as the tide turning of the course of human history. I considered high gas prices (Another 26 cents in one week!) or the upcoming Depression or the issue of free speech as it relates to the sex trafficking problem in the world. And most recently, I considered airing the dirty laundry of my church yet again as it relates to, of all things, the movie GREASE - but decided the entire debate was so ridiculous that it didn't even need commenting and is probably best left unsaid. None of these things, however, were so important to me that I could come up with an insightful argument that wouldn't sound like ranting. And a giant rant is not what I wanted my 500th blog for which that I wanted you to remember (or something like that - English is so damned impossible as a language. That's why I usually speak American.)

Finally, it occurred to me that one of the great things about Blogs is their interactivity. And I know that everyone is headed off to Memorial Day weekend, but I thought it'd be cool for my 500th post, to have you, my loyal readers, decide what my 500th post ought to be about. And so, without further ado...

500th Post CATEGORY:

Name three things of such monumental importance that they are worthy of being the subject of a 500th post that Will ought to write about for his 500th post:

As usual, I will take your answers below.

P.S. I will also accept congratulations, grudgingly, so long as it doesn't offset my usual magnanimous and modest nature...

P.P.S. The Winner of the 2008 Geek Film Championship will be announced next week.

Prince Caspian (2008) - Two Point Five One Wigs

What is the measure of a good movie? No, really... to what do we measure a movie by? Is it the box office results? Is it the acting? Is it the film making? Is it the story? Is it some combination of all these things? And when adapting a story from a novel, does the adaption also factor into this equation? I ask all these questions because it goes to the heart of my movie review. By any other name, Prince Caspian is complex.

I read the books when I was a kid. I remember that I liked them, but that's all I remember. So, as an adaption, I can't really compare. It has Aslan in it and the Pevensie children and some talking animals and they talk about Narnia. That's about what I remember from the book, so in that regard, it matches my memory of the adaption.

It's box office results were good for a movie opening before Memorial Day. I imagine this film will have long legs and that once it gets into the summer holiday it might see a resurgence in box office. But quite frankly, I think Disney made a huge mistake launching it when it did - but I realize that they didn't want to compete with Wall-E or with Harry Potter in the fall. That leaves only a few times to launch the film. So they will get what they can in terms of box office and still call it a success.

The acting was fine, but the first chinks in the armor start to show. The accents were horrible. I don't know who's idea it was to have them speak with a Spanish accent - but it was probably the same dialog guy who advised George Lucas on his accents. The end result was a laughable mishmash of accents that made me wonder if the film was being made by Pedro Almodovar. Beyond the accents, I found the actor who played Peter to be quite horrible - as I did in the first Narnia film. Granted, the writing for his role was rather stiff, so I'm sure that didn't help. As with the first movie, the bright spot was the young lady who played Lucy. She is quite the find.

The film making was marred by the exact same problem as the first one - the sound. Now, I'm not a sound genius. I don't pretend to be a sound expert or a sound designer. But if I can't hear the dialog because the music is blaring too loud or the clash of sound effects are drowning them out then you really ought to fire the people who do your sound mix. This was what ruined the first half hour of the first Narnia movie as well. The sound isn't bad throughout, just at some key times. Now, I might be inclined to say that I'm having hearing problems, except, of course, that I heard every word of Iron Man and Speed Racer and every show I've watched for the last two years in between Narnia 1 and 2. So, I'm going to guess the sound sucks and leave it at that.

The other glaring problem is that the CGI tends to look like CGI. This is not the fault of the special effects guys - there is really a limit to what the technology can do. I find that it is more the problem of the director not knowing what to do with the CGI. There are moments in Caspian where the CGI is quite good - like the final battle with the trees. Those trees scared the heck out of me. And Aslan looks much better in this movie than he did in the first one. The opening sequence where the kids were drawn into Narnia is also quite good and Reepicheep is exceptional as a character. But then there are climactic moments like the River Jesus (that's what AICN called it, and I'm afraid the description is quite apt) that look really fake. But throughout, with very few exceptions, the CGI does not transport you the way it did in the LOTR trilogy.

And so finally, we are left with the story. Unlike The Golden Compass, I could actually follow the story here. It was a bit spotty at times, but it was better than some of the adaptions I've seen. In fact, the length of the movie assured me that the adaption had to be pretty close. But beyond the plot and the story arcs, I want to say that with few exceptions the writing left me very indifferent. I didn't really warm to any of the new characters and was positively annoyed by 3/4ths of the kids. So, for the most part, the writing was very weak.

But where the movie really did shine were in the purely C.S. Lewis moments - which is true irony for a movie that seems embarrassed to embrace this theological story. Whenever Aslan is on the screen, the movie just moves to a new level. Whenever Lucy is talking about Narnia with Aslan there, the movie just gets brighter - as if we can almost see what it is that Lucy is talking about. Aslan is not all love and brightness in this film. He has a definite edge to him. He almost seems a little dangerous. And the film makers didn't shy away from that angle. With the end result of all this being that Narnia once again becomes a place that you want to visit, that you want to experience, and that you want to live. This was, I think, the central point of writing the Chronicles of Narnia - to open an incredible new world of a relationship with God to children the world over. I found myself dreaming about this world last night with a big smile on my face.

Like I said, its a complex movie that has a lot of negative points against it. But in the end, I will say that I liked it - barely. The thoughts of Aslan and the smile it left on my face for Narnia overcame many of the problems I had with the film. To be fair, out of all the Harry Potter films and Narnia films, this is the first one that I can actually put in the Like column. All the rest just barely missed out on being liked (no matter how much I wanted to like them).

I won't go see this film again, but I can recommend that you go and see it, especially if you want to remember what it was like to believe in Aslan again.

Weekly Geek Meet Film Schedule

As promised:

May 5th: Iron Man
May 13th: Speed Racer
May 19th: Prince Caspian
May 26th: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
June 2nd: TBD
June 9th: Don't Mess With The Zohan (Will is in Alaska)
June 16th: The Incredible Hulk/The Happening
June 23rd: Get Smart
June 30th: Wall-E
July 7th: Hancock
July 14th: Meet Dave/Hellboy II
July 21st: The Dark Knight
July 28th: X-Files: I Want To Believe
August 4th: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emporer
August 11th: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2
August 18th: Star Wars - Clone Wars
August 25th: Hamlet 2
September 1st: Babylon A.D.

All films are subject to change. And schedule is subject to change depending on other developments.

Speed Racer (2008) - Three and a Half Wigs

I am not a fan of the anime series that this film is based upon. Not that I hated it, I just never saw it all that much. I was aware of its existence. My ambivalence to this film actually started when I first heard that it was being made and by the same people that did the really great Matrix and equally atrocious Matrix sequels. I was thinking that it was going to suck. The first previews didn't really do anything for me. And I admit that I thought the film might seriously bomb. Still, I was intrigued with the idea of a blockbuster type film intentionally made for a family audience - unlike the horribly written Episode One where it felt like they were trying to sneak it on us. Based on that intrigue, and the fact that my other choice this week was What Happens in Vegas with Ashton Kutcher, I decided to check the film out.

I was very glad I did.

First of all, the film is exactly as advertised - a family friendly cartoon of a film with all soft edges, pretty colors, and nothing in any way, shape or form, that might cause you to think, or form a negative opinion of anything or anybody except bad guys who look like Al Gore. From the very first moments of the film, you will be wrapped in and embraced by a style that's at least 60% computer animation and 20% human animation and 20% editing animation. This film never stops working for you. Its as frenetic as the second Bourne film without the epileptic fits and with just enough downtime in between action scenes to give you a breather, a chance to rush to the bathroom or go get that refill on your popcorn. I only heard a kid whine once and that for only a few seconds before they were once again engrossed.

The basic plot, spoiler free, follows Speed Racer - the second oldest son in the Racer family, who has spent his entire life wanting to get behind the wheel of a race car. Having finally gotten his chance to race and prove that he is a driving genius, he must overcome some evil people to see his dream of winning the Grand Prix completed. In his quest, Speed is aided by his family, his incredible car (the Mach 5), and his long waiting girlfriend, Trixie. To boot, there's a cute kid and monkey for comic relief.

The editing on this film was incredible. The Wachowski Brothers do things with film that I've never seen anyone else do before. They seem to not only embrace computer graphics in their films, but see ways to use them to further an art form that can seem incredibly stagnant at time. They always bring a breath of fresh air to their film making - which doesn't necessarily mean that every film they make is good. This, however, was a very well made film.

The problem with Speed Racer, if you can call it that, is that it never strives to be more than it is. Its a cartoon. A somewhat live action, state of the art computer animated, cartoon, but a cartoon nonetheless. In that end, it achieves what it sets out to achieve with incredible brilliance. But at the end of the day, no matter how good the chef, a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is still just a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. This film is eye candy and as a result leaves you a little malnourished if you were hoping for a little bit more.

Still, for a cartoon, its very good. If you felt any inclination to see this film before, I'd go see it. It will probably not translate to the small screen very well, so definitely see it in the big theater. If you had no inclination to see this film before, then you certainly won't be missing anything by skipping it. I rated it Three and a Half Wigs because I really enjoyed it. And I think if you go, you will enjoy it too. But if you don't go, it certainly won't be the end of the world.